SAM AND WIZARDHEIMER interview MIDBUS
 
By Sam

(At a lonely fortress in Ice Land, Sam is seen in an armchair sitting next to a portly Magikoopa who is shining his glasses. Axem Red, Zombie Bob, Dark Boo, and Lucario are all playing New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Entei lights a fire in the fireplace and curls up for a nap. Dr. Kranken is shown ushering in an audience into some folding chairs, and leads Midbus, the interviewee to a couch in front of Sam and Wizardheimer.)

Sam: Well folks, after a few years of service in the Koopa Army, my CO, Lemmy, allowed me to use this old fort for interviewing! And joining me today is a friend I met in the army who will be regularly helping my crew, Waldenheimer.

Wizardheimer: Gah no! It’s Wizardheimer! But yeah, we had all sorts of good times in the army. Getting blown out of the air, being chased by robots, being stomped by Mario… Come to think of it, did we have any good times?

Sam: Hey, we helped fight for our king! But anyways, for my postponed tenth Interview, I have with us Midbus, Fawful’s right-hand man from Bowser’s Inside Story. So you wanna start us off, Blizenheimer?

Wizardheimer: WIZARDHEIMER. But anyway, how’d you come to join Fawful?

Midbus: I first start off as a cute Little Oink…

Sam: Wa- YOU were a Little Oink? One of those little piglets?

Midbus: Oh yes. Cute little pig I was. Muh muh muh muh. Anyway, I sit in field doing Little Oink things when I get snatched by Fawful. He take me to secret lab and put me in machine. He also puts in Bully (M&L: PiT enemy), Army (Donkey Kong Country enemy), and Royal Koopa DNA. End result is me. Midbus. Being able to talk, I say “Fawful, you give me strong fighting body and conscious mind, I will join you”. He says yes.

Sam: When Fawful hit you with that ray gun, why did you get ice powers? Freeze rays usually, you know, freeze things.

Midbus: My granpa is Little Oink from Ice Land – here, you know. His hardiness pass down generation blood line, so I inherit it. Instead of make me popsicle, I become Blizzard Midbus.

Wizardheimer: So Midbus, what’s your opinion on our grrrrreat King Bowser?

Bowser: Quit sucking up. I still remember your failure back in Dinosaur World. Remember the ghost mansion?

Wizardheimer: Just answer the question…

Bowser: Bwahahaha! Told you off good, didn’t I, Hizenweimer?

(Dr. Kranken and Entei snicker evilly.)

Midbus: Anyway, he good opponent. Fun to fight, I say.

Bowser: Oh yeah! Even my mortal enemies can’t help but admit to my awesomeness!

Midbus: Yes yes yes. That why I put treadmill under Bowser when he fatted up. I wanted one more fight.

Bowser: Bwahahaha! And I schooled you again!

(Lucario sets down his Wii remote and flips over to Bowser.)

Lucario: The boss is trying to interview. Quit cutting in. If you want to talk so bad, then WAIT.

Bowser: Fine, fine, sheesh. And in the future, you better watch yourself when you order me around, kangaroo jackal thingy.

Sam: So how’d you escape Peach’s castle?

Midbus: Well, when I lose again to Bowser and get frosty cold, Fawful ditch me. When he and Dark Star went dead, Toad guards eventually find me and hammer me out. Not wanting to be capture, I summon up big power, beat them, and run.

Wizardheimer: So, you doing anything now?

Midbus: Oh yes yes yes. I start restaurant in Mushroom City called Midbus Meat Plaza. Make all sorts of meaty delicacies. Popular too. I now help sponsor Kart races.

Dr. Kranken: I’ve had the large porkish meatsteak from there. It’s delicious.

(Midbus nods in approval.)

Sam: And before I move on to the audience, I just want to know, what’s with the Pigmask Army symbol on your arm?

Midbus: Just tattoo. I no know of any Pigmask Army of which you speak.

Wizardheimer: Aw… Would’ve been cool if you were a Mother 3 fan. That was an awesome game.

Midbus: You play as mother? What do you do, beat naughty kids? Clean things?

(Sam … Let’s move on. Dr. Kranken, if you will?)

(Dr Kranken shoots a missile out of his helmet and hits a Dry Bones.)

Sam: Hey, we need a living audience! Just call a number.

Dry Bones: I’m A-OK, buddy. I have no feelings for pain… So are you smart, Midbus? You talk weird, but made the Junk robot, right?

Midbus: I of above averageish intelligence. I did make Junker, and turned Bowser Castle into fight machine. Also helped Fawful make Peach Castle into fight robot. As for broken English, I speak Little Oink first language. Don’t speak English as good.

(Dr Kranken sends a robot squid that picks up a Toad. Sam facepalms.)

Sam: Put him down, Kranken!

Kranken: But it’s not hurting him.

Sam: Kranken!

Dr. Kranken: Fine.

(He puts down the Toad.)

Toad: Thanks. Anyway, you plan on auditioning for the upcoming Super Smash Bros. tournament?

Midbus: No. I happy now as restaurant owner.

Dr. Kranken: Seat 51.

Blooper: You ever thought of going to the Glitz Pit? I bet you’d own the competition.

Midbus: Remember Super Smash Bros. question? I happy making food. I might go if I really want to, but no, not now.

Dr. Kranken: And finally, Seat SLIMY.

Salvo the Slime: *slosh slosh glorp slush*

Sam: Huh?

Wizardheimer: I speak slimish. He asked if you knew that Bowser had Shroobs in his castle.

Midbus: Yes oh yes. Fawful found DNA of Shroob and make it better. He then go everywhere, reconstructing Shroobs, even leader. But he remembered that he was doing Dark Star plan, and froze the Shroobs to use as elite soldiers later. He forget storage room code, and they’re there to this day.

Sam: And that’s a wrap! Midbus, you were an excellent interviewee! And I’m glad to be back with my crew! And Wizardheimer, I’m glad you joined the crew!

Wizardheimer: NO IT’S WIZ- Oh, you got it right.

Sam: So Dark Boo, Zombie Bob, you guys wanna handle the next Interview?

Zombie Bob: Ohhhh yessssss.

Dark Boo: Hehehehe… Yes indeed.

Sam: Well, it’s been nice seeing my audience again! For now, good night, Plit!

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