Kody: All right, so I'm making a few changes to my crew. No, not the InterCrew, those are the author's OCs. I mean the cameo crew. Anyway Dimentio and Mimi are staying, but Tira and Clover are bound and gagged in the clos– I mean, fired. Yeah, uh, fired, because I've had a sudden re-obsession with Teen Titans.
Lemmy: I hope this doesn't mean what I think it means.
Kody: Yes. Yes it does.
(Lemmy runs away screaming.)
Kody: Huh?
Dimentio: He was reading his tarot card.
Kody: Ooookay. Anyway, since Pokemaniac Joe fired Jinx, I want to hire her here instead. So... I'll be right back.
(Kody leaves.)
Mimi: I need some cream of mushroom soup.
Dimentio: The store nearby is out of stock.
Mimi: I bet it's the recession.
Dimentio: Ah yes, that reminds me, your rubees fell in the Stock Market, now 2 to a million coins.
Mimi: WHAT?! When did this happen?!
Dimentio: ... Just today, why?
(Mimi changes to her spider form and dashes off as Kody re-enters.)
Kody: Well that went well... Where's Mimi going?
Dimentio: To murder someone, I assume.
Jinx: So you'll pay me handsomely for this?
Kody: Yes. As soon as I get my infinite coin block back.
[you'll never get it back! It's mine, my own, my preciouss...]
Kody: As you kinda guessed, the narrator has issues.
[at least I'm not a big-eared freak of nature like you]
Dimentio: This is quite getting on my nerves, all these implications that freaks are looked down upon.
(Jinx cracks a mirror to amplify her power... a horse falls on the narrator. Ow...)
Jinx: I ain't called “Jinx” for nothing.
(A coin block falls on Jinx's head.)
Jinx: Ow...
[there you go]
Kody: Yes! Break as many mirrors as you want, as long as I have this coin block I can repair anything.
Dimentio: Not the fourth wall though.
Kody: True, but that gag's overused and I'm not gonna try to use it. Instead I'm gonna use current event gags!
Kirk Maltby: I'm the new muscle in town.
Kody: Quiet.
Cherbil: Hello.
Kody: Hi. You're being interviewed.
Cherbil: ... Wow.
Kody: Wow indeed, now let's get right to it. What gas do you contain?
Cherbil: Zzzzz...
(Kody hits the Cherbil with a soundwave.)
Cherbil: OW! What did you do that for?
Kody: It's not nice to fall asleep during an Interview.
Cherbil: Well I'm full of sleepy gas, so it kind of affects me too.
Kody: ... Okay, two questions answered at once, yeah. How powerful is this sleepy gas?
Cherbil: I could show you.
Kody: Use it on Rigel.
Rigel: Refuse.
Kody: Do it anyway.
Rigel: Resist.
(The Cherbil hits Rigel with a gas blast.)
Rigel: Zzzzz...
Kody: There, now he'll stop quoting a Sepultura track. How long will he be out?
Cherbil: Weeks.
Kody: Woah, weeks?!
Cherbil: Unless something hits him hard enough.
Kody: Well, I can safely estimate how powerful that gas is. What about Ice and Poison Cherbils?
Cherbil: Ice Cherbils inhabit fluffy areas, but a few have somehow felt the need to cool down a few hot places like Yold Desert. Dunno what's happened to them. Poison Cherbils live in dank areas.
Kody: And is their breath as powerful as regular Cherbils?
Cherbil: Most assuredly.
Kody: What about the Dark Cherbils that Shadoo created?
Cherbil: Grr... Don't remind me of that evil guy. He made them emit all three gases- sleepy, ice, and poison- but they're totally evil. Not even Poison Cherbils are evil, despite what people may have said.
Kody: ... K, and how can you float?
Cherbil: We're... extremely light. Lighter than helium.
Michael Ignatieff: You may be lighter than helium but I'm lighter than your grandma's biscuits!
Kody: ... Get. Out.
(Kody blasts Ignatieff out of the castle.)
Kody: How are you lighter than helium? Helium is... very light.
Cherbil: Positive helium ions. We store them in the upper part of our bodies. It's not our sleepy gas, though.
