In the not too distant future,
Next Saturday A.D,
There lived a guy named Vapor,
A lot less lucky than you or me,
He accidentally blew up Lemmy's Interviews
many times,
So Lemmy punished him for his crimes,
One too many times he blew up the place,
So Lemmy got mad and shoot him into
spaaa-ace!Lemmy: I'll send him cheesy stories,
The worst, in Lemmy's Land (lalala)
Up there he'll be out of my hair,
And'll soon be at my command! (lalala)
Now keep in mind Vapor can't control
When the stories begin or end (lalala)
He'll keep his limited sanity
With the help of his equally crazy
friends!
Current Writer Roll Call!
Lord Seth!
(Zloop!)
Vapor
(Pooky!)
If you're wondering how they eat and
breathe, and other science facts,
Please repeat to yourself, "Something
something,
I should really just relax"!
It's Mystery Science Theater, 4000!
We see the same tired old sequence of doors that eventually brings us into the main room of the Satellite of Pain.
Lord Seth: Why is it that this and the theater are the only places that we're ever really seen in?
Vapor: Budget cuts.
Lord Seth: Well, it looks like we're going to suffer through another story while making our comments on it.
Vapor: Why do we make the comments?
Lord Seth: So that the people reading THIS story can read the story we read but they'll get to laugh instead of groan.
Vapor: Very wise.
Lemmy appears on the viewscreen.
Lemmy: Time to send you another story!
Lord Seth: Not AGAIN...
Lemmy: I need to send you these more constantly! It's all for the purpose of the experiment!
Lord Seth: Experiment?
Lemmy: Sometime I'll manage to find the right combination of stories that will break your spirits, which I will then use to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom!
Lord Seth: That's a horrible plan.
Lemmy: Too bad! And anyway I like seeing your comments!
Lord Seth: You're putting us through this just to see our COMMENTS?
Lemmy: Yes, and if I'm not satisfied with your comments, you'll have to go through the story AGAIN!
Lord Seth: Okay, okay. What story are we going to suffer through today?
Lemmy: Go into the theater and find out!
Lights start flashing and the Satellite of Pain starts rocking. The doors all open in the reverse sequence that they did before and the shadows of Lord Seth and Vapor settle into the theater.
The Experience of Death
Lord Seth: Wow, what a serious-looking title. I can't think of anything to mock about it.
Vapor: Well, every man must be willing to admit their shortcomings.
Lord Seth: Except me, of course.
Vapor: Right.
By Starwind Koopa
Lord Seth: Otherwise known as LoyalKoopaTroopa520.
Author's Note: I would like to thank Black Mage for his help with the vocabulary, without which this story would not have been possible.
Lord Seth: Yes, why bother with a simple word that everyone understands, when you can get everyone confused by using a word that they've never seen before in some lame effort to look scholarly?
Vapor: Urge to destroy world rising.
You open your eyes. You are in the Koopa barracks, and a Koopa Troopa is bending over you.
Lord Seth: Huh? Aren't I in the theater being forced to watch this?
Vapor: Well, evidently through a plot device you've been magically transported there while staying here. It's technically not possible, but when has that ever stopped anyone?
"Hey, wake up," he says, with a worried expression on his face. "You've been sleeping for over twenty-three hours." You sit up in your bunk, face the side, and jump out.
Lord Seth: Darn it! I was hoping to go for 24!
Vapor: Wait, aren't you supposed to put someone's name under your name to show you're having them say your line?
Lord Seth: Well, apparently I'm the one in this, so I guess I'll have to use myself!
You walk outside of the barracks. Outside, the sun is just rising above the horizion, conquering the Stygian darkness that spread throught the land.
Vapor: What in the world does Stygian even mean?
Lord Seth: Beats me. Oh, if it's dawn, and you've been asleep for 23 hours, that means you went to sleep really early in the morning.
Vapor: Your point?
Lord Seth: I don't know. It just seems weird for me to do that.
Vapor: Maybe it's not you.
Lord Seth: Of course it's me. Otherwise it wouldn't be saying I'm doing all this, would it?
Stars twinkle out as the sun grows brighter and brighter in its path across the firmanent.
