S. Koopa: Sheesh, I didn't realize how long it's been since I did an Interview last.
(Yeah, I seem to recall you saying something about making these more consistently.)
S. Koopa: Well, it's not like I can change what I didn't do.
Roger: You lied to me!
S. Koopa: No, I spoke an untruth. There's a difference.
Roger: ...
(So, um, care to explain who this Kevin guy is?)
S. Koopa: How do you know Kevin's coming?
(I'm the narrator. I know how to read the submission titles.)
S. Koopa: Oh. Well, yeah, he's a friend of mine-
Lemmy: Ahahahahaha. That's silly.
S. Koopa: ... How so?
Lemmy: Because that implies that you have friends.
S. Koopa: ... Shush. As I was saying, he's a friend of mine, but I'm not sure what's taking him so long to get here since he was walking with me on the way.
(The entrance doors open and a huge Kritter walks in, looking slightly battered.)
S. Koopa: There you are, Kevin! ... What happened to you?
Kevin: Some creep jumped on my back and made me lose my balance on the bridge. You might want to consider a different studio location.
S. Koopa: I'll make a note to build some taller guardrails on the bridge, but moving to another area wouldn't really be worth it.
Lemmy: Besides, the studio being in Ice Land makes it actually worth coming to these Interviews.
S. Koopa: ... What's that supposed to mean?
Lemmy: Umm... Nothing?
S. Koopa: ... All right, whatever. Well, guys, this is Kevin. He's an ex-Kremling Krew member, and he'll be co-interviewing with me today.
Kevin: *waves* Hey.
Roger and Lemmy: Hi, Kevin.
S. Koopa: Well, I think the author has spent enough time writing filler before the actual Interview, so can Clubba make his way here now?
Author: I was kinda having fun with your so-called "filler", but fine.
(Clubba blips into the Interviewee Chair because the author is lazy and doesn't feel like being original.)
Author: Hey! I read that!
(So? You also typed it.)
Author: ... Touché...
(Roger floats over to the camera and starts it up.)
S. Koopa: Hello, everyone, and welcome to Le-
Lemmy: LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW!!!
S. Koopa: ... Can we please stop doing that?
Lemmy: Nope!
S. Koopa: Ugh...
Kevin: Are these two always like this?
Roger: No. Usually they're a lot more annoying.
S. Koopa and Lemmy: ...
Clubba: Hey, can we start before I fall aslee... Zzz...
S. Koopa: Oh, uh, yeah. Let's start.
(Lemmy holds his wand over Clubba's head and...)
THWAK!
Clubba: Ow! *rubbing his skull* What was that?
Lemmy: Ratings.
Clubba: Ratings are painful, then.
S. Koopa: All right, so what game are you from?
Clubba: Well, I first appeared in Paper Mario in Tubba Blubba's Castle, and then I appeared again in Super Paper Mario in the Land of the Cragnons.
Kevin: After Mario found and defeated Tubba Blubba and his heart, the castle was totally empty aside from one Clubba. What happened?
Clubba: I dunno. I was that one Clubba that was left. I woke up to see Mario and fell back asleep. I left the castle the next time I woke up and noticed everyone was gone. I assume everyone evacuated the castle since Master Tubba Blubba was defeated.
Kevin: That seems awfully shallow of them, honestly.
S. Koopa: For sure. When Peach was sneaking around in her castle, there was a Clubba whom she used the Sneaky Parasol on to transform into him and pretend to take his place in a patrolling shift, but when Mario got into Peach's Castle later on, there were no Clubbas at all. Why is this?
Clubba: Well, you're forgetting that Peach was also discovered to be in disguise by Kammy just minutes later. The real Clubba was probably fired from his post in Peach's Castle and left out on his own. There weren't any other Clubbas that were on board Bowser's Castle, either.
S. Koopa: Left on his own? Ouch.
Kevin: What are the diff-
Lemmy: Can I-
S. Koopa: No.
Lemmy: But I jus-
S. Koopa: No.
Lemmy: Come o-
S. Koopa: No.
Lemmy: ...
S. Koopa: No.
Lemmy: I didn't even say anything that tim-
S. Koopa: Shut up. Just...Go stand in the corner until this Interview is over.
Lemmy: Why sho-
S. Koopa: Because you want to make everyone sit through another stupid advertisement, don't you?
Lemmy: ... Possibly.
S. Koopa: Yeah, I'm not allowing it this tim-
Lemmy: We'll be back right after these messages!
S. Koopa: No, wai-
Insane Toad: HI! I JUST CLAIMED OWNERSHIP OF THE SUN! BECAU-
Director: Uh, you left Caps Lock on... Again.
