END BOSS interviews CHAKRON
 
By Your Twin the Fourth

(After our… er, protagonists’ latest plothole experience, they land on a high cliff above a beach.)

YTtF: Ugghhh… Where are we?

Iggy: I think it’s… Plack Beach.

YTtF: Plack Beach? OH YEAH, that reminds me, I forgot to update our Interviewer’s Guide to Plit to include BIS!

Iggy: We have one of those?

YTtF: Yeah, I keep it hidden in YMtF’s mohawk.

YMtF: Wait, what?

(YTtF gets the Guide out YMtF’s mohawk, fiddles around with it, and puts it in his pocket.)

YMtF: YOU PUT A VIRTUAL GUIDEBOOK IN MY HAIR?!

YTtF: Pretty much.

YMtF: Why you-

Goomy: Hey, we still exist, you know.

Turbo: Yeah. Besides, what’s that weird thing coming out of the ground?

(Yeah, look at it. It kinda looks like a… plothole?)

YTtF: Hey, I’M the one who makes plotholes around here!

????: Hmph. You are unenlightened. How disappointing.

Dimentio: Hey, who’s there?

????: I exist somewhere near you. You cannot find me, for my presence is invisible to the unenlightened.

Iggy: … Oooookaaayy… Anyway, according to the IGTP, that plothole-like thingy is a Chakroad.

????: Yes! Congratulations, for you are the most enlightened person I have met in quite a long time. As a reward, take this.

(ZAP!)

Iggy: Hey, what did you- WWWHHHOOOAAAA!!!

(His body starts stretching considerably, his hair changes to a green color and to a new hairstyle, his shell color is made lighter with purple edges along the spikes, and he is pretty much changed to his NSMBWii look.)

Iggy: … Woah, look at me! I look awesome!

Kollin: … As much as I hate to admit it, you do. Almost as cool as me.

Iggy: My wand’s power got increased, too! Watch!

(He fires an energy blast at the Chakroad, which starts reacting strangely and sucks everyone into it. Darn.)

Dimentio: Y’know, I’ve actually grown used to this. Uh, I mean, AAGHHHH.

(Anyway, we land in some strange dimensional place.)

YTtF: Not too shabby a journey. actually. We’ve had worse.

Goomy: Hey, anyone else notice that Sammer Guy-ish fatso that’s been beside us this whole time?

End Boss: Oh hey. I’m from last Interview.

YTtF: Yeah, I remember you. Anyway-

????: Welcome.

YMtF: Ok, who the Fire Flower are you?!

Chakron: I’m Chakron. You know me. I created Chakroads, and I used one to get you here, using the enlightened Koopa’s newfound powers.

YTtF: Oh hey, it’s that weirdo from BIS!

Iggy: Uh… sure. Anyway, why did you bring us here?

Chakron: I’d like an Interview.

YMtF: *sigh* Fine. Who are we interviewing with?

YTtF: No one.

YMtF: Wait… so, does this mean… s-s-solo Interview…?

YTtF: Yep. Knock yourself out.

YMtF: YES!!! FREEDOM!!! SWEET FREEDOM!!! YAAAAAAAYYY!!!

(He tries to run away, but can’t escape Chakron’s dimension.)

Chakron: Like I said, I want an Interview. Until I get it, you cannot escape. The unenlightened cannot penetrate this space in any possible way, and thus cannot escape.

YTtF: Fine, let us group huddle.

(They do so.)

Goomy: Ok, obviously, this guy’s nuts.

Turbo: No kidding.

Dimentio: We need to escape, so YTtF and I will try to find a way out using our… powers and stuff. End Boss, keep him busy and interview him to buy time.

EB: Deal!

YTtF: Oh, and narrator, make sure YMtF doesn’t hurt himself too bad.

(We see YMtF huddled in a corner in the fetal position. Ok, fine.)

YTtF: All right, Chakron, you win. End Boss here will interview you. Come on, Dimentio, let’s go make a sandwich or something.

(They vanish offscreen.)

EB: Anyway… uh, who are you, exactly?

