CJ Lambert: Hello and welcome to another exciting Interview conducted by everybody's favorite interviewer, CJ Lambert.
Cameraman: Maybe in your dreams, kid, but not in reality.
CJ Lambert: Keep pushing it and that camera will be jammed some place where the Sun doesn't shine.
Cameraman: Eep! Well then forget that I had said anything.
CJ Lambert: That's better. Anyway, today we have a special treat for you.
Camerman: I really didn't think that he was that special.
CJ Lambert: I'm warning you, you do not want to make me angry. Anyway, today we are interviewing an Orb User. (The Orb User hops in.) Orb User: It’s good to be here, CJ! I'm honored that you chose me!
CJ Lambert: It was a raffle, but I'm glad that you feel honored. On to questions, how did you learn so much magic?
Orb User: We spent several years honing our magical skills before Booster actually sent us out to do battle.
CJ Lambert: What is your relationship with Booster like?
Orb User: He adores us. Although he does sometimes complain that we have too little HP.
CJ Lambert: Speaking of that, why do you only have 8 points worth of HP?
Orb User: Because we sacrificed some of our HP to make our defence stronger.
CJ Lambert: Why do you hate Kinklinks?
Orb User: Because we apparently look like T-Bone steaks… I don’t get it either, but it’s their favourite food so they go crazy whenever they see us.
CJ Lambert: Where do you get your orbs from?
Orb User: We get them to practice the spells we have to use. If we master them, we get to keep them.
CJ Lambert: Why are Orbisons purple, while Orb Users are orange?
Orb User: Because Orbisons are Orb Users who have graduated with a Nimbus Diploma. Those that pass but don’t get a diploma end up like me, and work for Booster.
CJ Lambert: Why did the Orbisons choose purple?
Orb User: Because purple symbolizes wisdom.
CJ Lambert: How come you never fight by yourselves?
Orb User: Because Booster wanted us to be able to heal his weaker minions.
CJ Lambert: Would you say that you have any weak points?
Orb User: Not really, though our limited hit points does bring up a problem in battle.
CJ Lambert: And now we do audience questions. Seat 463.
Boo: How long does it take for you and your counterparts to learn all of your skills?
Orbison: It varies, but generally it takes about 4 years, and then 2 years of combat to become an Orbison.
CJ Lambert: Seat 122.
Koopa: Who teaches Orbisons how to use magic?
Orb User: Booster made and taught the first Orbison, who now teaches the Orb Users that Booster has made since. He’s a very productive guy when he’s not playing in his room.
CJ Lambert: Seat 17.
Spindrift: What happens to Orb Users that flunk out?
Orb User: We have them executed because they aren't really going to be of any use.
CJ Lambert: Seat 500.
Bumpty: How do you get along with other enemies you fight alongside?
Orb User: Oh, we’re best friends with Booster’s minions; they usually depend on us for healing.
CJ Lambert: Seat 333.
Fuzzy: How come you haven't appeared in any other games?
Orb User: Bowser still resents us for working for the man that kissed him in SMRPG. There are still plenty of us around though. If you visit Booster’s Tower, you’ll find a plethora of us.
CJ Lambert: Seat 444.
Francis: What happened to Orbisons?
Orb User: Well I’m not exactly sure, one of my Orbison friends in Nimbus Land wrote me a letter about how he was going to try to get into Super Mario Galaxy. But that’s the last letter I’ve heard from him.
CJ Lambert: Seat 179.
()
Piranha Plant: Are you high-ranking members of Booster's army like Magikoopas are?
Orb User: Yes, although we are a lot more efficient then Magikoopas in my opinion.
CJ Lambert: Wow. Wasn't that an insightful Interview?
Cameraman: Not really. Nobody cares.
CJ Lambert: I thought I told you not to give me any lip?
Cameraman: I'm just voicing my own opinion.
CJ Lambert: Nobody cares what you think.
Cameraman: My mother does.
CJ Lambert: Then why don't you go join her?
(CJ Lambert snaps his fingers and IT the Clown comes out and eats the cameraman. The camera falls on the floor.)
Orbison: That was sort of harsh.
CJ Lambert: This coming from someone who executes failures of the same species
Orb User: Hey, some of my best friends were flunkies!
CJ Lambert: Whatever, that’s all the time we have for today. Join us next time when I interview another nobody people don't care about!
Orb User: People care about me!
CJ Lambert: You’d better watch it too.
Orb User: Yes sir.
CJ Lambert: See you all-
(Suddenly Downstraits’s “Say It To My Face!” plays, Badyoyo walks in with N. Gin and Shaboo.)
CJ Lambert: I can’t get through ONE Interview without you taking the spotlight, can I?
Badyoyo: Hey, I’m just here to make this Interview more interesting, with the… WHEEL!
N. Gin: OF!
Shaboo: PAIN!
(Badyoyo magically makes the Wheel appear. He spins it, it lands on….)
Badyoyo: … Aw… The Sliver of Hope!
CJ Lambert: What’s that do?
Badyoyo: That means we have to spare him, spin the Wheel again, and use it on a person of our choice… And I choose… my ex-employee Michael Tarver!
(Bebop and Rocksteady from TMNT walk into the Interview Studio dragging Michael Tarver.)
Michael Tarver: Hey! What are you doing?!
Badyoyo: Michael Tarver, I’m going to be up front with you. I was never really a fan of your battles in WWE. You were fired from WWE recently, and you just lost Survivor 2: The REAL Deal! I’ve lost all faith in you! Bebop and Rocksteady are replacing you!
Michael Tarver: Why are Bebop and Rocksteady here?! They belong to Sayaman!
Badyoyo: These two were my favorite parts of Sayaman’s Interviews. However, he stopped using them. How unfortunate. So until he complains to me about wanting them back, Bebop and Rocksteady now belong to Tenacious B Interviews!
Bebop: Yeah! And Badyoyo pays more too!
Rocksteady: And you’re going to get it!
(Badyoyo spins the Wheel Of Pain, it lands on…)
Badyoyo: Have CJ Lambert’s pals in IT attack you… Well CJ?
CJ Lambert: Well, IT already had his lunch for today. So I think I’ll call in my pals from across time.
(CJ Lambert whistles, two Langoliers fly in through the window.)
CJ Lambert: There he is! The guy in the spandex! Don’t eat the mutated animals!
(Bebop and Rocksteady push Michael Tarver forward and the Langoliers begin eating him.)
CJ Lambert: Ouch! We lose more characters that way. Well, see you next time at Tenacious B Interviews!
Badyoyo: Bebop, turn off the camera, will you?
(Bebop smashes the camera since he doesn’t know how to make it stop recording, thankfully he didn’t destroy the film.)
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