Lord Seth: You know, they could simply say that it's dawn and save us all this.
Vapor: If they weren't unnecessarily descriptive, this story would be a page long.
The land, however, is not so beautiful.
Lord Seth: Because they didn't recycle, they cut down the rain forest, built up the greenhouse gases, and destroyed the ozone layer. Remember people, only YOU can save the planet from yourself!
Vapor: Don't you start with the second person, too!
Lord Seth: You just used the second person!
Vapor: Oh no! It's spreading!
Huge cracks in the ground separate pieces of rock into islands floating over an ever-deepening abyss.
Lord Seth: Then move to somewhere where you don't get earthquakes.
Vapor: Oh, I get it! It's supposed to be a joke on the terrain in the Mario games! There are gaps in the ground, floating islands, and supposedly bottomless pits!
Lord Seth: A joke! A joke that's hard to get and isn't even that funny when you do get it, but still a joke!
There is little plant life, and the few small shrubs that dare to thrive in this infernal wasteland are leafless and twisted.
Lord Seth: Another example of a simple phrase that was unnecessarily made into an in-depth description. Just saying "there is little plant life" would be enough.
Vapor: Did I say it would be a page long if not for these descriptions? I meant half a page long.
As you are staring off into the distance, a cold, wrinkled hand grasps your shoulder and spins you around, leaving you face-to-face with the Koopa Commander.
Lord Seth: Whereupon I continue to stare off into the distance.
Vapor: Why does the story have to revolve around YOU? Why not me? I mean, aren't we both "you"?
Lord Seth: Because I said so!
Vapor: That's a good reason... No, wait, it isn't.
He barks out, "Private! Get out into the battlefield right now!"
Lord Seth: Great, now apparently I'm drafted into the Koopa military.
Vapor: How can you head OUT INTO the battlefield?
Not wanting to provoke any more trouble than you are already in, you quickly obey your orders and head out into the land.
Lord Seth: Which we'll again get unnecessarily descriptive of.
Vapor: Apparently I have amnesia, too, because I don't remember how I got here or how I was going to end this sentence.
However, your journey is short-lived. Almost immedately Mario bursts out of nowhere and shoots a fireball at you, but it seems to be without effect.
Lord Seth: It's hardly a "battlefield" if all you're fighting is Mario.
Vapor: Hey, Mario can take on hundreds of Koopas!
Lord Seth: Well, a battle, maybe, but battlefield? A battlefield kinda implies a lot of people on both sides.
Vapor: That's what you think.
Lord Seth: That was an overused gag in a previous episode. We don't need it again.
Vapor: That's what you think.
You fall to the ground in surprise.
Lord Seth: If you're hit by a fireball, shouldn't you have turned into a coin by now? It always happened in Super Mario World.
Vapor: I always wanted to be a coin. Then I could be exchanged for all kinds of useless junk!
You are not sure if you are hurt or not. You feel absolutely nothing at all.
Lord Seth: Just like a coin!
Vapor: Eh, it's not like I've never experienced near-death before. I get almost killed about every week.
Suddenly, you begin to convulse, and as your mouth opens in a silent scream,
Lord Seth: I'm not entirely certain a scream can be silent.
Vapor: I think the convulsions came because this game came from Japan, the seizure homeland.
you hear a loud snapping as your back shatters from the sheer force of the spasms.
Lord Seth: Coins don't have backs!
Vapor: Maybe it means the tails side of the coin.
You awaken as if from sleep and look about you in bewilderment.
Vapor: ... As if from sleep, eh? So I first sit up very quickly, smack my head on a support beam above my head, get angry, fall out of bed, then smash my alarm to tiny pieces? I hate this story even more now.
Lord Seth: I think you, or maybe it's me, were just exchanged for a dollar bill and are in one of those exchange machine thingies.
Darkness surrounds you and it is only with difficulty that you are able to discern details.
Lord Seth: How can you discern anything? Coins don't have eyes!
Vapor: Yeah, but they can "see" with their mind.
Lord Seth: How?
Vapor: I have no idea.
