Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
(Lemmy looks around the interview studio.)
Lemmy: Hmm, those two Yoshis aren't around, which means no Interview. Oh well, time to close early for the-
Flavio: AWAY I SAY, AWAY!
(Flavio runs into the studio and shuts the doors.)
Flavio: (panting) That... was... a close... one...
Lemmy: Flavio, what in the world are you running from?
Flavio: Flavio is running away from his crew, that wants money.
Lemmy: Are you serious? That happened years ago!
Flavio: ... Flavio knows that, but Flavio will also refresh your memory, in the Interview that started this whole crazy shenanigan...
---
Dark Koopa: Uh... Anyway, I think your crew is coming for their pay.
Pa-Patch: I want my bloomin' 'ay.
Extreme: You want hay?
Pa-Patch: P-ay.
Extreme: P-Hay?
Pa-Patch: Shut up.
Extreme: How much does he owe you?
Pa-Patch: He promised a million coins.
...
Flavio: Flavio's gotta split!
(Flavio runs off.)
Dark Koopa: That pun was lame.
Thumbs: It wasn't a pun.
---
Lemmy: How do you remember that? I'm sure everyone has forgotten about it.
Flavio: Are you sure? Flavio remembered most of it, got rid of boring stuff.
Lemmy: Yes! And I'm sure they stopped chasing you years ago, seeing how they gave up getting paid.
Flavio: That just shows how determined Flavio is!
Lemmy: Nonetheless, it puts an end to the running gag that Yoshi had... I don't know why it was one to begin with. Anyhoo, since there's no one around to do an Interview, you'll be doing one instead.
Flavio: Fine, Flavio will interview whoever. Mario, that green guy Louis, some cute and fluffy thing, a cuddly-furry-friendly thing, a talking flower, a trumpet playing Toad, or even a talking fish. Flavio does all!
CRASH!
(A giant dragon breaks through the wall of the interview studio.)
Gloomtail: Hmmm, who is this poorly-rated mortal?
Flavio: F-F-Flavio is i-interviewing this gloomy d-dragon? Flavio doesn’t work that way!
Gloomtail: Gloomy? Do I look gloomy to you?
Flavio: Uhh yes... err, I mean no! What's the right answer? Flavio wants to know!
Lemmy: Just interview him. It beats being chased by imaginary people.
Flavio: Are you calling Flavio crazy? I'm not crazy at all!
Lemmy: Good. Now get to work, you’re not getting paid to sit and do nothing... Actually just forget the whole "paid" part.
Flavio: Blah. So to get on with this foolish Interview, and for Flavio to take a much needed breather... What games were you in?
Gloomtail: What kind of question is that? That's such a foolish question for someone to be only in one game; Paper Mario: Thousand-Year Door. I take great offence to that!
Flavio: Hey, Flavio was in that game too, and he had more of a role then you did.
Gloomtail: Yes, but I was the one people liked more. I was a boss! You were merely an NPC. Or in this case, a Non-Portent Character! Gwahaha!
Flavio: Hmm, Flavio seems to notice that you are not gloomy.
Gloomtail: I already stated that in the beginning! I am more full of pep and energy then my foolish siblings, Hooktail and Bonetail.
Flavio: Hooktail and Bonetail? What were they, rabbits or something?
Gloomtail: Rabbits?! They are dragons, you idiot! Bonetail is my dead brother, who was sent to the Pit of 100 Trials and challenged people to fight for the prized treasure... which I'm not sure what it is, a badge or some nonsense. And as for Hooktail, she is my sister, who had gotten food poisoning from a cricket. Hence, Cricketphobia.
Flavio: Err... Flavio doesn't think that is a real phobia.
Gloomtail: Oh. I'm sorry. Are you a gigantic dragon, with a sister that got food poisoning, who's ALSO a dragon? No, I don't believe you are!
Flavio: So sorry... Flavio does not want his only interviewee to get angry. This will ruin Flavio's important and historic reputation.
Gloomtail: What reputation?
Flavio: ... Shut up. Next question, why were you stationed in the Palace of Shadow in Paper Mario 2?
Gloomtail: The Shadow Queen wanted someone to help guard the Palace of Shadow, so no one could get the Star Key to bother the Shadow Queen herself. What’s better than to ask a giant dragon that puts fear into the hearts of men, women, and possibly children?
Flavio: Well-
Gloomtail: Don't even think about responding to that one...
Flavio: All right, all right... Is there anything else that you can do for an ability, that wasn't shown in Paper Mario: Thousand Year Door?
