Wario: Wait a minute! Blowing me up with a grenade launcher isn’t Canadian! What’s up with that?
(Ty Domi skates in and begins beating up Wario.)
TANK: HAHA! What do you think of my new goon?!
Ty Ddomi: BRASHEARE!!!
TANK: You need to know about hockey to understand that. Anyway, before we get started, I have a new person to interview with me! Please welcome Alouicious Q Poindexter the 3rd!
(A Q P 3rd walks in.)
One guy in audience: Yay!
A Q P 3rd: I have cake!
Everyone in audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
A Q P 3rd: Thank you. Now today we will be interviewing the suicidal soldier, Bob-omb! Anyone with fire or who is fire, please leave.
(Everyone in the audience leaves except for Ozzy Osbourne, Chad Kroeger, and a Koopa.)
TANK: Well this stinks, this is all we have left!
Ozzy Osbourne: SHARON!!!
A Q P 3rd: Quiet! Or I’ll throw the bomb at you!
Bob-omb: You guys gonna interview me?
TANK: Okay, first question, are you a living being?
Bob-omb: No, we’re just exploding robots.
TANK: So you’re terrorists?
Bob-omb: Essentially.
(A Q P 3rd begins calling the government.)
TANK: Who are you calling?
A Q P 3rd: I’m ordering a pizza.
Koopa in audience: Extra cheese.
TANK: NO! Too much money!
(Ty Domi beats up the Koopa.)
Ty Domi: BRASHEARE!!!
TANK: Say that again and you’re fired!
(Ty Domi runs out of the studio and beats up a Flyers fan.)
TANK: You need to watch hockey to understand that joke. Anyway, are you a soldier or a weapon?
Bob-omb: A little of both.
A Q P 3rd: Are you afraid of being blown up?
Bob-omb: NAH! It’s in our programming to not be afraid of blowing up.
A Q P 3rd: I guess it’s what you were MADE for! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Crickets chirp.)
A Q P 3rd: Everybody is a critic! OH, I mean, everybody’s a cricket. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Silence…)
TANK: Anyway, how do you light your fuse?
Bob-omb: Actually, the fuse is just for show. In reality, we just explode on command!
A Q P 3rd: Why don’t red Bob-ombs ever explode?
Bob-omb: They are a dysfunctional batch. They don’t explode and we were ordered to destroy them, but they fought back, which explains the battle in Super Mario 64.
TANK: What about Big Bob-omb?
Bob-omb: He was just a new experiment to command the Bob-ombs’ assault against the red Bob-ombs.
A Q P 3rd: Finally, do you have any relation to the Bullies?
Bob-omb: No, they are just robots designed to bully people.
TANK: Audience questions. Seat 1?
Ozzy Osbourne: SHARON!
TANK: DOMI!
(Ozzy gets beaten up by Domi.)
Ty Domi: BRASH-
TANK: DOMI!
A Q P 3rd: Seat 2?
Chad Kroeger: (singing) If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday?
TANK: DOMI!!!
(Kroeger gets beaten up by Domi.)
Ty Domi: BRASHEARE!!!
TANK: That’s it! You’re fired!
Chad Kroeger: (still singing) Goodbye! Goodbye!
(Domi kills Kroeger and beats up the same Flyers fan who is in the hospital.)
A Q P 3rd: Not a lot of Mario members here, were there?
TANK: Well I’m a violent Buster Beetle and you’re a nerdy Koopa. What more do you want?
(Every Mario character runs in and leaves with Mario at the end yelling “TOGA, TOGA!”)
TANK: The place is ruined! And A Q P 3rd and the Bob-omb are dead. Well I’m leaving! END TRANSMISSION!
(TANK walks out of the studio, stepping on A Q P 3rd.)
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