Audience: *cheering*
Void: They don’t stop, do they?
(1-up Boo is ejecting and firing his rocket launcher at many random audience members.)
1-up Boo: These guys are worse than Vim!
Vim: *sigh*
Kingfin: I know what can hel-
1-up Boo: No. You. Are. Not. Getting. Cookies.
Kingfin: Sad face.
1-up Boo: But I do know what will cheer me up! But it won’t work if these idiots won’t shaddap!
Audience: Fawful, Fawful, FAAAAAAWFUUUUL!!!
1-up Boo: He left 2 hours ago!
Koopa: He did?
1-up Boo: Yes... he did.
Audience: Ohhhhh…
(There are many holes and black burnt spots around the studio.)
Vim: Huh, and I thought 1-up Boo was stupid…
(Everyone glances at 1-up Boo to see him surprisingly not getting his hammer or rocket launcher ready.)
Void: Sir?
1-up Boo: Shhh, that last Interview was so successful, so-
Vim: Since when?!
1-up Boo: *Ahem* Soooooo… I’m ordering pizza! I’m brilliant.
Vim: Well this’ll end great.
Kingfin: Oh oh, get cookies with it!
(1-up Boo just pats Kingfin on the back.)
1-up Boo: Yes, and you’ll get ice cream and cake too.
Kingfin: Happy face.
Grodus: Oh no, get breadsticks!
1-up Boo: I missed you?
(1-up Boo ejects Grodus out of the studio.)
Grodus: !!!
Vim: Hmph.
1-up Boo: Okay, here goes nothing. Double pepperoni okay with you guys? Well too bad.
(1-up Boo dials the “pizza-up” number and waits for someone to answer, eventually someone does.)
1-up Boo: Yeah. Hi. It’s 1-up Boo… y’know, the fabulous super famous interviewer who deserves a gold medal? Yup, that’s me. So uh, I’d like a double pepperoni with some breadsticks and-
Distant voice of Grodus: Woot!
1-up Boo: … And a soda I guess, deliver it ASAP. Because I’m awesome…. Wait, what? WHAT DID YOU SAY?! YEAH?! WELL SAME TO YOU, CHUMP! YOU’RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT ONE!
(1-up Boo throws the phone out a window, destroying it.)
Kingfin: … Boss okay?
1-up Boo: Who? Me? Of course, very nice person, it’ll be here no time.
Vim: Right…
1-up Boo: Vim! Don’t just stand there, get ready!
Vim: For?
1-up Boo: Pizza. What’s pizza without lobster?
Vim: What?!
1-up Boo: Lobster. Goes GREAT with pizza, trust me. Go on.
(Vim grumbles and walks off to do so.)
Void: I have a question.
1-up Boo: Shoot… Not literally, that’s my job.
Void: Why are you so… erm… “rude” to Vim?
1-up Boo: Ahhh… I’m not that bad! Deep down, I’m sure he knows how true and great our friendship is!
Void: Um… Sure.
Kingfin: Now what?
1-up Boo: Well last time we played cards to pass the time, but this time I think I’ll… play my DS!
(1-up Boo pulls out a DS and begins playing M&L: BIS.)
Kingfin: Gasp!
(Void looks at the DS.)
Void: Final gauntlet boss?
1-up Boo: Yup, tough dude all right… but he’s going DOWN this time!
Kingfin: Can I play?
1-up Boo: Silly Kingfin, you have no opposable thumbs… okay, it’s mainly that you don’t have hands at all.
Kingfin: Aww…
Void: Wait, you don’t have opposable thumbs… or hands either.
1-up Boo: ... Erm, Yes I do!
Void: Wh-
1-up Boo: Shush.
(24 minutes pass, a tumbleweed bounces by…)
Void: … Are you sure the pizza guy is coming?
*Ding Dong*
1-up Boo: Hmmm, hard to say.
Kingfin: We have doorbell?
(The door begins slowly opening, it randomly starts raining with thunder heard, mist fills the studio and it becomes dark.)
1-up Boo: Cool.
Vim arrives back.
Vim: … Okay, what did I miss?
Kingfin: Special effects! I think…
(Horror music starts playing, the door is almost open, agh! I can’t take it anymore, I’m out of here!)
???: Yo.
Kingfin: Hammer Bro!
Hammer bro: What’s up dudes?
1-up Boo: Okay, where’s the pizza?
