Lemmy: Well, another day, another successful Interview. But you know, I feel like I’m forgetting something real important. Hmm…
(Lemmy thinks for a moment until his eyes widen.)
Lemmy: Uh oh.
(Lemmy runs into his secret roomm where he finds Wario and Waluigi licking their fingers.)
Lemmy: Hey, what happened to Double G Goomba and his gang?
Wario: Oh yeah, you didn’t come back for two years so we ate them.
Lemmy: You did what now?
Morton: He ate them, swallowed them up, opened his mouth and-
Lemmy: Ok, I get the point; now let’s have a moment of silence for G.G. and his gang.
One second later...
Lemmy: Ok, enough of that. Let’s go home and have some cake, Morton.
Morton: …
Lemmy: What, no catchphrase?
Morton: I’m tired of being the bane of everyone jokes! I’m going to take stand against these people who make fun of me and-
Lemmy: It has strawberry on it.
Morton: STRAWBERRY CAKE!!!!
Meanwhile in the legion of do- I mean in the Underwhere...
G.G: Uh… Where are we?
Koopa 13: *yawn* Wha... what was that?
Chompy: Arf arf.
G.G: Oh man, I don’t know. The last thing I can remember is that we were in a cage with the Wario Brothers, and then... OH GROSS! I think they ate us alive.
Koopa 13: What, they devoured us? Are we even alive?!
G.G: Well if that’s the case then any moment now-
???: WELL HI!
(A smiling Shadey appears.)
Shaydey: Welcome, folks, to the Underwhere, the land of ended games
G.G: Yup, we’re dead.
Koopa 13: Well in that case, we’d better find a way out of this situation, if that is possible.
Chompy: YIPE YIPE!
Koopa 13: Anyway, you think you can give us a hand, you ghostly figure?
Shaydey: HA! That’s rich; you cant just leave the Underwhere, you would be cheating death.
G.G: And we should care, why?
Shaydey: It upsets the natural order of things.
G.G. Crew: …
Shaydey: Which is bad.
Chompy: GRRRR
Shadey: Look man, it's not my call. If you really can’t accept being dead you might as well go talk to Queen Jaydes, ruler of the Underwhere.
Chompy: Hehehe... Underwear...
Koopa 13: Jaydes,. huh? Where can we find her?
Shaydey: She lies across the River Twygx at her fortress.
(One platforming section later…)
Jaydes: Welcome, mortals, I am Jaydes, ruler of the Underwhere.
Chompy: Hehehehehehe
Koopa 13: So you’re Queen Jaydes, huh? You look more ugly than the last time you were seen in Super Paper Mario.
(Koopa 13 is struck by lightning.)
Jaydes: Silence fool, I’ll have you know I am still as young-looking as I was 1,500 years ago!
G.G: Well, getting to the point, we want out of here.
Jaydes: That all depends; if your sins are light then the Overthere awaits you, if not-
G.G: No, you don’t understand, we want to go back to the living world.
(Jaydes and all the D-men laugh.)
Jaydes: You really think I'm just going to let you out like that? If I let you guys return to life then I would have to let everyone here out, plus it would upset the natural order of life and death.
Koopa 13: Who cares about the others? They all seem to enjoy living in the Underwhere, they are nothing like us. Come to think of it, I don't even see anyone that looks like us. Besides, you helped that ketchup-loving plumber Mario get out.
Jaydes: That’s because he was not really dead, he was sent here alive.
G.G: How can you be sent here alive? From what I saw in the game, he got blown up; and the last time I checked, normal people die when they get blown to ash.
Jaydes: Well if you’re going to make a big deal out of it then maybe I could let you out, under one condition.
Chompy: ???
Jaydes: Well...
G.G: Don’t tell me, let me guess; you want us to interview you, right?
Jaydes: Wow, good guess.
G.G: Why is it that every time we want something from someone, all they want in return is an Interview? Whatever happened to just plain old currency or making someone their slave?
Chompy: Grrrrrrr.
G.G: That’s true; this IS in the Interview section of Lemmy’s Land.
????: Oh Mother!
(Luvbi and Grambi wander onto the screen.)
Luvbi: Mother, I hear that thou are to be on a TV interview, so Father and I cameth as fast as we could.
Jaydes: Well, not exactly, dear…
G.G: Hey look, guys, it's an ugly, talking incarnation of a Pure Heart.
Koopa 13: Pure Heart incarnation? Nice one, hahahahaha...
Chompy: *gulp*
Koopa 13: What?
(Grambi squishes the G.G. Crew with a yellow block.)
