Rigel: What happened to you last Interview?
Kody: Someone portrayed me as unnaturally aggressive.
Rigel: Not a bad portrayal.
Kody: Quiet. Now, I'm going to interview Jawbus.
Jawbus: I'M GOD!
Gloomtail: WHAT?!
(Gloomtail goes to stomp the Jawbus but misses and hits Kody.)
Kody: Pain.
Gloomtail: I won't miss twice. Ooh, The Beast is on, must be going now.
(Gloomtail prances through the nearest wall.)
Kamcle: Not amused.
Jawbus: Naw, I'm kidding, I'm not really God.
Gloomtail's voice: You'd better not be.
Rigel: Are you in shape to interview now?
Kody: Ow. No. Ow. Get Tarein to do it, she's the newest OC the author has.
Tarein: No.
Kody: Ow. Why?
Tarein: Because that thing's scary!
Kody: Fine. Ow. Jinx, you interview with her.
Jinx: Okay.
Tarein: That's better.
Jawbus: I'm happy!
(A safe falls on the Jawbus and bounces off, crushing Kody instead.)
Kody: ... Ooww...
Tarein: First off, why in the world are you happy?
Jawbus: Because everything is going my way today.
Jinx: It better not be because of me. I'm supposed to bring bad luck, not good luck.
Jawbus: Ask me a question!
Jinx: Fine. Why do you hide in that box... diamond... thing?
Jawbus: Because that is how we roll, you know.
Tarein: Why don't you stick your head out all the time?
Jawbus: If we did that we'd get tired.
Tarein: You don't get tired when you get stuck at a block or an edge and keep chomping at Mario even though you're not moving, like in the Pit of 100 Trials.
Jawbus: Uhhh... We push ourselves to the limit.
Tarein: He could just sit there and watch you guys do that for hours?
Jawbus: Errr...
Jinx: Why do your necks extend, anyway?
Jawbus: So we can reach our victim!
Jinx: And how?
Jawbus: Our necks are like chains. Stretchy chains.
Jinx: Doesn't that make it hard to breathe?
Jawbus: Our windpipes are very thin and stretchy as well.
Jinx: You'd better be careful it doesn't twist around itself or you'll die.
Jawbus: ... Thanks for making me worry about that.
Jinx: Anytime.
Jawbus: I'll kill you!
(Another safe falls on the Jawbus... again bouncing and knocking the other safe off of Kody.)
Kody: Freedom...?
Jawbus: That didn't happen.
Tarein: Okay. Why do you have multicolored ears?
Jawbus: Because I do.
Tarein: That's not an acceptable answer.
Jawbus: Yes it is, or I'll eat you.
Tarein: Eep!
Jinx: I thought Fire Brothers were more powerful than Jawbuses... or Jawbi? Umm…
Tarein: ... Well I'm not able to attack his thing from the back. And I'm a Fire Sis. We're kinda weaker.
Jinx: Pfft. Say, what is that ball-shaped thing at the back?
Jawbus: My life force! We have to drag it around with us whenever we go.
Jinx: Weird. Why do you have such low attack for one of the most robust enemies early in the game?
Jawbus: Slow, painful death. We torture them as they pitifully try to jump above us. HAHAHAHAHA.
Tarein: You're evil... Who created you all?
Jawbus: The Ancients, of course. But we didn't like them.
Tarein: I can see why.
Jawbus: All right, that's it!
(The Jawbus chomps at Tarein, who screams and hides behind a chair.)
Kody: And you weren't scared of Shadoo, but you're scared of this guy?
Tarein: Y-y-y-yes...
Kody: ...
Jawbus: Who wouldn't be scared of me? GWAHAHAHAHA.
Kody: In case you didn't know, I'm not scared of you.
Jawbus: I'll kill you!
Kody: Sure you will.
Jinx: Are you done?
Jawbus: No. GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Jinx: ...
Jawbus: Har har. Okay, seriously, I'm done.
Jinx: Good. So why are you invulnerable to all attacks not on your ball thingy?
Jawbus: We're made of what Iron Clefts are made of!
Jinx: Which is...?
Jawbus: Compressed and multi-bonded carbon atoms. Otherwise known as diamond.
