Prologue

Bowser stands in his living room, explaining something to his seven children.

"And so you see," he concludes, "I'm sending one of you to sail out and take Cortez's treasure. So, who's it gonna be?"

"I'd love to!" yells Ludwig in response. "Think of all the things I could learn from that treasure!"

"Same here!" Iggy says excitedly.

"I'd get a buncha new stories to tell if I went!" Morton breaks in.

"I love water!" shouts Wendy.

"It'd be awesome to get to fight a big skeleton dude like him," says Roy.

"What a chance to discover new plants!" says Larry.

"Eh, I'd rather stay home," Lemmy mumbles.

"All right, that settles it," Bowser says. "Lemmy, you're going!"

"AW!" all seven Koopalings groan in response.

"Hey, don't complain," replies Bowser to his other six Koopalings, "Since Lemmy'll be doing that, you all can help me with my other anime-parodying shenanigans! Now then, we'll need some midgets that can shoot lasers..."

Later, Lemmy has made his way to the Dark Land Docks. Tired and hungry from his roll over here, he enters a nearby tavern to rest up. Inside, Knife Guy is telling some random Koopas about what he's been doing since Grate Guy built that casino of his.

"So yeah, I went into pirating, and he said, That's so cool!, and I said, I know!, and then I actually went pirating, and I acted like a pirate, and I stole stuff like a pirate, including this really nifty looking fruit that will probably prevent scurvy or something," Knife Guy tells them, sounding almost as annoying as Morton. However, Lemmy doesn't care too much about how annoying he is. Instead, he's looking straight at the large fruit that Knife Guy had left sitting on a table.

"Lemmy... senses... tingling..."

Lemmy grabs the fruit as soon as the clown turns his back and downs it in one bite, then realizes what he's done and quietly slips out of the tavern. Outside he finds himself feeling... different. Almost like rubber or something.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! WHO STOLE MY FRUIT?!" Knife Guy wails from inside the tavern.

"Uh oh," Lemmy says to himself. Knife Guy immediately barges out of the tavern, and Lemmy rolls away as fast as his ball can take him. However, as he approaches the lava-like water, Lemmy slips and falls in.

"No problem, I can just swim!" Lemmy tells himself. However, when he tries to swim, it's like some abnormality is preventing him from doing so. Lemmy still doesn't think it's a problem, as he can just float, but a gigantic Boss Bass leaps out of the water and jumps right at the Koopaling!

"Hang on, bud, I'll save ya!" Knife Guy calls out, temporarily putting the matter of Lemmy eating the fruit aside. Knife Guy jumps off of his ball, into the water, and shields Lemmy with his own body. The next few moments are a blur, but Knife Guy and Lemmy both make it out.

"Woah, thanks for saving me back..." Lemmy starts to say, but then notices that Knife Guy's left arm is missing.

"Oh, you noticed the arm? Lost it five seconds ago, when I was trying to save you from that titanic tuna fish back there," Knife Guy explains. "Don't worry about it, though. This give me more opportunities to practice one-arm juggling!"

Lemmy replies with a dazed, "Okay," and then begins to wonder what the deal is with the fruit he has eaten.

I wonder... maybe this fruit's magical or something...

Lemmy starts to roll away, but then he hears somebody calling out after him. "Wait up! I heard you were looking for Cortez's treasure to make King Bowser proud!" Knife Guy says. "In that case, take my hat. Take it with you, and wear it proudly."

"But I don't want to wear that stinky old cap!" Lemmy cries out.

"DO IT!" Knife Guy yells. He then proceeds to pull out some duct tape and stick the hat onto Lemmy's head. Knowing that fighting with this one-armed bandit wouldn't really do much, Lemmy just accepts the fact he has to wear the hat and goes to find a ship.

The Koopaling walks through town, eventually spotting a huge ship that is pulling into the harbor. He sees on the side that it is called the Marykoop.

"What a stupid name," Lemmy mumbles, then begins wondering something.

Should I do the right thing and buy it, or surcumb to temptation and steal it? What a no brainer!

