John: Hello everyone, and welcome to another one of my Interviews. First of all, *turns to Spak* how in the world did you survive when I went Texas Chainsaw Massacre on you?
Spak: We ended transmission before you got to me.
John: ... You cheated.
Spak: *sigh*
John: Well whatever. Now, let’s bring in our interviewee, THE CHOOMBA!
(Suddenly a Choomba bashes through a door and charges at John and Spak.)
Choomba: KILL!!!
John: Woah nelly!
(John barely manages to jump out of the Choomba's way. Spak, however…)
Spak: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
(Spak ends up as a pancake as he gets smashed against the wall.)
Spak: Medic…
John: What the?! You do not do that to Spak... Only I can!
Choomba: KILL!
(He charges at Johnson, who dodges out of the way. Just then Lemmy comes in and presses a button on a remote, which summons leather straps to hold him down.)
Choomba: GRR! KILLKILLKILLKILL!
John: Whew, wasn't that convenient that Lemmy showed up right now to stop the Choomba.
Lemmy: Actually I was waiting outside for something like that to happen
John: ... Why?
Lemmy: I knew something like that would happen.
John: ... Ok.
Lemmy: *sigh*
(Lemmy walks out the door.)
John: All right, so, Mr. Choomba, how are you doing tonight?
Choomba: KILL!
John: Um... Spak, why does he keep saying kill?
Spak: (crawling over) Well, there is a possibility that that is his language.
Choomba: No it not!
(John takes one of his hammers and bashes Spak with it.)
Spak: OW! What was that for?!
John: For being wrong. Moving on... What game are you from and what do you do?
Choomba: KILL!
John: Uh... Spak, what is this game called "KILL", and why have I not heard of it?
Spak: There is no game named "KILL". That mechanical Goomba from Bowser's Inside Story is just a psychopath.
John: Why did you answer the question I asked him?
Spak: Because frankly, I don’t think he will answer anytime soon.
John: I DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR OPINION!
(BASH)
Spak: OW! Can you not see I’m in an injured state now?!
John: Oh, sorry.
(BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH)
Spak: Somebody please, just end my misery right now…
Everyone: No.
John: Ok then, next question. Who built you?
Choomba: ME NO WANT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION!
Bowser: JUST ANSWER HIS DUMB QUESTIONS SO WE ALL CAN GO HOME!
Morton: HEY DAD, POP, KING OF KOOPAS, IS THIS A YELLING GAME, ACTIVITY, EXERCISE-
Everyone Else: NO!!!
Choomba: Me was built in train.
Spak: The Fawful Express?
John: Shut it, Spak!
(SUPER BASH!)
Lemmy: "Super Bash", seriously? "SUPER BASH", who came up with super bash anyway?
John: When did you get here?
Lemmy: I'm here because I'm getting major complaints that your Interview is not progressing very well.
John: Well it’s not my fault I have lazy staff...
Spak: Need... doctor... now…
John: -a yelling mechanical Goomba...
Choomba: KILL KILL!
John: -and-
Lemmy: I don't care, ‘cause if you don't make this Interview work, you’re fired!
John: *SUPER GASP*
Lemmy: Uh... Yeah.
(Lemmy leaves.)
John: Ok Choomba, why do you puff smoke showing whether you’ll jump over Bowser or charge into him, conveniently shown as a fist (charging) or a shell (jumping)?
Choomba: Uh... Me think it has to do with the fact that our engines tell us what to do and the smoke helps us remember, ‘cause if they don’t, then bad thing happens.
John: What happens?
Choomba: Nuclear explosions.
John: Um...
Spak: That doesn’t make any sense.
John: Quiet, you. So, next question, why do those pincer things help make a Choomba charge three times instead of just two?
Choomba: Because it like coal, it makes our engines stronger.
John: Um... Great, I guess. So I seem to be out of questions. Am I fired, Lemmy?
Lemmy: Sadly, no.
John: Whew... Hey, Choomba?
Choomba: What?
John: Would you like a job here?
Spak: You've got to be kidding.
Choomba: Can I destroy many things?
John: As long as I say so, my giant, metallic friend.
Spak: What use do you have for a psychotic Choomba?
John: Well, it has all the useful qualities I'm looking for: destroying you.
Spak: ...
Choomba: Uh oh, my medication is wearing off.
John: Well I’m going to run for my life now, seeya!
Spak: Wait! What about me?!
(Suddenly the Choomba breaks out of his trap and charges at Spak.)
Spak: AHH!!! END TRANSMISSION!
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