Fireball: Hello, everyone, and welcome to my awesome interview show!
Mario: Cool!
Wario: Sweet!
Fireball: Shut up, Luigi! Roy: Will I be helping you today, Fireball?
Fireball: Not this crazy time, Roy.
Roy: Wow... I feel weird inside.
Fireball: That's good.
Luigi: WHY DO I COME HERE?!
Fireball: Blackmail...
Luigi: ...
Fireball: Indoor voice, Luigi.
Mario: So, who's helping you?
Fireball: That person right there...
(The spotlight goes around to find Fireball's helper.)
Fireball: Right there... no, that's Peach... No... OVER THERE! Gosh, we’VE got a monkey doing to spotlight... there!
The spotlight finally stops on... an empty section of the stage. After a few seconds, the Spear Guy running the main camera leaves his position and dashes offstage. A few seconds later, he drags a rather lanky man, who's wearing orange threads from head to toe, into the light.
Amadeus the Spear Guy: Just get this over with, WT!
Waluigi's Twin: But this is the first time I've been onstage since word got out that I'm NOT really related to Waluigi! Come on, Amadeus; cut me some slack!
Amadeus: Sorry, pal, but if you're ever going to make public appearances again after that Acht Sunden fic, there's not really any other way to do this. Besides, weren't YOU the one who signed the co-star contract?
WT: ... I hate it when my stupid ego gets the better of me. Fine; I'll do it.
(Amadeus jumps off of the stage and back to his camera. WT walks over to the other interviewer and sits on the chair next to him.)
Fireball: We have a cameraman?
Roy: Wow! That's news to me!
Mario: And all that time we thought it was nothing.
WT: Actually, he's with me. I haven't a clue who usually tapes this show... Moving on, who's the guy we're going to be interviewing today, Fireball?
(Somebody passes Fireball a note.)
Fireball: Dry Bones!
Roy: I thought you made the choice?
Fireball: Well, I really don't know anymore, ok?
Roy: Sorry!
Fireball: DRY BONES! GET IN HERE!
(A random Dry Bones, the skeletal version of a Koopa Troopa, walks onto the stage and sits in the chair opposite of the two interviewers.)
WT: All right, let's get this show started! Here's the first question... and possibly last, depending on the answer. Can you speak English?
Dry Bones: Why, yes, I can. Most of my fellow Dry Bones are merely enchanted enough to be brought back to life, but those of us that have reached high positions in Bowser's army have been given the privilege of regaining the ability to speak.
WT: Oh, thank goodness! If I had to spend the next few minutes listening to nothing but the sound of cracking bones, I'd go completely bonkers! Now, FB, it's your turn to ask something.
Fireball: Ok... WT... Next question then, how did you die?
Dry Bones: A plane hit me... and then a train ran right over me... and then Mario kicked me for eight days. Then I became a Dry Bones.
(Everyone looks at Mario.)
Mario: What?! You would do the same!
(Everybody agrees with Mario.)
Waluigi: It's me! The real Waluigi!
Fireball: I told you to stay out!
(Waluigi leaves the studio.)
Fireball: Go on, WT.
WT: ...
Dry Bones: … Is he all right?
(Amadeus steps away from the camera he's controlling, runs backstage, and comes back with a bucket of water.)
Amadeus: You got off lucky, Fireball. Last time somebody badmouthed his idol, he flipped out and obliterated the studio.
(Amadeus tosses the contents of the bucket at WT, completely drenching him, before returning to his previous position.)
WT: GAH! That stuff was COLD! ...Well, at least my rage has passed. Now, Mr. Bones, you've been appearing in a lot of multiplayer titles recently: Mario Party, Mario Kart, that kind of stuff. Do you have anything you'd like to say about that?
(Dry Bones hesitates to answer, as he now sees the man known to most as WT is a bit of a mental case. Noticing the pause, the lanky interviewer glares menacingly at the character, causing him to hurry up and reply.)
Dry Bones: W-well, I must a-admit, I'm quite happy about it. At f-first, I was a b-bit of a misfit, but it w-wasn't long before I was accepted b-by the others, and I started to e-enjoy myself. Sure, I occasionally fall to pieces... literally... but I truly value the time spent with some of the friends I've made.
WT: Sounds like you've truly gained some precious memories. So, Fireball, you want to ask the next Q? I'm just used to doing things in turn.
Fireball: Precious memories? I think you just got made fun of.
Dry Bones: SHUT UP!
Fireball: Let's get the rolling, I guess.
Mario: Like when he was rolling when I kicked him!
Fireball: Yep!
Mario: Sweet!
Fireball: I know!
Wario: Hello!
Fireball: Did I say you could talk?!
Wario: ...
Fireball: Next question then, would you like to help Mario someday? I mean, everyone has helped him, but Dry Bones are something else.
Mario: HE'S NOT COMING ON MY TEAM!
(Fireball throws a napkin at Mario.)
Mario: OW!
Dry Bones: I would like to get some glory for once in my lifetime, so yes.
Fireball: Your go.
