Dark Koopa: I'm back from the hospital!

(Crickets chirp.)

Dark Koopa: That's getting old. So, who am I interviewing today?

Thumbs: Dry Bones.

Dark Koopa: I'm sure that's someone Dracula could relate to.

Dracula: I'm going to suck your blood!

The Count: Two times. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Dark Koopa: That's nice. So, what are you basically?

Dry Bones: I'm the remains of dead Koopas.

Dark Koopa: So if I died, I would become a Dry Bones?

Dry Bones: Maybe. Maybe not. Dead Koopas only become Dry Bones if a Magikoopa puts a spell on them.

Dark Koopa: Aww. Just when I was looking forward to death. In what ways can you be defeated? I imagine it would be difficult to beat something undead.

Dry Bones: I can be destroyed by a raccoon tail, fire, or a swing of the cape.

Dark Koopa: What about being stomped on?

Dry Bones: It only disassembles us. We reassemble after a few seconds.

Dark Koopa: How do you do that?

Dry Bones: The Magikoopa spell also gave us the power to regenerate our bodies. However, we cannot regenerate if we are turned to ash.

Dark Koopa: How come fire couldn't hurt you in earlier games?

Dry Bones: Some Dry Bones revolted after Mario World, so Bowser forced the Magikoopas to weaken their spells, making us weak to fire.

Dark Koopa: That was dumb. Anyway, where can Dry Bones be found?

Dry Bones: Usually in fortresses. Sometimes we tread outside though.

Dark Koopa: How are you treated in the Koopa army?

Dry Bones: We used to be high-ranked castle guards, but now we are treated like garbage because we once worked for Cackletta.

(Screaming can be heard from the audience, followed by maniacal laughing.)

Dark Koopa: I know. It's awful. Why'd you work for Cackletta?

Dry Bones: Something called a Beanie convinced us to work for her. They said we'd be treated better. We were not.

Pink: Ow, my neck!

Dracula: Mmm.

Dark Koopa: We need more action.

Thumbs: My neck hurts.

Dark Koopa: And I don't mean Dracula biting people.

Dracula: Must. Have. Blood.

Dark Koopa: Then go to a blood bank or something. They give out free cookies.

Audience: Cookies?

(Half the audience runs out of the studio.)

The Count: Two cookies. Two. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Dark Koopa: Morons. Why do all Dry Bones look the same except in different games?

Dry Bones: We have to be a distinct size and shape for the spell to work, so the Magikoopas make us all look the same. However, the spell changes with each game, changing our looks.

(Moaning can be heard.)

Dark Koopa: Come on. My Interviews aren't that bad.

(It can now be seen that everyone still in the studio except Dark Koopa is now undead and approaching the stage.)

Dark Koopa: I knew I shouldn't have let those vampires in here.

The Count: Two vampires. Two. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Dark Koopa: Shut up!

(Dark Koopa blasts The Count with a cannon.)

Dry Bones: At least I'm safe.

(Pink floats onto the stage and stomps on Dry Bones.)

Dry Bones: Darn it.

Dark Koopa: Well, I'm going to die, so I guess that's all we have for today.

(The zombies dive at Dark Koopa. The screen freezes for some idiotic reason.)

Narrarator: Will Thumbs, Pink, and those other characters be returned to normal?

Yellow: Just because I'm in the back seat, it doesn't mean I'm minor!

Thumbs: When do we get to move again?

Dark Koopa: Next Interview.

Thumbs: Aww man, this position hurts.

Narrarator: Will Dark Koopa survive? Hopefully not.

Dark Koopa: Hey!

Narrarator: Find out next time on-

Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!

Dracula: Ooo, fresh victim.

Lemmy: Eep!