Gloomtail: Other than my fearsome Megabreath that I can charge up to unleash godly damage, I can fly... That is, if I wasn't stuck in a room you’re expected to guard. And then having some plumber try to beat you.
Flavio: Mario?
Gloomtail: Whatever his name is, it's not important. He walked in with seven partners, thinking he can beat a humungous dragon. That's a major handicap right there! It's unfair!
Flavio: Well you are a giant dragon.
Gloomtail: And you’re nothing but an egotistic, yellow, pathetic mortal, but you don't see me talking about that.
Flavio: Touche. All right, time for Flavio to have his own running gag.
Lemmy: You technically had one before, then it died off.
Flavio: But Flavio wants a new and better one. Please?
Lemmy: No.
Flavio: Fine! Flavio hates you! Next question, where do you live now that you probably got kicked out of the Palace of Shadow?
Gloomtail: I still live there, but since Hooktail is gone I took over her castle. I think of it as a summer home, or a cottage. Besides, with two castles, I have more space, and lots of advertising to do.
Flavio: Advertising?
Gloomtail: You know; posters, billboards, commercial stuff, etc. I do this because I am Gloomtail. THE GOD DRAGON.
Flavio: How come you have a running gag?
Gloomtail: Fool, because I am a god! I get running gags with ease!
Lemmy: No more talk about running gags!
Flavio: Flavio still hates you. So like, what are your hobbies? A giant dragon probably has nothing to do.
Gloomtail: Well you are wrong! I enjoy a lot of things. Such as; walking along the beach, watching mortals quake in fear, flying around the skies for no reason, eating innocent people, doing dragon things. It's difficult when people don't cooperate, or when things don't work out as planned.
Flavio: You... errr... eat people? What do you eat?
Gloomtail: Toads, Koopas, Yoshis, Shy Guys, and people. Especially plumbers. Like the time one went to fix my plumbing inside the Palace of
Shadow. And when he expected ME to pay, I taught him a lesson. Mwahahaha!
Flavio: Y-you a-ate him?
Gloomtail: What? No, I spat him out because he tasted like a dirty sweat-sock. If I eat anything, they need to be cleaned off or something. Like a bath. There's no sense in having food that tastes horrible. And if it does, might as well make it clean.
Flavio: Oh good- I mean, that's too bad?
Gloomtail: Of course! How do you expect me to get any nutrition, when cramped up in small places? I need to eat food! And right now, I'm starting to get a little hungry...
Flavio: Oh, well, um, uh, Flavio, you see, works out a lot. That's why he's in shape, and smells like a gym sock.
Gloomtail: You’re not lying to me are you?
Flavio: What, me? Of course not! Someone like me never lies. Well, I tell the truth when it really matters. And speaking of what matters, Flavio is done inter-
Lemmy: Sit down, you still have more time to ask questions.
Flavio: What about a ru-
Lemmy: No.
Flavio: Flavio still hates you, but more! Fine, I'll ask him more questions... Tell us about your relation with the Shadow Queen.
Gloomtail: The Shadow Queen created Bonetail, myself, and Hooktail, Bonetail being created first, and Hooktail being created last. I was the favorite of them all! Hooktail got kicked out for eating crickets, and Bonetail always howled at the moon at nights. Bonetail has my same stats, except for HP. Long story short, I was allowed the great benefits of being with the Shadow Queen.
Flavio: What were the benefits?
Gloomtail: Duh, I got to stay at the Palace of Shadow. But besides that, I got fantastic health plans, like dentist coverage, health insurance, that stuff. I never really got paid, but I did manage to steal the minions’ money. And sometimes when I stole, I ate them. You ever try to eat a Chain Chomp? Just awful, it's like eating a rock.
Flavio: So in short, you were her pet?
Gloomtail: I am nobody's pet! I am my own pet!
Flavio: How does that even work out?
Gloomtail: It just does. Don't make me eat you.
Flavio: Ok, fine! You know, I don't think you have much of a love life. Do chickens ever fall in love?
Gloomtail: Chickens?! I told you I am a dragon! Ugh, this is why dragons do not like people back in return. But, to answer your idiotic questions, I do not have a love life. That is because there is no one that can handle someone such as myself! Gwahahaha!
Flavio: Flavio remembers the time he went off into adventure to Keelhaul Key, in search of wealth, emotion, thrills, and rrrromance.
Gloomtail: Hey! I'm not the one interviewing you. You’re interviewing ME!
Flavio: Oh right, right... Have to interview the other people, less important than myself. Say, how about-
Lemmy: How many times do I have to keep telling you? I'm not giving you a running gag.
Flavio: Well if I don't get a running gag, who are you going to give it to?