Lemmy then knocks the people who are standing in his way into the water as he makes his way onboard. The captain, being the brave man he is, pulls out a sword and tells the Koopaling that he has to defeat him first if he wants command of the ship for himself. However, Lemmy merely pulls out his Freeze Gun and transforms the captain into a living ice sculpture and throws him off the ship as well. The rest of the crew, seeing this, flees in terror, leaving only Lemmy onboard.

"Okay, cool. Heh heh, I'm so good at puns."

Lemmy then somehow manages to set up the entire ship by himself, and sets sail for that one place.

Chapter 1

"This is actually quite easier than it looks," Lemmy tells himself out loud as he steers the ship out into the sea.

"Of course, the fact that I can clone myself may have something to do with how good I am doing so far," a clone of his butts in.

"Maybe," replies one of the clones, the one sitting in the Eagle's Nest, in a sarcastic tone.

"Hey, is that another ship over there?" a third clone asks, pointing into the distance. A ship certainly is visible. Feeling the need to check out what is going on, Lemmy sails over towards it.

Meanwhile, on that very same ship, Bowyer is seen scrubbing the deck for a mysterious and rather large lady.

"Scrub the entire ship, and don't miss a spot!" the woman demands.

"Join the Navy, I should have...." Bowyer mutters to himself as he continues to clean.

"What was that, you dirty archer?" the woman asks in an angry tone.

"Oh, nothing," Bowyer replies while still scrubbing.

"You had better be right," the woman tells him as she walks off.

Lemmy's ships anchors and, when given the opportunity, he boards the ship. Seeing the woman and Bowyer, he mutters, "The love train is making another run. The love train has something for everyone," before moving forward enough for them to readily notice him.

"What are you doing onboard my ship?!" the woman asks sternly.

"Oh, just to beat you up, take your treasure, and use it to pay for things I need to get to Keelhaul Key. The usual," Lemmy tells her.

"Well, you're not getting anything but a knuckle sandwich from me!" the woman yells as she steps into the light and reveals herself to be-

"Miss Petunia the Portrait Ghost?!" Lemmy gasps. "Didn't that green brother of Mario capture you and turn you into a painting?"

"Well, I somehow managed to get out of that infernal 2D prison after all this time. I also stole a can of Sunlight Repellant, in case you're wondering how I can live in broad daylight," Miss Petunia explains.

"Whatever," Lemmy replies. "Now, get ready to feel my icy wrath!" Lemmy then charges straight at Miss Petunia, but is quickly smacked away. Somehow, though, he bounces around like a rubber ball and knocks himself right into the ghost before stopping.

How on Plit did I do that? Lemmy wonders.

"Augh! Are you made of rubber or something?! Ah well..." The ghost swoops in, slamming her ghostly body on Lemmy in a similar fashion to how Flurrie does it.

Oh DAD, I'm going to die! Lemmy thinks to himself as he sees the poltergeist fall on top of him. However, the Koopaling then realizes he isn't actually feeling that much pain. It is as if he really is rubber, and is just harmlessly absorbing the blow...

The ghost floats off, assuming that Lemmy has been crushed, and is amazed to find that he is fine besides having been stretched out a bit- stretched out?!

"I don't know what's going on, but oh well!"

Lemmy runs in for a slash, but trips, begins rolling, and hits the ghost hard, bouncing off and hitting the handle of the ship, off which he bounces and hits one more time.

"WOW!" Bowyer shouts from nearby. "Win, you can! Believe in you, Lemmy, I do!"

"Oh, shut up! You're working for me, remem-" Miss Petunia begins to shout at the archer, but is then hit by another of Lemmy's bounces.

The ghost huffs a few times, then merely turns into a cloud of vapor and flees.

"Very much, I thank you," Bowyer says whilst forcing a handshake on Lemmy, who merely thinks one thing.

Why didn't I just use my clones for that instead?

Chapter 2

Later that day, Lemmy agrees to sail Bowyer to the Navy so he can sign up and live a better life than he did when under Miss Petunia's control. Lemmy is about to leave, wondering why he did something so pointless, when he reads a flyer pinned up on the wall:

ATTENTION!
There will be a hanging at noon today for a man guilty of treason, murder, and square dancing in a circular room. All Navy Officers must attend.
Signed, the head of the Navy

"Cool!" Lemmy comments after reading the flyer. "It's almost noon already! I'd better hurry up if I want to see this!"

