Roy: Interview time!
Lord Seth: Busy!
Roy: But it's time! Come on!
Lord Seth: Still busy!
Roy: What ARE you even doing?
Lord Seth: Playing a game on my DS! Now be quiet! I'm trying to appreciate the writing and the music!
Roy: Okay... I REALLY didn't want to do this...
(Roy knocks Lord Seth out and drags him to the Interview room. Lord Seth wakes up.)
Lord Seth: Ow... What happened?
Roy: Uh... You fell.
Lord Seth: I fell?
Roy: Yeah.
Lord Seth: And you're sure about that?
Roy: Yes!
Lord Seth: Well in that case... OBJECTION!
(Lord Seth stands up and points dramatically at nothing in particular.)
Roy: Um...
Lord Seth: There's a CONTRADICTION in your testimony! If all I did was fall, why am I suddenly in a completely different place?
Roy: Oh, please don't tell me you were...
Lord Seth: And I was having so much fun playing those Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney games before you did that!
Roy: ...
Lord Seth: Fine! Call in the next witness!
Morton: It's not witness, it's interviewee. This is an Interview, not a trial.
Lord Seth: I'll call it a witness if I want to!
Morton: Fine, fine... Okay, you can come on in now, interviewee, and-
(Lord Seth glares at Morton.)
Morton: Er, I mean, come in, witness. Yeah. Witness. Come in and give, er, testimony.
(Atomic Boo enters.)
Lord Seth: Please state your name and occupation.
Atomic Boo: I'm Atomic Boo, and my occupation is... um... not really anything, I guess.
(There is a lengthy pause.)
Atomic Boo: Are you going to ask something?
Lord Seth: I can't cross-examine until the witness gives testimony.
Atomic Boo: Oh, for the love of-
Morton: Please, please, please, please, please, please, PLEASE, just humor him.
Atomic Boo: Fine! What do you want to ask about?
Lord Seth: Why, your fight against Mario, of course!
WITNESS TESTIMONY: -- Fight Against Mario --
Morton: How did he make those words appear all big and dramatic in the air?
Roy: Don't question it!
Atomic Boo: Well, on the topic of my battle, I'm really a conglomeration of a bunch of Boos. They were all in Creepy Steeple, 200 of them! But then Mario smashed them cruelly! So they all formed together to make me! Then we fought and I destroyed Mario once and for all.
Lord Seth: Hrm... And so begins the cross-examination... Let's go over it one bit at a time...
CROSS EXAMINATION: -- Fight Against Mario --
Morton: Again, how did he-
Roy: Again, don't question it!
Atomic Boo: Well, on the topic of my battle, I'm really a conglomeration of a bunch of Boos.
Lord Seth: HOLD IT!
Atomic Boo: Huh?
Lord Seth: How do these Boos manage to come together? Is it some kind of reverse mitosis?
Atomic Boo: Um... I guess?
Lord Seth: (Hrm... This could get tricky. Should I press harder or leave it here? Hrm... Press harder.) That's not good enough! I want a scientific answer!
Atomic Boo: Um...
Morton: You know you said that part in the parentheses out loud, right? As in, not thinking?
Lord Seth: No, no, it being in the parentheses implied that I was, in fact, thinking it. I didn't say it out loud. I only said "That's not good enough! I want a scientific answer!" out loud.
Roy: You didn't?
Lord Seth: No. Okay, we wasted enough time on this, on to the next bit!
Atomic Boo: They were all in Creepy Steeple, 200 of them!
Lord Seth: HOLD IT!
Atomic Boo: Do you always have to scream that out loud?
Lord Seth: Yes. How do you know there were EXACTLY 200?
Atomic Boo: Well, we were all trapped in that chest until Mario let us out, it's not like we had much to do other than spend time counting.
Roy: Is that even important?
Lord Seth: (Is it important? Let's see...) Yes, it's very important! I want that added to the testimony!
Atomic Boo: I don't even know what's going on, but I'll do it anyway. Fine. Yes, we counted that there were 200 before Mario liberated us from the chest.
Lord Seth: (I'm not entirely certain I know where I'm going with this, but I must go on...)
Atomic Boo: But then Mario smashed them cruelly!
