Amber: Uhm, hello people. I know I said I'd be back the next day, but the show got canceled. Now we're coming back whether anyone likes it or not. The studio is dusty, the lights are broken, the air smells like... cat litter. But we're doing the Interview. Not that anyone's watching.
Para: Interviews of Interest!
Shy: Can I leave?
Amber: Oh, no no no no, we're going to do an Interview, or so help me-
Shy: AAAHH!
Amber: Wow, I never knew I could be so menacing. What great fortune.
Shy: No, I meant behind you.
Amber: Oh. Sorry. *turns around* I don't see anything. Are you screaming at that particularly moldy brick?
(…)
Amber: Oh. He ran off. Well, who needs him?!
Para: Maybe he was scared of the skeletons chained to the wall?
Amber: Maybe. Pull the lever anyway.
(Para pulls the lever. The machine spins, and gets stuck between Mario and Bowser.)
Amber: Stupid, cheap... What do we do now?
Para: Interview them both?
Amber: You have too many suggestions today. But yes, I believe it would be wonderful to have them both sitting next to each other as we ask them questions.
Para: Really?
Amber: Yep. But I'm going on vacation.
Para: What? The show was canceled for like a ye-
(Doorslam)
Para: *looks around nervously* ... Fine. This'll be interesting. Both of you, get your sorry butts down here.
(Mario and Bowser appear from behind a curtain. They approach the interviewee chair, but there is only one. They look down at the chair, then at each other, and in seconds they are on the ground fighting.)
Para: Hey! HEY! If anyone kills anyone, it'll be me! At you!
(He breaks up the fight. Suddenly the previously empty seats fill up with Bowser fans.)
Para: Now we're talkin'! K, Bowser sir, an easy question to break the ice. Why's your castle so dank and depressing?
Bowser: It gives it a nice touch. I like all the statues of me that line the wall, also. Now, why are you questioning my designing abilities?
Para: Ummm... Sorry, King Bowser, sir. Mario, what's up with the head-crushing thing? You nearly broke my skull a few weeks ago!
Mario: Well, with the armor, what else was I supposed to do?
Para: ... Huh, so you're not an idiot.
Mario: What?
Para: Seems I've been spending too much time on the 'nets. Anyhow, for the both of you, what started this rivalry?
Bowser: He did.
Mario: ... What? You're the one who enslaved the whole Mushroom Ki-
(Bowser smacks Mario in the face. The crowd cheers.)
Bowser: Yeah, I was just going through with my, shall I say, marvelously smart plan, when he and Green Bean showed up. Then they beat me up and took my girlfriend!
Mario: Wait a second, can I just-
(Bowser lays the smack down. The crowd goes nuts.)
Bowser: So I’ve tried desperately to get her back, but this jerk just keeps stealing her back!
Para: Aw, what a tragedy, sir!
(Para glares at Mario.)
Mario: ...
Para: So?
Bowser: So, yeah, that's how it goes. And I think I see my girl in the audience now! Hey, Peachie!
Peach: ...WHAT IN THE WORLD?!
Bowser: Ah, that's my woman.
Para: Next question. Mario, why do you feel the need to thwart Lord Bowser's plans and destroy his most powerful minions?
Mario: Because if I don't, then it's Game Over.
Para: Enough of my attention span. Seat 17, fools.
Wario: This whole thing is just freakin' me out.
Para: You imbecile! That was a period, not a question mark!
Wario: ... Well, then.
Para: Seat 34, then.
Goomba: Mario, why red?
Mario: Why not? It's a nice color.
Goomba: That's your only explanation?
Mario: Yes.
Goomba: Oh.
Mario: Hm.
Goomba: ...
Para: No more of these idiocies. Seat 68, or die.
Magikoopa: Lord Bowser, why waste your time on the Mushroom Kingdom when there are such greater things to accomplish?
Bowser: Oh, I've wanted that place for my own since I was very young. Dad always told me I couldn't do it, but now who's the one buried behind the castle? Joke's on him.
Para: ...
Bowser: What?
Para: Excuse me, sir, but that was particularly morbid.
Bowser: You expected anything different?
Para: Let's just look the other way. Seat 44.
Koopa Troopa: Mario, do you have a crush on Peach?
Mario: Pass.
Para: There's a penalty for passing.
Mario: What?
Para: You die.
Mario: ... Okay... Fine. Yes. I do.
Para: Haha, she's in the audience!
Mario: ... #$%^. I forgot.
Para: Waitaminute, I thought there was no swearing allowed on this show. Lemmy?
(Lemmy is seen sitting in the very back row with a plate of brownies with gummy worms baked into them.)
Lemmy: Yeah?
Para: ... Wha... Y'know, I'm not even gonna ask anymore. And I'm getting bored with the audience’s stupid questions. Mario, Bowser, exactly how much do you hate each other?
(Mario and Bowser look at Para, then at each other, and in seconds they are on the ground in a fistfight.)
Para: HEY! What did I say?!
(Para takes out his sword and stabs it into the floor next to them. They get up and sit back down.)
Para: Thank you. I think that counts as an answer. So, Mario, do you have any obsession whatsoever with any dairy products?
Mario: ... What?
Para: As I said, do you have any affiliation with a certain milk byproduct?
Mario: I don't... I'm not... What?
Para: Do you like cheese?!
Mario: ... Not particularly, no.
(Para stares blankly at Mario for a few minutes.)
Para: What. Are you saying everything I learned from the Internet is WRONG?!
(Suddenly Amber bursts through the door in a Hawaiian shirt.)
Amber: Oh, I had the best time! Coconuts and palm trees everywhere! Hard to believe I was still at the airport- Para, what's wrong with you?
Para: YOU LIED TO ME!
(Para chases Amber into the street.)
Amber: End transmission! AAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!!!
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