Hammer Bro: Right he-
(1-up Boo snatches it from his hand.)
Hammer Bro: That’ll be-
1-up Boo: No! You’re getting paid in something extra special!
Hammer Bro: But-
1-up Boo: An Interview!
Hammer Bro: But I-
1-up Boo: It’ll be great!
Hammer Bro: Listen-
1-up Boo: Fantastic it will be!
Hammer Bro: SILENCE MORTAL FOOL!
…
Void: Chill?
Hammer Bro: … I’ll do it, man, just like, stop interrupting.
Vim: Got the lobster by the way.
1-up Boo: You did?! Huh, good job. (How did he…) Anyways! First question, why wooden hammers?
Hammer Bro: Not all Hammer Bros. use wooden hammers, though most do. It’s mainly because we like lighter weapons that are still powerful, to put it simply. Bonking is fun, dude!
1-up Boo: It sure is!
(You guessed it! 1-up Boo pulls out his hammer and… wait, where did Vim go?)
1-up Boo: Gah, I was maybe not going to hit him because of the lobster. Ah well…
Hammer Bro: *Ahem*
1-up Boo: Right, so why do all Hammer Bros. wear the same gear/armor?
Hammer Bro: We just want to seem professional, dude, plus the color says what type of “Bro” we are.
1-up Boo: K, speaking of the other Bros, explain Fire Bros!
Hammer Bro: They are like totally awesome!
1-up Boo: Explain.
Hammer Bro: Right, they have a - possibly multiple - special organs and functions that allow them to use some sort of stomach acid to… erm… go up and spew at the opponent. How it turns red I like totally don’t know though.
Void: That makes little to no sense.
Hammer Bro: You rather have the classic “Magikoopa” answer?
Void: Point.
1-up Boo: Yeah, that would’ve been predictable. Good one… may I call you Joe?
Hammer Bro: No. Never. At all.
1-up Boo: K, I will.
Hammer Bro: DON’T DARE, MORTAL!
1-up Boo: … Question 4! How did Boomerang Bros. come to be?
Hammer Bro: Well we can’t really throw these hammers very long, dude, they are heavier than they look. We wanted to be more “ranged”. So that’s how Boomerang Bros. came to be, with lots of practice and training of course.
Vim: I never see you throw them THAT far…
Hammer Bro: Like, shut it man.
1-up Boo: Yeah Vim, shut it.
Vim: Like you’re being super nice?
1-up Boo: I’ve been much worse… Wait, ignore that.
Vim: Not ignoring.
Kingfin: Peace!
Void: What?
Kingfin: PEACE!
1-up Boo: … Okay then.
Hammer Bro: Besides, do you know how hard it is to get those things to curve? It’s tough for us. That’s enough work to do, especially with how much we’re firing.
1-up Boo: Eh, if you say so. So, you guys related to Koopas?
Hammer Bro: We in fact are, man, different in some areas such as the face obviously. And we have some more skills and power than them, but yes we are.
Kingfin: Oh oh, I got one!
1-up Boo: Go ahead, my boney friend.
Kingfin: Were there ever “Para-Hammer Bros” by any slim chance?
Hammer Bro: Don’t think so; we may be related to them, but I don’t think we ever had the ability of flight.
1-up Boo: What about those Hammer Bros. that seemed bigger and threw metal hammers and flew on blue blocks?
Hammer Bro: Well I don’t know much about the blue blocks, probably a Bowser invention or possibly a corrupted block by a Magikoopa? Don’t know, man. As for those Bros, they’re just stronger and um… elite maybe.
Void: How come they appeared in few games then?
Hammer Bro: They were elite and stronger, so weren’t as many.
1-up Boo: Well then take it up a notch. Just look at Kingfin, he’s made of bones and yet he somehow was able to swim! And look at Void, he’s cool! As for Vim-
Vim: Just shut it.
1-up Boo: How’d you know it’d be an insult?
Vim: What were you going to say?
1-up Boo: Um… well…
Kingfin: PEACE!
Vim: Keeping peace with this guy is infuriating…
Hammer Bro: Harsh, bro…
Vim: Not you!
1-up Boo: Yes him! Shame on you, Vim! How could you be so insensitive?!
(Vim throws a lobster at 1-up Boo… and it’s still alive.)
1-up Boo: ACK!
Vim: You didn’t say they had to be dead.
1-up Boo: I’ll-urgh-be-ow-back.
