(Red Koopa is watching NASCAR on his studio TV.)
Red Koopa: Why do I like racing again?
John: I have no idea
(Lemmy comes into the studio with a sledgehammer and uses it to destroy the TV screen.)
Red: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Lemmy: All you do are Fun Fiction and bios, you don’t Interviews like everyone else around here!
Red: I’m on a scheduled break, you know.
Lemmy: INTERVIEW SOMEBODY, YOU DING DONG!
Red: Fine, fine, who do I interview?
(Red’s cell phone rings and he answers it.)
Red: Hello? WHAT NOW, SIS? I’M BUSY RIGHT NOW! I DON’T CARE ABOUT GETTING A NEW HOME. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE.
(Red hangs up and he goes to sleep on the couch.)
Lemmy: Who was he taking to?
John: His sister, Princess Shroob.
Lemmy: Can you perhaps make him interview her?
John: I think so; I am a Shroob, after all.
(John calls Princess Shroob and tells her to come to the interview studio. Lemmy screams in Red’s ear, causing him to wake up.)
Red: I’m up! I’m up!
Lemmy: I found someone to interview, so interview, okay?!
Red: Whatever.
(Later…)
Red Koopa: Welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy’s INTERVIEW SHOW!
(Red Koopa slaps his face in embarrassment.)
Red: Who am I interviewing again?
Princess Shroob: Me, you no good brother!
Red: Oh! Well don’t I already know everything about you?
Princess Shroob: Yes, but nobody else here does except that guy there.
(She points to Jon)
Lemmy: Where’s your audience?
Red: I tricked them into thinking that Mung Daal, Schnitzel, and Stilton aren’t here.
Schnitzel: Rada, Rada!
Mung: Schnitzel, pretend to be a rock and people won’t notice.
Stilton: You do know that Schnitzel is a rock monster, you know.
Mung: Good point.
Red: Shut up and hide!
(Red pushes them into a closet and locks them in. The audience arrives.)
Princess Shroob: Will you interview me already?!
Red: Fine! Who are your parents?
Princess Shroob: My parents were King and Queen Shroob, they were killed by our sworn enemy Tatanga. Me and my sister got him back by beating him up.
Red: Why did you try to invade Plit?
Princess Shroob: Planet Shroob was too boring! We were the only things that lived there.
Red: Since the Mario Bros. of past and present killed your sister, what will you do to them now?
Princess Shroob: Well, I still need to come up with a plan to kill them and then get rid of the fat turtle and the princess.
Bowser: I’M NOT FAT!
Red: Yes you are. How come you spoke only Shroobish in the game but your sister can speak English?
Princess Shroob: The heir to the Shroob throne has to be able to communicate with other species. I, on the other hand, don’t have to, but I learned English to understand the Mario Bros.
Red: Where did you find Petey Piranha?
Princess Shroob: First of all, I didn’t find the present-day Petey, I found his grandpa.
(Flashback)
Princess Shroob: $^@$^@^%%^#$^%#@@$% (Setup things in the arena. We have a trap to set.)
Shroob worker: $&##@^@$&3 (Yes Mistress.)
(Princess Shroob looks into the sky and sees Petey’s grandpa flying.)
Princess Shroob: &*&%&* (I have an idea to fool the Mario Bros! Fire on that… thing.)
Shroob Worker: %&#&#%^# (Yes Mistress!)
(A Shroob UFO fires a laser at Petey’s grandpa.)
(Flashback over)
Red: Ok, next question, why didn’t you try to retrieve the Cobalt Star shards? Peach trapped your sister in there.
Princess Shroob: First of all, I was setting up our location when I heard a big boom from the throne room. I went into the throne room (where my sister was) and I saw a time machine, a princess, and two Toads. I managed to capture the princess, one Toad used the time machine escape pod, and the other made a drawing of was happening and jumped out the window screaming and ran away. I didn’t know what happened with my older sister until it was too late.
Red: Okay, last question before audience questions. Where did you learn your fighting skills?
Princess Shroob: I learned about fighting from my sister. I learned the magic attacks from her also.
Red: Ok, time for audience questions. You, seat 4,576.
Bowser: Why did you let me kidnap you when you were disguised as Princess Peach?
Princess Shroob: I needed you to get me back to the past.
Bowser: So in other words, you used me!
Princess Shroob: Yes
Bowser: I HATE YOU!!!
Red: Seat 34,677,547.
Shroob: What do you think of us underlings?
Princess Shroob: Pretty useless except for when you distract people. Overall you’re just useless bodyguards.
Red: Last question! Seat Ilikeweddingcake
Morton: Wedding cake!
(Red gets out an easy button and uses it to melt Morton into a pile of ash.)
Red: Seat 567,745, since that wasn’t a real question…
E. Gadd: How did you know about us in the present time?
Princess Shroob: My Shroob spies found out they were from the present.
Red: That’s it, everybody, this Interview is over.
Princess Shroob: Uh, Brother?
Red: Yeah?
Princess Shroob: Uh, Sis and I have held this back from you for years, but now I have to tell you this.
Red: What? Spit it out!
Princess Shroob: You’re not really my brother!
Red Koopa: Say what?!
Princess Shroob: You’re Red Koopa, leader of the Koopa Bros!
Red: So this means… I’m not a Shroob.
Princess Shroob: Yep, you’re a Koopa Troopa.
Red: So I made my bio saying I’m 100 percent Shroob and I’M NOT! Well in fact I do remember being the Koopa Bros’ leader.
(Princess Shroob uses ancient magic to shift Red Koopa from a Shroob to Koopa Troopa. Red Koopa is now in his Koopa Bros costume.)
Princess Shroob: We just found an unconscious body of a Koopa Troopa one day and we turned you into a Shroob and erased your memory. We found the note that said “Red Koopa”.
Red Koopa: Well it’s nice to have found my inner Mallow (to me, Mallow mean true self). I could get used to this.
Princess Shroob: END TRANSMISSION!
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