Jinx: You ain't sparkling, though.
Jawbus: Well that's what happens when you can't clean yourself! You turn purple!
Jinx: Ewwww... I didn't need to know that.
Tarein: Are you going to kill me?
Jawbus: Yes.
Tarein: Eep!
Jawbus: Now ask me a question!
Tarein: No!
Jawbus: I'll just kill you now then.
Tarein: ... What's with the nose?
Jawbus: HEY! That's not nice. We have fluffy noses.
Tarein: And we don't see it when you're inside that box thing, though your face is still in clear view...
Jawbus: No, it's not. It's too dark to see it.
Kody: Sure it is.
Jawbus: Do you not have anything to do besides be a snide and annoying Boomboxer?
Kody: Nope. Deal with it.
Jawbus: I'll–
Kody: Yeah, yeah, you'll kill me. I already heard you about 500 times.
Jawbus: I mean it.
Kody: No, you don’t.
Jawbus: Says who?
Kody: Says Gloomtail.
Gloomtail: I did not say such a thing.
Kody: Can I insert a false memory in your brain that makes you remember you did?
Gloomtail: No.
Kody: Come now, it’s in a tablet that tastes like meat. Raw meat.
Gloomtail: Ooh. That does sound promising.
(Kody gives it to Gloomtail.)
Gloomtail: Tastes like beef. Raw beef. That’s good… Hey… you, Jawbus, you won’t be killing this Boomboxer.
Jawbus: … Why?
Gloomtail: Because I said so.
Jawbus: And what makes you think I’ll listen to you?
Gloomtail: Uh, because I’m GOD.
Jawbus: … Oh. Fine.
Jinx: Can we please step firmly away from the page of filler material?
Gloomtail: Yes. Filler material displeases God.
Kody: Don’t you have some God-ish thing to do right now, away from here?
Gloomtail: Oh yeah.
(Gloomtail flies away.)
Jawbus: Well I can’t step away from anything, I have no feet.
Jinx: *facepalm* Horrible. So why do you sometimes hang around the outskirts of Merlee’s Mansion and Yold Desert?
Jawbus: Scavenging for food. We eat nearly anything.
Tarein: *gulp* Okay, and how much force is behind that jaw of yours…?
Jawbus: How am I supposed to measure that? I suppose I can break igneous rock down but that’s the maximum.
Jinx: Well it’s an acceptable answer, so good for you. You’re lucky your jaw holds up for so long.
Jawbus: Like I said, my hide is made of diamond. Therefore it has nothing to do with luck.
Jinx: I’m talking about your jaw bone. It surely can’t be made of diamond.
Jawbus: Who said I had a bone?
Jinx: Wouldn’t you need… Oh forget it.
Kody: It’s probably some horribly convenient answer like “Magic” anyway.
Jawbus: Well “GOD” is not here anymore, so I’m going to eat you now.
Kody: No. Instead, we’ll move to audience questions and away from quotation marks while I find some remotely amusing thing to do.
Jinx: Good for you.
Tarein: Oh, and if there is anybody who doesn’t have a question, please leave.
(The entire audience gets up and leaves, along with the InterCrew.)
Jinx: Way to go.
Tarein: Urgh.
Jinx: Never mind. I guess we ask the rest of the questions.
Tarein: Or we find somebody else to ask them.
Jinx: Like…?
(Kody comes back dragging a hog-tied Mimiru.)
Mimiru: I swear you’re going to pay for this.
Kody: Sorry, I didn’t hear that over all your WHINEWHINEWHINE.
Jinx: Who the…
Kody: Mimiru, some anime character, co-hosted two Interviews before, something…
Jawbus: Can I eat her?
Kody: No. You, Mimiru, ask this guy some questions.
Mimiru: No!
Kody: Fine. Guess I’ll do it. All right, dude, question time. Why have you only appeared in Super Paper Mario and not any other Mario game?
Jawbus: Because I don’t exist in the Mushroom Kingdom, maybe?
Kody: Good point. How exactly does your head pop out of that diamond thing? It looks weird from a 2D angle.
Jawbus: Uh… er… magic?
