Phil: Welcome back to-
Unknown Audience Member: Booooooooooo.
Phil: Ladies and gentleman, we got ourselves a heckler. What is your problem?
Unknown Audience Member: This show is awful!
Phil: I'll prove it is not awful by asking Cleverbot. Cleverbot, is my show awful?
Cleverbot: *something stupid*
Phil: No, is my show awful?
Cleverbot: *something even more stupid*
Phil: MY SHOW. IS IT AWFUL?
Cleverbot: Yes.
Phil: ... Anyway, here is Mario.
Mario: It's-a me!
Phil: Yeah, yeah, calm down. Why are you shorter then Luigi, but older?
Mario: We are only half brothers, but people just call us brothers to keep it short. And my dad is smaller then his. When I had to live with Luigi and Stepdad, Stepdad always treated Luigi better, gave him the bigger room, the later bedtime, the more ice cream. I HATE YOU, STEPDAD, AND I HATE YOU, LUIGI!
Luigi: What?
Phil: Jeez. Okay, Cleverbot, what should I ask Mario next?
Cleverbot: Ask me about my day.
Phil: By "me" I'm guessing you mean Mario. Mario, how was your day?
Mario: It's only noon, and I sleep in until 11:00, so-
Phil: ANSWER IT!
Mario: Ok, ok, I woke up, had some Mushroom toast and a coffee, went to Peach’s to chat, stole 500,000 coins from a bank, and now here I am, serving my sentence for armed robbery.
Phil: OH HA HA. Next question, Why do you go through all that trouble to save Peach, if all you get is a kiss?
Mario: I think every time I save her, I get a little closer to a committed relationship with her.
Phil: Well you’re wrong!
Unknown Audience Member: Boooooooo!
Phil: Not now! Next question, how do you extract the powers from a power-up?
Mario: I have to eat it, even the flowers and feathers, I eat them. READ WENDY’S PHONEBOOTH, GOD.
Phil: That place is deserted, it smells like Morton in it, and someone drew a stickman doing something I can't say on the air. Next question, what is your biggest pet peeve?
Mario: Mushrooms.
Phil: Oh, I was expecting you to say Bowser, but elaborate.
Mario: Every day I eat Mushrooms, every night I eat Mushrooms, I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE REAL WORLD AND HAVE A PIZZA THAT ISN'T MUSHROOM-FLAVORED, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
Phil: Yes. Last question: How are you shorter and fatter then Luigi, but somehow faster?
Mario: Because he is anorexic, but since his hat is on super tight, he has blood mainly around his head area, which explains why he is fat in the face, but skinny.
Phil: And now we come to you. Caller Number 5, whatcha got?
Caller Number 5: Hi, It's Lakithunder. How did it feel being huge in New Super Mario Bros?
Mario: I don't know, good? What did you expect me to answer?
Caller Number 5: -.- *click*
Phil: Caller Number 7, you're on the air.
Caller Number 7: Hey! This is Bowser Jr! What happened in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, when Peach found another map at the end?
Mario: I grabbed the map, told her not to be stupid, and told her to look at what happened with the first map, then told her again not to be stupid, and left.
Bowser: Hey! Junior isn't even supposed to be on the phone! I told him to stay off until he is done being punished.
(Bowser leaves the studio.)
Phil: Caller Number 3, you're on the air.
Caller Number 3: (quietly) All right, shush, we're on. (normally) Ok, hi, uh, is your refrigerator running? *snickers*
Phil: Uh, obviously, why?
Caller Number 3: Then you'd better go find it! *bursts out laughing*
Phil: I SWEAR IF I EVER FIND YOU I WILL END YOUR LIFE IN THE MOST PAINFUL, LONG, AND EXRUCIATING WAY EVER, SO HELP ME!
(click)
Phil: That’s all the time we have today. Tune in next time when we start a Koopaling Kountdown, where we Interview all the Koopalings, starting with Ludwig von Koopa. See you next time! Security, find the prank caller.
(Security tracks the caller ID to a Toad.)
Toad: What the #*$% you #$$$#?!
(He makes a run for it, but a guard tackles him to the ground.)
Toad: All right, I'm not resisting, I give!
Guard: He's resisting, use some pepper spray!
Toad: What?! No, I AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU ^##$$&^^%%$ I said I give!
Guard: He's still resisting, take out a baton!
Toad: AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH! ALL I FEEL IS PAIN EVERYWHERE @#$#$#$$ AND $@$$#@$ YOU ALSO LIKE TO #^^$%^@# WHILE $%%#%# AND WHILE JUMPING ON A @#$%@^@ WHILE COLLECTING #%^##^%!
Guard: He's still resisting, use the tazer!
Toad: BLAGIDABLAGIDBLAGIDABLAGIDABLAGIDABLAGIDABLAGIDABLAGIDA!
Private: Sir, we've found a Koopa!
(The Koopa makes a break for it.)
Guard: Awww, let him go, all he did was make a harmless prank call.
Toad: WHAT THE #@$@$#%#^#^#%^^@$^@$^@$%^@$^^@$^@$@#$%#%%$^&$%#$%@$%@@$$?!
Guard: You’re going away for a long time, bud. You've got attempted murder, evading police, battery, unlawful use of weapons, along with MANY more. You won't be seeing freedom for a long time.
Toad: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
(The End)
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