Dark Koopa: Okay, so like, these two guys walk into a bar-

Pura: I quit.

Dark Koopa: Bye.

Thumbs: Man, what a dramatic leave.

Dark Koopa: Yeah, sure. Anyway, after a long hiatus involving TLC, I'm back briefly to go on another hiatus! Hooray!

Two or three Audience Members: Hooray...

Thumbs: Tender loving care?

Dark Koopa: No. Tables, ladders, and chairs.

Thumbs: Weird.

Dark Koopa: Also, I feel that more official characters should be appearing in these Interviews. If I wanted to show off my characters, I could do it in the RPG Board at that forum place. Totally not an advertisement.

Thumbs: Aha! I'm not your character!

Dark Koopa: You might as well be. When was the last time your author made an Interview?

(Crickets.)

Dark Koopa: I thought we banned crickets from the building.

Larry: Hi.

Dark Koopa: There. We're already above our usually amount of appearances by official characters.

Thumbs: Hooray...

Susan: Hi.

Dark Koopa: You don't count.

Susan: Aww...

(Sad walking montage.)

Dark Koopa: Now, where's Pura?

Thumbs: Gone.

Dark Koopa: Tie her up and lock her in a closet.

Thumbs: ... Why?

Dark Koopa: So she doesn't appear in this Interview.

Thumbs: Um, if you'd look at the second lin-

Dark Koopa: You dare defy me?!

Thumbs: Fine, whatever.

(Thumbs floats off.)

Dark Koopa: Now for my guest. From general markets, it's Hardware Guy!

General Guy: ...

Dark Koopa: Hi.

General Guy: That's General Guy, and I was just at the hardware store to, you know, fix the bathroom door.

Dark Koopa: So... tell us about yourself.

General Guy: I'm a general, and I'm a guy.

Dark Koopa: I would have never guessed. Now, why did you choose Shy Guy's Toybox as a place to lead your army?

General Guy: Difficult to find, the inside defies logic, and nobody expects devious plans in a place designed for young children. It's perfect.

Dark Koopa: How did you find the Toybox?

General Guy: This was Bowser's doing. After recruiting tons of Shy Guys to his army, he needed a place for them to stay because he was tired of them stealing his stuff. So he had one of his Magikoopas, probably Kammy, steal a toybox and make it so that anyone who entered would shrink to the size of a basic toy. When that was done, it was hidden in an abandoned house in Toad Town.

***

Pura: Thumbs... Why is this rope around my stomach?

Thumbs: I'm checking your waist size.

Pura: With a rope.

Thumbs: Yes.

Pura: Are you suggesting I'm fat?

Thumbs: No, of course not. Now stay still while I tie you up, fatty.

Pura: ...

*Scene deleted due to violent nature.*

Thumbs: I'd better be getting a raise for this.

***

Dark Koopa: So, how did you become general?

General Guy: I was really the only Shy Guy that both would listen to Bowser and would be obeyed by the other Shy Guys. I also have a cool white hat.

Dark Koopa: That's all?

General Guy: No. I also happen to be a tactical genious, and I have the experience, having been in Bowser's army since the first day he recruited Shy Guys, maggot.

Dark Koopa: Did you just call me a maggot?

General Guy: It's army lingo, puke stain.

Dark Koopa: Well, stop. It's annoying.

General Guy: Rejected, maggot!

(Dark Koopa takes out a large mallet used primarily for destroying php laughing emotes.)

General Guy: Okay, fine.

Dark Koopa: How do you feel about other species entering the Toybox?

General Guy: I'm absolutely against it. I had ordered my army to attack all who enter the Toybox that are not Shy Guy. The only exception would be a few of Bowser's handpicked troops.

Dark Koopa: Did you notice the Mushroomers that had entered?

General Guy: Yes, a few Mushroomers somehow found the Toybox. They must have stumbled upon it when they were drunk or something. But I decided not to attack them. It would have been too easy. I instead ordered the Shy Guys to sabotage the railroad they were attempting to start, by moving some tracks and even stealing their train.

