TANK: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell… This will be the first time I interview a Mario character who is a good guy.
A Q P 3rd: Please welcome the biggest idiot on PLIT, MARIO!
TANK: Wait a minute! You were trampled last time! How are you still alive?!
A Q P 3rd: *rolls eyes* Ya, cause there is no such thing as a Mushroom that brings you back to life! Who hasn’t heard of a 1-Up Mushroom?
Author: Me.
A Q P 3rd: You must be really stupid!
Author: You’re forgetting, I control your world and you. I’ll press the big red button!
Audience: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Author: Then be nice!
TANK: Moving on. Today, we will interview-
Ozzy Osbourne: SHARON!
TANK: No, we are interviewing Mario.
A Q P 3rd: I already said that!
TANK: SILENCE! I KILL YOU!
(Jeff Dunham storms out of the studio, while Mario runs in and sits on TANK’s shell.)
TANK: YO! I’m a Buster Beetle, I’ll throw you!
Mario: Go ahead and try!
(Mario flies across the studio, crashes through a wall, flies around the world, and lands back in the interviewee chair.)
A Q P 3rd: Woah.
Mario: Ow…
TANK: Now! First question! How did you end up on Plit?
Mario: Well, I was doing some plumbing with Luigi and we got sucked down the drain to save Princess Peach.
TANK: Wow, for once you answered a question with out sounding like an idiot, why is that?
Mario: Well after you threw me, I hit my head pretty hard on a plane, so maybe that made my brain work.
A Q P 3rd: I thought that was just a myth. Next question, why did you save Daisy in Super Mario Land?
Mario: Because Luigi is a wuss, and is afraid of aliens.
Luigi: I’m not a wuss!
(Mario throws a fireball at Luigi.)
Luigi: WAAAHHHHHH! I’M GONNA GO TELL MARIO! THEN HE WILL BEAT YOU UP, YOU BULLY!
(Luigi tries to run out of the studio, but trips and breaks his neck.)
Mario: Apparently he is stupid and clumsy as well.
TANK: Why can you kill enemies by jumping on them, but when they touch you, you die?
Mario: AH, good question! My boots are made out of a special kind of armor that protects my feet.
A Q P 3rd: Why didn’t you make your gloves out of that? Then you could punch enemies too.
Mario: I did since Super Mario 64. The only reason I didn’t have those before was because the Toad army didn’t have the money to put armor on my gloves, only my boots.
TANK: Speaking of which, why did you where the gloves anyway?
Mario: I was wearing them when I was sucked into Plit.
A Q P 3rd: Why do you where that strange outfit?
Mario: Same reason.
TANK: Does it hurt when you touch an enemy?
Mario: Not really. The reason I die when I touch them is because they bite me, burn me, or poison me.
A Q P 3rd: What does a Goomba do to kill you?
Mario: They have these tiny spikes on their body that inject me with poison.
Guy in audience: THIS IS BORING! MARIO WAS FUNNIER WHEN HE WAS STUPID.
Everyone in audience: YEAH! BE STUPID AGAIN, MARIO, LIKE YOUR BROTHER!
(Luigi can be seen slowly crawling out of the studio, crying.)
TANK: You know what? The audience is right!
(TANK picks up Mario and throws him at an oncoming truck.)
TANK: That should do it.
(Mario runs back in the studio, very angry.)
Mario: &%@#! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! &%#*!
TANK: AWWW. He is still smart.
A Q P 3rd: And angry!
(Mario jumps up and throws a fireball at the studio, which kills everyone in the audience and A Q P 3rd.)
TANK: Woah.
Mario: I’m sorry. I HATE YOU! I hate my life! *sobs*
TANK: Now he is having mood swings. I have an idea!
(TANK lunges at Mario and drags him to the interviewee chair and ties him to it.)
TANK: Two more questions! What enemy are you most afraid of?
Mario: Probably Chain Chomps. You would be terrified of a big, black ball with teeth lunging at you at 100 mph
TANK: Now what enemy has annoyed you the most?
Mario: Paragoombas when they drop Microgoombas, those giant eyeballs that shoot lasers, and Buster Beetles when they throw bricks at me in enclosed places.
TANK: Yep, we are annoying. Now, let’s end this in a funny way.
(TANK hits Mario in the head with a hammer, which makes Mario stupid again)
Mario: I LIKE CHEESE!
TANK: Of course
(Luigi bursts through the door with a rifle in his hand and cheap whiskey on his breath.)
Weird Al: HEY! DON’T COPY MY SONG, THE NIGHT SANTA WENT CRAZY!
(A Thwomp falls on Weird Al.)
Luigi: Okay Mario, since I couldn’t find Mario to help me kill you, I will have to do it myself!
(Luigi aims his rifle at Mario, but is then struck with a brick and is killed.)
TANK: I still got it! Now Mario, I will execute you!
Mario: That sounds like fun!
(TANK runs out of the studio, then crashes back in holding a giant rock.)
TANK: You ready?
Mario: Will there be cheese?
TANK: Where you’re going, it will all be melted!
Mario: YAY! I LOVE MELTED CHEESE!
TANK: END TRANSMISSION!
(The screen goes black and all that can be heard is a giant “THUD”.)
Whoops! You're not logged in! |