Roger: (singing) IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING!S. Koopa: ... Sometimes I wonder why I hired you.
Roger: I love you, too!(Roger runs towards S. Koopa to hug him.)
S. Koopa: Touch me and you die.
(Roger stops running and looks sad.)
Roger: ... Meanie.
S. Koopa: What, now I'm an antagonist?
Lemmy: Yes, you are.
S. Koopa: Says one of Bowser's sons.
Lemmy: ... What's your point?
S. Koopa: Never mind.
Roger: Can I hug you now?
S. Koopa: No.
(Can we get this Interview started now?)
S. Koopa: Well, I can't think of anything else that needs to be done, so sure. Let's bring Hammer Bro out.
(Hammer Bro walks onstage and takes his seat while Roger begins filming.)
S. Koopa: Welcome one and all to-
Lemmy: LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SH-
S. Koopa: Shut up. They know what this is. If they didn't then they're morons. Also, that gag is old.
Lemmy: It may be an old gag, but I still enjoy it.
S. Koopa: Yeah, well I'm sure SOME people find it annoying.
Lemmy: ... Pshh, yeah right.
S. Koopa: Ugh...
Hammer Bro: So, are you going to continue arguing or are you going to interview me?
S. Koopa: Yeah, sorry about that. I'll get this question out of the way, since I know everyone asks this: How do you throw so many hammers? It doesn't seem logically possible to hold that many at one time.
Hammer Bro: Well, along with target practicing, all Hammer Bros. are required to learn a magic spell to replenish hammers as we use them. If that spell is not mastered, a Koopa cannot become a Hammer Bro.
S. Koopa: Wait, so you're telling me that Koopas in Bowser's troops other than Magikoopas are required to learn magic?
Hammer Bro: I'm not sure if other Koopa fields in the troop use magic, but no, Magikoopas are not the only learners of magic in the Koopa Troop.
S. Koopa: Why-
Lemmy: Hey, can I cut in?
S. Koopa: ... Why? Is it another ad?
Lemmy: ... Perhaps.
S. Koopa: Then no.
Lemmy: ... Wait, why did I ask you? I'm your boss!
S. Koopa: Hardly. I don't even get paid for this.
Roger: Me neither!
Hammer Bro: I get paid.
S. Koopa: How much?
Hammer Bro: 20 coins an hour.
S. Koopa: I hate you.
Roger: I still love you!
(Roger hugs S. Koopa.)
S. Koopa: ... Let... Go... Right... Now.
(Roger does so, then resumes his camera duties.)
Lemmy: ... So yeah... Now for a commercial break!
S. Koopa: Wait, wha-
Do you have a wish? Would you like it to be fulfilled? Then come on over to Star Hill! Star Hill has everything you can imagine! Just listen to these satisfied... um... people.
Goomba: This place is so cool!
Monty Mole: It's like a celestial wonderland!
Bob-omb: I hate this place. I was attacked by a freaking mammoth skeleton that was partially-
So what are you waiting for? Trek over to Star Hill, where your wishes do not come true but are just stored for a long time in a physical state so people can invade you privacy!
S. Koopa: ... That commercial was terrible. And the end sounded really similar to the last one we had.
Lemmy: Shut up and do what I pay you to do.
S. Koopa: But I already mentioned that you don't pay me at all.
Lemmy: BLASPHEMY.
S. Koopa: Ugh, whatever. *to Hammer Bro* Why is it that your hammers never seem to harm other members of the Koopa Troop?
Hammer Bro: The spell used to create our hammers makes it so allies can't be hit by them.
S. Koopa: But in New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Yoshi can grab your hammers with his tongue and spit them at your allies to defeat them. How does that work?
Hammer Bro: Because Yoshi is not an ally, him touching the hammer dilutes the spell, making it able to hit basically anyone.
S. Koopa: Why exactly are you called Hammer "Bros”?
Hammer Bro: Because every Hammer Bro is related. We're not all brothers, but we are all relatives, which is why we learn magic and aim so well.
S. Koopa: I'm afraid you lost me on that last part. Could you rephrase that?
Hammer Bro: Most of the offspring of a Hammer Bro inherit the natural affinity of strength, aim, and ability to learn magic.
S. Koopa: What about the ones who don't inherit those abilities?
Hammer Bro: It means that they took after their mother and will have a tougher time learning to master those abilities, though it isn't impossible.
S. Koopa: Can a female Koopa inherit these traits, or become a Hammer... Sis, I guess?
Hammer Bro: Well, they can inherit magical abilities, but the natural talents of strength and aim are something that a girl would need to learn on her own. To answer your second question, no. Female troops are very rare and are not usually accepted unless King Bowser plans to use them for a specific purpose.
S. Koopa: Why did you take direct part in Mario Party 8, as opposed to keeping your coin-taking role from the previous ones?
Hammer Bro: We Hammer Bros. realized that participating would get us some good money from the Board Maps, so we gave it a shot.
S. Koopa: Well, I'm out of questions. Let's turn to the audience! Seat 356!
Paratroopa: How can you catch the ball with your hammer in Mario Superstar Baseball and Mario Super Sluggers?
Hammer Bro: The baseball is actually 70 percent metal, and the hammers we used were magnetic, so the ball just stuck to the hammer until we got hold of it.
Paratroopa: Isn't that kind of like cheati-
(Hammer Bro. tosses a hammer at Paratroopa's head, knocking him out.)
S. Koopa: ... Erm... Seat 45!
Toadette: Why did you wreck my instruments in Mario Party DS?
Hammer Bro: Because all of them were disgraces to life itself. Except drums. I like drums.
Toadette: You broke my drums, too!
Hammer Bro: That was an accident!
S. Koopa: I'm going to make you pay for just bashing almost every musical instrument.
Lemmy: Save it for after the Interview, Dark Avenger.
S. Koopa: Fine. Last question so I can teach this guy that slamming instruments is very much not cool. Seat 7!
Clubba: Why is it that in Super Mario RPG and the Paper Mario games you use wooden hammers, but in every other game you use regular metal hammers?
Hammer Bro: Hammer Bros. are divided into two classes. The ones you saw using wooden hammers are the lower-ranked Hammer Bros., while the higher-ranked ones use metal hammers.
S. Koopa: Well, that's all we have for today! See you next time on Lemmy's Interview Show!
Roger: ... Aren't you going to end the transmission?
S. Koopa: Not just yet.
(S. Koopa pulls out a flamethrower.)
Hammer Bro: ... Where'd you get that from?
S. Koopa: That's none of your concern, because I'm going to-
Wario: KILL YOU!
S. Koopa: NOT YOU AGAIN.
(S. Koopa begins to chase Hammer Bro and Wario around the studio with the flamethrower.)
Roger: ... This "KILL YOU!" thing is going to become a running gag, isn't it?
S. Koopa: It better not!
(This could take a while, so does someone want to end the transmission?)
Lemmy: I'll do it. End transmission.
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