Walls of an unfamiliar coarse stone are spaced equidistantly to either side and behind, while a long corridor stretches in front, leading into impenetrable darkness.
Vapor: Equidistantly? This sounds more like a math problem than a story.
Lord Seth: I guess-
Vapor: No more coin jokes, please.
Lord Seth: Actually, all I was going to say was something completely different.
Vapor: Phew!
Since the stone you are sitting on is cold and there are no doors, you stand up and begin walking into the darkness, which recedes slowly as you advance.
Lord Seth: Yes, as you walk into the darkness, it disappears. I'm guessing you have flashlights for eyes or something.
Vapor: Or more likely he just eats lots of carrots. Wait, weren't you talking about you as in you? Why aren't you talking about yourself?
Lord Seth: No, no, this right here is the generic you.
Vapor: Oh...
Your footsteps echo ominously off the silent walls, but you don't sense evil ahead, only indifference to your presence.
Lord Seth: If only some kind of all-powerful being would appear and say "Let there be dialogue."
Vapor: I'm pretty sure that I don't sense any evil on account of the fact that I... um, don't have the ability to sense evil.
Walking quietly forward, for you feel that boisterousness would offend the mute dignity of this mysterious place,
Lord Seth: Yes, that's right. I'm suddenly transported to somewhere else, and I decide not to be boisterous, whatever THAT means, in order to not offend the dignity of a place. I'd more likely be screaming "HEY! WHERE AM I? WHY DOES THIS SEEM LIKE A CONVENIENT PLOT DEVICE?"
Vapor: Maybe it's like a dream or something. In dreams you don't have to act like you normally would.
Lord Seth: Nah, if so I'd bore myself awake.
you begin to pass two murals; one on the wall to your right, and one on the wall to your left.
Lord Seth: The left mural has "How do you keep an idiot busy for hours? Look at the right mural" written on it. The right mural has "How do you keep an idiot busy for hours? Look at the left mural" written on it.
Vapor: Heh, only worked on me for 58 minutes and 23.78 seconds. Suckers!
Both murals are woven of the finest thread imaginable, almost ethereal in nature.
Lord Seth: Huh? I checked, and ethereal means it has diethyl ether as a solvent. How is that supposed to make sense?
Vapor: Maybe they were using a different definition of ethereal.
Lord Seth: Nah, if so they would've made it simpler on us and used a word that we recognize to avoid confusion, right? Right? Right?
The beginning of both murals start by depicting the birth of someone, though whom isn't clear.
Lord Seth: No matter how many times you see it, it's still a miracle.
Vapor: And no matter how many times you see it, you still feel like throwing up.
In the one to the left, the mother is surrounded by friends and family as she gives birth to a glowing, serene baby.
Lord Seth: The baby is glowing? How is the baby born with glitter on it?
Vapor: Another miracle.
In the right one, the mother is giving birth in what appears to be a filthy alleyway. She is utterly alone and looks to be in anguish.
Vapor: As I am right now.
Lord Seth: I bet this is going to be one of those "rags to riches" stories where a kid starts out a beggar and through a lot of hard work and a little luck becomes one of the most powerful figures in the world. Remember, if Andrew Carnegie can do it, so can you!
The baby itself, when it appears, is mewling and crying in terror and fear.
Lord Seth: Yes, why simply say it's crying when you can say it's crying and then in addition be redundant and use an unnecessary and complicated synonym for crying?
Vapor: And terror and fear are synonyms also, thus making the sentence even more redundant and superfluous.
Continuing along the corridor, the left-hand mural depicts scenes of a family in harmony, a simple but happy existence of honest work and pleasure in the details of life.
Vapor: Like boring stories?
Lord Seth: No, like television! Computers! Video games! And all other things that overly complicate life!
The right-hand mural shows a street urchin, bereft of family, committing various petty crimes and forging tenuous relationships with the other denizens of the street.
Lord Seth: But one day he turns it all around! Because, after all, we don't want to give the mistaken impression that how you're born dictates what you grow up to be!
Vapor: Unless you're (insert name of person you most despise here). Then everyone hates you.
