(Dasher is seen sitting in a beach chair on Isle Delfino. He wakes up at the sound of a telephone booth playing the Ricco Harbor theme.)

Dasher: Rats… Aqua, can you pick it up?

Aqua: Hello? Hang on... *covers phone* It's Lemmy again.

Dasher: *picks up phone* Lemmy?

Lemmy: Dasher, I'm sending Dark over to do an Interview for lack of plot.

Dasher: Your reasons never make sense.

(Lemmy hangs up without an answer.)

Dasher: Well, we're doing an interview with... someone...

Spinia: Probably an interviewee we wouldn't think of.

(Dark Koopa enters via catapult through a window.)

Dark Koopa: Hey! I have better things to do than go crashing through windows, though I do enjoy that.

(Dasher stares at the apartment window broken open, then back at Dark.)

Dasher: Why can't anyone do anything normal for once?!

Dark Koopa: Pshh, that is normal for me.

Dasher: Um... okay. Aqua, Spinia, you guys go to Pinna Park and find me a Noki for next week.

(They leave.)

Dasher: Good thing I made a lock on the cannon to Pinna Park. They won't be out for days. So uh... did you bring the interviewee?

Dark Koopa: Ha, me, doing something useful? You wish.

Dasher: ... Well then, we'll find something.

(A Bully skids over.)

Bully: Did anyone order pina coladas?

Dark Koopa: Eww, ugly Bob-omb look alike.

Dasher: I hate you guys. You always make me lose at the wrong time in Mario 64.

Dark Koopa: Haha! For that, I like them now.

Dasher: We're gonna interview this thing.

(Dasher grabs one of the Bully's horns and drags it to the interviewee chair, ignoring the Bully screaming for help.)

Lakitu: What should I play for the intro?

Dasher: Just play Law & Order.

Dark Koopa: Ooh...

(The song plays on a loop.)

Dasher: You can turn it off now. It's been a day.

Lakitu: I can't find the stop button...

(Dark Koopa smashes the stereo with a comically large hammer.)

Dasher: Rolling? Good. Welcome to another double Interview. Dark Koopa and I will be interviewing this black sphere.

Bully: I'm a Bully.

Dark Koopa: No you're not. Wimp!

Bully: *sniff*

Dasher: So do you even work for Bowser? Or someone else?

Bully: Us Lava Bullies work for Big Bully. Ice Bullies work for Chief Chilly, who's a little insane.

Chilly: PHEER MY MUSTACHE!!!!112

Dark Koopa: Eww, lack of holding the shift button... Anyway, how come you're indestructible unless you're pushed into lava or ice or something?

Bully: Our bodies are the second most powerful things in Mushroom World, the first being the body of an Iron Cleft. Our bodies are almost the same except for the spikes, which lets Mario or Luigi or whoever kick us from a high platform or above lava.

Dasher: Can you guys jump?

Bully: Yes. We can jump higher than Wario.

Dasher: Why not do that when fighting Mario or whoever?

(The Bully looks confused.)

Dark Koopa: What? Ya stupid or something?

Bully: You're mean!

Dark Koopa: I know. Isn't it great?

Dasher: Cruelty always makes something more enjoyable to read or hear. So why do Ice Bullies look more fragile?

Bully: They get other Ice Bullies to chip off some of their body to make them look weaker. But they're actually just as powerful as a Big Bully. If only they didn't fight on ice...

Dasher: Heh heh... Bully on Ice....

Dark Koopa: Lame... So, uh, why do you always hang around lava or ice? I mean, if that's the only way to defeat you, wouldn't you hang around somewhere else?

Bully: We fear going into another environment due to the temperature. We can't handle any area different than what we were born in.

Dasher: What was with the Bullies in the second Bowser stage? That wasn't Lethal Lava Land...

Bully: Bowser hired some of us from Big Bully to help guard some of the platforms on his stage.

Dasher: Are Big Bully and Chief Chilly underbosses of Bowser?

Bully: Big Bully is an ally, but only helps when paid with more fiery land. Chief Chilly wants nothing to do with Bowser, since he doesn't want his mustache burned.

Dark Koopa: Where'd the horns come from?

Bully: The horns are like hair in that they are valued. They can chip other Bullies with their sharpness. Lava Bullies get two, Ice Bullies get one. I believe Chief Chilly got rid of his horn due to-

Dasher: His mustache?

Bully: How'd you know?

Dark Koopa: Why are most Bullies black?

Bully: We're actually gray, but most of us fall into the lava and get burned severely to become black. We are usually fished out by Fishing Boos, though.

Dark Koopa: How long can you survive in the lava without dying then?

Bully: About four hours. We usually jump out by then with whatever strength we have.

Dasher: Just jump out when you fall in.

Bully: Good idea...

Dark Koopa: And where does the coin come from when you get pushed in lava?

Bully: There are many coins scattered around in the lava. When we fall, we land hard enough to hit a coin up.

Dark Koopa: I see... Well, I have no more questions, so we need an amusing ending.

Dasher: Wait... Aren't you not supposed to be out of your home?

Bully: It's hot enough here.

(The sun sets, the moon rises.)

Bully: AAAHHHH!

Dark Koopa: Haha! Pain is funny!

(Dark Koopa is hit with a bus that got in the studio... somehow... Yeah...)

Dark Koopa: ... Except when it's me feeling it.

Dasher: Where did that bus come from...? Bully, where did that bus come from?

(The Bully has melted.)

Dasher: Er...

Dark Koopa: Owie...

Spinia: Let us out of this cannon!

Dasher: No. You have to buy me a slurpee then.

Aqua: Fine...

Lemmy on a not hung up phone: Uh... cut!