Lemmy walks to the town square and there sees a Jawful standing on top of a pole that is very high off the ground. A noose is tied around his, um, body.

"Any last words?" one of the members of the Navy asks of him.

"Not reall- oh, um, I mean, yeah. This!"

The Jawful spits a small fork out of his mouth that he apparently had hidden under his tongue. Using his mouth, the Jawful slashes the rope that is around his body and wrists, then begins running off as quickly as possible with the many men giving chase.

Hey, this is cool! Lemmy thinks to himself as he watches the action from where he is standing.

Lemmy follows, watching as the Jawful easily takes out every man who cacthes up to him, using his fork to wield off his assailants. However, Jawful quickly tires from running such a long distance. He sees the various Navy Officers approaching, but isn't strong enough to walk any further. Just as the officers almost have Jawful, Lemmy bounces right into them and knocks them out!

"Why did you do that?" Jawful politely asks.

"Well, anyone who gets that many officers to follow him during a chase isn't bad in my book!" Lemmy tells him. "Hey, want to come to my ship and relax for a bit? After a bunch of fights like that, I know that I'd be tired, too!"

The two return to the ship and began talking inside the cabin.

"So, what's your name, Jawful?" asked Lemmy.

"Jawful."

"Nice to see your parents were creative with naming you."

"Tell me about it. So, what is your goal anyway?"

"Well, my dad sent me to steal Cortez's treasure, so I'm going to do just that... and, of course, pocket some for myself."

"Wait, do you mean you're a pirate?!" Jawful gasps.

"Yeah, but it's not like I plan to kill helpless people! ... Well, I made a guy lose an arm when he rescued me, and a fat ghost somehow bounced off me and flew far into the distance, but those are technicalities!" Lemmy explains.

"So... you're a good pirate or something?" Jawful asks.

"Well, I guess so," Lemmy answers.

"... I've never heard of anything like this before. All of the pirates I have met in my various journeys have always been cruel to villagers and would do anything for treasure. Actually, the reason I was going to be hanged was because I killed such vile and despicable characters. I did them a favor, and they mistake it as a crime," Jawful explains.

"Yeah, I know what you're talking about," Lemmy replies. "Just a week ago, me and my brother Iggy fixed King Dad breakfast. Sure, we actually spilled a pound too much yeast into the pancakes and the entire kitchen was covered in dough for three days. But, it's the thought that counts!"

"I suppose," Jawful answers. "So, how many people do you have in your crew? 7? 8? Possibly 15?"

"Well, if you don't count my clones, and if you join, then that means... I'd have two people!"

"WHAT?!" Jawful yells out. "You're supposed to be a pirate, and the only crew you have is made of various copies of yourself?!"

"Yeah, more or less," Lemmy answers.

"... Okay, I'll join you, but only because I feel sorry for you," Jawful tells the Koopaling.

"Sure, that's what they all say."

"Shut up. Well, anyway, what are we going to do now?"

"Well, before we leave I promised I'd get this freaky bow-bean thing I saved a spot in the Navy."

"I don't think it'd be wise to hold up to that promise..."

"Whoever said I was wise?"

"Good point."

"However, I do have a plan," Lemmy tells him. Lemmy then reaches into his shell and pulls out a red pillow, some markers, tape, and a small fork.

"Why do you have those items in your shell?" Jawful asks.

"I'm not too certain, but once I'm done, you'll be glad I have them!"

Later, the Navy Officers are still scouting the area, and have blocked off all sea travel in the area. However, one of the officers then spots something in the distance. After heading towards it, he notices that it's Jawful tied up in ropes! Well, he thinks it also may be a red pillow with eyes scribbled on and a small fork taped to the side, which it actually is, but he is too excited that the murderer has been caught to notice it.

"Who is the man that captured this criminal?" the Navy Officer asks everyone in the area.

"Twas I, Bowyer the Archer! NYA!" Bowyer tells the officer as he walks towards him. "Captured the murderer, I did! Wish to be a Navy Officer, I do! Become one, may I please?"

"Yeah... um, sure," the officer replies.

