(Kody wakes up somewhere. Hooray for vagueness.)
Kody: Zzzzz... Huh? Where am I? This place is unfamiliar... And why do I sound kinda weird?
Big Sammer Guy: Who are you?!
Kody: ... Somebody. Who are YOU, familiar-looking dude?
Big Sammer Guy: I am End Boss, guardian of the 100th gate! HOW DID YOU GET HERE WITHOUT DEFEATING THE OTHER 99 SAMMER GUYS?!
Kody: Ah, right. I know who you are now, just didn't know your name... And, dude, I just woke up here. I haven't a clue of what you're on about.
End Boss: ... Okay.
Kody: Hmm... Maybe I should interview you to pass time. That okay?
End Boss: Interview me? Why?
Kody: I don't know. I'm just bored.
End Boss: Sounds good to me, Boomboxer.
Kody: ... Wait, did you just call me Boomboxer?
End Boss: ... Erm, yes.
Kody: WHAAAAAT?! But I'm a Boo! A black Boo! Surely I still am...?
End Boss: You're black, but not a Boo.
Kody: But... eurgh. Great. So now I can't float around scaring things. It's all that Blastboxer's fault. AND my awesome musketeer's hat is gone too.
End Boss: Actually, there's one on your head.
Kody: What?
(Kody grabs for a hat but his “new” arms are too small.)
Kody: Noooo!
(End Boss grabs it off his head and gives it to him.)
Kody: Woo! Haha! *kisses the hat* I'll never lose you again! Uh... Thanks. Er, can you...?
(End Boss puts the hat back on Kody's head.)
Kody: Thanks again...
End Boss: Rrrriiiight... Well, if you're going to interview me, you’d better start now before the next challenger comes.
Kody: Oh yeah, we're in Sammer's Kingdom, right?
End Boss: KING Sammer's Kingdom!
Kody: Fine, KING Sammer. So this KING Sammer... when did he set up his kingdom?
End Boss: King Sammer is our most respected king! He built the Sammer Kingdom hundreds of years ago! Many years... Such deaths happened along the way...
Kody: Deaths... yipes. Mkay... And why did KING Sammer get the Pure Heart 1,500 years ago?
End Boss: Because his ancestors were given it by the Ancients! It was held as the greatest treasure in the Kingdom and was only to be given to the Hero of Prophecy, should he need it! King Sammer was competent and respected enough to gain the responsibility of keeping the Pure Heart safe.
Kody: And why'd Mario need to fight 100 of you?
End Boss: Because he needed to prove to our king that he truly was the Hero of Prophecy, that's why!
Kody: You all seem to be different, though.
End Boss: What, you expect us to all be defeated the same way? Some of us have trained differently and resort to different tactics. Some of Sammer's vassals have spikes on their hands, some fire waves, some are small, and some, such as I, are big. Some can even flip into 3D, and some have strikers. That way, the challenger must think of different ways to defeat us every time, and that challenger is thus brought down quicker and harsher.
Kody: So you believe your unpredictability each round will defeat the enemy?
End Boss: That is correct.
Kody: Meh. You've all trained at schools?
End Boss: We have indeed. Some of us still do. Forbidden Slap was banished from the Sweaty Palm Academy, though.
Kody: Sweaty Palm Academy... eww. And where did you descend from?
End Boss: I didn't come from any school at all! My strength and skills come naturally to me!
Kody: Right... So you guys all have to stand by your gates, huh?
End Boss: King Sammer would kill us if we left! And besides, it is dishonorable to allow your opponent to have a bye into the next fight!
Kody: And you all have a specific theme for your fights, do you?
End Boss: What do you mean by theme?
Kody: Your... names. Jade Blooper, Another Castle, Screaming Mantis…
End Boss: Oh. Well... those really aren't themes, that's just the way they are. Jade Blooper and Screaming Mantis got their names through how they speak. Another Castle is a robust fighter with high health points, so... yes.
Kody: And you got your name because you're the final Sammer Guy?
End Boss: That's right.
Kody: So why do YOU guard the 100th gate?
End Boss: I'm the most powerful Sammer Guy! It's tradition to leave the most powerful for last. Oh, and the best. Heh heh.
Kody: Someone's a little full of himself...
End Boss: HEY!
(End Boss swipes at Kody with his club. It connects.)
Kody: OW! All right, fine. You're not.
