White Yoshi Kid: Hi! Welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show!
WYK: This is my first Interview, I will be interviewing Roy.
SSBM Audience: Roy’s our boy! Roy’s our boy! Roy’s our boy!
Roy: I am ready for my Interview.
WYK: I was talking about Roy, the Koopaling, not you.
(Roy, Marth, and the SSBM Audience leave.)
WYK: Anyone else from the Fire Emblem games, please leave now!
(Ike and some other people leave.)
WYK: My first Koopaling Interview, in order of my favorites, is with Roy Koopa.
Roy (Koopa): Am I your favorite Koopaling?
Ludwig: No. I’m his favorite, he must be going from least to greatest.
Roy: Why you-
Writer: Suddenly, Roy is in a fully restrained chair.
(This happens).
Roy: Hey! What gives?
WYK: Will you calm down and allow me to ask you questions?
Roy: No!
Writer: A Microgoomba comes in and steals Roy’s shades.
Roy: Ok! Give me my shades back!
WYK: All right, but just to let you know, I have here a letter that you sent Karma about 2 Plit Years ago.
Roy: How’d you get that?
WYK: You don’t want to know. Now, if you do not cooperate, I will give this letter to Karma.
Roy: This is blackmail! Who are you, Larry?
WYK: Sorry I had to resort to these measures, Roy, but you left me no choice. Actually, I’m not sorry, if it was anyone else I would be.
Roy: Grrrrrr!
WYK: First question, why do you beat up your siblings?
Roy: It’s fun!
Ludwig: You call senseless violence like that fun?
Roy: You used to!
Ludwig: That was then, not now!
WYK: Second question, why are you bald?
Roy: Genetics.
WYK: That’s not the real answer, is it?
Roy: Maybe.
WYK: The letter, Roy!
Roy: All right! I used to have hair, but I didn’t like it, so I had a Magikoopa prevent hair from growing there!
WYK: What did it look like?
Roy: Rainbow Mohawk and sideburns.
Lemmy: I knew it!
Iggy: I knew it all!
Roy: I am so gonna get you later!
WYK: Question 3: Why are your head and shell pink?
Roy: Gene-
(WYK gives him the Evil Eye.)
Roy: Ok! They were originally green, but I didn’t like it so I painted my shell pink. I spilled some paint, that’s what happened to my head.
(A lot of the audience laughs.)
WYK: I understand Roy’s predicament. That’s how I got my purple spots.
(Nobody laughs.)
Roy: You people are mean!
(Roy runs offstage crying. Various characters from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time sit down.)
WYK: What are you doing here?
Young (10-year-old) Link: We felt like a cameo.
WYK: Ok, can someone go comfort Roy?
Re-Dead: Um, I’ll suck the… I mean, comfort him.
WYK: No.
(An Armos roars and begins to search for Roy.)
WYK: What should we do while we wait?
(Knife Guy begins moving one of his knives back and forth behind his leg in a stabbing motion.)
Knife Guy: Look! It looks like I’m stabbing myself in the leg!
WYK and Writer: We know how this is going to end.
(Knife Guy actually does stab himself in the leg.)
Knife Guy: Gaaaah!
(Knife Guy collapses, then Armos returns with Roy.)
Roy: I’m back… Wait, what happened to Knife Guy?
WYK: Don’t ask. Anyway, it’s time for audience questions. Seat 74.
Mario: Cheese!
Writer: At this point I would like to note that Mario is not unintelligent in any way in this or any future works of mine. He is as intelligent as he is in the games, and only shouts out “Cheese!” because he is obsessed with it, but don’t ask me why. Same goes for Morton shouting out “Wedding Cake!”
WYK: Now that that’s out of the way, Mario, ask a real question.
Mario: May I operate on Knife Guy? I’m authorized to.
WYK: That’s not a real question, but all right.
(Mario becomes Dr. Mario and begins operating.)
Most of Audience: He’s doomed.
Dr. Mario: This is a delicate process, I need complete focus on… Whoops.
Silence...
WYK: Seat 4,387.
Mido: Why do you have spikes on your shell?
Roy: This question has already been answered; it shows power!
Writer: If you’re a Kokiri, then how are you here without being dead?
Mido: The Deku Tree’s influence spreads to Lemmy’s Land as well.
Lemmy: That explains why Larty’s plants grow much better here.
WYK: Seat 256.
Young Zelda: This Interview is too boring, I think I’ll spice it up.
(Young Zelda becomes Young Sheik.)
Writer: Don’t ask me how she did that.
WYK: Seat 84.
Kaepora Gaebora: Hoo Hoo! How did you know that Sheik is Zelda if you’re only in Jabu-Jabu’s belly in Ocarina of Time?
WYK: 3 things. 1: How did you know that? 2: I’ve played Super Smash Bros. Melee. 3: Stick to questions for Roy!
Writer: Seat 53.
Malon: I can so beat you at arm wrestling, Sheik!
Sheik: All right then, let’s go!
Malon: No using magic!
Sheik: Nuts!
(They begin to arm wrestle.)
Writer: Ummmm, seat 389.
Ludwig: Why haven’t you learned to exhale fire masterfully yet? I mastered it when I was younger than you.
Roy: Guess what, Mr. Know-it-all, some people mature later than others.
Ludwig: Is that really the best insult that you could think of?
Roy: Shaddup!
Writer: Seat 388.
Karma: What does the note say?
Writer: Here, read it for yourself.
(Karma is given the note and reads it, getting angrier and angrier.)
Roy: Uh… Hehehe.
Karma: Roy!
(Karma enters a warp pipe that leads to the Temple of Time, extracts the Master Sword, and begins to attack Roy.)
Navi: Wait, we could have just taken the warp pipe instead of getting the three Spiritual Stones?
Random Audience member: Yes!
(The operation on Knife Guy is successful. Malon beats Young Sheik at arm Wrestling.)
Malon and Dr. Mario: Yes!
Young Sheik: I shall return!
(She vanishes in a fashion similar to that of the Sheikah tribe.)
WYK: Finally, seat 459.
Darunia: Give me a hug, Brother!
Young Link: Aaaaugh!
(Young Link runs away, followed by Darunia with arms held out in front of Him.)
Writer: Well, that sure was random.
WYK: Now, we will do a special surprise. I will select two members of the audience to join the cast. This will be done “randomly”.
Mido: What’s with the quotes?
WYK: Be quiet! Ok, seats 388 and 389.
Ludwig: Karma, we’ve been selected to join the cast.
Karma: I’ll do it after Roy is punished!
Writer: I’ll take care of that. Suddenly, the room is filled with Re-Deads and they attack Roy and the next person that enters the doors.
(This happens.)
Roy: Aaaaugh!
(Jr. Troopa busts in through the door.)
Jr. Troopa: Mario, I will finally defeat you! Nothing can… Wait, I can’t Move! No… Wait… Aaaaaaugh!
(Jr. Troopa is attacked by the Re-Deads.)
Karma: Ok, that’s sufficient.
WYK: Um… Looks like that’s the end of the Interview. Join us again next time for…
Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show!
Writer: End Transmission!
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