(Silence. Fireball turns to face WT, only to find that he has left his seat and is now chatting with the cameraman he brought.)
WT: First Waluigi, now Wario? How did I get talked into this?!
Amadeus: Relax, WT. Remember, Fireball's a good guy, and you should really give him a chance. Besides, he's taken your mind off of worrying about appearing in public again!
WT: ... Which you've just reminded me of.
Amadeus: ... Sorry. Look, just try to stay calm until the show ends, okay?
WT: Fine, fine...
(WT returns to his seat, not realizing that his private conversation has been heard by everybody.)
WT: Sorry if I sounded condescending or rude, DB. I'm just kinda jealous that I didn't have times like that during my childhood. Anyways, my next questions are a tad personal, but I hope they don't bother you too much. Do you have a family, how did they react to your death, and do they treat you any differently now that you're an undead being?
DB: Well, my parents both died when I was young, and since their skeletons rotted away before they could perfect reanimation magic, I never really got the chance to meet them. I am married to the most wonderful Paratroopa, though, who's always treated me with the upmost kindness. He was utterly devastated when I perished, and could barely go on with his own life. When I returned, he was certainly a bit creeped out, but still loves me with all his heart.
WT: ... Did you just refer to your mate as a “He”?
DB: If you're about to say something like "Sorry, I had no idea that Dry Bones could be female", I'm going to clobber you.
WT: ... My lips are sealed. Fireball, what's the next mystery you want unraveled?
Fireball: Wario! Come over here.
(Wario comes over and whispers something in his ear.)
Fireball: Thanks.
Wario: My pleasure.
Fireball: As always.
Roy: I could do better than WT!
Fireball: I think you're just jealous.
Roy: True.
Fireball: Next question, have you ever used your bones to defend yourself?
Dry Bones: Yes, I have. Soon after I first became a Dry Bones, three Goombas were after me, so I got a bone from my arm and attacked them away with it.
Fireball: ...
Mario: ...
Luigi: That was shocking even for me.
Fireball: WALUIGI!
(Waluigi comes in.)
Fireball: Could you get me some water?
Waluigi: Sure!
(Waluigi gets him some water.)
Fireball: Thanks.
(Fireball pours it over WT.)
Fireball: Does that help you or does that do something else?
WT: ... Well, you might want to wait until AFTER I start to feel stressed out about something before you try to relax me. But, I digress. Now, here's my last query before we give the audience a chance: what's YOUR opinion on Waluigi?
DB: ... I guess he's an okay guy, all things considered.
WT: Nice answer. So, Fireball, since this is your show, you'd better pick the first seat.
Fireball: Mario is always the last seat though!
Mario: Go me! Go me!
Fireball: I don't know why, though.
Mario: Because you love me?
Fireball: No, because you helped me get that money off my back... and I like you.
Mario: Cool. That money sure was mean.
Fireball: Seat 87.
Wario: What's with the bones?
Dry Bones: I'M DEAD!
Wario: Touchy.
WT: Seat 71.
Chef Torte: Have you ever eaten zee flesh of une living being, like zee zombies in the movies? Et, if zo, how vhas it?
(Everybody takes a few seconds to stare at Torte in utter shock, including DB.)
Dry Bones: ... First off, you are one sick and dirty Koopa. But, to answer your question, I did do it once. It was back when I couldn't control my undead instincts, and I didn't kill the guy personally. It tasted like month-old asparagus mixed with Roy's gym socks... at least, that's what I assume, seeing as I've never eaten socks or asparagus before.
Roy: MY GYM SOCKS ARE NOT THAT BAD... I DON'T WEAR THEM ANYWAY!
Fireball: Strong words from a tough Koopa.
Roy: ...
Fireball: Seat 87.
Wario: That was me.
Fireball: Oh, seat 233.
Kammy: Which extraordinary, magnificent Magikoopa was the one that gave you the ability to speak?
Dry Bones: You did... You just wanted me to say that... right?
Kammy: Of course.
Dry Bones: Ok.
WT: Seat 6.
Spania: Uh... Can you REALLY feel anything, even though you no longer have skin, or even a brain that can interpret how an object you're touching feels?
DB: ... I... uh... think so, thanks to magic.
Spania: But, how do you know that what you THINK something feels like is how it REALLY feels, and that you're NOT being influenced by the magic?
DB: ... Gah, my head hurts!
Spania: Does it really?
DB: STOP THAT!
WT: Well, Fireball, it looks like our guest can take only one more question before she snaps. You always ask Mario last, you stated? I sure hope he can come up with something good to ask... Fireball: I don't know... He always has the same question.
Mario: I do not.
Fireball: Seat MarioMarioforsure.
Mario: It's me!
Fireball: ...
Mario: Did you really think you could beat me?
Dry Bones: Yes.
Mario: Well, HA!
Fireball: Well that's all for today, folks! I would like to thank Waluigi's Twin for helping me today, and see you.
Mario: Dang!
Fireball: I know, Mario!
WT: Heh... Y'know, this wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Amadeus and I might actually do another Interview with you sometime.
Fireball: End transmission.
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