Chakron: I am Chakron. I created the Chakroads, and I once was a sage, a guardian of one of the Star Cures.

EB: Ok, next question. Uhhh… What’s up with that pose?

(We see Chakron standing on his head.)

Chakron: This? You see, I adopt this pose to absorb waves of knowledge and energy from the earth, which requires much concentration, and thus I am frozen to this spot.

EB: … You’re boring me already. Anyway, how do you make the Chakroads?

Chakron: It is a complicated process, but let’s say that I used the knowledge I have gathered from space to establish them across the kingdom.

EB: All right, let’s see…

(Meanwhile, Dimentio and YTtF have managed to flip out of the area and into a small section of Chakron’s dimension, and are trying to use their dimensional powers to get out.)

YTtF: Well, nuts or not, he’s good. I can’t figure this out.

Dimentio: Heh. Watch and learn.

(He starts spraying some Demented [by Dimentio, don’t forget!] around the place.)

Dimentio: Try now.

(YTtF starts messing around, and is surprisingly successful.)

YTtF: … Woah. I didn’t know you made cologne with dimension-altering powers.

Dimentio: Yeah… Now, let’s get back to work.

(Back to the Interview…)

EB: … Right. Ok, one more question, and then we’ll go on to the audience questions. Why were you located in Plack Beach?

Chakron: It was a difficult place to access, being on a steep cliff high above the beach. Therefore, the unenlightened, unlike the two mustache men, would not be able to get the Star Cure.

EB: Ok, audience Qs time! Seat… uh, who’s this dude again, guys?

Iggy: Ugh. It’s that stupid chocolate cake nobody likes who keeps stalking us.

Chocolate Bundt: Yep, that’s me. Anyway, are you a stalker or something? I mean, you knew it when Bowser first found a Chakroad, and you also appeared in the ending…

Chakron: I gathered knowledge from the stars above, and I also have free access to the Chakroads. With them, I can know when certain events will happen, see what is going on around the kingdom, and stuff like that.

EB: Seat FRENCHBLOCKMAN.

Broque Monsieur: Allo, Monsieur Squid Feet! What eez it that vous allez in your spare time?

Chakron: Hmph. I am busy. Like I said, I am frozen in this pose, and therefore I cannot do anything but meditate.

EB: You’re weird, French dude, get outta here. Seat BABYELECTRICMOUSE.

Pichu: Why were you entrusted with the Star Cure?

Chakron: I believe it was because of my acquired knowledge.

EB: Last seat! Seat ALIENFUNGUS! … And please put in a translator.

Shroob: Gah. If you weren’t invulnerable, what would your HP be?

Chakron: That I do not know. I imagine that it would be around 1,500 at the least.

(Meanwhile, Dimentio and YTtF have managed to create a rudimentary plothole in the dimenional fabric.)

Dimentio: It’s not big enough… What do we do?

YTtF: I have an idea, but it’s kinda risky. HYAAAHHH!!!

(He fires a blob of dark energy at the plothole, then sucks it all up into the crystal of his wand.)

YTtF: All right, let’s go!

(They flip out.)

EB: And that’s it! Our Interview’s done!

YTtF: Hey! How’s everyone?

Turbo: Fine.

Goomy: Ok, I guess.

Kollin: I can’t really say the same for YMtF though.

(We see him still in the fetal position, mumbling to himself.)

YMtF: Solo… Interview… trapped… *sob*

Iggy: Ok, Chakron, we interviewed you, now let us out.

Chakron: That Interview left me tired. I do not feel like it now.

EB: GRAAHHH!!! PREPARE TO BE POUNDED, YOU LITTLE CHEAT!!!

YTtF: Relax. I prepared a special measure for this. WATCH!!!

(He releases the plothole, which now turns out to be…)

Dimentio: THE VOID?!

YTtF: The only way to travel!

(It sucks everyone up… again. Ah well.)

Chakron: … Woah… Perhaps they are not as unenlightened as they seem…

(In the Void…)

YTtF: Well that was weird.

Goomy: Well, this trip will give us a rest for a while.

YTtF: Yep. Oh, and END TRANSMISSION!

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