(An audience is seated in a fairly small studio, murmuring to each other. Lakitu, from Super Mario 64, the Mario Karts, and Mario Super Sluggers, checks his camera and equipment.)
Lakitu: 2 minutes ‘til airtime!
(A human girl in her early twenties, standing just offstage, tests her portable microphone. She is wearing a green and leafy tank-top and shorts and has long, brown hair tied back in a ponytail. A few Yoshis that are gathered around say some encouraging words to her in their native tongue, and she replies likewise. Lemmy rolls on his ball from stage-right, takes his place at center, blows into his portable mic a few times, waves to the cheering fans, and gets ready to start.)
Wendy: MAKEUP!
(She runs up to Lemmy with a powder-puff and smacks him in the face with it a few times, then runs off.)
Lemmy: *cough, cough* Sis! A, a, ACHOO!!!
(He falls down and his ball rolls off the stage and down the center aisle. The girl mentioned before gets onstage and helps him up.)
Yumi: You okay?
Lemmy: Yeah, I had a ball! And now the audience is having one! *rim-shot*
(The audience laughs.)
Iggy: Here, Hip!
(He throws Lemmy his ball.)
Lemmy: Thanks, Hop!
Wendy: MAKEUP!
(She smacks powder on Yumi’s face and runs off.)
Yumi: *cough, cough* What is makeup, exactly?
Lemmy: … Man, where have you been living most of your life?
Yumi: Well, Yoshi’s Island.
Lemmy: Oh, I see. Well, it’s something my sister puts on to make herself ‘more beautiful’. I think it’s more a form of torture, for the wearer and the beholder!
Wendy: MAKEUP!
(She runs throughout the audience and does it to everyone she runs by.)
Audience: *cough, cough*
Bowser: WENDY!!!
Wendy: Just doing my duty, King Daddykins!
Yumi: 0_0! (whispering to Lemmy) Your dad is here?!
Lemmy: (whispering back) Don’t worry, everything will be okay… I think.
Lakitu: Places, everyone! All right, we’re going live in 10, 9, 8, 7…
Yumi: ^-^o …
Lemmy: :D
Lakitu: 6, 5, 4…
Audience: …
Lakitu 3, 2, 1… and rolling!
Bowser Jr: CH WAY IS THE POTTY?!?!
Yumi: >-<
Lemmy: :D o …
(A red Kremling security guard comes and escorts Bowser Jr. to the facilities…)
Lemmy: Um, welcome, ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages, to… LEMMY’S INTERVIEWS!
(The audience gives out fervent applause, whooping, cheering, etc…)
Lemmy: The show where a Lemmy’s Land tourist gets to interview a Mushroom World celebrity or interesting creature! Today, please welcome our interviewer: Yumi the Yoshi Tamer!
(The audience applauds.)
Lemmy: Take it away, Yumi! Just bring it back when you’re done!
(The audience laughs as Lemmy rolls offstage.)
Yumi: Uh… Hello everyone! Thank you for having me here in Lemmy’s Land-
(The audience gives out fervent applause, whooping, cheering, etc…)
Yumi: …today. Now then, today our guest is… Mario, the Hero of the Mushroom Kingdom!
(Mario walks onstage.)
Most of the audience: YEAH! WHOO! GO MARIO! MARIO!
Some of the audience (Bowser and his people): BOO! HISS! GET OUT OF HERE, PLUMBER!
Mario: Hello everyone! I’m-a so happy to be here!
Yumi: Hi, Mario! Great to see you!
Mario: Yumi! How have-a you been, paisano?
Yumi: Great! But, I'm here to ask YOU questions.
Mario: Okey-dokey; let's-a go with the Interview!
(Mario takes his seat, and Yumi sits opposite.)
Yumi: First, I've heard that you and your brother were born in the Mushroom Kingdom, and after a while, you disappeared. What happened?