Dark Koopa: How did that train end up in one of the shops in Toad Town?

General Guy: The troop that stole the train also attempted to rob one of the shop's storage room. The owner chased the troop out and he dropped the train. The troop was able to steal the storage room key, though.

Dark Koopa: Why were the Shy Guys stealing things from Toad Town?

General Guy: That is one of the flaws of the Toybox: we had few supplies. I ordered the Shy Guys to steal what they could from Toad Town. If we couldn't use what was stolen, we could at least use it as a ransom.

Dark Koopa: If you only wanted Shy Guys in the Toybox, why did you let Big Lantern Ghost in?

General Guy: We didn't. The ghost must have somehow gotten in without any of us noticing. He probably also hid in that dark room that everyone thought was haunted.

Dark Koopa: Audience questions are a great way to get official character cameos.

General Guy: Eh?

Dark Koopa: That's smart person talk for "It's time for audience questions".

General Guy: Are you suggesting you're smart?

Dark Koopa: ... Seat 44.

Spiny: You always call that seat.

Dark Koopa: Why are there nobodies talking to me?

***

Thumbs: Pura, can you get a coat out of the closet for me?

Pura: You don't wear coats.

Thumbs: I do now.

Pura: It's 90 degrees outside.

Thumbs: I like to experiment with things.

Pura: Fine.

(Pura enters the closet. Thumbs slams the door behind her.)

Thumbs: VICTORY!

(Pura walks back out of the closet.)

Pura: There's no coats in there.

Thumbs: Oops, I forgot to lock it.

Pura: Stop wasting my time.

Thumbs: Can you look again?

Pura: No.

Thumbs: There's candy inside.

Pura: Right.

Thumbs: You are going to get in that closet, and I'm going to lock it, and I won't be taking no for an answer.

Pura: No.

Thumbs: Curses, foiled again.

Pura: Bye.

(Pura begins to walk off, but Thumbs shoves her in a door and locks it.)

Thumbs: Ha, I should have done that sooner.

Roy: Good job. You locked her in the snack bar.

Thumbs: Close enough. Wait, why are you here?

Wendy: The official characters appearing more thing.

Thumbs: Wha- Right...

***

Dark Koopa: Those jerks changed scenes while I was doing audience questions. Now I've lost my train of thought. Oh well. I guess no audience questions today.

(The audience cheers loudly.)

Dark Koopa: But that's not to say nobody's going to get severely injured.

Zeus Guy: I know kung-fu.

Dark Koopa: Nifty.

(Zeus Guy is vaporized.)

Dark Koopa: Anyone else have any useful information for me?

Silence.

Dark Koopa: I guess you're all idiots then.

Ludwig: Wait, I'm no idiot-

(Trap door.)

Dark Koopa: Wait, he was an important character, wasn't he? Erm, oops. Moving on, where'd you get that tank?

General Guy: The Toybox, of course. For a toy, it was pretty durable, but it had its flaws, which ultimately led to me losing to that blasted Mario.

Dark Koopa: How powerful are you without the tank?

General Guy: I can't say I'm any more powerful than your basic Shy Guy. I just have leadership skills.

Dark Koopa: How's Shy Guy's Toybox now?

General Guy: Little has changed. I'm still general, we still plan there, and we are still against non-Shy Guys coming in. We will let in someone else sometimes, but very rarely.

Dark Koopa: Do you plan on doing anything devious or mischievious or anything else that uses words like that?

General Guy: Of course, but I'm not telling what, or when.

Dark Koopa: That's fine. I'll send a spy.

General Guy: Like who?

Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!

Dark Koopa: Lemmy.

General Guy: Lemmy!

Lemmy: Yes?

General Guy: Traitorous swine!

(General Guy and Lemmy get in a cartoony cloud fight.)

Dark Koopa: Well, I'm gonna need to get me some popcorn from the snack bar to watch this, so I guess this is over. kbye.

Stupid Cameraman: END TRANSMISSION.

***

Pura: Hi.

Dark Koopa: ...