The seemingly never-ending, and incredibly detailed, murals continue to amaze you with the fluidity of the figures,
Lord Seth: Okay, I'm apparently being amazed by filler. Can we stop now?
Vapor: No, but we'll take a break!
Lord Seth: When the story's in the middle of a sentence?
Vapor: Sure, why not?
The two leave the theater. Some zany stuff happens, and again the sequence of doors happens that makes them enter the theater.
and you think you begin to see movements in them, out of the corners of your eyes.
Lord Seth: That's because filler makes my eyes hurt.
Vapor: Too amazed to comment.
Likely it is your subconscious playing tricks on you,
Lord Seth: Actually, more likely it's my mind playing tricks on me. But to each his own opinion.
Vapor: What kind of tricks is it playing? Ding-dong-ditch? That thing where they put toilet paper all over your house and trees?
Lord Seth: Which is a COMPLETE waste of paper, by the way.
Vapor: You screwed up my comment.
Lord Seth: And if all goes according to plan, I'll pull off an in-joke here.
but so real do they seem that you stand in awe of the workmanship that must have gone into the formation of such works of art.
Vapor: Wish I could say the same about this story.
Lord Seth: I'd want to buy them and sell those pieces of art, but then my rich relative would get angry at me and make me wear a mask that permanently changes my face. Just like that episode of The Twilight Show*!
*Not to be confused with The Twilight Zone, which is exactly the same except for the name.
Your pace quickens a bit, eager as you are to see more of these fantastic tapestries.
Lord Seth: Yes, no wondering where in the world I am. Instead I'm supposedly obsessed with these murals.
Vapor: My pace quickens? Usually people stop and stare in front of paintings they like.
Lord Seth: Huh, I haven't been pointing out that it's me, not you, who's acting out of character here.
Vapor: Don't worry, you've been forgetting. Just like the story is forgetting to have a plot.
The left-hand mural now bestows glorious visions of the rise of a young Koopa to leadership in his community.
Lord Seth: Odd. Usually I'd first check the right-hand mural, because I'm right-handed. Well, I guess for the purpose of this story I've spontaneously changed to a left-handed person.
Although he doesn't make an overt grab for power, he is a natural leader and is given the role by the community leaders.
Lord Seth: It's time for random acts of descriptiveness!
Vapor: Clearly, the Koopa is a symbol of society, while his leadership represents society's role in the shaping of our childhoods. The rise to power shows that all empires will rise and fall, as is the destiny of our lives, ultimately ending in decay.
Lord Seth: ... What?
Vapor: That's 7331 speak for "i pwn u"!
Lord Seth: 7331?
Vapor: The opposite of 1337 speak.
In the background, his parents look proudly on.
Lord Seth: It's all for show, though. They really wanted him to become a doctor.
The right-hand mural, on the other hand, depicts a less sanguine scene.
Vapor: Sanguine? What does THAT mean?
Lord Seth: According to this dictionary that I pulled out of nowhere, it means cheerfully optimistic.
Vapor: Then why not just say that, or just optimistic? Or just say cheerful?
Lord Seth: The hope is that people will be so busy looking up things in their dictionaries that they won't notice this is all boring filler.
The young Koopa has begun committing more serious crimes, preying on the weak and growing in strength and wealth.
Lord Seth: Isn't that the whole point of capitalism?
Vapor: And life in general?
He flits from friend to friend, taking what he can, and leaving husks behind. He begins to gain a reputation, and the populace fears him.
Lord Seth: Again, capitalism.
Vapor: See Lord Seth's comment, but replace "capitalism" with "life".
Lights now flare on the walls, and you are momentarily blinded. When your sight returns, you see that both murals have gone entirely blank.
Vapor: A wizard did it.
Lord Seth: For a story called The Experience of Death, it feels more like The Experience of Being Bored to Death.
However, upon peering at them more closely, you see that scenes from both murals are intermingled on each one- woven so lightly as to be barely visible, even in the now well-lit corridor.
Lord Seth: Well, that entire part with the murals was completely filler.
Vapor: Filler is underrated. Without it, we wouldn't get incredibly bored!
Suddenly, empyreal voices lift up around you in a chorus of baritone and soprano, mixing in minor, then major keys, vacillating between intelligibility and chaos.