Mario: Well, from what we've-a heard from Toadsworth, when Luigi and I were about-a one-and-a-half years old or so, it was learned that Kamek and Bowser planned to do away with us once and for all-a. Our parents were-a warned, and it was decided that we had to be sent to a place where-a no one would ever find us… the Real World! With-a notes pinned to our caps, we were taken down a secret warp pipe and ended up in-a Flatbush, Brooklyn, New York. Our parents left us on-a the doorstep of an Italian couple… and I guess that was the last we ever saw of them. ..
We were-a raised by our adoptive parents until we graduated High School, and got a few odd-a jobs that didn't really work out. It was around that time that I-a told Luigi about dreams that I kept having, and that a huge pipe would always be in them. Luigi told me that he had the same dreams, and so we took that as a sign that we were-a called to be plumbers! That was the career that stuck. We-a didn’t make all that much money, but we loved our work. Eventually, we were-a called to fix a lady’s shower drain, and got sucked down it and into the Mushroom Kingdom!…
When-a we came rolling out of the pipe, we unknowingly bowled over several Koopa soldiers and scared Bowser off a cliff! That’s-a when we met Princess Peach and Toad, whom we had just ‘rescued’. That was the start of all our adventures here!...
At first Luigi and I didn’t really remember ever being here before then, but there was-a just something about this place that both of us couldn’t get over. After trying a few times to go back-a to Brooklyn, we eventually realized that we belonged here… And, that’s-a how it happened!
Yumi: *wipes away a tear* That was incredible.
Kamek: Curses! If only my Toadies wouldn’t have been so incompetent; and if I hadn’t had my hands full with Master Bowser and his sick father…
Bowser: And you did NOT ‘scare’ me off the cliff! I, I just… thought I’d get one step ahead by waiting for Peach at the bottom! She just never came… cuz you didn’t knock her off... like I thought you would. Yeah…
Yumi: Okay, next question: How do you feel about your brother Luigi?
Mario: He’s-a the best brother a guy could ask for! We’ve-a always been close, probably being twins has something to do with it. Sure, we have squabbles sometimes, and-a we do have our differences, but what makes us such a great team is that one’s strengths usually compliments the other’s weaknesses. Really, I couldn’t imagine life without Luigi.
Luigi: … Thanks, Bro… *sniff*
Mario: Anytime. ^_^
Wario: YOU MAKE-A ME SICK!!!
(He runs out the door with his mouth covered and his face green.)
Yumi: Next question: I hear you really like to eat; what is your favorite food?
Mario: Oh boy, that’s a tough one! Hmmmmm…
Waluigi: Just say it already: CHEESE!
Mario: … No, cheese is good, but it’s-a not my favorite. Hmmmmmmm… I CAN’T DECIDE BETWEEN PASTA AND PIZZA!!!
Yumi: Okay, okay! It’s all right, that covers it! Last question before the audience questions: Are you afraid of anything? I heard recently that even when Bowser grew to the size of a planet and threatened to crush you when you came to rescue Peach, you didn’t show any sign of fear!
Mario: Well, I do have fears, just-a like anyone else.
Bowser: … Well?! Go on…
Mario: …
Bowser and his people: …
Mario: My worst fear… is…
(Bowser leans forward in his seat until he falls onto the person in front of him.)
Poor Goomba that Bowser crushed: … My worst fear just came true!
Mario: … The Mushroom Kingdom getting conquered by evil tyrants! That’s why I do what I do!
(Bowser and the Goomba start sobbing.)
Yumi: Well, that makes sense. (Someone get that poor Goomba a Mushroom!). All right, audience questions! Seat SENSITIVECLOUDPRINCE.
Mallow: Have you ever cried in front of anyone?
Mario: Does that-a count when I was a bambino?
Mallow: No.
Mario: Well, when we were on Isle Delfino during my-a Sunshine adventure and I had just finished battling Bowser on Corona Mountain, we-a fell from the battle platform to the ground, and FLUDD, my talking water pack who helped me through everything there, got badly damaged. His-a last words before he faded out were: “Mario, was I of assistance…?” That hit me right there *points to his heart* I shed a few tears; I don’t-a know if Peach saw or not.
