Bandit: Welcome, everybody, to-
Lemmy: Le-
Bandit: Security!
Fawful: FURY!
(Fawful kicks Lemmy out the window.)
Bandit: I'll be expecting a lawsuit soon.
Koopa: Which one of you is Bandit?
Bandit: I am?
Koopa: I'm a lawyer.
Bandit: DON'T EAT ME!!!
Lawyer: I'm just here to sue you.
Goomba Lawyer: Back of the line, buddy!
(A long line of lawyers are standing in a line.)
Bandit: When in doubt, SECURITY!
Fawful: FURY!
E. Gadd: This isn't going to turn out well.
Bandit: You! Where's my cup of coffee?
Penguin: You didn't ask for one.
Bandit: Consider yourself asked.
E. Gadd: It's 5:00 PM, why are you drinking coffee?
Bandit: You have no idea how much willpower it takes me to get up each morning.
E. Gadd: Then explain to me why our crew has been replaced with a ton of penguins!
Bandit: They’re cheap, obedient, and they work efficiently. Besides, do I ever ask you why you make vacuums that suck up ghosts?
E. Gadd: Uh… Again with the vacuum…
Bandit: I told our crew they could take the day off. It's only for today.
Penguin: Here's your coffee, sir.
Bandit: Now that that's taken care of, we can get on with the Interview!
E. Gadd: Everybody, we'd like to welcome the person we're interviewing.
Bandit: Everybody give it up for General Guy!
General Guy: Hello everybody!
Crowd: YAY!
Bandit: Did you all plan to say YAY at once? Anyways, let’s get on with the Interview.
E. Gadd: First question, what are your motives for siding with Bowser?
General Guy: I didn't have a choice, if I didn't do what he said I would have lost all of my men. By that I mean he'd have killed all of my men.
Bandit: Eh… heh... Tell us what you plan on doing with your army.
General Guy: Well Wart imprisoned us in Sub-con. After he was defeated, we set up a new government with Shy Guys as the leaders.
Bandit: Wait, Sub-con is real?
E. Gadd: Of course it’s real! Sub-con is at the bottom of Plit, the very bottom. It's also larger than the Mushroom Kingdom.
General Guy: Wow, you know your stuff.
E. Gadd: You bet I do!
Bandit: Next question, do you have any plans on restoring Shy Guy Toybox?
General Guy: Why would I? That place is a dump!
Bandit: ... Very... good, now, how would you fight the enemy army using your army?
General Guy: I would place men in spots the enemy wouldn't expect, then when the time comes I would tell them to attack the army from the front and the rear, catching them off-guard.
E. Gadd: Note To Self: When attacking, check hidden areas.
Bandit: Professor, what are you planning?
E.Gadd: Nothing, Sonny, nothing of your concern...
Bandit: This guy's so boring, I've run out of questions! Any questions from the audience?
E. Gadd: YOU, #666.
Bowser: We had a deal and you just broke it! Meet me in the parking ot!
Bandit: GO AWAY! Any other questions? #3.
Luigi: How many Shy Guys are under your control?
General Guy: Too many to count!
Luigi: I bet I can count them!
General Guy: No you can't!
Luigi: :(
Tubba Blubba: Time filler!
Bandit: G-Get out of here! J-Just get outta here!
Tubba Blubba: Awwwww...
E. Gadd: Bandit, are you stuttering?
Bandit: T-Too much c-coffee!
E. Gadd: Here, drink 5-hour energy, without crash or jitters!
Bandit: SHUT UP! I don't care about that!!!
E. Gadd: Number 7.
Bandit: Oh, so he wants to get fancy and spell out the letters in number!
Frankly: Are you having mood swings?
Bandit: NO I'M NOT! I'm just a bit ficety.
Fice T: What?
Bandit: NOT YOU!
Mustafa: GET CRAZY WITH THE CHEESE WHIZ!!!
Bandit: Uh... No.
Larry: I'm gonna stop filming.
Bandit: OH NO YOU DON'T, I'M GOING TO-
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