S. Koopa: All right, I'm back from my hiatus.
(You left?)
S. Koopa: Yeah, about four months ago or something.
(So what made you come back?)
S. Koopa: Well....
(Lemmy is seen tapping his foot at the doorway of the entrance. He clears his throat.
S. Koopa: Yeah, Lemmy told me that this interviewing business is supposedly more constant than I thought.
(Oh. So who's your Lakitu friend with you?)
S. Koopa: ... Oh, you mean Roger? I just hired him a few days ago.
Roger: Hi.
S. Koopa: Yes, he'll be our new cameraman, seeing as doing both the Interview and camera work is a bit tedious.
Lemmy: Can we get started already?
S. Koopa: Of course we can. Please, just settle down.
Lemmy: ... People say 'please', still?
S. Koopa: ...
Roger: ...
S. Koopa: ... Anyways, Roger, get the camera.
Roger: Okeydokes!
S. Koopa: Oh, and one other thing?
Roger: Yeah?
S. Koopa: Don't say 'okeydokes'. Like... ever.
Roger: Will do!
(Roger signals “three, two, one" and turns on the camera.)
S. Koopa: Welcome, everyone, to-
Lemmy: LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW!!!
S. Koopa: ... Yeah, that. Anyways, today I will be interviewing Air Cheep!
(Air Cheep floats onstage and onto the Interviewee Chair.)
Air Cheep: (waving at camera) HI PEOPLE!!!
S. Koopa: So, let's kick off this Interview. For starters, how can you float in midair?
Air Cheep: Actually, our bodies are covered in tiny holes. We use the holes to inhale oxygen to inflate ourselves and release carbon dioxide from our undersides to hover.
S. Koopa: So, you breathe air?
Air Cheep: Yup.
S. Koopa: Does that mean that you can't live underwater?
Air Cheep: Well, we can hold our breath for up to eight hours and can stay underwater until we need to breathe again.
S. Koopa: Interesting. Where are Air Cheeps found?
Air Cheep: We can live on Shiver Mountain, but most of our race is microscopic and live in Koopas.
S. Koopa: ... Koopas?
Air Cheep: Yeah. Like yo... oh.
S. Koopa: Yeah, that's a bit awkward. So, um, is there a difference between you and your microscopic counterparts?
Air Cheep: Aside from size and diet, no.
Lemmy: I'm gonna cut in for a second.
S. Koopa: ... For what?
Lemmy: Commercial break.
S. Koopa: I thought Lemmy's Land didn't have any adver-
***
Announcer: Join the incredible fun and jolliness at Lemmy's Land Forum! Here at LLF, we run new meat- I mean members through various fatal trial- I mean fun games! That's right, Lemmy's Land Forum! The place where dreams do not come true but you can make some Internet friends!
Disclaimer: Results may vary.
***
Lemmy: There. That's better.
S. Koopa: ... Was there a real point in that? LLF is barely linked to Lemmy's Land anymore.
Lemmy: (whispering) But the reader doesn't know that.
You (Yeah, YOU): I do now.
Lemmy: ... Get on with the Interview.
S. Koopa: That was my intention, anyway. So, is that cork in your head natural or did you put it there?
Air Cheep: We're born with it. It grows and strengthens as we age.
S. Koopa: Is there any particular reason for it being there?
Air Cheep: Well, it controls the opening and closing of the holes on our bodies, so yes; it regulates our breathing.
S. Koopa: What happens if it's pulled out?
Air Cheep: We deflate and must hold the breath we have until a new cork grows in its place, which takes about a half hour. Until then, we can't do anything.
S. Koopa: Well, that's all for me. Let's turn to the audience!
Roger: Hey, wait. Can I ask a question?
S. Koopa: Uh... Sure, go on ahead.
Roger: Are Air Cheeps usually peaceful?
Air Cheep: Yes, we are.
Roger: Then why did you attack Mario and Luigi?
Air Cheep: The Air Cheeps inside of Bowser must have mistaken them for some kind of threat to his body. Attacking was their defense for Bowser.
S. Koopa: Nice question, there. All right, now let's move to Audience Question Time for real! Seat 347.
Yoshi: How do you feel about Bowser?
Air Cheep: Well, he has Air Cheeps inside of him, so, I guess he's all right.
S. Koopa: Seat 76.
Vivian: Do you have any relation to Bowser? Like, as minions?
Air Cheep: Nope. We are an independent race from society.
S. Koopa: Seat 493.
Squig: If you live on Shiver Mountain, why weren't you in Paper Mario?
Air Cheep: We migrated to Ice Land during that time, which was spring.
Squig: Migrate? But... you guys are fish.
Air Cheep: FLOATING fish. We migrate from Shiver Mountain to Ice Land from spring to fall. From fall to spring we move back to Shiver Mountain.
S. Koopa: Well, that's all the time we have for today. See you next time-
Lemmy: ON LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW!!!
S. Koopa: ... When I interview Hammer Bro! Air Cheep, would you like to do the honors?
Air Cheep: End transmission!
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