Slike: Welcome to Slike373’s Interview Show!
Thwomp: How did you dodge Lemmy?
Slike: I decided to buy my own studio.
Tanoomba: Ah.
Slike: And then I decided that would cost too much money, so now he’s trying to draw his way out of a paper bag.
Hammer Bro: YO, SPEAKING OF DRAWING AND PAPER BAGS, YOU’RE INTERVIEWING A KID WHO LIKES TO DRAW AND NEEDS TO SHOVE HIS FACE INTO A PAPER BAG.
Slike: Hammer Bro, if I’m interviewing Bowser Jr, you’re going to die.
One transformation into a bird followed by a transformation into a bus later...
(Bowser Jr. walks onstage and gets a solid diamond brick thrown at his head.)
Slike: You stink!
Bowser Jr: *insert loud, annoying whine here*
Slike: Yeah, that’s what I thought. So, Jr, what’s the deal with you and Yoshi Cookies?
Bowser Jr: *insert loud, annoying whine here*
Flying Boom Boom: Slike, I don’t think it’s fair to control Junior’s lines.
Bowser Jr: -so you see, that was my papa who loved Yoshi Cookies. I still eat them now and again, but they’re a bit tangy. But I love washing them down with milk that came from an evil cow.
Thwomp: I don’t think that the cow is actually evil…
Bowser Jr: Yu-huh! Kammy Koopa said!
Slike: Wait, Kammy? What about Kamek?
Bowser Jr: Who?
Slike: … Your dad’s nanny.
Bowser Jr: DAD doesn’t need a nanny!
(Tanoomba turns into something that has hands so that he can apply his palm directly to his forehead.)
Slike: … Your papa’s nanny.
Bowsr Jr: Oh, Kamek! He’s gotten to be too much of an old geezer for being even a nanny, so he has a successful career as an actor for Fun Fictions in Larry’s Land.
Slike: Lemmy’s Land, dolt!
Bower Jr: Right!
Slike: I’m left handed, dolt! *aghem* How did you think you would beat Mario by getting him into prison?
Bowser Jr: By being four weeks old…
Hammer Bro: EXCUSES, EXCUSES!
Bowser Jr: But…
Slike: Why do you look like your dad as a baby?
Bowser Jr: My who?
Slike: Papa.
Bowser Jr: Genes, duh!
Thwomp: Yes, and your sister Wendy looks exactly like your mother did as a child.
Bowser Jr: Yup!
Slike: Sarcasm! Clawdia isn’t bald, nutcase!
Bowser Jr: Okay, fine. There are all-knowing beings who made me. Nowadays, they’re really lazy, so they made me look like my Papa.
Hammer Bro: Ha-ha!
Bowser Jr: I wouldn’t be laughing. You look like every other Hammer Bro.
Hammer Bro: AWWW!
Slike: Shut up. How did you use the Gadd Brush in several spinoffs after Super Mario Sunshine, when you lost it at the end of that game?
Bowser Jr: Nothing in spinoffs actually happened! That’s just the almighty beings being idiots!
(Bowser Jr. all of a sudden becomes eight bit.)
Flying Boom Boom: Looks like they cut his budget.
Slike: I don’t like asking eight bit people questions. Audience time! One question each, I want to get out of here as quickly as possible.
Tanoomba: How much training did it take to get used to the form of Shadow Mario? You seemed better with the body than Mario.
Bowser Jr: I didn’t need any training. All I had to do was not eat fourteen pounds of spaghetti every waking second, and I was already completely superior to Mario in athletics!
Thwomp: How did you find out about the “almighty beings“?
Bowser Jr: Oh, stop trying to keep the fourth wall from breaking, you big blocky meanie!
Flying Boom Boom: … Why do you call people Meanie?
Bowser Jr: Five years old!
Hammer Bro: EXCUSES, EXCUSES!
Bowser Jr: But…
Hammer Bro: WHY DO YOU MAKE SO MANY EXCUSES?!
Bowser Jr: I don’t make excuses! Five-year-olds shouldn’t be expected to be calm in all situations! Y-y-you big fat meanie heads!
(Bowser Jr. runs off crying.)
Slike: Bingo!
Slike’s Crew: STOP FORGETTING YOUR CRAZY PILLS!
Slike: No, seriously, Bingo. Bowser Jr. was the last guy I needed for “Make People Emo Bingo”. You get your card, and have a great time. Goodbye. See ya next time. Maybe.
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