Dark Koopa: Do you two want to do this Interview with me?

Thumbs and Pink: NO!

Dark Koopa: Why not?

Pink: Because the last time we all did an Interview, we got killed by Yellow. In fact...

(Pink chases Yellow around with a taser.)

Yellow: You can't do this to me! I'm a Yoshi!

Pink: Darn, you're right.

Dark Koopa: Is there any way to convince you to do this?

Pink: Ya got strawberry-flavored sugar? And who's the interviewee? IS IT SOMEONE CUTE?!

Dark Koopa: Actually I do.

(Dark Koopa hands some strawberry sugar to Pink.)

Dark Koopa: And the interviewee is King Boo.

Pink: Ooo, Boos are cute! Like that Blooper! I'll do it!

(Pink starts chasing the Blooper around.)

Dark Koopa: What about you, Thumbs?

Thumbs: Forget it. You won't tempt me.

Dark Koopa: I have something you want.

Thumbs: I forgot you could tempt me with things I want. What is it?

Dark Koopa: I have something shiny.

Thumbs: Darn it, the only thing that can tempt me more than something I want is something shiny!

Dark Koopa: Well?

Thumbs: Must... resist... shiny... thing... want... shiny... insert random word... no! I still won't do it!

Dark Koopa: I'll throw in a pretzal.

Thumbs: Deal!

Dark Koopa: Okay then. Let's bring King Boo in.

King Boo: BOOOOOOO!

Audience: ...

Waluigi: Wah!

King Boo: One in a million's not so bad...

Dark Koopa: Oh, please. Watch this. (to audience) Hey, everyone! Pink had sugar!

Audience: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

King Boo:... I hate you.

Thumbs: First question: Why did you join Petey in Double Dash?

King Boo: We both enjoy graffiti and he's the only thing not afraid of me.

Dark Koopa: Him, and everyone in this studio.

Waluigi: Wah!

Dark Koopa: Well, almost everyone.

Pink: I heard Bow's your daughter. Is this true?

King Boo: Yes, but she's a little spoiled thing, so I gave her her own mansion and stayed away from her.

Pink: How did you respond to Bow teaming up with Mario to beat Bowser?

King Boo: SHE DID WHAT?!

Thumbs: Smooth...

Dark Koopa: Didn't she tell you?

King Boo: Well sure, she told me she beat up Bowser, but she didn't say anything about teaming up with Mario to do it! Ooh, when she gets home, she's grounded until she's as old as I am.

Thumbs: And how old is that?

King Boo: About 500 years. Our age corresponds to the amount of HP we have in Luigi's Mansion. Every year we get stronger.

Thumbs: Interesting.

Pink: How come you hate Bowser so much?

King Boo: He always gets to be the main villian! I only kidnapped Mario, like... once! And the second time I was drunk, so I couldn't even get CLOSE to being a good boss!

Pink: Why do you hate spicy stuff then? Not that I like it...

(Pink steps away from a conveniently-placed hot pepper.)

King Boo: My tongue is really sensitive and that stuff burns, a lot.

Pink: Then why'd you throw some spicy peppers at Mario?

King Boo: I told you, I was drunk.

Thumbs: Wait a second. I want my shiny thing now.

Dark Koopa: Fine.

(Dark Koopa hands Thumbs a piece of alluminum foil. Thumbs stares at it for a long time.)

Dark Koopa: Well?

Thumbs: Woowho! This stuff is awesome!

Pink: How did you get into Hotel Delfino?

King Boo: I trapped the owner of the place in a painting.

Dark Koopa: But wasn't the owner outside when Mario was talking to him?

King Boo: That wasn't the owner. That was some crazy Pianta who thinks he's the owner.

Dark Koopa: Sounds like Nintendo left out some stuff again.

Thumbs: What's the deal with capturing Luigi in Mario 64 DS?

King Boo: Well, I wanted revenge, so I kidnapped Luigi while he wasn't looking and stuck him in a mirror within a maze within a painting within a Boo.

Thumbs: Which was within a garden that was within a castle that was-

(Thumbs is hit over the head with a hunk of wood.)

Thumbs: I did it again, didn't I?

(Pink puts away the wood.)

Pink: Yup.

Dark Koopa: So how was he able to defeat you so easily?

King Boo: Like all Boos, I get hurt if hit from behind. Because of the low ceiling in the room, I wasn't able to float high enough to avoid their attacks.

Thumbs: Why'd you change areas of the mirror with each hit?

King Boo: Well, if I'm getting beat up by one guy, I may as well try my luck with the other guy. Because they were linked by hitting the mirror, they shared HP. I thought if I could get the weaker one, they'd both fall.

Thumbs: Before you put Luigi in that mirror within a maze within a-

(Pink takes out the hunk of wood.)

Thumbs: Uh... I mean before you trapped Luigi, did you at least drop something heavy on him?

King Boo: No. Why?

Thumbs: *sigh* Never mind.

Dark Koopa: So how did Luigi beat you in Luigi's Mansion, again?

Pink: As if we don't know.

King Boo: With the vacuum of doom!

Dark Koopa: The vacuum of doom, huh? Sounds interesting.

King Boo: Nah, I'm kidding. It was just the Poltergust 3000.

Thumbs: How did you become a king anyway?

King Boo: Didn't I answer this in some other Interview before?

Pink: Well, refresh our memory.

King Boo: Blah... The Boos have a contest now and then to see who can scare the most people in a certain amount of time. I'm 499-year champion!

Pink: Sounds like a bragger to me.

King Boo: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Pink: Only WE ask the questions here, thank you!

Dark Koopa: Anyway, where'd you get that crown?

King Boo: I got it from a vending machine...

Dark Koopa: Oh, real nice.

