Mimi: I'm still doing interviews? Goll-y!
Rigel: Only because someone isn't out of the closet.
Mimi: Huh?
Rigel: We had to lock Kody in there to stop him from killing Lord Crump.
Lord Crump: Pancakes?
Rigel: Over there.
Lord Crump: Woo!
(Lord Crump goes outside and gets hit by a speeding car.)
Rigel: ... I guess we can let him out of the closet, then.
Mimi: Noooo! I want to interview! NYAH!
Rigel: Fine, but do realize that you'll be interviewing that Big Blooper boss from World 3-2.
Mimi: ...
Rigel: Yeaaaaah... Spiders can't breathe underwater, can they?
Mimi: I can if I stay in my cutesy-coo form here, teehee.
Rigel: And we can't bring him here.
Mimi: I guess we bring the Interview to him then.
Rigel: Ergh... Scuba gear, anyone?
Later, in the Bitland Sea...
Mimi (in a diving suit complete with oxygen tank and everything) HI! Welcome to Mimikins's Interviews! *giggle* I'm interviewing Big Blooper today.
Kamcle (also in scuba gear) I’d better get paid for this...
Big Blooper: BLOOP-BLOOP! Bloop? (Who's the little pipsqueak and the Koopa with terrible taste in eyewear?)
Mimi: EEK! You're... b-b-big...
Kamcle: Woah... He is big... And I heard that! These glasses are fashionable, you oversized dolt! Now speak properly!
(Kamcle magics some English into the Big Blooper.)
Big Blooper: Toodle-pip, old fellow.
[not that much!]
Kamcle: Sorry.
Big Blooper: So what do you want? A death wish?
Mimi: U-u-uh... N-no... We wanted to i-interview you...
Kamcle: I didn't. I have to be her guard...
Big Blooper: Pfft, some guard.
Kamcle: I'll ignore that.
Big Blooper: Okay shoot, ask me questions and all that.
Mimi: Whew. Let's start off by asking you... How did you get so big?!
Big Blooper: I found a Mega Mushroom covered in some weird-looking goop. What's wrong with being big, anyway? I can boss things around and hurt them if they don't listen!
Mimi: You bully! Oh wait... questions. Um... Why are the bottom of your... appendages colored differently?
Big Blooper: My tentacles? Actually, I don't know myself, must have been caused by that same Mega Shroom. I can tell that the yellow ones are the toughest and the red ones are the most sensitive, though.
Mimi: And how do you even fit in this... sea, let alone live in it? And why?
Big Blooper: The sea is deeper than the game makes people think, that's how. And I like it here, what's it to you?!
Mimi: N-nothing... So you attack anything that moves?
Big Blooper: That's right. And the only reason you're not dead is because you're distracting me with this Interview. After this, though, you're history.
Mimi: ... And I thought I was mean... Err, never mind. Why don't you slap your enemies instead of trying to strike them with your... arms?
Kamcle: In a linear trajectory, she means.
Big Blooper: Wuss. And if I spearhead my victims, they take more damage! Besides, the underwater physics make my slaps weaker.
Mimi: You're so big that I don't think it would matter. And what about the other Bloopers and Cheep Cheeps? You boss them around?
Big Blooper: Definitely. They're so scared, they'll do anything I want, ha ha ha! Though I have to say, I am really getting tired of Ink Soup.
Mimi: You remind me of somebody... Wait, you're not thinking of eating–?!
Big Blooper: No, that's disgusting. In fact, that makes me want to strike you! But I won't... yet. And I'm a vegetarian, anyway.
Mimi: Whew... Golly, that's good to know. I almost got sick again... but not this time. So why does it only take three hits to defeat you if you're so big?
Big Blooper: Excuse me?! Three hits?!
Mimi: To your red spots...
Big Blooper: Oh. Ermmm... It hurts when I get hit there. A lot.
Mimi: Okay. What relevance did you have to the level?
Big Blooper: ... Can you please explain the entire question beforehand? Because again I don't understand.
Mimi: Fine! I'll ask it differently. Were you in the Bitland Sea to stop the heroes from getting to the Pure Heart?
Big Blooper: No, nothing like that. I just figured it was some group of victims, so I attacked them. What's a Pure Heart?
Mimi: ... Not a thing you need to know more about.
Kamcle: This diving suit is itchy.
Mimi: Live with it!
Kamcle: Hey, I can let him eat you, if you want...
Mimi: !!!
Kamcle: Or you can be nice to me, and not be your normally mean self.
Mimi: ... Well what am I supposed to do about your itchy suit?
Kamcle: Nothing! I was just commenting out loud! What's your beef?
Big Blooper: HEY!!! ARE YOU GONNA CONTINUE INTERVIEWING ME OR ARE YOU ABOUT TO BE ON MY DINNER MENU?!
Kamcle: Gah! Uh... Mimi, ask questions!
Mimi: I... I can't think of any more!
Kamcle: ... You're kidding... Hey, wait, didn't you say you were vegetarian?
Big Blooper: Oh yeah. Oops, sorry about that. But I will give you a good pounding if you don't get back to it!
Kamcle: ... Mimi, pretend that Count Bleck ordered you to ask more questions. Please.
Mimi: Um...
Somewhere else…
Count Bleck: Bleck... I wonder if Mimi is interviewing a Big Blooper... She'd better! I must have its information so I can control it! Bleh heh heh heh!
Back at the Bitland Sea...
Mimi: Here goes... If you're vegetarian, what do you eat?
Big Blooper: Seaweed. Lots of it.