Lord Seth: Are you sure he didn't have a good reason?
Atomic Boo: Well... We were attacking him, I guess...
Lord Seth: Well that seems like a reasonable reason for self-defense.
Atomic Boo: Yeah, but... Still!
Lord Seth: Well, besides that, it's time for another... OBJECTION!
(Lord Seth again points his finger dramatically at nothing in particular.)
Lord Seth: There's a contradiction here! According to your own testimony, Mario was the one who FREED you! And then you decided to start attacking HIM! I'd hardly consider your actions to be in any way moral!
(Atomic Boo suddenly looks as if he, or whatever gender Atomic Boo is, was just hit.)
Atomic Boo: AAAHHHH!
(Dramatic music starts playing.)
Morton: And where is that music coming-
Roy: I said just go with it!
Lord Seth: So! Your statement therefore has no merit!
Atomic Boo: So?
(The dramatic music suddenly stops and there's a silence.)
Lord Seth: Uh... So, what?
Atomic Boo: What difference does it make? So maybe we were a LITTLE aggressive. He's still the one that really fought us!
Lord Seth: Hrm. Continue, I suppose.
Atomic Boo: So they all formed together to make me!
Lord Seth: HOLD IT! Um... Hrm, I don't know what to ask here. Next part!
Atomic Boo: Then we fought and I destroyed Mario once and for all.
Lord Seth: No need for even a cross-examination here, I can prove this statement wrong immediately... OBJECTION!
(Lord Seth yet again points his finger dramatically and some pretty cool music starts playing up.)
Lord Seth: You can't possibly have defeated Mario, let alone once and for all!
Atomic Boo: Hey, it's the truth!
Lord Seth: Oh yeah? Not with the evidence I have here.
Atomic Boo: Evidence...?
Lord Seth: I have here, the Lucky Start badge!
(Atomic Boo once again looks as if he was hit hard.)
Atomic Boo: Nooooo!
Lord Seth: You can't wiggle your way out of this one! This badge is PROOF that Mario did, indeed, defeat you! You therefore couldn't possibly have defeated him!
Atomic Boo: Well, maybe he got that badge somewhere else!
(Lord Seth slams his hands down onto a podium that popped up out of nowhere.)
Lord Seth: No! The ONLY way for Mario to have got this badge was to have defeated you.
Atomic Boo: Well... well... Maybe he defeated us, but we later destroyed him!
Lord Seth: No! And I can prove that wrong as well! Watch!
(Lord Seth takes out a cell phone and dials a few numbers. It rings, then someone answers.)
Lord Seth: Hi, Mario! Are you alive?
Mario (on phone): Um... Yes?
Lord Seth: Good enough! Bye!
(Lord Seth hangs up.)
Lord Seth: So as you can see, you did NOT at any point defeat Mario. He instead defeated you and came away with the Lucky Start badge, which I borrowed for the purpose of this case.
(There is a pause.)
Lord Seth: So, I guess that's it.
(The dramatic music stops playing.)
Lord Seth: So, uh... Want to go get something to eat? I'm feeling pretty hungry.
Atomic Boo: I don't need to eat.
Lord Seth: Well that's a letdown. But first, let's see the Judge give us his ruling!
(There is a pause.)
Lord Seth: I'm waiting!
(Roy and Morton quickly grab some large sheets of paper and draw a really bad-looking judge on it, then write "NOT GUILTY" in front of it.)
Lord Seth: Cool! I won! Who was on trial anyway?
Atomic Boo: No one was. This was an Interview, not a trial.
Lord Seth: Close enough! Now back to my game!
(Lord Seth whips out his DS and resumes playing.)
Atomic Boo: What's that game you're playing anyway?
Lord Seth: It's one of the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney games.
Atomic Boo: Hey, it actually looks like the writing is well-done! And the music is great! Let me play?
Lord Seth: Get your own darn copy!
(There is a pause.)
Lord Seth: Huh, guess we're not going out on that. Well, time for a long-winded rant about why I was greatly disappointed in the fourth case of Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney. For starters, the ending was incredibly anticlimactic, and... Hrm. I doubt a rant about a disappointing case in an otherwise good game would make a good ending. Oh, forget it. Just cut the feed.
Click.
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