Lord Seth: Which is basically an extremely complicated way of saying it's all din.
Vapor: Then why don't they just say that?
Lord Seth: That would make too much sense.
You get the impression they are praising someone or something, but the snatches of language you do detect and comprehend are not sufficient to impart understanding.
Lord Seth: Reminds me of this story! Not enough words that people know to make sense of it!
Vapor: Comprehend means to understand. Thus, it's saying that that which I understand is not enough to impart understanding.
You feel compelled by the music and swiftly walk further down the hall, until you come to a massive double door fashioned of what appears to be pure mithril.
Lord Seth: Wait, what in the world is mithril? It's not even in the dictionary.
Vapor: It's a made-up metal that was in Lord of the Rings.
Lord Seth: Great. Now the story is engaging in crossovers.
At your tentative, probing touch, the doors swing inwards on utterly silent hinges.
Lord Seth: What's the difference between something being utterly silent and something simply being silent?
Vapor: About three syllables.
As they do, the chorus abruptly ceases its singing.
Lord Seth: Even eerie choruses need a break now and then.
Vapor: Then eerie applause broke out.
A touch of nervousness invades your serenity, as you detect an unimaginably powerful presence beyond the doorway.
Lord Seth: Nice how it assumes my imagination is limited.
Vapor: My boredom, however, is unlimited.
A booming voice intones, "Child of Mine, enter and approach Me."
Lord Seth: Oh yeah? What if I don't WANT to?
Vapor: He's so pompous that he capitalizes his own pronouns. Egotist.
Knees trembling, you cautiously advance, until you see a massive figure seated on an equally massive throne.
Vapor: Zeus, I'm sorry about killing off Dionysus! It was all a misunderstanding! Really!
Lord Seth: Hang on, this is me, remember?
Vapor: Oh, sorry. Give your comment.
Lord Seth: Zeus, I'm sorry about killing off Dionysus! It was all a misunderstanding! Really!
Neck craned backwards to see the face of the gigantic figure, you are struck by the power that radiates from what you realize can only be DAD.
Lord Seth: For anyone who is offended by this, remove all instances of "DAD" and replace it with whatever deity or holy symbol you worship. If you don't worship anything, remove this whole story and replace it with the phrase "I'm-a Mario!"
Vapor: Actually, you should do the latter no matter what.
He speaks again, "Understand that I know you. I am aware of your most intimate thoughts, your subconscious desires, and your darkest secrets.
Vapor: You're the federal government?
Lord Seth:
DAD: I even know the secret about the
beans!
I can see your past, your present, and your myriad possible futures. You cannot deceive me, for I know your thoughts before you form them.
Lord Seth: He sure knows a lot, considering he was just supposedly the first Koopa. Nothing special there.
Vapor: And that he's just a made-up figure who exists only outside of Mario canon, and doesn't even exist in semi-canon like the books and the television show.
"You are here because your mortal body suffered grave harm and died before your soul's allotted time was up," booms DAD.
Vapor: Yeah, I still have another fifteen minutes before the meter expires. Then I'll have to put in another quarter, or my soul will get towed.
Lord Seth:
DAD: You are also here because I knew
you were tired of all the filler.
"As you progressed down the corridor, you viewed dual murals, showing the two primal archetypes that mortals follow.
Lord Seth: Funny how he doesn't mention which one he followed, given that he was a mortal and all.
Vapor: He was mortal, but he was given immortality. As we all will, if we just think happy thoughts.
Your life is a mixture of these two archetypes, and I have granted you the will to decide which to choose.
Lord Seth: Hmmm... I think I'll take what's behind Mural Number Three.
Vapor: I'll choose the one where I live a miserable life. Thanks for giving me a choice.
Every decision you make, every thought you think impacts this and will help determine your path.
Vapor: Enh, it's not like I really think anyway.
Lord Seth: I still want what's behind Mural Number Three.
I make no judgments, for I created the concepts of good and evil, order and chaos, and I thus transcend such distinctions.
Lord Seth: He sure did a lot for someone who just got lucky through the process of evolution. Or, for those who don't believe in evolution, got lucky through the process of intelligent design.
