Lemmy: We need more money.

Dark Koopa: Don't look at me. You don't even give me paychecks anymore.

(Lemmy looks away.)

Dark Koopa: You didn't have to take that literally.

Lemmy: Make more money.

Dark Koopa: How? Have a telethon or something? Not like those ever work-

Lemmy: Telethon! Perfect! Do that!

Dark Koopa: Ugh...

(Later, phones can be seen everywhere, along with a bargraph that is all at zero.)

Dark Koopa: So, yeah, if you care about this show, call now. Or we'll be fired? Yeah, that'll work. We'll be fired, and you don't want that.

(No one calls.)

Dark Koopa: I thought phone calls were instant.

(Hours later, still no calls.)

Pura: How long to I have to sit next to this phone?

Thumbs: I'm hungry.

Dark Koopa: Silence! I'll just interview someone while we wait. Yeah. I'll interview someone with lots of money and beg, I mean, persuade them to donate money.

Thumbs: How about a pirate?

Dark Koopa: Everyone knows pirates don't exist, Thumbs. They're like the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.

Pura: The Easter Bunny isn't real?!

Dark Koopa: ...

Pura: I knew that. Yeah.

Johnny: Aye, you say pirates don't exist, mate?

Dark Koopa: Yuppers.

Johnny: Then what be me?

Dark Koopa: A hobo.

Johnny: ... Well, I still fill ye other want in having a lot of treasure.

Dark Koopa: Oh, goodie, so, what species are you?

Johnny: I be a large Bandana Blue.

Dark Koopa: How'd you get so big?

Johnny: Lots and lots of fighting, lad. Helped me muscles grow.

Dark Koopa: Lad? Eww.

Johnny: Fine, lass.

Dark Koopa: Hmm, I dunno what lass means, but I like the sound of it more, so okay, lass it is.

(The phone rings.)

Thumbs: Ooh, a pledge.

(Thumbs answers the phone.)

Thumbs: Hello?

Kamek: Is Thumbs there?

Thumbs: Why yes he is. So, how much money you pledging?

Kamek: I hope you get fired, loser.

Thumbs: I'm sorry, that's not a coin amount. Please try again.

Kamek: Nothing!

Thumbs: In that case, I'll have to ask how you are doing.

Kamek: I hate you.

Thumbs: That's not a possible response. Please try again.

Kamek: How am I? I am hating you.

Thumbs: That's not- Well, I guess that counts. Yeah? Well, I hope you break the fourth wall!

(Thumbs hangs up as the sound of a crate falling can be heard on the other line.)

Dark Koopa: How did you become a captain?

Johnny: Winning many fights against other pirates. I went up the ranks, and now I'm captain of my own crew after my father Fredrick "Freddy" Fredson passed away.

Taj: FREDDY!

Dark Koopa: That cameo was so tactless. Where'd you get that attire?

Johnny: I nabbed it from some other pirates.

Dark Koopa: I'm not buying any of this.

Johnny: Why?

Dark Koopa: Pirates don't exist.

Johnny: ... But they do, lass.

Dark Koopa: Sure, whatever. What about that trident?

Johnny: I made it meself. I use it in all me fights along the sea.

Dark Koopa: And you fight above or below water?

Johnny: Above, of course. I can survive on land for a decent amount of time.

Dark Koopa: I dunno, you don't seem that great a fighter. How are you not dead yet?

Johnny: I will admit I haven't beat everyone I fought, but if I lose, I can just come back later. It's not like walking the plank is gonna kill me.

Dark Koopa: It seems you fought Mario on a sunken ship. How did it sink?

Johnny: Yarg, that blasted squid, King Calamari, pulled us down. I'd yet to rebuild a new vessel, so I just stayed there for then.

(The phone rings.)

Pura: Hello?

Iggy: Is this the pizza shop?

Pura: Wrong number.

Iggy: Oh...

(The phone rings again.)

Pura: Hello?

Arnold S: This is Arnold's Pizza Shop.

Pura: Lovely. Making a pledge?

Arnold S: Come buy my pizza or maybe I'll come over to your house and break off your arm.

Pura: ...

Arnold S: Or maybe I'll take a pepperoni and punch it through your head.

Pura: This is stupid.

(Pura hangs up.)

Dark Koopa: Why'd you give Mario that Star?

Johnny: Out of respect. I lost fair and square. He earned it.

Dark Koopa: Where'd the Star come from anyway?

Johnny: Fell out of the sky and into the sea near me ship. It looked valuable, so I snatched it and took it onboard.

Dark Koopa: How did you find out the Star was stolen from Mario?

Johnny: I felt trouble was brewing on the surface, so I called one of me Bandana Blues to survey the area. He reported to me that Yardiovich feller stealing the Star from Mario, so I headed to the surface to cut that scurvy dog off meself.

(The phone rings again.)

Thumbs: Yo.

Larry: Is your refridgerator running?

Thumbs: I don't have one.

Larry: Um...

(Larry hangs up.)

Thumbs: No pledge?

Dark Koopa: So, why didn't you fight Mario one on one to begin with? You probably would have won.

Johnny: What do ye mean? I had a six on three advantage at first.

Dark Koopa: Well, Mario's partners are stronger than him.

Johnny: Really now?

Dark Koopa: Yup. Well, from my point of view at least.

(Johnny points at Bowser.)

Johnny: So that lad is stronger than Mario?

Dark Koopa: Stronger, yes.

Johnny: But I hear he always loses to Mario.

Dark Koopa: Stronger, not smarter.

Johnny: Ah...

Bowser: Jinga!

(Bowser knocks down a tower of blocks.)

Gonzales Jr: Stop ruining our game.

Dark Koopa: So, do you still do "pirate" things?

Johnny: Aye. Once a pirate, always a pirate, I say.

Dark Koopa: Right, well, that's all the questions I can think of. Let's see how much money we got in our pledge!

Pura: One coin.

Dark Koopa: So someone pledged? Woo!

Thumbs: No, that was me. I found a coin in the couch.

Dark Koopa: Oh...

Thumbs: Better ask that pirate before he leaves.

Dark Koopa: Hey, Johnny! Can I have some money?

Johnny: That depends, lass. Do pirates exist?

Dark Koopa: Of course not.

Johnny: Well, I earned all me money being a pirate, so I guess me money does not exist, so I have none to offer ye.

Dark Koopa: Wha?

Johnny: Short answer is no.

Dark Koopa: Aww. Guess we'll just have to have another telethon.

Thumbs and Pura: Aww.

Lemmy: The plot thickens.