Dark Koopa: Well, I think everything's back to normal now. That problem has been taken care of.
In the back row...

Pink: Move from that seat and you're dead.

Yellow: *grumble*

Dark Koopa: Anyway, who am I interviewing today?

Thumbs: Your former secretary, Susan.

Dark Koopa: Ooo. In that case, you're doing this Interview too.

Thumbs: Do I have to?

Dark Koopa: Yes.

Susan: (to Thumbs) I hate you.

Dark Koopa: I see there's lots of love in the room.

Peach: Love? Where?

Dark Koopa: Inside this cannon.

Peach: Okay!

(Peach goes inside the cannon and gets blasted into oblivion.)

Dark Koopa: Who set that on automatic?

Susan: Naw, I'm kidding. I never really wanted that job in the first place.

Dark Koopa: Aww, there's goes my conflict.

Thumbs: Okay, first question: What does the B in your name stand for?

Susan: Beautiful of course! The name fits, right?

Thumbs: I can't comment.

Dark Koopa: Why do you like Larry so much?

Susan: I don't see why I shouldn't. We have so much in common and we're about the same size and age. Not to mention he's so cute.

Larry: Is there room in that cannon for me?

Dark Koopa: You are aware it's going to-

Larry: I don't care!

(Larry goes inside the cannon and gets blasted into oblivion.)

Dark Koopa: Well?

Susan: Well what?

Dark Koopa: Aren't you going to go after him?

Susan: Look, I may love him, but I'm not stupid.

Dark Koopa: Really? You seem rather unintelligent when you're around him.

Susan: Love will make you do stupid things.

Thumbs: I hear that.

Dumb Goomba: How can you hear without any ears?

One piano dropping later...

Thumbs: So what's the deal with you and Morton?

Susan: Well, I recently found out he liked me. A lot. But do I like him? No, sorry.

Morton: Aww...

Thumbs: Then why are you around him so much?

Susan: I know it doesn't sound like it, but Morton babbles out a lot of useful information.

Morton: Yeah! Like one time I went to this store and I asked the clerk how to get to Alaska, but he told me to buzz off, so I made some buzzing noises. Then I asked him again and he told me the meaning of life. You want to know what it is? It's-

Dark Koopa: Pink!

(Morton runs out of the studio.)

Dark Koopa: You seem to like underground areas a lot. Why is that?

Susan: Well, I love jewels. And lots of jewels can be found underground so...

Thumbs: What's with the diamond in your bow?

Susan: It's the first jewel I ever dug up. I put it in my bow to remember it.

Thumbs: I assume you always wear the same bow. Why do you wear one anyway?

Susan: Well, I idolize my cousin Wendy. And since she wears a bow, I think I should too.

Dark Koopa: How did you obtain Underground Land?

Susan: Larry gave it to me for leaving him alone for a month. It wasn't worth it.

Thumbs: If Wart's a frog, why don't you look like one?

Susan: I was born before he got turned into one.

Dark Koopa: Why haven't you ever fought the Marios?

Susan: I never got the chance. I was too young when they fought my dad. And Bowser never lets me get involved when he fights them.

Thumbs: Why do you visit your cousins so often?

Susan: I need to play with someone. There's nothing do at my house and Nick's always trying to kill me.

Dark Koopa: That's all we have for today.

Susan: Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find Larry.

(Susan goes into the cannon and gets blasted into oblivion.)

Dark Koopa: That was stupid.

Thumbs: Love will make you do stupid things.

Dark Koopa: I guess. I really need to get rid of this cannon.

Mario: I'm-a Mario!

Dark Koopa: But not yet.

(Dark Koopa gets an evil look. The screen then goes black because the next scene has way too much broccoli to be seen my public eyes.)

Lemmy: This is worse than the camera bit...

(A giant piece of broccoli smashes the camera.)

Lemmy: ... End transmission.