Parakarry: MAIL CALL!
Parakarry puts the mail into Wario and Waluigi's mailbox. Parakarry then gets hit with a stone.
Wario: Take that, you stupid flying Koopa bird thing, or whatever you are!
Parakarry: Hey, it's people like me that deliver your mail and help you get across gaps in Paper Mario!
Wario: Yeah, well what are you going to do about it, loser?
Parakarry: First off, I'm going to charge you with assault with a deadly weapon.
Wario: A stone isn't a deadly weapon! You also don't have any witnesses!
Parakarry: Oh yeah, what about that Koopa and Goomba over there?
Wario: Oh.
Parakarry: Good day, sir!
Parakarry flies off.
Wario: Hmm, maybe a little bribely will do some good...
Wario goes over to the Koopa and Goomba.
Wario: Give me all your money or I'll pound you!
Koopa: W-whatever you say!
The Koopa and Goomba give Wario their money and run off.
Wario: Whahaha! Bribing people is so easy!
Waluigi: Now they’re going to charge you with robbery.
Wario: How long have you been standing there?
Waluigi: I've been standing here for awhile, the author forgot to mention that in the introduction.
Wario: Oh well, let’s go check the mail.
Wario gets the mail.
Wario: Bills, bills, a dollar bill, oh look, Waluigi! A chance to win a free trip!
Waluigi: In Sherbet Land?
Wario: Fine, Mr. Complainy. Oh look, Waluigi! A chance to win a free car!
Waluigi: It's not free; it's free for 12 months, and then you have to pay them.
Wario: Why do you always ruin my fun? I tell you, if you weren't here, these Scribbles would be coming out like hot cakes with my wacky shenanigans.
Waluigi: Is there any money that doesn't involve stupid deals?
Wario: Hey, look, a letter from Mario!
Wario opens the letter and reads it.
Wario: Wah! Waluigi, Mario says here that he's going to beat us up! But he won't say when!
Waluigi: What? Are you sure?
Waluigi takes a look at the letter.
Waluigi: Wah! You're right! What are we going to do? Fighting Mario is always one-sided, and one time he jumped on me with gum on his shoe!
Wario: If we ignore it, maybe we'll forget about it!
Waluigi: How will that help?
Wario: I... I don't know.
Waluigi: Well fine, let’s try it.
Wario and Waluigi go back in the house and watch television for an hour.
Wario: Ah!
Waluigi: What is it?
Wario: Mario is going to beat us up at a random time!
Waluigi: I thought you said to ignore it?
Wario: Are you kidding? How can you ignore this? You and your silly ideas!
Waluigi: It was your idea!
Wario: No, it was your idea! Unless it somehow works out, then it was my idea!
Waluigi: Wait, I bet Mario wants us to fight each other, that's what he's doing!
Wario: Yeah, you're probably right.
...
Wario: No, I don't think it is.
Waluigi: Neither do I.
Wario: Maybe if we go over, we can beat him with the help of positive thinking!
Waluigi: Fine, it's better than waiting for it to happen!
Wario and Waluigi go over to Mario's house.
Waluigi: ... Well, knock.
Wario smashes the door open.
Waluigi: You're not capable of knocking on doors, are you?
Wario: Nope.
Luigi: I can't believe you guys just smashed our door down! And the Depot store is closed for inventory for a couple of days!
Dun Dun Dun!
Wario: Ah, what a random, overused sound.
Waluigi: We're here to face off against Mario, and you're obviously not Mario!
Luigi: Very observant. Looks like I'm going to have to get you guys out of here myself!
Wario: Please, like you're strong enough to-
Luigi punches Wario and Waluigi so hard, they go flying through the air.
Wario and Waluigi: WWWWAAAAHHHHH!
Wario and Waluigi land at Bowser's Castle.
Wario: Why does this keep happening?
Waluigi: We got punched by Luigi too, and that's just embarrassing.
Wario: Well as long as we’re in front of Bowser's for the eighth time, we should ask him for help.
Bowser: I can help you, but it'll come with a price.
Wario: How long have you been standing there?
Bowser: What? The author didn't say that I was standing here?
Waluigi: No.
Bowser: Come on... I'm worthy of being mentioned.
Wario: You can take care of Mario for us. He wants to beat us up, and we even got beat up by Luigi!
Bowser: Okay, but it'll cost you.
Waluigi: Cost us what?
Bowser: Some Rice Krispies squares and a compliment. A meaningful compliment, not just something like... you're cool.
Wario: You really think I'm cool?
Waluigi: Never mind him, just stop Mario from beating us up.
Bowser: Don't worry, I can be very persuasive.
Later...
Bowser: Come on, don't harm Wario and Waluigi.
Mario: No.
Bowser: Come on, please?
Mario: No.
Bowser: I'll be your friend.
Mario: No.
Bowser: Oh, you're mean!
Over at Wario and Waluigi's house, the door smashes open.
