Susan: Aha! I have one more Interview in my contract and I want it now.
Dark Koopa: Fine. Whatever. I'm out of here.
(Dark Koopa leaves the room, looking sort of depressed.)
Thumbs: What's wrong with him?
Pink: I don't know.
Thumbs: Let's go cheer him up.
Pink: Okay.
Susan: Today I interview Morton. First question: Do you like me?
Morton: No, yes, of course not, maybe, no way, possibly, there's a chance.
Susan: Answer that question.
Morton: Yes. I do. I guess it's because you're pretty.
Susan: I am, aren't I? Too bad Larry's the only one for me. Why do you talk so much?
Morton: Because I was ignored when I was born. All my parents cared about was Wendy. Wendy Wendy Wendy. So I talked all the time to get attention. Now I can't stop even if I try.
Susan: Why are you so big for your age?
Morton: I like to eat a lot. I'll eat just about anything but my favorite food is-
Susan: Wedding cake?
Morton: Um, no. I'm over that whole wedding cake nonsense. My favorite food is cheeseburgers.
Susan: Why couldn't you shake the floor like Roy and Ludwig in Mario 3?
Morton: CHEESEBURGERS!
Susan: Uhh...
Morton: Sorry. Bad habit, problem- Err... The reason is because I didn't have a lot of strength to go with my size. However, by Mario World I got strong enough to shake the floor.
Susan: How were you able to walk on the walls in Mario World?
Morton: I had rolls of duct tape on my feet.
***
Thumbs: What's the matter?
Dark Koopa: I just have a lot to think about right now.
Thumbs: Well we're going to cheer you up.
Dark Koopa: You don't have to do that.
Pink: But we insist. Here's some soup.
Thumbs: I made soup too.
(Pink looks suspiciously at Thumbs.)
Dark Koopa: I don't want any soup.
Pink: How about some pie? Everyone loves pie.
(Pink takes out a pie, and so does Thumbs.)
Dark Koopa: I'm not hungry.
Pink: Well, I've prepared a song for you.
(Pink takes out a guitar.)
Dark Koopa: Please don't. I just want
to be alone.
Pink: (singing)
Oh, Jimmy cracked corn and I don't
care
Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care
Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care...
I have a staff made of ice.
Thumbs: Can I borrow the guitar, Pink?
Pink: I guess.
Thumbs: (singing)
Kumbiyah, my lord. Kumbiyah
Kumbiyah-
(Pink takes the guitar and breaks it in half.)
Pink: Stop stealing my ideas!
Thumbs: I know what Dark needs. A good hug.
Pink: Yeah.
(Dark Koopa runs out of the room and down the halls, screaming.)
Pink: Good going.
Dark Koopa: Those two are insane!
***
Susan: Why are you such a darker color than your siblings?
Morton: Because I spend a lot of time in the sun and I got a tan from it. I got a castle in Desert Land, you know.
Susan: That's nice, but I don't care. Why are you nearly bald?
Morton: Roy ripped out most of my hair when I was younger. It never grew back.
Susan: Time for audience questions. But there's no audience.
Morton: Why?
Susan: Because this is Dark Koopa's studio.
Lemmy: Nuh uh! This is Lemmy's Interview Show!
Morton: Will you go out with me?
Susan: No. End transmission.
Lemmy: The plot thickens.
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