Mallow: *sniffle, sniffle* That’s so sad… WAAAAAHHHH!
(The sound of pouring rain can suddenly be heard on the roof.)
Mario: But Toadsworth and-a the Toads fixed him later, and we-a enjoyed a great vacation all together!
(Mallow stops crying and the rain stops.)
Mallow: I love happy endings!
Yumi: Seat PRINCESSINPINK.
Peach: Do you ever get tired of having to go through all those dangers and challenges all the time?
Mario: Sometimes it can be hard work… but I do love adventure. And besides, seeing your smiling face at the end makes-a everything worth it!
Peach: *^_^*
Mario: ^_^
Bowser: >:(
Yumi: Tee hee! ^_^ Seat ALLHAILKINGBOWSER.
Koopa: YOU KOOPA-HATING CREEP! YOU GOOMA-STOMPING GOODIE-GOODIE! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK YOU CAN JUST POUND ANY OF US THAT GET IN YOUR WAY?! YOU ARE SO PREJUDICED!
Mario: Woah! I-a don’t hate Goombas and Koopas! In fact, I’m-a very good friends with some! And any of-a your kind that I did battle, I did it to defend myself or others; I-a don’t just ‘pound’ things for no reason.
Koopa: A LIKELY STORY!
Mario: Look, if-a you were walking along and guys just ran up to you with-a drool in the corner of their mouth and-a dollar signs in their eyes wanting to do whatever they can to you or-a your friends to get a promotion or fame or whatever, would you just let them do it?
Koopa: … I never thought of it that way before.
Bowser: TREASON!
Koopa: Eeep!
(Koopa withdraws into his shell.)
Yumi: 0_0… Seat MRLEANANDGREEN
Luigi: Can I sleep on-a the top bunk tonight?
Mario: *sigh* No, Luigi.
Luigi: Oh come on! You never let me anymore!
Mario: Do you really want-a me to say why?
Luigi: YES!
Mario: Because you sleepwalk, Luigi! Last time you were on-a the top bunk, you fell off and hit the floor right next to me! Scared-a me half to death! When I asked you if you were all right, you-a said something about “Perfect 10!” and then went to the sink, turned the water on, and-a stuck your head under it. I turned the water off when you started shouting for help, and then you yelled at me for-a my ‘practical joke’.
Luigi: Oh… hehehe… That’s-a why I ached all over that morning.
Mario: That’s-a why.
Luigi: Okey-dokey…
Yumi: XD ! Last audience question! Seat ONESWEETDINO.
Yoshi: What is your favorite power-up? And what is your favorite out of my power-ups?
Mario: Hmmmm… I’d-a have to say that right now, my favorite is-a the Red Star from my first Galaxy adventure! I could fly anywhere! And I also like it when-a you get wings… That’s-a fun!
Yoshi: Yeah, it is! ^_^
Yumi: Cool. Well, I guess that’s all the time we have for today, so-
(Suddenly the lights turn off.)
Yumi: Huh, what happened?
The audience murmurs.
Peach: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Toadsworth: Princess!
Bowser: BWAHAHAHAHA!
Audience: *gasp!*
Yumi: Emergency lighting!
(Watt from Paper Mario floats up and illuminates the room. A Bowser-shaped hole is seen in the side of the wall and Peach and Bowser’s people are gone.)
Mario: Gotta go! Ciao, everyone!
(He leaps off the stage and runs through the hole after Bowser.)
Yumi: Awww man… Why now?
(The studio starts vibrating and it sounds like something just lifted off outside. Then Bullet Bills start to crash through the walls. The audience starts screaming, shouting, and yelling while running for their lives.)
Yumi: END TRANSMISSION!
(The last that is seen is a grinning Bullet Bill coming at the camera at full speed.)
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