Bowser: No dice, I couldn't do it.
Wario: Well, there are some pros and cons to this situation.
Waluigi: What?
Wario: Pro, we don't have to come up with a compliment for Bowser, as I'm pretty bad at coming up with them.
Waluigi: The con would be what? Us getting beat up by Mario?
Wario: Well that too, plus we'll have to get the door replaced... and the Depot is closed for inventory!
Dun Dun Dun!
Wario: I'm... not sure where that's coming from, or if I even want to know.
Waluigi: We'll have to come up with a... Why are you still here?
Bowser: I'm here until the author announces my leave.
Wario: Leave.
Bowser unwillingly leaves.
Bowser: Actually, I'm pretty willing to leave, but whatever.
Bowser unwillingly leaves again.
Wario: Well, I got a crazy plan.
Waluigi: What? We'll dress up as bushes to hear about their plans?
Wario: Wow, I was going to suggest we get new identities and become garbage men, but your idea is way better.
Waluigi: Actually, I was joking.
Wario: Oh... Do you still want to do it anyway?
Waluigi: No, not really.
Wario: Oh yeah, well I heard someone say that don't think you'd be a good bush.
Waluigi: Oh did they now? I'll show this person I don't even know who's boss!
Over at the Mario Bros’ house, Wario and Waluigi are disguised as bushes.
Wario: All right, let’s go in.
Waluigi: As bushes?
Wario and Waluigi go in the house.
Luigi: What are two bushes doing in here?
Wario: You have no door and it's too cold outside for two bushes.
Mario: Sure, stay in.
Waluigi: Thank you.
Luigi: Wait a minute, Mario... Something seems off here... Bushes don't get cold.
Mario: Stop nitpicking, let’s just talk about our plans.
Luigi: Okey-dokey.
Waluigi: (whispering) I can't believe this is actually working.
Luigi: Wait a minute, I don't think bushes whisper either.
Mario: Of course they do, have you ever looked at a bush for a long period of time, Luigi? They do a lot of things.
Luigi: Fine, so what plans are we going to discuss?
Mario: You know... those plans.
Dun Dun-
Mario smashes a tape recorder that has been making the sound.
Mario: Anyway...
Wario: Ah-choo!
Mario: Hey, what are those bushes doing in here? And since when do bushes sneeze?
Mario lifts up the bushes to reveal cardboard boxes.
Mario: Hmm...
Mario lifts up the cardboard boxes to reveal Wario and Waluigi.
Wario and Waluigi: ! Wah!
Mario: Weird or what?
Luigi: Do you always have to say that? And what are you guys doing in our house?
Wario: We received a letter from this loser that he's going to beat us up!
Mario: I never sent such a letter.
Wario: Well here it us, in your handwriting!
Mario looks at the letter.
Mario: This is obviously not my address, this is Bowser's address.
Wario: Are you sure? Or are you just so sure that your house is really Bowser's Castle!
Waluigi: ... What happened to the suspenseful sound?
Mario: I destroyed it. But anyway, I never sent this, who could it be from?
Luigi: Bowser, you morons... Bowser.
Mario, Wario, and Waluigi: *gasp*
Luigi: Ugh...
Wario: Hey, but what about those plans that you and Luigi were talking about?
Mario: We were talking about fixing a house for a Toad from around here. We were getting ready to get the plans out.
Wario: What about that conversation you had with Bowser?
Mario: I didn't even know what he was talking about.
Wario: What... what about that conversation with you and Luigi about some sort of plans you had?
Waluigi: He... he just explained that to us, Wario.
Wario: Oh yeah... But how come Luigi beat us up? As embarrassing as that sounds!
Luigi: It's the only way to get you guys to stop bugging us.
Wario: Oh... But what about that conversation-
Waluigi: No, they already explained that to us.
Wario: Oh... Well I guess that explains everything... except for that conversation about those plans!
Waluigi: Ugh, never mind. But wait... Bowser! Why did he send us that letter?
Wario: Can you guys punch us there?
Mario: No!
Wario: Fine, we'll walk.
Wario and Waluigi walk to Bowser's Castle.
Wario: Hey Bowser! Come out, you loser!
Bowser comes outside.
Bowser: What do you guys want?
Waluigi: Why did you send a letter that Mario was going to beat us up?
Bowser: I don't remember and I don't care.
Bowser goes back inside.
Wario: Well this is lazy writing from a certain someone.
Waluigi: Yeah, it sure is.
Parakarry: There he is, Officers!
Two officer Koopas take Wario.
Wario: What? What is this?
Parakarry: Did you really expect us to forget about hitting me and robbing two innocent people?
Wario: Well... I kinda forgot about it through this Scribble!
Parakarry: Take him away!
Officer Koopa: Hey, I say that! Take him away!
Over at the courtroom...
Judge: Wario, I sentence you to five hours in jail!
Wario: Whahaha! Looks like I get away with it again!
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