Vapor: Or for those who don't believe in either... uh... I was going somewhere with this...
In you, they are all immanent.
Lord Seth: A statement that would be more helpful if I knew what mmanent means.
"You have asked for salvation from your fate, for consideration from Me, " he utters with absolute implacability.
Lord Seth: Which is interesting, as I never asked for that.
Vapor: Maybe the fate he's referring to is suffering through more of this.
"This I will give, though you will sacrifice a part of your soul in return."
Lord Seth:
DAD: Which I will sell on eBay! You
have no idea how much those things can fetch!
Vapor: Watch as this "sacrificed part of a soul" is referenced here and never brought up again.
You fall to your knees in mute supplication. Tears build in your eyes as visions of your life flash before you.
Vapor: FLASHBACK TIME!
Lord Seth: Visions of your life? Gee, and I always thought that happened when you died, not when you came back to life through an exceedingly contrived plot device.
The presence of this incredible being- the Creator, the Prime Mover Unmoved- is too glorious and too terrible to bear.
Lord Seth: If the presence is too terrible and glorious to bear, why is it that I didn't have to deal with that this entire time I was in his presence?
Vapor: It's a delayed reaction.
Longing to return to the material world, which is so much more hospitable to a mortal soul, you silently beg for a return to life, with all its joy and all its pain.
Lord Seth: Well, anything's got to be better than suffering through all this filler.
Vapor: So, what happens when you eventually do die and don't come back? Are you in horrible anguish forever because the afterlife is "not hospital" to a mortal soul?
Lord Seth: "Not hospital"?
Vapor: What? I like hospitals. They smell pretty.
"Very well," responds DAD. With that, he stands,
Lord Seth: And, because he's so big, he hits the ceiling with his head.
Vapor: I still fail to see what this has to do with Mario or even Mario-related things in general.
firmly lifts you onto his open, out-stretched palm, and raises you to eye level with him.
Lord Seth: Maybe he should have his hand work part-time as an elevator.
Vapor: This sentence I'm currently giving is pointless, just like the story!
Staring into his eyes- inscrutable black orbs that pierce the veil of your soul- you are overwhelmed and feel darkness begin to overtake your consciousness.
Lord Seth: Filler has that effect on me.
Vapor: This sentence I'm giving is pointless, but not AS pointless as my previous sentence!
Just as you pass into unconsciousness, a single word, softly uttered, shines clearly in your mind: "Grow."
Lord Seth: Grow? Not something that actually fits the situation, like "live"?
Vapor: This sentence I'm currently giving, however, DOES have a point, or does it?
When you regain consciousness, you are confused about where you are and how you got here.
Lord Seth: Seems simple to me. You, or rather me, "died" and met this guy and then was brought back to life, causing you, or me, to be here. And when I say "you" I'm referring to the "you" in the story.
Vapor: I'm confused all right. Confused about why THIS STORY ISN'T DONE YET!
Darkness surrounds you, save for a single candle.
Lord Seth: Do not go gentle into that good night.
Vapor: Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
A look around tells you that you are in a rough cave, with a single table bearing the candle.
Lord Seth: How exactly is a cave rough?
Vapor: Who's this "a look around" character?
An entrance, visible because it is slightly lighter than the rest of the shadow, beckons from across the cave.
Vapor: NOOOOOO! DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!
Lord Seth: Shut up. Anyway, as you're IN the cave, isn't it an exit?
Vapor: Why do you keep changing from referring to "you" as in yourself and referring to "you" as in just simply "you"?
Lord Seth: Because it's become obvious that it's incorrectly using second person, as I wouldn't do any of this.
Sitting up from your supine position,
Lord Seth: ...and again confusing everyone who doesn't have a dictionary handy.
Vapor: Notice how the bulk of the story, which was about those murals, ended up meaning absolutely nothing?
you glance at your body and realize it is healed and whole once again.
Vapor: Well, at no time in the adventure was the body ever seen as anything but whole.
Lord Seth: Well, I wouldn't have done any of the stuff that I supposedly did, so I obviously wasn't the person in this story. It must have been a different "you".
