We see darkness… We see images of fear, and fright…

???: No...! NO...! NOT THE RABID DONKEYS OUT TO GET ME!!!

Super Goomba wakes up from his nightmare to see Goomba Guy, a red Anti Guy with a Goomba stitched on his forehead who is SG's lawyer-type person, staring at him.

SG: Wha...? Why'd ya wake me?

GG: DUDE, YOU'RE LATE!!!

SG: Ack! For what?!

GG: Your Interview!

SG: ... What Interview?

GG: Don't you remember?! We've been planning this for months!

SG: Wha... SHOOT! You're right! Ugh, getting your first Interview after many years can make one forget...

GG: You get down to the studio! I'll get Goombario!

SG: Right!

SG and Goomba Guy begin rushing around SG's house getting various things ready. Things like breakfast, clothes, and SG's first Interview crew. Then they prepare to leave.

SG: Wait! Wasn't I performing a co-interview?

GG: Yes! You're the one with the paper holding the name of your co-interviewer!

SG: Oh... um... Shoot, I smudged it in my sleep... I'm interviewing with... Drk Kappa?

Goombario: Who's he?

SG: Meh. Must be some new guy hoping to get his first vote or something. Well, let's go!

Meanwhile at the Interview Studio....

Dark Koopa: Why am I being duct-taped to this chair?

Thumbs: I'm testing its durability.

Dark Koopa: The tape?

Thumbs: No, the chair.

Dark Koopa: Fine. As long as no one asks me to do an Interview in the next 30 seconds.

(Super Goomba and associates enter the studio.)

Dark Koopa: Rage.

Thumbs: What horrible timing.

Dark Koopa: Seriously!

Thumbs: They were supposed to enter at 29 seconds, not at 3 seconds.

Dark Koopa: Get out.

Thumbs: Okay.

(Thumbs exits, leaving Dark Koopa duct-taped to the chair.)

Dark Koopa: I didn't mean that literally! Blah.

SG: 'Kay, so I'm supposed to interview with you... Drk...

Dark Koopa: That's not my name. And I'd love to know how you pronounced that, considering it has no vowels.

SG: Waitaminute... Who are you?

Dark Koopa: Dark Koopa.

SG: Oh... dangit. Uhm... Who are we interviewing?

Dark Koopa: What am I, an interviewer? I don't know.

SG: Uh... Aren't you an interviewer?

Dark Koopa: No. Never.

SG: Uh, yeah, ok, whatever you say. (to audience) So, today we are interviewing... uhm... this... Clubba over here!

Clubba: Huh? Wha?

Dark Koopa: You are the next contestant on The Prince is Right!

Clubba: Oh man. Oh yeah!

(The Clubba runs onstage.)

Clubba: Hey... This isn't-- *is cuffed to interviewee chair* HEY!

SG: Pay more attention next time.

Dark Koopa: Aw, I wanted to play Plinko...

SG: Why are you always aslee--

Clubba: ZZZZzzzz....

SG: Uh-huh...

Clubba: Hu- Oh, I'm just really lazy. I hate working, and I hate guarding. It's so boring. But I do like hitting things!

Dark Koopa: Then why are you always guarding something?

Clubba: Guards get to hit things!

SG: Were you supposed to be guarding something before?

Clubba: Why yes I- AW, DANG IT!

Dark Koopa: Well...

Clubba: I knew I was supposed to be working today!

Dark Koopa: So, Clubbas are rumored to not be very bright. Is this true?

Clubba: Today is... Wednesday, right? Or is it Sunday?

Dark Koopa: It's Friday.

Clubba: They have a whole day just for fries?!

Dark Koopa: That answers that.

SG: How do ya feel about reappearing in Super Paper Mario?

Clubba: That wasn't me, that was my cousin.

Dark Koopa: He meant your species.

Clubba: Oh... oh! It's cool, I guess. It's not actually me, but it's nice our species gets more exposure. I'd like to appear outside of Paper Mario games though...

