Vanilla Dome Castle, Lemmy’s Quarters, June 18, 12:38 PM
Lemmy: What should I do today…?
(Onyx crashes through the window and into Lemmy’s head.)
Lemmy: OW!!! You know, there IS a door here…
Onyx: I know. But no point in having wings if I don’t use ‘em.
Lemmy: I guess. Anyway, why are you here? Where’s Queen Sunny?
Onyx: She’s at home recovering from some gnarly missile attack. Sunny said you’d be her next interviewee, but since she’s temporarily out of commission, I’m here in her place.
Lemmy: Ah. Wait, an Interview? (Fantastic! Finally I have something to do!) Let’s go have the Interview in the throne room.
Onyx: K.
In the throne room…
Onyx: Hi, I’m Onyx and this is-
Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview-
Onyx: Dude, don’t. You managed to get away with this with the other interviewers, but you will not get away with this with me. Do I make myself clear?
Lemmy (turning white like his father did in the first Interview): Yes.
Dark Koopa (in seat BALLOONS): Finally! HA!!! Oh wait, BALLOONS!!!
Onyx: Now, first q: what’s with the lazy eye?
Lemmy: As a kid, Iggy wasn’t the only one getting beaten into a bloody pulp by Roy…
Onyx: Oooohhh, that‘s why. So how come your eyes were normal in the cartoons?
Lemmy: I had corrective surgery, but it wore off in the later games.
Onyx: I can see that. Now, here’s a question written by a classified source: how come it seems that when you appear in other people’s Interviews, you manage to mess them up?
Lemmy (turning beet red): I would like to know who wrote that question right now…
(Calypso is sitting in the audience, snickering.)
Onyx (smirking): Um, I’m sorry, but that info is classified. So last q before we go to the audience: what’s your favorite game, Nintendo or non-Nintendo?
Lemmy: Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga. It was my first (and maybe only) RPG role, minor or major.
Mario (in seat KEWLDEWD): You could count the Japanese version of Super Princess Peach as your second and last, since it’s structured somewhat like an RPG.
Onyx: Hmm… I never thought about it that way… Seat THEWAYILOOKWASNOTMYORIGINALCONCEPTART!
Rosalina: How come you’re so short?
Lemmy: I’m up late at night always updating my website, making me as short as I am.
Onyx: Seat SILLIESTRUNNINGGAGINDARKKOOPASINTERVIEWS!
Fracktail: *mist appears* THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO-
Onyx: NO.
Fracktail: Fine. Do you like chocolate?
Onyx (wailing): You didn’t…
Ludwig (in seat IRUINEDASPONGEBOBGAG): Chocolate? Did you just say chocolate?
Lemmy (rolling his working eye): Here we go. I’ll handle this.
Ludwig: CHOCOLATE!!! CHOC-
(He gets frozen by Lemmy’s gun.)
Lemmy: That’s better. As for the jinx’s question, yes I do.
Onyx: Seat TALKINGPOWERSTAR!
Luma: How come in NSMBW you looked so different from Iggy, but you looked nearly the same in other games and in the cartoons?
Lemmy: Iggy one day decided to change his hair. As for how he got so tall and skinny, I have no clue. And- ROY!!! PUT THE LASER HAMMER DOWN NOW!!!
Roy: WHY?!
Lemmy: Because Mom’ll kill us both, you for assault and battery, me for not telling her you’ve been doing that the whole time.
Roy: Grrrr… Fine. But don’t think you’ll be off the hook next time.
Onyx: I shudder to think what will happen when someone else of the Siren Crew gets to interview him…
Geno (in seat IMMAFIRINMALAAAAZAAAA): This reminds me of Martin’s Interviews…
Lemmy: Seat THUNDERCATSCHARACTERTHATSHOULDHAVEBEENINANINTENDOGAME!
Mumm-Ra: Do you know there’s a giant bomb hanging over your heads?
Everyone looks up.
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Onyx: I have a sinking feeling Karma had something to do with this. End transmission before this place looks like the moon.
Lemmy: This is my Interview, so I should-
TRANSMISSION ENDED
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