SHRIKE interviews PARATROOPA
 
By P.T. Piranha
(You can see some kind of title card)  
 
P.T.’s voice: Hey paisanos! It’s the Super P.T. Bros. Super Interview Show!  
 
Everyone is standing backstage.  
 
Lemmy: Okay, time to interview the species that won the poll and then to recruit them.  
 
Mii T.: How do we know they’ll accept the position?  
 
Lemmy: I have my ways…  
 
(An ominous silhouette of Rick Astley appears behind Lemmy.)  
 
Shrike: … Am I the only one that sees that?  
 
Everyone Else: Sees what?  
 
Shrike: … Never mind… Did we ever find Bill?  
 
Everyone Else: Who’s Bill?  
 
Shrike: …  
 
Lemmy: Shrike, you’re going crazy. You haven’t interviewed in a while so you go. You too. P.T.  
 
P.T.: NOOO! I’VE DONE IT THE PAST FEW TIMES!  
 
Lemmy: Fine, you big baby, just Shrike.  
 
P.T.: Hooray for crying!  
 
Soon…  
 
Shrike: So real quick, what kind of Paratroopa are you? For the reading audience.  
 
Paratroopa: Red. With pant legs and brown hair.  
 
Shrike: Okay, now for real questions. Why are you guys typically red in Mario sports?  
 
Paratroopa: Because then we’d look too similar to the land losers.  
 
Shrike: Land losers?  
 
Paratroopa: That’s what us Paratroopas call Koopa Troopas.  
 
Shrike: Well isn’t that just… elitist… Anyway, when Mario jumps on you guys, do your wings get knocked off permanently?  
 
Paratroopa: Well when Mario comes back to the area, they’re back, aren’t they?  
 
Shrike: So that means…?  
 
Paratroopa: *sigh* No! And just in case you get confused, you ask me questions and I answer them.  
 
Shrike: Why you gotta be such a mean girl?  
 
Paratroopa: Well if you’d think about things before you ask-  
 
Shrike: New question! Do you work for Bowser?  
 
Paratroopa: … No.  
 
MEANWHILE…  
 
(Bill storms in.)  
 
Bill: There you guys are! Well actually this is our place so of course you’d be here, but STILL! YOU OWE ME!  
 
Lemmy: Oh. Whatever. P.T., pay the man.  
 
P.T.: Uhhh, hey! This’ll do!  
 
(He grabs Bogmire’s arm.)  
 
Bogmire: Hey, my arm’s not a dollar! I’m not a piggybank, I’m Bogmire!  
 
(P.T. gives Bogmire to Bill.)  
 
P.T.: There.  
 
Bogmire: I’m Bogmire!  
 
Bill: Thanks.  
 
Bogmire: I’m Bogmire!  
 
Bill: Hmm… Punchy, got change for an oddly shaped $20?  
 
Bogmire: I’m Bogmire!  
 
Punchy: Nah, only pennies.  
 
MEANWHILE…  
 
Shrike: How do you feel about your kind not being present in Super Mario Galaxy?  
 
Paratroopa: Ripped off. What’s so great about those no-flight dorks?! It also upsets me how the only shells in Mario Kart are ones without wings, save for that cheap blue one!  
 
Crazy Koopa (seat JELLY): Like me!  
 
Shrike: If only Shroob Rexes would appear more often… Or at least Rexes at all… Next! Are your wings part of your shells or your backs?  
 
Paratroopa: Shells. Why do you think we can function just fine without them?  
 
Shrike: I guess that makes sense. Do any of you live in Koopa Village?  
 
Paratroopa: Yes…  
 
MEANWHILE…  
 
(Bill tries shoving Bogmire into the vending machine.)  
 
Bill: C’mon, get in there!  
 
Bogmire: It’s me! Bogmire!  
 
MEANWHILE…  
 
Shrike: Now for audience questions! Seat OBLIGATORYMARIOANDLUIGITHREECAMEO!  
 
Midbus: ARE YOU BORN WITH WINGS?  
 
Paratroopa: Well since I didn’t have a shell at birth, I’d say no!  
 
Midbus: … WAS YOUR SHELL HAVING WINGS WHEN YOU RECEIVED IT?!  
 
Paratroopa: Yes. But it cost more…  
 
(Midbus’s seat explodes.)  
 
Paratroopa: WHAAAAAT?!  
 
Shrike: Must’ve been one of P.T.’s traps from the last Interview still leftover. Seat YES!  
 
Captain Falcon: Show me your moves!  
 
Paratroopa: No.  
 
Captain Falcon: *star KO sound*  
 
Shrike: Seat FRUITBASKET’SNIGHTMARE.  
 
Yoshi: Does Yoshi have to go to bed so soon?  
 
Paratroopa: No comment.  
 
Shrike: Seat LOLPOPCULTUREREFERENCE!  
 
(Bowser jumps onstage.)  
 
Bowser: Paratroopa, I’m really happy for you and I’m gonna let you finish this Interview with that dinosaur over there, but Cackletta was the best interviewee of all time. Of all time!  
 
(The audience boos him.)  
 
Boo: Ow! Stop throwing me at him!  
 
Paratroopa: Doesn’t anyone have a REAL question?!  
 
The girl in seat STEAK raises her hand.  
 
Shrike: *sigh* Shoot.  
 
A Cow: If you could be a Hammer Bro or a Magikoopa, would you?  
 
Paratroopa: No! I don’t see what’s so great about lugging around a billion hammers all day or being a total nerd! Besides, flying is way better than any of those!  
 
Random Magician (seat BOXMAN): Even better than magic?  
 
Paratroopa: I think so, at least!  
 
Shrike: That about wraps it up. Now go home.  
 
(Everyone leaves. P.T. runs up onstage and throws a Pokeball at the Paratroopa. It ricochets off her head.)  
 
P.T.: Haha! I caught her! Now she’s joining our team! AND she’s registered in my Pokedex!  
 
Paratroopa: OW! You idiot! I already agreed to join you!  
 
Shrike: Get used to it, he’s dumb.  
 
Bill walks up eating out of a small bag of chips.  
 
Bill: What up?  
 
Shrike: Oh, you’re back.  
 
Bill: Did I leave?  
 
Shrike: … I’m going to bed.  
 
P.T.: Oh great, another Spike.  
 
MEANWHILE…  
 
Bogmire’s voice: Help! I’m stuck in the vending machine! Someone get me out!  
 
(Bandits come in and take the vending machine away.)  
 
Bogmire’s voice: Noooo!!!  
 
Mii T.: Shouldn’t we stop them?  
 
Lemmy: Doesn’t matter. We don’t even own a vending machine anyway.  
 
Mii T.: I guess… Uh, end transmission?  
 
Transmission Ended.

Did you like this submission?

Whoops! You're not logged in!
If you were, you could leave the author of this submission some feedback, even vote it into Little Lemmy's Land!
Why not login now?

Fill out the boxes below if you would like to invite a friend to this page.

Friend's
Name
Email (required)

Your
Name
Email

Have you made someone spill his guts? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Interviews.
Go back to my main page.