End Boss: That's better.
Kody: You taunt your opponents because you think they are weak?
End Boss: OF COURSE! It's what I'm supposed to do! Even if they are stronger than me!
Kody: Then why aren't you taunting me?
End Boss: I forgot to, because you took me by surprise when you first showed up... HA HA HA! FOOLISH MORTAL! YOUR GAME ENDS HERE!
Kody: Save that for afterwards, please.
End Boss: All right.
Kody: Good... A couple more questions about yourself, if you will. Aren't you supposed to be fast?
End Boss: I am fast! For a Big Sammer Guy, anyway.
Kody: Really? Why does it take so long for you to swing that club, then?
End Boss: It's heavy! But the damage it inflicts is maximum! That's also partly because of my great strength.
Kody: Relatively speaking, buddy, you aren't REALLY that fast.
End Boss: Grrrrr... Fine. I'm big, as you can see, and big characters are usually slow. Most of the time. But like I said, I'm faster than the other Big Sammer Guys, so I'm the most dangerous out of them.
Kody: How true... I believe that is all I should know about you, yourself... On to the other Sammer Guys. Why are there different sizes of Sammer Guys, anyway? You all look relatively the same!
End Boss: Oww... We come from the village within the Kingdom!
Kody: Village? I've never heard of any village there... What village is this?
End Boss: Sammer Village.
Kody: Oh great, it's not only you who's conceited...
(End Boss starts to pound Kody with his club.)
Kody: GAH! STOP IT...!
End Boss: Only if you stop with the petty insults!
Kody: If – OW! – they're petty, why don't you – OW! – take them? OW!
End Boss: ... Good point.
(End Boss stops hitting Kody.)
Kody: I got a splittin' headache... augh. Whatever... Where'd the smallish Sammer Guys come from...?
End Boss: The village! Didn't I just say that?
Kody: What part of the village?
End Boss: Oh! Uh... Near the southern end. That part is called Cheep's Nook.
Kody: And you big Sammer Guys?
End Boss: The northwestern part. That's Precipice of Whomp.
Kody: So normal Sammer Guys came from everywhere else in the village...
End Boss: A correct assumption.
Kody: How come we never saw the village in the game?
End Boss: We hide it to prevent people from tracking us down and razing our village! It's happened before when we were open with its location.
Kody: So there aren't any Sammer Girls?
End Boss: There are, but they don't fight. Only Sammer Guys fight.
Kody: How many of them are there?
End Boss: Actually, quite a few. About as many as there are Sammer Guys.
Kody: Say, how many Sammer Guys are there, actually? I've only seen you 100 out on the dueling grounds. There have to be some that aren't even as strong as Jade Blooper.
End Boss: You would be right again. There are thousands of Sammer Guys and Sammer Girls, and the Sammer Guys who are most powerful are the ones who protect King Sammer and the treasure.
Kody: Hmm... Actually, how did KING Sammer come to be king of the Sammer Guys?
End Boss: His ancestors set up our village and fighting grounds long ago. He descended from them, so he is actually King Sammer IV, fourth line of the Sammer Guy kings.
Kody: Interesting. How come Sammer Girls don't take up fighting?
End Boss: They don't care to, really. Some of them have only recently shown an interest in this and have gone to training school, but they easily get dispatched by their Sammer Guy classmates.
Kody: Well here's hoping that improves. Anyway, I've seen Ninjoes and their stronger relatives come out to assist the Sammer Guys as strikers. Isn't that cheating, a bit?
End Boss: NO! They only come out when the challenger has a partner with them. Cheating! Argh! In our kingdom, cheating is foul and looked upon with great disgust! Forbidden Slap was punished most severely for his trickery in the Sweaty Palm Academy, and was kicked out! Deservedly so.
Kody: Meh. I've seen that some of you have “special” weapons, like swords that shoot waves, and stuff like that... How?
End Boss: We choose our weapons for the battle! Crow Who Eats has a weapon like the one you just mentioned. Others have spikes on their head, as I do, or can flip into 3D, shoot energy blasts, etc.
Kody: Why don't you all jump? You all seem capable of doing that, yet many of the Sammer Guys don't jump at all while fighting.
End Boss: I'm not sure. Probably because jumping leaves them vulnerable to an attack from below or behind.
Kody: Okay. Somehow, we need audience questions...