Kody: … I’m going to murder that answer soon… somehow. Anyway, you use that box thing to move, yes? How come you move so slowly, even when it rotates fast?
Jawbus: … Magic?
Kody: *vein pulse* Okay, here’s something you can’t answer with “magic”. What do you eat?
Jawbus: We don’t need to eat, we just enjoy eating because we have taste buds. We’re magical.
Kody: … Somebody else continue. I need to hurt something.
(Kody walks out of the room.)
Jinx: You, do it.
Mimiru: No!
Jinx: I can break you very easily.
Mimiru: …
Tarein: That’s not very nice.
Jinx: Well guess what? I’m not nice. Now start asking questions.
Mimiru: … Well what in the world do I ask him?
Jawbus: Ask me anything, I’m not fussy.
Mimiru: Okay. What do you hate?
Jawbus: Morton! He tastes awful! Oh, and, uh, I guess Bald Clefts since they also taste awful.
Mimiru: Can you breathe fire?
Jawbus: Sadly, no. Which is rather depressing since I am a dragon.
Mimiru: What’s your opinion of… what’s his name– oh, right: Mario?
Jawbus: HATE. He defeated me. I hate being defeated.
Mimiru: What else do you hate?
Jawbus: That pink-haired girl, the Fire Sis, and that Boomboxer for being obnoxious! And annoying!
Jinx (pleased): Why thank you.
Jawbus: I’ll kill you!
Jinx: How many times are you going to say that before you actually stop?
(The Jawbus eats Jinx.)
Jawbus: Finally! …uuuuurrrrrp…
(Jawbus upchucks Jinx.)
Jinx: … Ewwwwww…!!!
Jawbus: You taste horrible, too.
Tarein: …
Mimiru: …
Jawbus: More questions, maybe? Or I’ll eat you too.
Mimiru: Dah! ... Um… Who cast all that magic on you?
Jawbus: The Ancients, of course. Even if we don’t like them, we still acknowledge them being better than we… Yes, we are humble, to some degree.
Mimiru: Will your magic ever run out, or do you ever need to replenish it?
Jawbus: As long as the Ancients are never forgotten, we will live on indefinitely. Except if the weak spot is… you know…
Mimiru: What weak spot? I don’t see one.
Tarein: We asked about that already. It’s that thing at the back.
Mimiru: Oh… Well, why do you look angry a lot of the time?
Jawbus: We’re normally grumpy. I was an exception until this Interview began; now I definitely am angry.
Mimiru: Eek! … What sort of minions or things do you get along with…?
Jawbus: Nobody! That’s why we’re alone. But we prefer it that way.
Mimiru: So… you don’t have friends and you don’t want any? That’s… rather sad.
Jawbus: … Now I’m eating you.
Mimiru: EEK!
(Gloomtail steps on the Jawbus’s tail.)
Jawbus: NOOO–
Gloomtail: My, that Charles Barker is one tough cop. Hmm? What is this I’ve stepped on?
Jawbus: …
Gloomtail: Oh, it’s you.
(Gloomtail picks up the Jawbus and tosses it away.)
Jinx: Ooh. That was useful. And relieving.
Kody: I’ll tell you what’s not. Picking up with an Interview 7 months after writing the last one.
(A POW Block hits Kody… and turns him into a coin for a brief 15-second period.)
Jinx: I’d like to nick that coin, actually.
Tarein: It would be better if you didn’t.
Kody: Oww… My head…
Tarein: See?
Mimiru: Why did you drag me back here anyway?!
Kody: I don’t know. For a laugh, I guess. You generate laughter. Like a laugh that generates… something.
Iggy: AHH! SOMETHING!
Kody: Hello, running gag… Goodbye, transmission.
Tarein: Wait! Don’t you announce who’s going to be doing the next Interview right about now?
Kody: Have I ever? … Actually, I have. Not this time though. And forget the Super Paper Mario characters, I’m done with them. That’s all I’m saying. Yeah.
Jinx: Before we end it, what do we do with… her?
Mimiru: Let me go?
Kody: Hmm… no. You’re of more use here. Oho ho ho ho ho…
Mimiru: … I don’t like that look on your face…
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