Dark Koopa: Well, that was enjoyable.
Thumbs: Being stuck in a closet?
Dark Koopa: No. That was not enjoyable at all.
Thumbs: Then what was enjoyable?
Dark Koopa: I forgot.
Thumbs: Okay.
Dark Koopa: Anyhow, welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Dark Koopa: Today, my guest is Spania.
Thumbs: Okay.
Lemmy: Hey, wait...
Dark Koopa: Yes?
Lemmy: Aren't you going to react negatively to me calling this my show?
Dark Koopa: Nope.
Lemmy: I HATE YOU FOREVER!
(Lemmy runs out of the studio.)
Thumbs: Okay.
Dark Koopa: Before the Interview, I've noticed that lately people seem to like having a random Pokemon appear and do something, so I shall follow that trend with... Koffing!
Koffing: Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing!
Gloomtail: I already wish to destroy Koffing.
Koffing: ...
Gloomtail: Oh, sorry. I meant, Koffing!
Thumbs: Is Koffing going to do anything but say Koffing?!
Dark Koopa: No.
Thumbs: Okay.
Koffing: Koffing!
Dark Koopa: Now, Spania, what are you?
Spania: I am a failed experiment created by the X-Nauts, along with versions Spinia and Spunia. We were replaced by Yux.
Thumbs: Okay.
Dark Koopa: Then why are there so many of you?
Spania: The X-Nauts thought we were fine at the time... until we fought someone. I'm told I am weaker than a Koopa Troopa, a low-class soldier working for Bowser.
Koopa Troopa: I am offended.
Thumbs: Okay.
Koopa Troopa: No, really.
Dark Koopa: Deal with it, nerd. Anyhow, if you were a failed experiment, why didn't Grodus get rid of you?
Spania: He was going to, but made the mistake of giving Crump the task. Crump put all of us in boxes, then he put the boxes in the teleporter and sent us to Rogueport Sewers. We broke out of the boxes, eventually, and made the sewers our new home.
Koffing: Koffing!
Dark Koopa: Yes yes, you are a Koffing.
Koffing: ...
Dark Koopa: Koffing!
Koffing: Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing! Koffing!
Dark Koopa: Right, enough of that. Why do Spanias and Spunias have spikes, but not Spinias?
Spania: Spinias were made first, and after a few were produced, the X-Nauts decided spikes would make them more dangerous, so future models included spikes.
Dark Koopa: Spunias are actually pretty powerful, much more powerful than your basic Yux, at least. Why were they thrown out?
Spania: Disobedience. They wouldn't listen to the X-Nauts, so Crump tossed them in some pit or something.
Dark Koopa: What exactly are you, anyway?
Spania: Robotic discs connected by wires. Yeah, not much else to say.
Thumbs: Okay.
Spania: Is he all right?
Thumbs: I'm okay.
Spania: Just checking.
Gloomtail: That's it, I've had it! I crushed 50 audience members for a seat and I get this?! Where's the violence, the action, the drama, the romance?
Koffing: Koffing!
Gloomtail: And I've had it with that stupid Pokemon! Why are you so stupid you can't say something else?
Koffing: Koffing...
Gloomtail: Oh... Well, I didn't mean it that way.
Koffing: Koffing... Koffing.
Gloomtail: Ah... I didn't know. I'm sor- WHAT AM I DOING?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! Get out of here (stalker)!
Koffing: Koffing!
(Koffing exits.)
Dark Koopa: Aww.
Thumbs: Okay.
Gloomtail: And stop saying okay!
Thumbs: Okay.
Gloomtail: I mean it!
Thumbs: Okay.
Gloomtail: ...
(Gloomtail's eyes narrow.)
Dark Koopa: Quick! A distraction!
Count Blacula: RANDOM DISTRACTION!
Thumbs: Okay.
Dark Koopa: There we go. Now, Spania, how come you appeared in Super Paper Mario? It didn't take place in Rogueport.
Spania: While it seemed Count Blacula only kidnapped Luigi, Peach, Bowser, and Bowser's minions, he actually kidnapped people from all over the place, Rogueport sewers included. He mostly just got Goombas and Spanias from there though.
Gloomtail: That didn't distract me at all!
Dark Koopa: Pura, get him!
Gloomtail: You already tried that. Why do you think I'm full?
Dark Koopa: You went to Burger King?
Gloomtail: No, you dolt. I had a Yoshi snack.
Dark Koopa: That's mean.
Gloomtail: Yes, it is.
Thumbs: Okay.
Dark Koopa: Well, back to the Interview!
Gloomtail: ...
Dark Koopa: How come Bleck only kidnapped Spanias?
Spania: Spunias only live in the Pit of 100 Trials, where Bleck did not go. As for Spinias, they're few in number as is. Mario only made it worse, so I assume there's next to none left to even kidnap.
Gloomtail: What do I have to do to get some attention around here?!
Dark Koopa: Kill Mario?
Thumbs: Okay.
Dark Koopa: Not you.
Gloomtail: Gladly.
(Gloomtail approaches Mario in the audience and attempts to stomp him, but Mario punches him in the stomach and he coughs up Pura.)
Dark Koopa: Hi.
Pura: Eww...
Gloomtail: Owww! He hit me!
Dark Koopa: Yeah, he does that. So Spania, what exactly do you do all day?
Spania: We're only programmed to do two things: spin and attack. There isn't really anyone to attack anymore, so we just spin around and do nothing else, all day, every day.
Dark Koopa: Wow, you live a pretty miserable life.
Spania: Yeah...
Dark Koopa: You should probably kill yourself.
Thumbs: Okay.
Dark Koopa: While I wasn't talking to you, it probably wouldn't be a bad idea.
Spania: ...
(Spania spins off sadly. The audience "Awwwws" until about a third of them are stomped on by Gloomtail, Mario included.)
Gloomtail: Ha! I've killed him! I don't see what all the fuss was about... That wasn't so hard.
(Gloomtail would then lift his paw to find Mario, of course, still alive.)
Mario: Hi.
Gloomtail: WHAT?!
Mario: Extra lives.
Gloomtail: That's not fair!
Mario: Life isn't fair. Deal with it.
Dark Koopa: Nerd.
Gloomtail: ...
(Gloomtail's eyes narrow again.)
Dark Koopa: (singing) And I ran.
Thumbs: (singing) I ran so far away.
Pura: (singing) I just ran.
Dark Koopa, Thumbs, and Pura: (all singing) I ran all night and day.
Gloomtail: And you couldn't get away. Yes, I know the song.
Dark Koopa: Hm, better end this now before mass genocide occurs.
Thumbs: Okay.
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