Kody: Would I be right in assuming the sleepy gas counters the helium ions and holds you down, so you don't drift off into space?
Cherbil: Yes. The sleepy gas is quite dense.
Kody: With all this gaseous talk, one would think it hard to believe that you can control where you move.
Cherbil: Not really. The helium ions and sleepy gas balance out. We can shift our sleepy gas to either side of our bodies. That's why we float so awkwardly, by the way.
Kody: All right. Say, why doesn't it affect your motion if you expel gas anyway?
Cherbil: We're constantly producing sleepy gas so we need to get rid of some.
Dimentio: Say Kody, why aren't you being cruel to the interviewee as per usual?
Kody: Because I don't feel like it, good enough answer for you?
Dimentio: No.
Kody: Too bad.
Cherbil: You're cruel to interviewees?!
Kody: Only if I feel like it.
Dimentio: That means a lot.
Kody: Quiet, or I'll call you the dreaded c-word.
Dimentio: You wouldn't dare...
Kody: C****.
Dimentio: WHY YOU–
(Kody and Dimentio engage in a huge fight.)
Jinx: Do they usually get like that?
Kamcle: I wouldn't know. But I'm ending the fight.
(Kamcle fires a beam in the fight cloud that resulted.)
*KA-BOOM*
Kody: NARGH!
Dimentio: GAH!
Jinx: And what did the narrator censor the word “clown” for, anyway? It's not like that's a bad word or anything.
Dimentio: You are terribly wrong, like the 2000 Earth U.S. election! Clown is an awful word to call somebody! Awful, I say!
Kody: Don't make me say it again.
Dimentio: Feh...
Cherbil: Is the Interview going to continue?
Kody: Yes... yes, thank you for reminding me. Anyway, if you don't release sleepy gas enough, do you sink to the ground?
Cherbil: I'd think that's obvious.
Kody: I wouldn't. Whose gas is most dense, regular, Ice, or Poison Cherbils?
Cherbil: We have the lightest, contrary to popular belief. Most believe that the Ice Cherbil is the lightest but they're actually in the middle. The Poison Cherbil's gas is the most dense.
Kody: Okay, cool. Why did Ice Cherbils show up first in Super Paper Mario rather than you regular Cherbils? You guys appeared in Chapter 2-1 but Ice Cherbils appeared in Chapter 1-3. Surely the regulars show up sooner?
Cherbil: Nope. Well... actually, it mostly depends on the species. But no, for us.
Kody: All right. You wouldn't pop if poked with a pin, would you? Your bodies seem to be inflatable.
Cherbil: Noooo! I mean, uh, yes we would! If we come into contact with any sharp object, we... explode. KEEP SHARP THINGS AWAY!
Kody: Take it easy, I'm not gonna pop you. Unless you try to attack me or something.
Stephen Harper: Contrary to popular belief, the harmonized sales tax will benefit our country greatly.
(Kody takes out a pin and pokes Stephen Harper... who pops like a balloon.)
Kody: Uhhhh... That was strange. Let's move on, shall we? So, you hang out in the areas you do because you hate sharp objects...?
Cherbil: Not really. We like the atmospheres that we live in, they suit us. But if we see something sharp nearby, we have to get away.
Kody: Like this pin?
Cherbil: AHHHH! GET IT AWAY!
Kody: Oops, sorry.
Cherbil: Whew...
Kody: You're much too paranoid, you realize. Anyway, does your own gas affect you?
Cherbil: Not too often, but it happens.
Kody: What about your relatives?
Cherbil: They're... different. Ice Cherbils don't really freeze, and Poison Cherbils can't really be poisoned.
Kody: Dark Cherbils?
Cherbil: ... Not sure about them. Probably because I don't care about them.
Kody: And nor do I, but questions about them are always nice. Do you guys eat at all?
Cherbil: Nope.
Kody: Then why do you carry health-restoring items with you at times?
Cherbil: We're generous. We want to use them on other characters if their health is low.
Kody: And attack items?
Cherbil: Oh definitely, we use those.
Kody: Mkay... Time for audience questions, then.
Tarein: And if anybody wants to try and delay them, you'll have me to answer to.
(The audience beats up Tarein.)
Tarein: ...
Kody: Pfft, that was predictable.
