World 1-1

One day Wario is playing a videogame. Waluigi comes to watch.

Waluigi: What in the world are you playing?

Wario: Super Wario Bros!

Waluigi: Um, don’t you mean Super MARIO Bros?

Wario: No, I don’t. Look, that’s me!

An extremely ugly Wario sprite is walking around.

Wario: Isn’t it great?

Waluigi: Looks like what I ate for lunch.

Wario: …

A Goomba appears. Wario jumps, but he’s so fat, he can’t clear the Goomba’s height. He dies.

Waluigi: Ha! How are you supposed to defeat him?

Wario: Watch this!

After restarting, Wario jumps a few feet away from the Goomba, and the ground under the Goomba sinks, so he can be jumped on. Wario squishes him with his enormous girth.

Wario: Ha! Beat that!

Waluigi: At least it matches you in real life. I still need a ladder to escape my bed.

Wario continues along, and a pipe is in the way. Wario jumps and the pipe lowers.

Waluigi: Oh come on!

At the end of the level, Wario can’t reach the flagpole, so he jumps continuously until the flag is reachable. He grabs it and gets a 1-Up.

Waluigi: You stink.

World 1-2

Inside the pipes, Wario jumps multiple times to clear pipes and enemies. At the moving platforms, he stops.

Waluigi: You’re stuck now, aren’t you?

Wario: Just you wait!

He holds Down + B.

Waluigi: What the…?

Wario charges energy, and then releases a giant fart, propelling him 10 feet higher.

Waluigi: That’s cheap.

World 1-4

Waluigi: Ha! You can’t clear that lava!

Wario: Don’t worry about it.

He holds Up + B. He transforms into a bat and flies across the pit.

Waluigi: You have got to be kidding me!

At the boss area, there is a giant Blooper.

Waluigi: How do you defeat the Blooper?

Wario: Like this!

He presses B, and shoots out a garlic clove. The Blooper is now paralyzed.

Waluigi: Now what?

Wario presses Side + B.

Wario (in the game): Falcon Punch!

Waluigi: Why does he say that? Isn’t that copyrighted?

Wario: That was my idea.

Waluigi: You recreated a copyrighted game?! With copyrighted voices?!

Wario: I thought it was a good idea.

Waluigi: …

The Blooper dies.

World 2-2

Waluigi: How are you supposed to swim? You’re too fat to jump!

Wario: The old-fashioned way!

A bunch of jumps later…

Waluigi: You drained the water!

Wario: Now I can walk without the fish bothering me!

World 2-3

Wario: These Cheep Cheeps are annoying!

Waluigi: I bet you will die.

Wario: I bet I won’t.

Wario mashes the B button, and throws 30 billion garlic cloves.

Waluigi: How stupid.

Wario: It works.

World 2-4

Another Blooper.

World 3-4

Another Blooper.

World 4-1

Wario: I love Lakitu. But how to defeat him… I need his cloud to progress.

Waluigi: Try going to Cheeseland! They have the solution to everything!

Wario: Good idea!

PAUSE

At Cheeseland…

Wario: I need you to come to my house and help me!

Worker: Sure!

Back at home…

Worker: You just need to turn into a bat, fly above the Lakitu, and stop in midair. Squish him and fly away on the cloud.

Wario: Thanks!

He leaves.

Waluigi: You don’t know how to beat your own game?

Wario: It’s self-creating!

UNPAUSE

Wario hijacks the cloud, and beats the level.

Wario: I’m just that good.

Waluigi rolls his eyes.

World 4-2

Instead of pipes, a desert area comes into focus. The Angry Sun attacks.

Wario: Ack! Garlic Clove power!

Angry Sun is now paralyzed.

Wario (in the game): Falcon Punch!

Kaboom. Angry Sun explodes.

Wario: Ha ha.

World 4-4

Now, instead of a Blooper, a Magikoopa appears.

Wario: Garlic Clove!

The Magikoopa is unfazed.

Waluigi: Looks like you finally met your match! Serves you right.

Wario: Arg! Falcon Punch!

Wario hits one of the magic blasts, sending it back at the Magikoopa. It dies.

Waluigi: This has GOT to be rigged.

Wario: I won I won, I won I won I won…

Waluigi: Shut up.

World 5-4

Another Magikoopa.

World 6-4

Wario: A wave machine?

Waluigi: A LAVA wave machine!

Wario: I can cook my garlic!

Waluigi: …

Wario: Mmm… Garlic.

He tosses in some garlic, and the machine cuts out because of the smell.

Waluigi: How strange. I wish I was as lucky as you.

Wario: Everybody thinks that.

World 7-3

Wario: Ah, Cloud World! My favorite level.

Waluigi: Um, no. It’s another Cheep Cheep bridge.

Wario: So?

A Lakitu appears out of nowhere.

Wario: Arg! I have to deal with a Lakitu AND Cheep Cheeps? This stinks!

Wario presses Down in the air out of anger. He does a ground pound, and all the enemies on the screen vanish because he weighs so much.

Wario: Cool!

Waluigi: Stupid.

World 7-4

Another castle, another boss. This time it’s…

Wario: Bowser?

Waluigi: Shouldn’t he be in the NEXT world?

Wario: Who cares?! Garlic Clove Power! Falcon Punch!

Bowser falls into the lava.

Waluigi: That was lame.

World 8-1

This is the famous speed level that was impossible to clear without dashing. Unfortunately for Wario, he cannot dash.

Wario: I can’t dash.

Waluigi: Why not? You were moving 2 miles per hour; you should be able to dash faster than that!

Wario: Um, that WAS my dashing.

Waluigi: You mean your normal speed is 1 mile per hour?! You’re so stinking fat!

Wario: Hmm…

He jumps on a Koopa and starts sliding really fast on it.

Waluigi: Wow. That was dumb.

Wario: I don’t think so!

World 8-4

Ah, the final level. Wario has the weighty (pun intended) responsibility of finishing the game. Does he have the gut (another pun intended) to beat it?

Wario: I think so!

Waluigi: Who’s your final opponent? I can see the fireballs!

Wario: That’s a mini-boss, you moron.

A flamethrower is throwing flames. Wario plugs it up with garlic and it explodes.

Wario: Ha!

Waluigi: What’s that?

A Hammer Br. attacks.

Wario: Let’s see whose projectiles are stronger!

After a battle of wits (and smell) Wario is victorious. (The details are too gruesome to recount.)

Wario: I’m the king of the world!

Waluigi: More like the king of the fatties.

Wario: Shut up.

Mario appears.

Waluigi: HE’S the final boss?!

Wario: Luckily for me, I made him easy to beat, to help with my self confidence.

Wario squishes him, and the credits roll.

Wario: I wish this were real life! I won I won, I won I won I won…

Waluigi: I can’t believe how ludicrous this game is.

Wario: Well, time for dinner. Bye bye!

Waluigi waits for Wario to leave, and then starts the game up.

Waluigi: If I’m lucky, I can beat his high score!