Insane Toad: CAPS LOCK? WHAT'S THAT? REAL TOADS USE SHIFT! ANYWAYS, I JUST REGISTERED MY OWNERSHIP OF THE SUN! BECAUSE OF THIS, I WILL BE INCREDIBLY GENEROUS AND MAKE EVERYONE PAY ME JUST ONE COIN FOR EACH YEAR OF USE! THAT MEANS THAT I'LL ONLY MAKE ABOUT SIX BILLION COINS A YEAR! THAT'S PRACTICALLY GIVING THE SUN AWAY! SO REMEMBER TO PAY YOUR SOLAR TAXES AND OBE-
Police Officer: Look! It's that demented Toad who tried to register claims on the Sun and the Multiverse! Get him!
Insane Toad: UH-OH! LOOKS LIKE I GOTTA RUN! REMEMBER, PAY YOUR SOLAR TAXES AND STUFF! TEE TEE WHY EL, EL OWH EL, ARE OH EFF EL!
S. Koopa, Kevin, Roger, Clubba, and the audience: ...
Lemmy: See? That wasn't so bad, was it-
S. Koopa: Don't talk to me.
Kevin: All right, let's move on. Umm, what was I asking again?
Clubba: Something about a difference?
Kevin: Oh, right. What's the difference between you and White Clubbas?
Clubba: White Clubbas? What?
Kevin: You know, the Clubbas in the Crystal Palace and on Mt. Shiver?
Clubba: Oh, them. The Koopa Troop refers to them as the Clubba Elite.
Kevin: They're still white, so I don't see why it makes a difference to you.
Clubba: Because being technical is fun!
Kevin and S. Koopa: ...
Clubba: Anyways, the difference is that us regular Clubbas aren't as strong or know as many attacks as the Clubba Elite. Plus, the Clubba Elite train a lot harder and are much more dedicated to their duties than we are.
S. Koopa: I guess that would explain why they were never found sleeping and actually forced Mario to battle them at times.
Clubba: Yup.
Kevin: Why are White Clubb- I mean, the "Clubba Elite"- white, anyway?
Clubba: Training so much in the cold with no Sun caused their skin to lose their naturally-produced green pigments.
S. Koopa: Where do you all live now? I mean, it's obvious that Tubba Blubba's Castle isn't your home anymore.
Clubba: No, we all scattered across the Mushroom Kingdom and live in all kinds of towns.
Kevin: What are your favorite pastimes?
Clubba: Do eating and sleeping count?
Kevin: ... No.
Clubba: Awww...
S. Koopa: Well, I think that's all from us. Let's move to the audience. Seat 0!
Kevin: We have a Seat 0?
S. Koopa: Yeah, it's Roger's camera seat.
Roger: Why are you guys so lazy?
Clubba: Well, unlike most of Bowser's troops, we don't really like fighting. We don't have anything against Mario, and the only reason we attacked him was because it was our job.
Roger: That doesn't really answer my question.
Clubba: Well, we're a generally unmotivated and sluggish race, so I guess it's just our nature.
Kevin: Seat 35.
Grand Goomba: Do Clubbas naturally carry clubs around with them? I mean, since your species is named "Clubba", it kinda implies it.
Clubba: Yes, actually, we do carry these naturally.
Grand Goomba: Why? I mean, you said that you guys don't like fighting, so why would you need clubs?
Clubba: It's more for self defense than the will to-
Wario: KILL YOU!!
S. Koopa: Not you again!
Clubba: Um, like I was saying, it's more for self defense than the will to start fights. After all, we're bad jumpers and our arms are too short to really give us any other method of attack.
S. Koopa: Last question! Seat 45.
Midbus: Why you no use body slam on Mario?
Clubba: We could, and it would do a good amount of damage due to our bulky build, but, like I said, we have short arms. I don't think we'd be able to get back up on our own.
S. Koopa: Well, I think that's all the time we have-
Wario: TO KILL YOU!!!
S. Koopa: ... Thanks for joining us here, Clubba.
Clubba: My pleasure!
S. Koopa: And thank you for co-interviewing, Kevin.
Kevin: No problem.
S. Koopa: All right, before I end this transmission, could I ask a favor of you, Kevin?
Kevin: Sure. What is it?
S. Koopa: Could you please get mister "KILL YOU" out of here?
Wario: Did someone say "KILL YO-"
(Kevin grabs Wario and tosses him out of the window, where Wario falls off the mountain.)
Wario: *falling, with his voice fading* I'M GOING TO KILL YOU...!!!
S. Koopa: Seriously, I'm going to punch the author the next time he tries to insert that "KILL YOU" gag.
Roger: But he probably likes it since he made it up on his own.
Author: You'd be right about that.
(A cookie blips into Roger's hands.)
S. Koopa: ... What.
Roger: Thanks, Author!
Lemmy: Might I ask why this transmission hasn't ended yet? The Interview has been over for almost a minute.
S. Koopa: Oh, right. Kevin, would you like to do the honors?
Kevin: Sure. End transmission.
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