Grambi: Ungrateful fools, thou hast no right to talk to thine daughter that way.
Luvbi: Yea, thou should learnth some respect when in thine presence of a lady.
G.G: Ouch, I ought to teach YOU some respect, you little....
Jaydes: >:(
G.G: Yeesh, angry emoticon. All right then, let’s do this already so we can get out of this stink hole. Jaydes, what exactly are you supposed to be, species-wise?
Jaydes: Well I am a bigger incarnation of a D-man, or rather, D-woman.
G.G: Not like anyone can tell the difference.
(Lightning strikes.)
Jaydes: I can do this all day if I have to, so watch it!
Koopa 13: Whatever, sheesh! Pure Heart in... I... I mean Luvbi, how were you able to become a Nimbi again after you reverted back to a Pure Heart?
Luvbi: I do not know even to this day. Father believes it to be what is known as a miracle.
G.G: It's a miracle that mouth of yours doesn’t fall off with all the jib-jab that comes out of it.
Chompy: Bark bark
G.G: He asks why you made a Pure Heart into a Nimbi in the first place.
Grambi: I was trying to protect thine Pure Heart from evil that could obtain it.
G.G: Then why didn't you just put a lock on it or something?
Luvbi: Because Father wants a daughter as cute and loveable as thineself.
G.G: Sounds to me like your birth was an accident.
(Luvbi smacks G.G.)
Luvbi: Thou haveth some nerve to talk to me that way.
Koopa 13: ... This is really starting to get me freaked out; I would rather have been in Bowser's castle.
Luvbi: Thou shall ask a question to us now, ungrateful turtle of 13
Koopa 13: Was it true that Bonechill was actually a Nimbi and it was it you guys that imprisoned him in the Underwhere?
Chompy: Hahahahahahahaha.
Jaydes: Yes, this is true. He was once the leader of the Skellobit army that used to work in the Underwhere as foot soldiers.
G.G: So what happened?
Grambi: Because thou Bonechill remained in the darkness of the Underwhere for so long leading the army, he was corrupted by the darkness that lay hither in the Underwhere.
Chompy: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Jaydes: He went on a rampage trying to steal the Pure Heart, but Grambi and I sealed him away in the depths of the River Twygx along with the Skellobit army, until Count Bleck freed him.
Chompy: Heheheheh... Bark bark.
G.G: He asked why the River Twygx has a boat crossing when you could easily swim across it.
Shadey: What? You can swim across it? I heard that you would be pulled into endless darkness if that happened.
Jaydes: Oh, um... He's only kidding, only kidding. Te he he he he…
Luvibi: Keep this thine secret, but Mother hast been using thine cell phone minutes too much lately, so she set up the boat crossing as a way to earnith some cash to pay thine cell phone bills.
Koopa 13: Okay, are we done yet, Jaydes?
(Lightning strikes.)
Jaydes: NO!!!
G.G: What was that for?
Jaydes: Because I hate you.
G.G: Well thanks. Can we at least start doing audience question now or something?
Chompy: Bark bark.
G.G: Oh right, there is no audience. Suggestions, anyone?
Koopa 13: Dunno.
Jaydes: How about I improvise?
(Jaydes blows her whistle and calls all her D-men… Woah, I finally just got that.)
Jaydes: This should do, correct?
G.G: Well I guess so, anything to speed this up. Ok then, you over there, what's your question?
D-Men: ME?!
Koopa 13: Uh... How about you on the very far left, wearing the loincloths.
D-Man: Where did you get that pure triangle in the first place?
G.G: I think you mean Pure Heart?
D-Man: What, are you like those guys on forums who have to correct every mistake I make? Sheesh.
(This message is brought to you by the Lemmy’s Land Forum, the gathering of Tourists and Noobs alike since 2001.)
Grambi: Thou came into possession of the Pure Heart about 1,500 years ago. A wise woman of the tribe of Ancients gave it to me. She informed me that I must gaurdth the Pure Heart from evil until four heroes would arise to use it for the greater good of mankind.
G.G: And thus thy spoiled brat was born.
Luvbi: Humph. I have nothing to say to you, Two G Goomba.
Chompy: Bark bark?
G.G: Yes, I am a Luvbi-hater, Chompy. What was your first clue? How about you over there?
D-Man: I was just replaying Super Paper Mario and I was wondering, what happened to Dimentio? Shouldn’t he be down here somewhere?
Jaydes: Ah yes, him. I felt that he deserved a more fitting punishment so I sent him to a place far worse than this.
Meanwhile...
Dimentio: No! Get me outta here!