(1-up Boo floats off.)
Void: … Um, to continue. Why is it that in some games you’ll continue to fire hammers/boomerangs/spew fireballs even when no one is close to you?
Hammer Bro: Gotta be prepared, dude.
Kingfin: I wasn’t prepared in Bonefin Galaxy. Mario is so rude, taking the Star like that!
Void: Opinion of Bowser?
Hammer Bro: Eh, arrogant, stubborn, not the brightest villain, can be annoying, but he’s all right other than that.
Void: Now-
(BOOM!)
Void: …
(A black spot is seen where Vim used to be.)
1-up Boo: I named the lobster Jerry.
Void: …
Kingfin: … Sir?
Void: Vim?
1-up Boo: Huh? Oh, that wasn’t me. Pay no attention to the burnt spot and rocket launcher in my hand… or the boom. ANYWAYS!
Hammer Bro: Yo.
1-up Boo: Hi… okay! Whoever I fire this at gets to ask a question!
Goomba: Huh?!
1-up Boo: Exactly.
(BOOM! BOOM! KABOOM! KABLAMBOWBOOSHBING!)
1-up Boo: … Guess the launcher has some bugs. Okay, I fired at Mister Goomba first, so ask away!
Goomba: Erk… okay. I got a good one though.
Hammer Bro: Yes, dude?
Goomba: Where do all the hammers come from?!
Hammer Bro: It’s… um. We’re Magikoopas undercover!
Goomba: Lies.
Hammer Bro: … Ah, yes. We have plenty stored in our shell. And Magikoopas shrink them so we can store them in there.
1-up Boo: Silly Magikoopas. Okay, I blasted that fellow Pokey second.
Pokey (only the head left): I hate you.
1-up Boo: I’m deeply offended, now ask.
Pokey: Okay… Do Hammer Bros. EVER not have their armor on?
Hammer Bro: When we need to change it due to it being broken or in need of a wash, then yes, we do.
Pokey: Oh… Fascinating!
1-up Boo: Now-
(CRASH!)
Vim: Gee, thanks for breaking my fall.
1-up Boo: Vim has harmed me! Mayday!
(Vim looks at Void.)
Void: … Um, let’s forget what just happened and continue, shall we gentlemen?
1-up Boo: B-
Hammer Bro: NOW MORTAL FOOL, YOU WILL DO AS THE MAGIBLOT SAYS OR SUFFER DIRE CONSEQUENCES, NOW DO IT. DO IT NOW MORTAL! OR SUFFER!
(Silence…)
Hammer Bro: … Yo.
(Silence…)
Hammer Bro: … Dudes?
Vim: … Right, do what the nice Hammer Bro asks, 1-up Boo.
1-up Boo: Fiiiiine, next exploded person being the Clubba!
Clubba: I see stars circling around me still…
Kingfin: Ask a question green thing?
1-up Boo: Good job, Kingfin.
Clubba: Okay, so how much training do Hammer Bros. have to go through before they’re ready for battle?
Hammer Bro: Varies, month or so. Boomerang Bros. generally take much longer. As for Fire Bros… um, they don’t need to work on much.
Void: Say, are Hammer Bros. better or worse in rank than Koopatrols?
Hammer Bro: Well man, they are like the elite of Bowser. But they ARE just super-armored Koopatrols, with extra training. But they are slightly higher ranked than us.
1-up Boo: Aaaaaand that concludes this Interview! Thanks for joining us.
Hammer Bro: Just give me the money and we’re cool, man.
1-up Boo: … Nah.
Hammer Bro: YOU DARE?!
Vim: Oh he dares all right!
1-up Boo: Shush! Ack!
Hammer Bro: I SUMMON THE SECURITY!
(Nothing happens.)
Hammer Bro: Oh, hold on, dudes.
Kingfin: Holding on!
Void: Erm…
(The Hammer Bro pulls out a phone and presses a few buttons, he has a lovely conversation before putting it down.)
1-up Boo: … Aha, you-
(CRASH! About… um, I don’t know… 16-18 Koopatrols break through the studio walls. A giant robot also breaks through the main door… then goes back out and makes another big hole in the wall. The jerk.)
1-up Boo: People keep getting cut off… and I just got this place fixed not too long ago!
Hammer Bro: Get them, dudes!
Vim: I blame you…
1-up Boo: Um… Battle stations! Or… um… END TRANSMISSION!
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