Mimi: There's hardly any here, though...
Big Blooper: I don't need to eat that much! That Mega Shroom has permanently... but only partially put aside most of my appetite. By the time I'm feeling hungry again, there'll be plenty of seaweed.
Mimi: You don't eat coral?
Big Blooper: URGH! I hate that stuff! ... Yeah I’ve tried it before, but it was horrible. Since then I’ve never went for it again.
Mimi: Okay, let's move away from... food... How did Bowser damage your... tentacles? I thought he couldn't breathe fire underwater?
Bowser: ... Uh...
Mimi: What are you doing here?!
Bowser: Visiting my pet Cheep, Howard.
Mimi: ...
Big Blooper: It seemed like fire but it was really a jet of boiling water. That really hurts! Especially on my red ones! ... YOU! I'll get you!
Bowser: Uh, look at the time! Gotta go!
(Bowser swims like mad to the start of the level, jumps out of the water, and runs away screaming like a toddler.)
Howard: Now I'm so alone.
Big Blooper: Coward. Not so tough when I really am ready for his tricks.
Mimi: ... Why do you attack with all your arms? Shouldn't you keep your red ones back in case they get attacked?
Big Blooper: My red tentacles have the highest attack power, and they're faster. My yellow ones are slow and don't have any attack power, that's why they keep the victim in check. The blue ones are average, sadly.
Mimi: Would any normal attack on your actual body hurt you?
Big Blooper: Ha, not likely. My blubber is much too thick, and again, I'm too big. You could take a large harpoon and try to run me through, but it wouldn't happen.
Mimi: U-um... Golly, I wouldn't try that, no...
Big Blooper: And now, it's time to pound you both!
Mimi: But audience q –
Kamcle: There is no audience...
Mimi: ...
----
Kody: It's dark in here. Too dark.
(Kody finds a light switch.)
Kody: Aha!
*click!*
Kody: ... Oh hi... really... angry... Sledge... Brother... thing...
Sledge Brother: I only had two hours’ rest! Die, you stupid Boo!
Kody: Gah!
----
Mimi: ... Welcome back?
Kamcle: No. Just back. I don't really think we're welcome anymore.
Big Blooper: After my red tentacles heal, you're both dead meat.
Mimi: ... We've decided to ask some of the locals for questions.
Kamcle: ... Which happen to be all Cheeps.
Mimi: So let's continue... You, ask.
Mega Cheep: How much do you weigh?
Big Blooper: Are you calling me fat?!
Mega Cheep: No, but you're big, so... isn't that a legit question?
Big Blooper: Well I wouldn't really know, I haven't ever weighed myself on a scale...
Kamcle: If one would fit you, that is... How about an estimation?
Big Blooper: Possibly... 100 tons? Yeah, let's go with that.
Mimi: ... Your turn.
Big Bertha: What were you before you became this big? Just a normal Blooper, or...?
Big Blooper: Just a normal Blooper, yes.
Kamcle: Over there! Ask a question!
Deep Cheep: Uhh... You never said why your tentacles are longer than any other Blooper's.
Big Blooper: ... I'm bigger than other Bloopers...
Deep Cheep: I meant in proportion to normal Bloopers, sorry.
Big Blooper: Oh. Err, look at Gooper Blooper, he has long tentacles. I guess it varies depending on what Blooper.
Mimi: Next question, please! You, in the back.
Red Cheep: Don't you squirt ink like other Bloopers?
Big Blooper: If I tried that, the whole Sea would become inhabitable with just one squirt. I don't want that, and I'm sure you wouldn't want that either, so I keep the ink inside me; that way the supply never increases. But if I used it in battle, it would be one powerful attack.
Red Cheep: Yikes.
Kamcle: Next! Up front, there!
Green Cheep: Could you survive on land? The Bloopers in the first two Paper Marios could.
Big Blooper: Not for long they couldn't, nor would I. My blubber would dry out. Besides, you'd have to try tp get me out of the Sea.
Mimi: Last one... You, on the left!
Boss Bass: Why did you impede Mario's movement with your blue tentacles when he went in the area with all the whirlpools?
Big Blooper: He was in there? Hmm. I was only putting my tentacles in there because it was comfy. I didn't know he was going through.
Kamcle: ... You're still not going to attack us, are you?
Big Blooper: Darn tootin'! You're not getting away with that stunt you pulled during that interlude! SMUSH!
(Big Blooper goes to strike Kamcle with all his tentacles at once, but ends up taking himself down to the bottom of the Sea.)
Big Blooper: Aww man.
Kamcle: Hurray for teleportation.
Mimi: Now can we get out of here?
Kamcle: YES!
Out of the Sea...
Kamcle: I hate that diving suit... Next time you want a sea guard, call on someone else.
Mimi: Fiiiiine.
Kamcle: Oh yeah, the camera... Why isn't it on?
Rigel: Uhh...
Kamcle: What?
Rigel: That camera isn't waterproof.
Kamcle: ...
(Obscenities follow,)
Rigel: Never thought a Magikoopa could curse like that.
Mimi: I don't think I should be hearing that... Who's next to be interviewed?
Rigel: Hahahaha... Francis.
Mimi: EEK! I'll pass.
Rigel: Me too. So... Guess we'll find a mystery interviewer next time.
Mimi: Well, this has been Mimikins's Interviews! And I won't be doing the next Interview, so... Bye-bye!
Fawful: I AM THE ENDER OF THE TRANSMISSION! MUSTARD!
Mimi: ...
Whoops! You're not logged in! |