So, one thing just leads to another. Bowyer joins the Navy for bringing in "Jawful". The Navy then decides to just stuff "Jawful" into a tightly sealed box and throw him out into the ocean to die. The real Jawful then joins Lemmy's two-man and multi-clone crew, due to the fact that no other ship would probably take him. And, after Jawful is appointed First Mate, Lemmy feels that he is one step closer to Cortez's treasure already.

Chapter 3

Lemmy and Jawful walk off the Marykoop, having arrived in a small town a few islands from their last stop. Looking around the town, they don't see any inherent danger, besides the fact that Captain Syrup is sitting on a set of steps, counting a bag of coins for one reason or another.

"Money, money, money, money, money!" Syrup mumbles to herself. "I love money! Money here, money there! I can't get enough of the stuff! Too bad it's going to be taken away, though."

Lemmy happens to hear the mumbling and approaches Syrup. "What do you mean, your money's going to be taken away?"

"Well," Syrup explains, "this town has been captured by an evil pirate clown. Every day, the most powerful member of his crew comes and steals our gold for his own use."

"Well, I can't stand that! I deserve to be a pirate clown more than he does! I'll teach that lackey he's going to send down here a thing or two, and then he'll know who he's dealing with!"

Just then, the ground begins to shake. A guy on a gigantic Buzzy Beetle stomps down the street and stops in front of the three. Syrup drops her coins and heads towards the docks. Jawful pulls out three forks, and makes a fighting pose. Lemmy, however, can do nothing but think about what a big mouth he has.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Syrup asks. "Go ahead and take 'im out!"

"Um... okay."

Jawful rushes in at the Buzzy Beetle and starts slashing away with the forks, but the attack doesn't phase the Beetle because of its shell. The creature slaps Jawful away easily, and Lemmy merely chuckles nervously and mumbles, "Note to self: don't ever say something like that again."

Meanwhile, Syrup has reached the docks and hopped aboard the Marrykoop, as it is the only ship there at the moment. Syrup then hides below deck, and spies something that almost makes her cry in joy. There, as if waiting just for her, is all of the treasure that Lemmy had pilfered from Miss Petunia. And I tell you, it is a lot of gold!

Finally, I can pay for a guy who can knock off Wario for good! Syrup thinks to herself as she pulls out some sacks from nearby and begins to stuff the gold into them.

Back with Lemmy and Jawful, they still haven't caused a single dent in the shell. The figure on the Buzzy Beetle merely laughs at their failing attempts.

"How stupid are you two? You can't hurt the shell of a Buzzy Beetle!"

"Well, we can try!" Jawful yells as he unleashes another long string of slashes.

Does he WANT to die or something?! Lemmy thinks while watching the Jawful's attack.

Just then, Syrup runs by, somehow carrying all of Lemmy's treasure! Lemmy, obviously angry at the Wario-hater, begins to chase her down the street. However, Lemmy trips once more, and bounces right into Syrup! Then, Lemmy flies backwards, and bounces off of the Buzzy Beetle with so much force that it topples over! The guy on top, however, manages to get off in time.

"Grr! Our captain will take care of you pests!" he taunts as he runs over to the docks himself. As he arrives, he spots his clowny captain's ship just arriving.

The ship docks and the guy runs onto the ship, seeing an unknown shadowy figure.

"So, you get the money today?"

"Some... Koopa Kid went and beat Buzz! I had to get outta there, or I'd be next!"

"You fool! Oh well, I guess I'll have to do this myself."

The figure steps out of the shadows and yells, "They'll rue the day they messed with Grate Guy!"

"So, does that mean I'm not going to be punished?"

"What are you, nuts? You had the biggest animal in all of Plit at your command, and you still lost! Boys, take care of him!"

A couple of Koopas dressed like clowns take the guy and throw him overboard. The ball-riding jester rolls off the duck of his ship, basically losing control and going flying off when he hits the bottom. After a moment, he walks back to the ball and hops back on it, then asks his troops, "So, shall we get going to take out this kid?"

Meanwhile, Lemmy has tackled Syrup and pinned her to the ground. "What's the deal stealin' all of our gold?!" Lemmy yelled.

