Audience: ... Cookie...
Matt: (waving a cookie in front of the audience) Good. Now the first one who asks a question gets it.
Lemmy: Ya know, they usually finish with that.
Matt: Yes, but not in these Interviews. I'll get Mario now...
(We hear loud sounds coming from the back of the studio along with cries of mercy. Matt than comes in with Mario and throws him at the interviewee's chair.)
Matt: You know what we're doing, right?Mario: Right.
Matt: Good. First questions: Just how did you and Luigi find that warp pipe to the Mushroom Kingdom?
Mario: Me and Luigi just went underground to fix our pipes, and there was the warp pipe.
Matt: Wow. Next, how the hay do Mushrooms and Flowers power you up?
Mario: It's because of the fact that the Mushroom Kingdom is different from Brooklyn. You see, the power-ups here have a special substance in them that allows those who can use their power to increase their power.
Matt: That explains why Bowser can't use them. Anyways, why do so many things have eyes on them? Come on, Fire Flowers, Mushrooms, hills, clouds...
Mario: The Mushroom Kingdom is a kinda cheery place, and I guess it has an effect on everything in it.
Matt: Okay... Why rescue Peach if she gets kidnapped by Bowser, like, once a month?
Mario: It's in my job description.
Matt: Don't you have enough jobs?
Mario: No. How do you think I can live in the Mushroom Kingdom for so long by just being a plumber?
Matt: Good point. Why do you often go on adventures by yourself? Is Luigi some kind of coward?
Mario: Well you see, me and Luigi often do a Roshambo before leaving to save Peach or something like that. If it's a tie, we both go together. If Luigi wins, he goes. Same goes for me.
Matt: Last question before audience questions. In the Paper Mario games, is that you, and if so how are you paper?
Mario: It's actually an alternate dimension where everyone is made out of paper. At the end of each one, that world is burned by Nintendo, but the main characters get teleported to another world.
Matt: Strange. Audience! Seat ILOOKLIKEYOUBUTWITHYELLOWPURPLEANDAW.
Wario: How come you decided to stay in the Mushroom Kingdom?
Mario: It's a cheerier place then Brooklyn. This place has clean air!
Matt: True. Also, here's a cookie, Wario.
(The entire audience mauls Wario for the cookie.)
Lemmy: Is the audience made up of idiots?
Matt: I'm the one asking the questions! *punts Lemmy back to Dark Land* Seat IHATEGETTINGBEATUPBYYOU.
Bowser: How do you always get past all the traps and such I set up for you?
Mario: You just kidnap Peach over and over. All you do is send enemy after enemy after me. The rest of the obstacles are due to earthquakes and tornados and such.
Matt: Last question. Seat YODASPEAKER.
Bowyer: Smart, how are you?
Mario: English, please?
Matt: He said, 'How are you smart?'
Mario: It's actually a stereotype. After all, because I'm an enemy of Bowser, Lemmy introduced the concept of me being stupid. And I don't care if he didn't, I'm blaming him.
Matt: Okay. Now then, *pulls out a rocket launcher* everyone out, or I'll blow you all to Kingdom Come.
(Everyone leaves, but Lemmy comes back.)
Lemmy: Why did you kick me?!
Matt: I'm the one asking the questions!
(Matt fires the rocket launcher at Lemmy, but all that comes out is confetti.)
Matt: ... End Transmission.
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