(You can see some kind of title card.)
P.T.’s voice: This Interview actually happened, but this is just a staged reenactment. Some names were changed to protect the wimpy.
(Everyone’s backstage.)
P.T.: Okay Skye, your first Interview will be the start of our M&L3 Boss Interview Series.
Skye: Oh great, I get to interview a freaking statue?
Lemmy: No, it can’t talk, so you interview the Wiggler.
Skye: But he’s too stupid!
Lemmy: That’s beside the point.
Punchy: It won’t be so bad, you get used to idiots.
(P.T. and Bill are holding stopwatches and yelling at Bogmire, who’s trying to put tinker toys together for some reason.)
Skye: Uh-huh…
Mii T.: Maybe I should help her out.
Lemmy: Whatever.
Soon...
Skye: Okay… What?
Mii T.: We welcome the audience and discuss whom we’re interviewing.
Skye: Oh yeah, because they can’t tell that we’re interviewing a Wiggler!
Mii T.: Not just any Wiggler! The farming Wiggler with the carrot! So anyway, Farmer Wiggler, I think the question on everyone’s minds would be, “why did you attack Bowser for eating the carrot even though you made him?”
Wiggler: What carrot?
Mii T.: … The Giga-Carrot.
Wiggler: I recall no such thing.
Mii T.: Okay! Get out.
(Wiggler runs off.)
Wiggler: WAAAAAAAAH! YOU’RE MEAN!
(Two Leaf Guys fly by and drop a carrot on Mii T. The Durmite comes out.)
Skye: Hey! Freaky worm thing! Our Wiggler ran off so now we’re interviewing you!
Durmite: Huh? I don’t want to.
Skye: Too bad! First, why aren’t you talking like you did in the game?
Durmite: That was a result of getting beaten by Mario and Luigi that first time.
Skye: I see. Now what exactly are you?
Durmite: … A Durmite…
Skye: Which is?
Durmite: It’s a Wiggler subspecies that started when Wigglesworth XII and Birdawn VI got married.
Skye: I see. Are all Durmites small?
Durmite: No. Since I’m the sage I get to change size.
Skye: Okay… Where’d that straw come from?
Durmite: It’s actually a special tooth in my mouth that all Durmites have so that they may suck fluids from things. Mine’s a custom heart-shaped one.
Skye: Weird…
Meanwhile...
Wiggler: AND THEN THEY TOLD ME TO LEAVE! WAAAAAAAH!
P.T.: Poor guy!
(The Sea Blooper Statue bursts in.)
Sea Blooper Statue: HOW DARE YOU NOT INTERVIEW ME?! FOR THAT YOU WILL SUFFER! AND I CAN TALK, AS A MATTER OF FACT!
P.T.: Uh oh! We’ve gotta beat this guy, Wiggler!
Wiggler: Right!
P.T.: Fusion!
(P.T. inhales deeply, sucking in Wiggler and the sleeping Spike to fuse into a purple Shy Guy on stilts with a blue cape and red mask.)
???: P.T. SPIKESWIGGLER!
(His voice continuously shifts from gruff and deep, to gruff and high-pitched.)
Lemmy: OH NO YOU DON’T, YOU TAKE THIS FIGHT OUTSIDE!
P.T. Spikeswiggler/Sea Blooper Statue: Very well then.
(Meanwhile…)
Skye: What were you doing in that carrot?
Durmite: That was my secret hideout so that no one would find me. I thought no one would eat that carrot…
Skye: And you were wrong.
Durmite: …
Skye: During the fight with Mario and Luigi in the Energy Hold, why didn’t you grow to your humongous size?
Durmite: That form was only temporary.
Skye: What were you trying to do inside Bowser anyway?
Durmite: I was looking for the exit. When I found it, those plumbers came back and I hid so they wouldn’t beat me again.
Skye: I see… Say, why not just save the time and interview your sage form now?
Durmite: Okay.
Skye: Cool. But I’m getting tired of asking all the questions by myself. Think you can free that weird little Mii thing so he can help?
Durmite: Hold on.
(Durmite changes into Wisdurm and smashes the carrot with a big heart jewel. Mii T. is free!)
Mii T.: Finally! I was about to start eating my way out.
Skye: Yeah whatever, no one cares. We’re interviewing Wisdurm now.
Mii T.: If you say so.
Skye: And I do.
Mii T.: … Okay…
(Meanwhile, outside…)
P.T. Spikeswiggler: I may only remain in this world for one minute.
Statue: Uh?
P.T. Spikeswiggler: Fortunately you’re the first real boss in the game so it shall be easy. SUPER FIST OF THE FLASH REFERENCE!