(The audience beats up Kody.)
Kody: ... That wasn't.
Kirk Maltby: I've been on Stanley Cup-winning teams.
(Kody takes out a rapier and stabs Maltby with it. Maltby pops like a balloon.)
Tarein: Where'd you get that?
Kody: Sammer's Kingdom. Now, seat 2.
Iggy: No.
Kody: Yes.
King Totomesu: RAWR.
Kody: Hmm, Super Mario Land character, interesting. Iggy, ask a question, now, or else.
Iggy: Or else what?
Kody: Or else something will happen.
Iggy: Something?! Eep! Uh... Where did you all come from anyway?
Cherbil: Well we've been around since the Ancients were alive, so I'm not sure. Perhaps the Ancients created us.
Kody: Seat 40.
Boomerang Brother: I was the only one in the audience who didn't beat that cute Fire Sis up.
Tarein: And yet you didn't help me out.
Boomerang Brother: Well I got run over...
Tarein: ... Ask a question to the Cherbil.
Boomerang Brother: Fine. How can you expel gas at your enemy if he's in front of you? If you shoot gas, wouldn't it be underneath you since you're... upright?
Cherbil: We tilt over only for a bit to let the gas out, then we right ourselves. It's not a huge problem since we don't really go off-balance.
Kody: Reminds me of pneumatics and centers of gravity for some reason. Anyway, seat 301.
Vincent Van Gore: Exactly how much do you weigh, at full capacity?
Cherbil: 2.4 kilograms. The gas is denser than you think.
Kody: Still, that's awfully light. Seat 94.
Tira: Why did you do that to me?!
Kody: GAH! You! I mean, uh... hi?
Tira: Well?!
Kody: E-eh...
Jinx: Probably because I'm your replacement.
Tira: NOBODY REPLACES ME!
Jinx: Prove it.
Tira: Gladly.
(They get into a huge fight.)
Francis: Me-ow.
Kody: NAARGH!
(Kody pokes Francis with his rapier. Francis pops.)
Kody: Okay, this popping business is getting silly. Anyway, seat 5.
Parabomb: Do you have a specific gender?
Cherbil: Yes. I'm male.
Parabomb: ... And you're pink.
Iggy: Hey, pink is a manly colour!
Kody: It is so not. Anyway, seat–
Tira: Hey –OW!– let me ask my question! Ow!
Kody: Fine. Jinx, stop hitting her.
Tira: Thank you, but you're still dead after the Interview. Now who have you worked for, and why?
Cherbil: Nobody. We don't attack unless provoked.
Tira: You're pathetic.
Kody: Jinx, continue hitting her.
(The fight resumes.)
King Totomesu: Rawr.
(Kody stabs King Totomesu. Who predictably pops.)
Kody: This is getting old. Seat 102.
Phanto: What are your hobbies?
Cherbil: Pretty much wandering around, expelling and storing gas.
Kody: Urgh. Seat 20.
Axem Green: How do you recreate the gas anyway, if you keep expelling it?
Cherbil: Magic.
Kody: Isn't that the most convenient and most vague answer ever? Last question, seat 129.
Baron Brr: How'd you appear in the Pit of 100 Trials, again?
Cherbil: The Ancients put us there to guard the Pit from intruders. Those Cherbils were unnaturally aggressive.
(Tira and Jinx stop fighting.)
Tira: You're serious?
Jinx: Yes.
Tira: You didn't tell me you got that coin block back.
Kody: You never asked. Now get out, I'm not sharing with you.
Tira: Fine.
Raine Maida: Superman's dead.
Kody: ... No. No no no, Raine Maida is awesome... I'll just do this instead.
(Kody pokes the Cherbil, who explodes in a violent fashion, sending everybody flying.)
Kody: Pain.
Mimi: I'm back! ... Gosh, you people just can't get along, can you?
Kody: What's that red stuff on your hands?
Mimi: ... Nothing.
Rigel: ... Somebody end this. Now.
Kody: Never! The show must go on until the camera runs out of film!
Rigel: I hate to break it to you, but the camera was destroyed in the explosion.
Kody: ...
Gloomtail: Grr. God does not appreciate end-of-Interview cameos.
Tarein: Go away.
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