End Boss: An audience?! On the 100th gate?! No deal.
Kody: But questions from an audience is a vital part of an Interview.
End Boss: Erm... no. Sorry.
Buzzy Beetle: Oh, hi Kody!
Kody: Uh, who are- Woah! It's you, Amaury, long time no see!
End Boss: WHAT?! HOW DID YOU...?!
Kody: Uh yeah, how'd you get here?
Amaury: I just defeated some Sammer Guys, haha!
End Boss: WHAT?! YOU BEAT ALL THE OTHER 99 VASSALS?!
Amaury: Yes I did. Why, are you the 100th Sammer Guy?
End Boss: ...
Kody: That's a yes.
Amaury: Aha! Prepare for battle!
Kody: WAIT! I'm in the middle of an Interview with him!
Amaury: Yes?
Kody: But there's no audience, so I need someone else to ask questions.
Amaury: Oh, I can do that.
Kody: Oh good-o. Thanks. Say... how'd you know it was me? End Boss says I look like a Boomboxer now.
Amaury: You are a Boomboxer, actually, but I just... know it's you.
Kody: How?
Amaury: The hat.
Kody: Ah. I see. It's rather good, isn't it... Right, ask away.
Amaury: Asking! So, um, Mr. End Boss, before we get into our epic duel, how can you breathe fire?
End Boss: I trained with the best flamethrowers in Plit. Before I guarded the 100th gate, that is.
Amaury: And why do you have such a big mustache?
End Boss: I just do! So do other Sammer Guys!
Amaury: I've seen Sammer Guys with mustaches... but they just came out of school! Um... How does that work?
End Boss: You're talking about Forbidden Slap and his brothers, right? Well they seemed to grow their facial hair faster than anyone else, so... That's why. Plus they graduated (minus Forbidden Slap) five years after anybody else in their class did.
Amaury: How do you know all this?
End Boss: King Sammer makes all 100 of his vassals share life stories when we're not fighting. It's humiliating...
Amaury: Hmm... How many have fought against you... and lost?
End Boss: Thousands! Too many to accurately number, but I'm certain it is in the thousands. That would also mean all the Sammer Guys below my rank have lost thousands of times. Shameful...
Amaury: And how many have beaten you?
End Boss: Only one... That person was Mario. ONLY ONCE HAVE I BEEN SHAMED... OH THE SHAME!
Amaury: How did King Sammer get hold of those Catch Cards at the end?
End Boss: He only recently came across them. Thing is, there were pairs of each card, so there are still treasures at the end.
Amaury: Fair enough. Well, I asked my share! It's time to fight you!
End Boss: Ho ho! Very well... Allow me to say what I say to every challenger I face... HAH! YOU ARE PATHETIC! PREPARE TO BE CRUSHED AS THE UNIVERSE WITHERS!
Kody: I'll just stand over here...
One beating later...
End Boss: NOOOOO! I LOST!
Amaury: That's because you tripped.
End Boss: OH! THE SHAME! IT HURTS! ... Roll credits...
(End Boss smacks the narrator with his club. Ow!)
Kody: That's what you get for an overused joke.
(Kody's hat disappears.)
Kody: MY HAT!!! NNOOOOO!!!
(It reappears.)
Kody: MY HAT!!! YESSSSSS!!!
[remember who is in control here, young man]
Kody: Shut up...
(They go to the next door.)
King Sammer: Splendid! That's what I call real “martial artistry”! Here you go, new champion!
Amaury: Wow, thanks!
Kody: Uh, yeah... Can we go now? I have to figure out how to get out of this form, or discover that I like being a Boomboxer. One of the two.
Amaury: Sure.
End Boss: Roll credits!
King Sammer: GET BACK TO YOUR POST!
End Boss: Gah! Y-yes sir, King Sammer, sir!
Amaury: So where's Kamcle?
Kody: Back at the castle. You've been out of the loop for a while, haven't you? Where've you been?
Amaury: I've been living in the Beanbean Kingdom since the last Interview I appeared in, and I thought I'd try my luck at the Sammer Duels.
Kody: Well you might be surprised at what you find at the castle now...
Amaury: Is there any way to end transmission?
Kody: Nope. Let's just keep going.
Amaury: Okay.
One apocalypse later...
Dark Bones: Weird... There's this camera still running.
(Dark Bones eats it.)
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