(Dimentio is seen trapped inside of a bad fan fiction about himself.)
G.G: Wow, that is a fate worse than death itself.
D-man: If you and Grambi are married, why do you live separately?
Jaydes: Well someone has to guard the Overthere. If we were together then we would leave one place or the other vulnerable to badguys like Bonechill.
D-man: Why do you have fruit in the Overthere with so many different weird side effects?
Grambi: Let’s just say... thou should never use hair care products when growing thine tree. I learned that the hard way.
G.G: Ok, one more question from me. Luvbi, why are you such a brat?
Luvbi: Thy art not a brat, I am thine cutest and loveliest Nimbi that hast ever existed.
G.G: Really? Looks to me like you fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch.
Luvbi: Waaaaaaaah! Mother, Father! Thine Mushroom-head is making fun of me.
Jaydes: Don’t fret, dear, he’s only mad because his species is the lowest form of living organism in the Mushroom Kingdom.
G.G: Hey, I'll have you know we Goombas are more valuable than any Nimbi any day of the week.
Jaydes: Just having someone stomp on you defeats you.
G.G: You know what? I think we’re finished here, you discriminating jerks. Now if you don’t mind, we’d like you to bring us back to life.
Jaydes: Nope, not gonna happen.
Koopa 13: What?! I thought you would let us out of this dump if we interviewed you?
Jaydes: Well I changed my mind, I don’t help a bunch of jerks who insult my family.
Gramib: Thou did not really think thine wife would let you out just like that, did you?
G.G: Bah, you lying little-
Chompy: Bark bark.
G.G: What is it, Chompy?
(Chompy begins to mumble something in G.G's ear.)
G.G: Why didn't I think of that?
Jaydes: ???
G.G: Say Jaydes, we have one more question for you before we spend eternity here.
Jaydes: I'm listening.
G.G: What were those words you used to bring Mario back to life again?
Jaydes: Nice try, but that’s not going to work on me.
Luvbi: HA HA! Thou did not really think thine mother would tell you that it's gameovergameovergameovergameovergameover CONTINUE, did you?
Jaydes: LUVBI!!!
(Suddenly a portal to the living world appears.)
G.G: Bwa ha ha! I should have know that big mouth of yours would come in handy. See ya, Dumbi.
(G.G. jumps into the portal.)
Koopa 13: Sweet! Our ticket to our world has arrived. Time to go go go, Chompy!
Chompy: Arf Arf!
Koopa 13: Well it was nice knowing you guys. I hope you feel comfortable remembering all the insults we said about you.
(The two jump into the portal.)
Jaydes: … I'm putting you up for adoption.
Back at Lemmy’s studio...
Lemmy: Well, better start closing up.
(Suddenly a burst of light flashes and the G.G. Crew appears.)
G.G: Phew, we made it back in one piece
Koopa 13: I thought we would never get out of there. That had to be worse than getting nightmares of Gonzales Jr. kicking me around the room.
Lemmy: Woah, you’re alive- I mean, you’re alive! Thank goodness, I thought that-
G.G Crew: *DEATH STARE*
Lemmy: Um, he he he he… I bet you’re probably still mad at me for locking you up in that cage for two years. Well there is a very good expla-
G.G: GET HIM!!!
(G.G. and his crew begin to pummel Lemmy to a pulp.)
Metaknight: Well, looks like that ordeal is done with.
Morton: Yep
Metaknight: But you know what’s weird? There was all this talk about the natural order being destroyed, but nothing happened.
Morton: Perhaps it was all just bogus and-
(Suddenly Morton spots a wedding cake with a Poison Shroom on it.)
Morton: POISON CAKE!!!
Metaknight: Wait! Don't eat the-
(Morton consumes the whole cake in one bite.)
Morton: What?
Metaknight: Um, are you ok?
Morton: Yeah, I feel great. Why do you ask?
Metaknight: It's just that Poison Shrooms usually kill people, so....
Morton: Well I feel fine. In fact, I think I'll wash down that delicious cake with some Cyanide.
Metaknight: Looks like the laws of life and death are no longer intact anymore.
Morton: So?
Metaknight: Think, you fool, if no one can die anymore then that means that all the badguys that are supposed to die in the Mario Universe can't die anymore, which means-
(Suddenly an explosion can be heard outside. When Metaknight goes to check, all of Toad Town is on fire and an entourage of badguys are seen destroying the city.)
Metaknight: The apocalypse is upon us.
Morton: Well, what’s done is done. Want some Cyanide?
Metaknight: *sigh* Just end transmission already.
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