Still reeling in wonder from your experience, you quietly give thanks to DAD for the gift of life, and leave the cave.
Lord Seth: I don't know... I always thought you owed the gift of life to your parents or something.
Vapor: That, or some supremely omnipotent being that's actually supreme and omnipotent.
The End
Lord Seth: Next time, can we do a story that isn't filled up with filler?
Vapor: What's so bad about filler?
Lord Seth: Well, it's not filler that's so bad. I've used filler. The problem is when filler is boring. I don't mind filler if it's interesting. But boring filler is... well, boring.
Vapor: Yep!
They exit the theater.
Lord Seth: Okay, time for online game playing!
Vapor: World of Warcraft?
Lord Seth: Nah, this is a text game called Achaea, which I am giving a shameless plug of!
Vapor: Is there any other kind of plug?
Lord Seth: There's electrical plugs.
Vapor: Oh.
Lord Seth pulls out a computer and logs into the game.
Lord Seth: Okay! Now it's time to go to the Underworld and kill things to level up! It's dangerous, though.
Vapor: Oh?
Lord Seth: Well, the Underworld is a free-PK zone.
Vapor: Free-PK?
Lord Seth: Well, PK stands for "Player Kill" or "Player Killing". If you're in a free-PK zone, people can attack you for any reason at any time. *pause* Aw, man, I just got killed!
Vapor: Well, maybe if you hadn't chosen to yell to EVERYONE in the area "Hey! I is the greetest! All of you people cannot hope to kill me!" you wouldn't have!
Lord Seth: Maybe. Well, time to pray for salvation and lose a lot of experience because I foolishly chose to not join any in-game organizations for help. *pause* Huh. This whole sequence it shows that you go through in order to get back to life seems familiar.
Vapor: Really? Let me see? (reading) "You awaken as if from sleep and look about you in bewilderment. Darkness surrounds you and it is only with difficulty that you are able to discern..." Wait a minute, that's the story!
Lord Seth: Eh?
Vapor: The story, starting with "You awaken as if from sleep and look about you in bewilderment" is copied almost word for word from this!
Lord Seth: Woah, wait a second, things make more sense now! The part of the soul you sacrifice must be the experience you lose. It's in second person because it's talking about what's happening to your character! It was horrible in the context of a story and made no sense, but in the game it makes perfect sense, even if it's a little too long and the murals part is pointless, and the words are still a tad too complicated.
Vapor: Actually, the length makes a little bit of sense. You have to wait a while to get back to life. You know, as a penalty for dying. I mean, wow, the entire thing actually makes sense now! Looking at it from the angle it was originally meant to be presented in, it's actually kind of cool. It's stealing it and trying to artificially use it in another context that makes it bad.
Lord Seth: So they committed plagiarism?
Vapor: Apparently, but that's not what's really bothering me.
Lord Seth: What is?
Vapor: If they had to steal something from this game, why did they choose one of the most BORING sequences in the whole thing?
Lord Seth: Who knows? Anyway, I have a question. All DAD was, was the first Koopa. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet somehow in this thing he's super-powerful and claims to have made the concepts of good and evil and order and chaos.
Vapor: It's because it was stolen, remember? It wasn't DAD originally.
Lord Seth: Play along with me!
Vapor: Fine! Well, maybe DAD did create the concepts of good and evil and whatnot.
Lord Seth: Don't be ridiculous, that makes no sense. And if I am wrong, may lightning strike Vapor!
Vapor: Hey, wait a minute. I don't think-
Vapor suddenly starts squirming around as if he were electrocuted, then stops.
Vapor: So you're wrong.
Lord Seth: Don't be silly. That wasn't lightning, that was static electricity!
There is a pause.
Vapor: Is this what we're going out on?
Lord Seth: Well, I can think of worse endings...
Vapor: Like what?
Lord Seth and Vapor are hit by fireballs that appear out of nowhere and the two suddenly appear in a hallway that has murals on its sides.
Lord Seth: Like this.
The End
Just as you pass into unconsciousness, a single word, softly uttered, shines clearly in your mind: "Grow."
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