AMAURY interviews BONECHILL
 
By Kody

Kody: Right, now what do we do to find Bonechill?

Amaury: Whistle?

Kody: We'd get more Chomps.

Amaury: Then I don't know.

Kody: Maybe we can ask this kind gentleman for directions. Excuse me, could you–

Skellobit: NO!

Amaury: So much for kind gentleman.

Kody: Yeah, uh, lemme try this again. HEY YOU!

Spiky Skellobit: WHAT?!

Kody: Where's Bonechill?

Spiky Skellobit: Watching TV.

Kody: ... Yeeeaaah, okay. Well tell him someone's here for an Interview.

Spiky Skellobit: No.

Kody: Yes.

Spiky Skellobit: Shut up.

Kody: Make me.

Spiky Skellobit: No problem.

(The Spiky Skellobit throws his spear at Kody and walks off.)

Kody: Ow. That'll sting when I blink next. OWWW!

Amaury: Well at least you can't really die... here.

Kody: True, but I'm still not looking forward to this... Who writes out these Interview lists, anyway?

Amaury: Beats me.

Voice: God demands more episodes of The Beast!

Another Voice: Brarr! You've watched those Season 1 episodes over 15 times already! Season 2 doesn't start until Thursday!

Kody: Uhh...

Gloomtail: Hmm? Who are these foolish mortals who should be quaking in fear under the stare of GOD, instead of staring up at God weirdly?

Bonechill: You are not God, now get that through your thick skull which is thicker than mine.

Gloomtail: RAGE.

(Gloomtail Megabreaths Bonechill and flies through the roof. Stalactites pelt Kody endlessly.)

Bonechill: I hate it when he does that.

Kody: That'll sting when I think next... OW! And that. And that. A– OW!

Bonechill: What do you worms want?

Amaury: An Interview.

Bonechill: Oh! Indeed! Well, let's get started, shall we...

Kody: I see spots in front of my eyes. Ow.

Lava Bubble: Oh, that's just me.

Kody: Oh. hi Jolene. Ow.

Lava Bubble: ...

Amaury: ... Guess I'm on my own. So what exactly are you?

Bonechill: King of the Skellobits.

Amaury: And how old are you?

Bonechill: Old enough.

Amaury: Um... For fear of being eaten, I'll not press the point. You look like you're in a wheelchair of sorts. What happened?

Bonechill: I tripped.

Amaury: You tripped...

Bonechill: Well look at me, I'm so big. If I fell over, I'd pretty much shatter. That is why the other Skellobits made this contraption for me. It keeps me balanced and prevents me from ever falling on my face.

Amaury: Ooookay. How did you get to be King of the Skellobits anyway?

Bonechill: I daresay my age answers that for me.

Amaury: It doesn't.

Bonechill: It should!

Amaury: Well it doesn't.

Bonechill: Fine. I have been the only king, because I have been here since the beginning of time.

Amaury: Beginning of... Wait, no, not possible.

Bonechill: Yes.

Amaury: No.

Bonechill: I'LL FREEZE YOU!

Amaury: Eep! Uh... Yes?

Bonechill: Better.

Amaury: Wheeeew, now that was a close one. Umm... Why don't you have a spear like other Skellobits?

Bonechill: I don't need one. I can use my icy-cold breath to damage foes.

Amaury: Okay, and how did you get your ice abilities anyway?

Bonechill: I've had them as long as I can remember.

Amaury: Can you fly?

Bonechill: That would be obvious. Really, what other way would I have gotten to the Nimbi temple?

Amaury: Magic.

Bonechill: True, but I don't have the kind of magic that instantly teleports me to places like some others do.

Amaury: Oh. In that case I'll ask why you were interested in the Pure Heart.

Bonechill: Go ahead, ask that.

Amaury: I just did.

Bonechill: No, you said it in the form of a statement.

Amaury: Errr...

Kody: Dude... ow... Am I hallucinating... oww... or what...? Owww...

Bonechill: No, your head's covered in stalactites, you fool.

(Bonechill freezes Kody.)

Kody: ...

Bonechill: While he thaws out, repeat that statement in the form of a question, or you'll join him.

Amaury: Gulp. Why were you interested in the Pure Heart?

Bonechill: It had mystical powers that only the strong can possess. Of course, those as strong as I would greatly benefit from its power.

Amaury: And how did you find out about it? Did you send spies to the Nimbi temple or something?

Bonechill: Broo ho ho ha ha, not at all. Did you not realize? Jaydes was in on the plan, so I sent spies to her instead.

Amaury: And you found out that Luvbi was the Pure Heart is disguise?

Bonechill: Correct. But I couldn't do anything at the time because I was trapped in an abandoned corridor. Jaydes' D-Men had imprisoned me temporarily because they knew of my vile presence. But, for reasons I know not, the barrier was thrown down suddenly and I easily escaped and destroy all who stood in my way! Broo ho ho ha ha!

Amaury: That was Count Bleck's doing. He freed you.

Bonechill: Says you... Who is this Count Bleck?

Amaury: Egomaniac, classy dresser, speaks in the third person a lot, tried to destroy all worlds out of love, revenge, and some other emotions...