Jerry Springer: Hey, I'm Jerry Springer!
Audience: (chanting) JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Flavio: Jerry Springer has his own running gag?
Lemmy: Kinda. It'll have to be used more.
Jerry: Remember to watch my show! Oh, and if you’re not allowed to watch, don't watch it, because it's filled with people fighting, swearing, and any other good stuff that children aren't supposed to watch. But if you are allowed to watch, then that’s a whole different thing!
(The audience loudly cheers.)
Flavio: This is just wrong! Jerry shouldn't be advertising in an Interview! Especially when the interviewer is myself, Flavio!
Lemmy: Well I was thinking of giving you one, but you're on your own for that one.
Flavio: Grrrrr, Flavio hates you all! And even more so than usual! Let’s see, I'm going to ask one more question. How did you manage to survive being in the Palace of Shadow?
Gloomtail: I had food ordered, I tried to entertain myself with the local Dry Bones and Boos, playing poker with them... Sleeping for months or years at a time helped. Oh, and watching Jerry Springer on my TV.
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Flavio: Shut up! Flavio hates you all!
Lemmy: You can't hate every one of them.
Flavio: Oh yes I can. Flavio has his ways.
Lemmy: ... Ok then.
Flavio: Fine, it's now time to ask for the audience to ask Gloomtail questions, so then we call all get back to our pathetic lives, except Flavio's. Seat 293.
Koopa: How do you play Poker?
Gloomtail: It's invisible, what kind of a question is that?
Flavio: Seat 65, I hope you have a better question than the other one. Or else.
Toad: Or else what?
(Gloomtail eats the Toad... yes, of seat 65)
Flavio: ... I sure "Toad" him so!
(Crickets chirp.)
Flavio: Flavio hates you all. Seat 2.
Magikoopa: Why are you black and purple?
Gloomtail: Being in the Palace of Shadow, obviously, turned my skin to be a purplish black color. And you all thought it was because of the "Gloom" in Gloomtail. But it’s, so there!
Flavio: YOU! Seat 108.
The Freak: Man, you’re such an ungroovy cat.
Gloomtail: What is wrong with you people?! First you think that dragons are rabbits, then chickens, and now you’re thinking we're cats! I'm a dragon!
The Freak: Whhoooaaa ma-aaan, chill. Is there anything you like, that other people would find groovy? Like furry things?
Gloomtail: No, I do not like fluffy, furry, cuddly, or anything "cute". They do not please me.
Flavio: What about that loser in seat 152? I bet he has nothing on Flavio.
Bob-omb: How did you get your stats up high in Paper Mario?
Gloomtail: The Shadow Queen literally drew names out of a hat. I was lucky enough to have higher stats than my sister, but I still wish I had more heart points than Bonetail. Long story short again, I was fortunate.
Flavio: I don't think the person in seat 53 has a question, but I'll ask anyways. YOU! Seat 53! You’d better have a question!
Goomba: How did you manage to get out of the Palace of Shadow?
Gloomtail: Are you calling me fat?
Goomba: What? No!
Gloomtail: You had better not be, mortal. I have my ways... Ways as in secret exits.
Flavio: Where are they located?
Gloomtail: If I told you, they wouldn't be a secret, you idiot!
Flavio: Seat 99, give a question to Gloomtail!
Waluigi: Waluigi time!
Gloomtail: No, it's more like Gloomtail time!
(Gloomtail eats Waluigi, then spits him out through the broken wall that Gloomtail crashed through.)
Gloomtail: Blech! Rotten onions.
Flavio: What did that Toad taste like?
Gloomtail: Smoky bacon, what do you THINK a Mushroom would taste like?!
Flavio: Toast.
Lemmy: This is why I don't let you have a running gag. Where do you think toast comes from?
Flavio: What is this? The "People asking Flavio questions in an Interview, when he's asking questions to the Interviewee" Interview? Didn't I already have an Interview years ago?
Lemmy: Yeah, but nobody cared.
Gloomtail: Forget this entirely, I have better things to do!
(Gloomtail exits the building through the wall he broke in the beginning.)
Flavio: Now?
Lemmy: No!
Flavio: Bah, Flavio hates you all! Each and every one of you!
Pa-Patch: Hey, thar be Flavio! We found him, maties!
Flavio: Eep! Well, time for Flavio to be back on the run! Gotta split!
(Flavio gets chased out of the Interview studio through the wall Gloomtail broke, in wacky fashion.)
Lemmy: That's a pathetic running gag. Forget this, I'm going to watch Jerry Springer. JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
End Transmission.
Whoops! You're not logged in! |