Statue: Huh?
P.T. Spikeswiggler: LUCKY SWORD!
(P.T. Spikeswiggler unwraps Lucky Candy, which turns into a light saber that takes on the shape of toast at the very tip. He swings it in front of him in a clockwise motion.)
P.T. Spikeswiggler (as he swings): Mmm-hmmm!
Lemmy: THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU DO WITH LUCKY CANDY!
Meanwhile...
Mii T.: Okay Wisdurm, where’d that Magic Rod come from?
Wisdurm: I had it with me the whole time during that second fight with Mario and Luigi. But attacking it is how I change size. I was so small at first that they attacked it no matter what when I was small.
Skye: Why didn’t you use any of your magical moves during the first encounter?
Wisdurm: I can only use those techniques in this form.
Skye: Wow.
Mii T.: So you say that butterfly thing is your TRUE form?
Wisdurm: Yes.
Skye: Hey Mii-t head! We don’t ask obvious questions like that!
Mii T.: Well I couldn’t think of anything!
Skye: … How about this? Is it safe to assume that Wisdurm is your real name and not a species of Durmite?
Wisdurm: Correct.
Mii T.: Now I’ve got one! Where’d you keep that Magic Rod the whole time? … Probably should’ve asked that a few questions ago.
Wisdurm: In the yellow ball at the tail end of my old, small form.
Skye: Now the audience gets to ask questions?
Mii T.: That’s where you’re right. Seat GARLIC!
Waluigi: I bet you expected Wario to be in this seat!
Skye: I really couldn’t care less.
Waluigi: Aww…
(Walugi leaves.)
Skye: … Seat EGGPLANT!
Wario: Wahahaha!
Skye: Okay, seriously, that’s just stupid!
Mii T.: Seat DUDE…
(X-Naut #363 is staring outside. In fact, all of the audience is!)
Mii T.: I wonder what they’re all looking at.
(Mii T. and Skye go out front to find P.T. Spikeswiggler fighting the Statue.)
Mii T./Skye: WHAAAA?!
P.T. Spikeswiggler: Suffer…
(The creature smacks the statue with his toast-light saber thing.)
P.T. Spikeswiggler: …the Brand of the Toasty Saber!
Statue: Ow! I refuse to be humiliated like this!
P.T. Spikeswiggler: Here I come.
(But first, he notices Wisdurm.)
P.T. Spikeswiggler: Star Sage! Assist me!
Wisdurm: Of course.
Mii T.: You’re going along with this?! Wait, what’s even going on?!
Lemmy: Long story.
(Wisdurm shoots magic at the Toasty Saber to enhance its power.)
P.T. Spikeswiggler: My minute of existence is nearly finished MAJIDE TIME!
Statue: WAIT, THIS HAS ONLY BEEN A MINUTE?!
P.T. Spikeswiggler: MA! JI! DE!
(P.T. Spikeswiggler hits the statue with his sword in a drive-by on a bicycle.)
P.T. Spikeswiggler: SUPER FIST OF THE EYELASH!
Statue: Are you serious?!
(He stops and the statue explodes. The Blooper part crashes on the ground behind him. The audience cheers, save for Lemmy, Mii T., and Skye. P.T. Spikeswiggler diffuses back into P.T., Spike, and Wiggler.)
Skye: Does this happen a lot?!
Lemmy: Yeah, but this is the only time it’s actually happened on-camera during an Interview.
(Soon, everyone has left except for the interviewers and interviewee.)
Skye: Okay Wisdurm, one more question.
Wisdurm: Go on.
Skye: What happened to you after you gave the Star Cure to Mario and Luigi?
Wisdurm: I escaped from Bowser and return to my small house on Plack Beach.
Skye: You live there?
Wisdurm: Kuzzle and Chakron live there. I wanted to be popular too.
Skye: Uh-huh…
(Wisdurm changes into her butterfly form.)
Wisdurm: Bye, Mii T. and Skye! Tell the human, Rex, and Wiggler that they owe me one!
(Wisdurm flies away.)
Mii T.: She’s actually not that bad.
Skye: Whatever. We just knocked out two bosses in one Interview. Or maybe three.
(P.T., Spike, and the Wiggler are now onstage.)
P.T.: And so did we.
Mii T.: Wait, that Wiggler’s still here?!
Bogmire: And I finished my tinker toy robot.
(Punchy runs up and breaks it with his fist.)
Bogmire: …
Mii T.: Well I guess we’re all good then.
Skye: This is gonna be a looooong… however many years it is until retirement. END TRANSMISSION!
Spike: I didn’t get a single li-
(Transmission Ended.)
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