Bonechill: Doesn't ring a bell.

(Kody thaws out.)

Kody: I feel even worse now.

Bonechill: I don't care.

(Bonechill freezes Kody again.)

Lemmy: Lemmy's Interv-

(Bonechill freezes Lemmy.)

Lemmy: This doesn't really affect me...

(Bonechill freezes Lemmy more.)

Lemmy: Yawn.

Bonechill: Why won't you die?!

Lemmy: Um. I never die in these things, you know.

Bonechill: Lies.

(A random pie hits Bonechill.)

Bonechill: I'll kill whoever did that.

Amaury: Stop freezing things, please.

Bonechill: Oh, er, I had some excess moisture build-up inside me, and I needed to get it out, so for now I will stop.

Amaury: How does that happen, now that we come to it?

Bonechill: Well I collect water vapor out of the dank air here and it kind of keeps my power levels infinite here.

Amaury: So why aren't you always spewing ice?

Bonechill: It takes a while for the moisture to solidify.

Amaury: Okay. Why did your forces attack the Overthere?

Bonechill: Because I wanted them to! I hate the Overthere!

Amaury: It didn't have anything to do with the Pure Heart, did it?

Bonechill: Well yes, mostly, seeing as if we could weaken the Overthere, the Pure Heart would be ripe for the taking, but generally I just hate that place and I want it to die.

Amaury: And you were the one who froze those Nimbis, huh?

Bonechill: Did you think my forces could?

Amaury: No.

Bonechill: Then it's quite clear who froze them.

Amaury: O...kay. So why aren't you planning an attack on the Overthere right now?

Bonechill: I hate to admit it but I don't want to, seeing as there's nothing of worth up there.

Amaury: But you just said you hate that place.

Bonechill: So? Doesn't mean I'll attack it. Someone else can kill it off now.

Amaury: How did you get beaten anyway?

Bonechill: Some man in green hit my head with a super jump. I got knocked out of the temple and back down here.

Amaury: So he didn't kill you...

Bonechill: Broo ho ho ha ha, no one can kill me.

Gloomtail: Rage.

(Gloomtail Megabreaths Bonechill.)

Bonechill: Ow. Why are you back here, and why did you just do that?

Gloomtail: Someone has not classified me as a GOD in his Interviews, like many others, so I'm rectifying the situation. Oh, and you half-stole my title as God by saying no one can kill you.

[You're not God. I am.]

(Gloomtail Megabreaths the narrator.)

[Ow. Fine, you're God. Happy?]

Gloomtail: No.

[Fine. Now be God somewhere else.]

Gloomtail: No.

[I don't like you.]

Gloomtail: God likes no one.

Bonechill: No one can die in the Underwhere anyway, so I am perfectly safe.

Gloomtail: NO ONE IS SAFE FROM GOD!

Amaury: Let's keep going. If you have so much moisture going into you that freezes, how are you able to stay alive outside of the Underwhere with all that extra cold you have stored in you?

Bonechill: Magic. Dark magic.

Amaury: Vague... but true. How do you feel about having lost to Luigi?

Bonechill: ANGRY! How dare he ruin my plans to take over the Overthere?!

Amaury: Do you have any plans to get revenge on him?

Bonechill: I wish. I don't even know where he is or who he's with.

Amaury: You could send scouts to track his movements.

Bonechill: Can't chance my troops getting destroyed.

Amaury: O...kay. Just how cold is your breath?

(Bonechill freezes Amaury.)

Bonechill: That cold.

(Kody thaws out again.)

Kody: I seriously need a painkiller here.

(Another stalactite falls on Kody, knocking him out cold.)

Kody: Ow.

Gloomtail: How dare the ceiling cause pain in front of ME?!

(Gloomtail Megabreaths the ceiling, causing now-molten rock to drop from it, spraying everybody, including Gloomtail himself.)

Bonechill: AHHHH!!!

(Bonechill is charred.)

Kody: That's not a painkiller. Ow.

Amaury: Owww...

Gloomtail: OUCH! Treacherous ceiling! Attacking GOD! I'll kill you!

(Gloomtail proceeds to pound the ceiling with his head, front legs, tail, etc.)

*RUMBLE...*

Kody: I think we should leave.

Amaury: But there were no audience questions...

Kody: I don't care! RUN!!!

(Kody and Amaury run, fast, as the ceiling caves in on Gloomtail and Bonechill's remains.)

Gloomtail: I'm okay!

Lemmy: Amazingly, so am I.

Gloomtail: RAGE.

Lemmy: Eep!

Kody: Yeah... That went over nice.

Amaury: ... So... Back to the castle?

Kody: Yes.

Space Ghost: I have beans.

Kody: That's nice.

Brak: SOMEBODY SAY BEANS?

Kody: Rage.

(Kody blasts Space Ghost and Brak.)

Amaury: Tell me there's no cameras running...

----

Rawk Hawk: This camera sure can RAAAAAWK!

Mimi: Shut up.

Rawk Hawk: No, I need my close-up.

Kamcle: Must... resist... urge...to... bang... head... on... wall...

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