Nostalgia Critic: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so YOU don’t have to.
Lemmy: HEY! What are you doing here? Doesn’t Mr. Wick do this show?!
Nostalgia Critic: Of course he does, you little pain in my neck. But he’s sick today and asked ME to takeover.
Lemmy: THAT’S NOT FAIR! This is my studio! I owned it long before he did-
Nostalgia Critic (as Lemmy is still talking): Shut up.
Lemmy: -and furthermore, I should be doing the review, not you! And another thing-
Nostalgia Critic (as Lemmy is still talking): Shut up!
Lemmy: -why in the world are you here? You REVIEW, not interview-
Nostalgia Critic: (putting his trademark gun to Lemmy’s head): SHUT UP!
Lemmy: Ok, ok, fine. You’re interviewing Dry Bones today!
Nostalgia Critic: Ok, bring him in!
(Dry Bones runs in, but trips and disassembles.)
Nostalgia Critic: Well… That was a quick Interview. Until next ti-
(Dry Bones reassembles, leaving the Nostalgia Critic totally stunned.)
Nostalgia Critic: HOW CAN YOU REASSEMBLE YOURSELF?! AND WHY WOULD YOU?! YOU’RE ALREADY DEAD!
Dry Bones: Hey, hey! Calm down, bud! I reassemble because once Koopas die, Kamek puts a spell on them so they’ll never, ever die.
Nostalgia Critic: But I thought you can die if Mario has a Starman.
Dry Bones: Yeah, that’s because Kamek’s magic is run by Anti-Starmen. If a regular Starman touches me, the spell is broken.
Nostalgia Critic: Wow… That makes so much sense… So anyway, your first appearance was in Super Mario Bros. 3, where you walked on all fours, yet in Super Mario World, you and the LIVING Koopas began to walk on all fours. Explain.
Dry Bones: Well, the Koopas Clan was suffering after Mario’s third victory, so Bowser thought “If we can stand tall like Mario can, we’ll have a better chance at beating Mario!”
Nostalgia Critic: Yeah, and yet you fell to pieces in the end.
Dry Bones: Don’t rub it in!
Nostalgia Critic: Oh, sorry. Anyway, in Mario Kart DS, your tank kart, the Dry Bomber, is among the fastest cars in the game. But tell us… Why a tank?
Dry Bones: You wouldn’t know this, but the Koopa that died and became a Dry Bones in Mario Kart DS was Adolph Koopa, the cruelest, meanest Koopa Troopa dictator this side of the Mushroom Kingdom. He was so evil, he tried to overthrow Bowser. But he failed, living the rest of his life driving in Mario Kart derbies.
Nostalgia Critic: Wow, no wonder it had such satanic speed mileage. *rimshot*
Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Nostalgia: OH, C’MON, I HAD TO SAY IT! Anyway, tell me about your baseball career!
Dry Bones: Well, as our Mario-playing audience knows, I appear in both Mario Baseball games, using my left leg as a bat an-
Nostalgia Critic: WOAH WOAH WOAH! Did you say you use your left leg as a bat? ... HOW IN THE HOLY NAME OF **** CAN THAT BE DONE?!
Dry Bones: Easy. The spell can regrow parts.
Nostalgia Critic: … Ok, I’ve had enough of this! Audience Question Time! Seat ROLLBACKTHEROCK!
Rex (We’re Back!: A Dinosaur’s Tale): Well, I-
Nostalgia Critic: OH DEAR GOD, NOT YOU! Ok, calm down, Critic. Just pick someone else… Seat PROWLEROFTHENIGHT!
Grand Duke of Owls (Rock-A-Doodle): May I just say-
Nostalgia Critic: NO! YOU CAN’T SAY ANYTHING! MOVING ON AGAIN! SEAT FRIENDTOTHEEND!
Pugsy (The Tom and Jerry Movie): So anyway- *Headshot*
Nostalgia Critic: (holding his gun): … IS THERE A SINGLE PERSON HERE FROM SOMETHING I HAVEN’T REVIEWED ON MY WEBSITE?! HONESTLY!
Lemmy: I don’t know, you tell me!
Nostalgia Critic: …
(A logo suddenly falls from the sky. A mysterious voice speaks what is written on the logo.)
Mysterious Voice: A BIG-LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT!
Nostalgia Critic: … Ok, I am SO OUT OF HERE! I’m The Nostalgia Critic! I remember it so YOU don- Aah, ****…
Lemmy: Well, that takes care of that. END TRANSMISSION!
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