"Didn't I tell you that pirate clown always steals our cash? I need this for basic survival needs! You know, like food, clothes, shelter, some guy to kill Wario off for good..." Syrup explained.

"I can't believe you! You steal our money, and then you make a pathetic excuse to cover it up! You sound too much like me to just stick around here and get crooked by a crook! So, you want to join?" Lemmy asked.

Syrup is about to reply, but then notices Grate Guy standing behind the Koopaling. Grate Guy immediately spots the hat duct taped to Lemmy's head as he approaches. "So, you managed to receive my brother's cherished hat? You may be tougher than I first thought. However, you will still die at my hands!"

Lemmy and Jawful immediately turn around and pull out their weapons. "So, you're the evil pirate clown?" Lemmy commented. "I imagined that you'd be at least a bit... taller."

"You're not too tall yourself," replies Great Guy angrily.

"Well, I'm still a kid," Lemmy says in return before sticking his tongue out. After Lemmy does this, the ball-riding clown comes rolling in toward the ball-riding Koopa. He hits, knocking Lemmy's ball out from underneath him and sending the Koopa flying to the ground. Lemmy bounces off the dirt, shooting into the air and grabbing ahold of a street light. To his shock, however, his arms stretch out until they eventually cause him to reach the ground!

"Ah, it seems that you have eaten the cursed Rubber Rubber Fruit," Grate Guy notices as he saw this for himself. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to pull off moves such as this. However, I will still destroy you!"

"That fruit was cursed? No wonder it had a funny aftertaste," Lemmy comments.

"It does not matter if you've eaten it," Grate Guy continues, ignoring Lemmy, "because I have eaten one too!"

Grate Guy's hands then completely unattatch themselves from the rest of his body! "I think I'm gonna be...." Jawful comments, and then runs into an alley.

Lemmy, not really noticing how disgusting this looks in real life, merely pulls out his Freeze Gun and fires some shots at his opponent. Grate Guy and his hands merely dodge the blasts, though. "You fight like a dairy farmer!" Grate Guy tells Lemmy.

"How appropriate. You fight like a cow!" Lemmy immediately retaliates.

"You just had to say that, didn't you?" Syrup comments as she steps somewhat away from the battle.

Grate Guy's hands begin to wave in mid-air, looking much like a cross between the Master and Crazy Hands and a composer. As the hands wave, the area grows darker and stars begin to rain down from the sky!

"I always loved using Star Rain," says the magic-using jester pirate.

"Watch out; I'm quicker than you think!" Lemmy tells as he rolls around on his ball. He miraculously dodges almost all of the stars, and the one or two that actually hit him just bounce off of his rubbery body. Lemmy quickly speeds up to Grate Guy, charges up a fist, and-

"Hey, what did I miss?" Jawful asks as he comes out of the alley. He immediately sees that Lemmy has literally just punched Grate Guy's head off, and runs back into the alley again.

"Let's see if that curse you have gives you infinite oxygen!" Lemmy comments as he grabs Grate Guy's head. The Koopaling heads towards the water, carefully bends down, and completely submerges Grate Guy's head underwater!

"ACK! ... Glub! ... Glub!" Grate Guy tries to mutter underwater. Lemmy then lifts his head up to understand what he is saying. "GASP! Fine, fine! I surrender! You win!"

Lemmy, as he feels just plain weird holding a head, throws it back towards the rest of Grate Guy's body. The evil clown's hands then fly towards the body as well, and the whole thing joins back together again.

"Just remember, Koopaling, that I will be back for revenge one of these days!" Grate Guy warns as he runs towards his ship. He quickly pulls up the anchor, which the figure who rode the B. Beetle is holding onto for dear life, and sails away.

I wonder if Mr. Freaky-Dissemble-Body has gone yet, Jawful wonders from the alley. He then steps out, looks around, and finds that it is safe to come out.

"So, either of you two know where to go next?" Lemmy asks Jawful and Syrup.

"Well," Syrup answers, "I happen to know about this one rather large island due east from here. I say we head there next!"

"Sounds good to me!" Lemmy immediately agrees, not knowing any information about the actual island other than an estimated size and direction. "Let's go!"