Thumbs: It's time for audience questions.

Dark Koopa: Hey, I decide when it's time for audience questions.

Thumbs: Fine.

Dark Koopa: It's time for audience questions.

Thumbs: ...

Pink: Seat 100.

Dark Koopa: Hey, I choose the seat.

Pink: Fine.

Dark Koopa: Seat 100.

Pink: ...

Dark Koopa: I should do this more often. I love it when you two don't talk.

Goomba: Why did the Boos under you in Hotel Delfino hardly try to attack or even turn invisible when Mario was looking at them?

King Boo: We had a drinking party the night before, so everyone was still pretty drunk. Like I was.

Thumbs: Remember kids; don't drink, it's bad for you!

Pink: Yeah, if you get drunk then fat Italian plumbers will come and jump on your head.

Dark Koopa: What is this, a commercial? Seat 58.

Dumb Goomba: No one on the stage has ears.

Everyone Onstage: I heard that!

(Everyone on the stage beats up Dumb Goomba.)

Dumb Goomba: How can you beat me if we're not playing a game?

Dark Koopa: Seat 1.

Waluigi: Wah!

Dark Koopa: Seat 2.

Waluigi: Wah!

Dark Koopa: *sigh* Seat 3.

Waluigi: Wah!

Dark Koopa: Will you shut up? And quit changing seats.

Waluigi: I'm not. Your voice is just scary!

Dark Koopa: You didn't scream before when I was talking.

Waluigi: I was. It's just that the script writer didn't feel like writing in all my screams.

Dark Koopa: Fine.

(Dark Koopa blows up a balloon and inhales the air in it.)

Dark Koopa: (in a squeaky voice) Happy?

Waluigi: Wah!

Dark Koopa: Forget it. Seat 4.

Lemmy: How did you get those enemies and stuff for the roulette?

King Boo: I scared them. While they were stunned, I hid them in a special machine under the roulette.

Pink: How'd they get out?

King Boo: When a certain code appears on the roulette, a door opens for different stuff.

Pink: That's actually smart.

Dark Koopa: Yeah, what gives?

King Boo: Watch it.

Thumbs: Seat 9.

Ludwig: What were you in your past life?

King Boo: I was Bowser's great great grandfather.

Pink: Wow, Koopas can live for a long time.

Dark Koopa: How come you hate Bowser then?

King Boo: Morton Sr. disowned me. I'm still mad.

Thumbs: Seat 79.

Fat guy in a little coat: (singing) Fat guy in a little coat. Fat guy in a little coat.

Pink: Oh yeah? (singing) Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care.

Galvar: Pacific Bell?

Pink: Die!

Dark Koopa: I wish you'd just kill him already and put an end to this old gag.

Pink: Nah.

Thumbs: Deat 12.

Dark Koopa: What's a deat?

Thumbs: Great, we got people insulting typos in the same submission the typo was made in. SEAT 12.

Larry: How come you've appeared in so many recent games?

King Boo: I bribe them loads to make games that I appear in.

Thumbs: Maybe I should bribe Nintendo to make that game I starred in.

Dark Koopa: You never starred in any games!

Thumbs: Or did I?

Pink: ... Quee?

Dark Koopa: *sigh* No, you didn't. Seat 18.

Paratroopa: How were you able to get every special in Double Dash?

King Boo: Me and Petey used some Magikoopa wands to get whatever special we wanted.

Paratroopa: Cheater!

King Boo: Why are you complaining? We still got last place.

Pink: YOU got last place? But your car is awesome!

King Boo: It is?

Pink: Can I have it?

King Boo: It's the losing car. Sure.

(Later, Pink is seen speeding past everyone in King Boo's car.)

Petey Piranha: ... I told you that you should've let ME drive.

(Luigi dives at Petey Piranha. Thumbs drops a piano on him.)

Thumbs: You got any family members besides Bow?

King Boo: I think I may have a nephew. He was always really blue all the time though.

Blue Boo: Very funny.

Dark Koopa: How come you don't fade away when we're looking at you right now?

King Boo: Well, usually Boos turn invisible because they don't want to get hurt, but I know you aren't going to hurt me. Right?

Pink: Depends on how you answer the following question: Do you like Yoshis?

King Boo: Of course I like Yoshis.

Pink: Yay!

King Boo: I mean, in SMW, the Yoshis were afraid to go into the ghost houses. There were no Yoshis that would stand up to me in SMS. Yoshi couldn't get to me in SM64DS. Why would I hate something that's a total coward? WHA HA HA HA!

...

Dark Koopa: Ooo, that's gonna leave a mark.

King Boo: What's gonna leave a mark?

Pink: ... QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

*Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap Slap*

Blue Boo: Some cameo, I only got one line!

Thumbs: Actually, that makes it two lines.

Dark Koopa: So? If you had another line, it'd probably be about pie anyway.

Blue Boo: So what? Pie is good!

Thumbs: Three lines.

Dark Koopa: Pie is so overused now, though.

Blue Boo: But I was the original pie user!

Thumbs: Four lines.

Dark Koopa: Too bad! You're only getting one line and that's final!

Blue Boo: ...

Thumbs: ... Uh... Dark?

Dark Koopa: Time to wrap things up here. You almost done slapping King Boo?

Pink: Just *slap* a little *slap* more. *slap*

King Boo: I am in extreme pain right now.

Thumbs: We got time, we'll wait.

Hours pass...

Dark Koopa: Almost done?

Pink: Quee! *slap* There, I'm done.

Thumbs: Where is King Boo?

Pink: Oops, I think I slapped him into nonexistance... again...

Dark Koopa: I lose more interviewees that way.

Yellow: (handcuffed to the last seat) End transmission. I didn't even get a line...