Dark Koopa: That special stunk.

Thumbs: You're only saying that because someone tied a piece of limburger to the camera while they were taping it.

Dark Koopa: Our cameramen are so stupid.

Stupid Cameraman: Why thank you.

Stupid Cameraman 2: Indeed.

Stupid Cameraman 3: My parents wish I were dead...

Thumbs: I feel like interviewing today.

Dark Koopa: Fine, but I'm interviewing too. Otherwise I'll just get involved in something that causes pain, and recent polls say pain is bad.

Thumbs: Darn polls...

Silver Knight: Not so fast!

Dark Koopa: Fast? I'm not even moving.

Silver Knight: It's an expression.

Dark Koopa: A what?

Silver Knight: Never mind. Anyway, I wanted to be security guard, but I didn't even get a chance!

Pura: Too bad. The job is mine.

Thumbs: I thought you didn't like this job.

Pura: Well, now that someone wants it...

Dark Koopa: You want a chance? Fine, Pura you're helping my Interview.

Pura: Fine...

Silver Knight: Hooray!

Dark Koopa: Now go do things a knight of silver would do.

(SK runs off and drops his sword. It breaks.)

Silver Knight: Darn it! I spent my life savings of that!

Pura: Haha!

(A Swooper flies out.)

Dark Koopa: Ah, the Interview-

(SK stabs the Swooper with a plastic sword.)

Silver Knight: Die, heathen!

Dark Koopa: Why are you stabbing the interviewee with a plastic sword?

Silver Knight: Um...

Dark Koopa: You see, Silver Knight, being a security guard isn't about mindless killing.

Pura: Yes it is.

Dark Koopa: True, but he's not supposed to think that.

Silver Knight: Yeah, okay.

Swooper: Why did that guy stab me?

Thumbs: Comic relief.

Swooper: Oh...

Dark Koopa: Time for the first question! Where do you like to hang out?

Swooper: If it isn't obvious, we live in caves, ruins, or otherwise dark places.

Dark Koopa: Why?

Swooper: Well, we're nocturnal. We sleep during the day and come out at night. We love darkness.

Thumbs: If you live in places of constant darkness, how do you know when it's day?

Swooper: That's a very good question. I'm actually not sure. I suppose it's a sixth sense.

Pura: Why are yo-

Thumbs: Hey!

Pura: ...

Thumbs: Pura's name comes before mine in the title! No fair!

Pura: ...

Thumbs: Ooh, lots of triple dots.

Dark Koopa: And you complain about me reading the title.

Pura: ...

Thumbs: And again!

Pura: CAN I JUST ASK A QUESTION ALREADY?!

Swooper: ...

Dark Koopa: ...

Thumbs: Dotmania.

Pura: Thumbs.

Thumbs: Yes?

Pura: SHUT! UP!

Thumbs: ... (Great, now I'M using the dots.)

Pura: Thank you. Now Swooper, why are you purple?

Swooper: You know, it's strange, but all Swoopers are born purple for some reason.

Pura: What about in Super Mario World?

Swooper: Those were Swampires. Swoopulas and Swampires are commonly considered Swoopers.

Silver Knight: Take this, you fiend!

Lemmy: Why is this guy poking me? Make him stop!

Dark Koopa: Have you said "Lemmy's Interview Show" yet?

Lemmy: I was about to.

Dark Koopa: Keep poking, Silver Knight.

Silver Knight: Roger.

Lemmy: Who's Roger? Ow!

Thumbs: How do you hang on the roof in some areas?

Swooper: Our claws are really sharp. Squeeze them tight enough and they can grab anything. Only something like an earthquake can make us let go.

Dark Koopa: If your claws are so sharp, why not use them in battle?

Swooper: Oh, we do, but it's a better strategy to both hurt your opponent and heal yourself at the same time, correct?

Dark Koopa: Right... You're like a vampire or something.

Swooper: Oh, we're not as creepy as people think we are.

Dark Koopa: Yet you drink blood.

Swooper: We can't help it. We're bats, but if you put that aside, we're actually likable creatures.

Dark Koopa: Sure you are.

Pura: Can you see? Do you even have eyes?

Swooper: Oh, we have eyes, and we can see, but our vision is very poor, but hey, at least we're not blind.

Thumbs: Do you ever open your eyes?

Swooper: Not often. We usually use our hearing to find things. Our hearing is superb.

Dark Koopa: Well, I think that's it.

Swooper: Anyone want a hug?

Dark Koopa, Pura, and Thumbs: No.

Thumbs: Hey, my name's last again...

Swooper: Aww, come on!

Silver Knight: Okay, how'd I do?

Dark Koopa: Well, you managed to anger every member of the audience by poking them with that plastic sword.

Silver Knight: That's good, right?

(The audience starts rioting.)

Dark Koopa: Take a guess.

Pura: Ooh, a riot. I'm in!

(Pura grabs a crowbar and jumps into the fray.)

Dark Koopa: I think we should end this now.

(Thumbs tosses a cherry bomb into the audience.)

Dark Koopa: Again?

Thumbs: Yes.

Pura: Ow! Who threw that cherry bomb?!

Thumbs: Uh oh.

Pura: Thumbs!

Thumbs: Time to flee.

(Pura chases Thumbs out of the studio.)

Dark Koopa: We haven't done the chasing of the Thumbs out of the studio in a while.

Silver Knight: Are you Bill Cosby?

Dark Koopa: ...

Silver Knight: So, do I get the job?

Dark Koopa: I'm gonna leave the answer in suspense.

Silver Knight: Aww...

Swooper: So, anyone want a hug?

Dark Koopa and Silver Knight: We said no.

Swooper: (demonic voice) I'll kill you all later.

Dark Koopa: Wha?

Swooper: (normal voice) Nothing.

Dark Koopa: Right. End transmission.