SG: When Kammy summoned a Clubba to guard a chest, did she pull a Clubba outta thin air, or did she pull a Clubba from another location entirely?

Clubba: Actually, that was me! As for where I came form, I... don't... know... AUUUUGH!!! MY WHOLE LIFE IS DESTROYED!!! WHO AM I?! WHAT AM I?! AAAAUUUUGGHH!!!

(Dark Koopa takes the Clubba's club and hits him with it.)

Clubba: Ow! Thanks... Kammy teleported me from Tubba's Castle and barely explained a thing. I was so confused!

Dark Koopa: When aren't you confused?

Clubba: That's a confusing question.

SG: I'll take that as a "never". So... are you a breed of Koopa?

Clubba: I don't know what that means!

Dark Koopa: He is. It's sad when I know that. Why are most Clubbas green?

Clubba: Why are most Koopas green? They just are.

Dark Koopa: There's a lot of red Koopas too.

Clubba: Well, they just are, okay?! White Clubbas are like red Koopas.

Dark Koopa: Then what Clubbas are like Dark Koopas?

Clubba: Dark Clubbas.

Dark Koopa: No.

Clubba: Fine.

SG: Kay. Are you a breed of Spike?

Clubba: Lakilester?

Dark Koopa: Those things from Yoshi Story.

Clubba: They're like our cousins.

Dark Koopa: I thought your cousin was in SPM.

Clubba: I mean species-wise!

Dark Koopa: Why are White Clubbas called White Clubbas?

Clubba: Because they're white? It's to tell them apart from normal Clubbas, I guess.

SG: What do you think of Grubba?

Clubba: ZZZZZzzzzz...

SG: *facepalm*

Clubba: I'M UP! Well, he's your typical evil Clubba, making him awesome.

Dark Koopa: So I guess you're evil?

Clubba: I don't know! But evil is coolest.

Dark Koopa: I agree.

Gloomtail: I eat evil for breakfast!

Dark Koopa: Aren't you evil yourself?

Gloomtail: ... Hm. How do I eat myself? This is quite a conundrum.

Dark Koopa: While you figure that out, it's time for audience questions.

SG: You, in the back.

Goombario: I-

SG: What are you doing in the audience?

Goombario: I wanted to ask a question... =(

SG: Fine, fine... But get back up here.

Goomba Guy: Isn't it against the law to-

SG: Quiet, you.

Dark Koopa: There's a Goomba GUY now? Is it a Shy Guy dressed up like a Goomba or something?

Goombario: Do all Clubbas have hair?

Clubba: No, but most do.

Dark Koopa: Is it always in that style?

Clubba: Nope again. It's just how Nintendo portrays us since it's a popular style.

SG: You, over there!

Tubba Blubba: What do you think of me?

Clubba: You're my employer!

Tubba Blubba: So... what do you think?

Clubba: A bit demanding, a bit of a coward... And you kind of smell bad.

Tubba Blubba: You're fired.

Clubba: RAGE!

SG: You, just entering the studio!

Luigi: Uh... what?

Clubba: I agree.

SG: Ergh... You near the front!

Goomba: What exactly WERE you guarding?

Clubba: I don't know! I guess Tubba needs the extra security because he's a scaredy cat.

(Tubba proceeds to bodyslam the Clubba.)

Dark Koopa: It appears our interviewee had been bodyslammed.

SG: You ok?

Clubba: Mmff...

SG: Guess not.

Dark Koopa: So, that's all for today on-

Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!

Dark Koopa: Just couldn't contain yourself, could you?

Lemmy: When have I ever?

Dark Koopa: Point. I leave now!

(Dark Koopa exits, passing by Gloomtail, who is currently chewing on his arm.)

SG: *shrug*

SG, Goombario, and Goomba Guy leave, followed by the audience, Gloomtail, and Tubba.

Later that night…

Clubba: Zzzz-huh? Wha? Why is it so dark?

END TRANSMISSION

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