CLOVER interviews NASTASIA
 
By Kody

Clover: Wait... Why is chapel music still playing?

Dimentio: Because end transmission last time didn't work.

Clover: WHAT?! NOO!!!

Count Bleck: BLEH HEH HEH HEH! BLECK!

Clover: Uh, do something?

Kody: I would but I don't want to god-mode anymore. That's the author's job.

Clover: Great.

Count Bleck: Nastasia, hypnotise them.

Nastasia: K. Mkay, you two better do as the Count says, k?

Kody: Actually, can you let Clover interview you? I need more Super Paper Mario characters on the list.

Nastasia: Wait... What?

Kody: It'll only take a few minutes. Maybe.

Count Bleck: Very well.

Clover: Huh? ... So what's your plan?

Kody: What plan? I only wanted another Interview on the list.

Clover: We're doomed...

Kody: Definitely, but I can die happy knowing that I got another Koopaling vote.

Clover: ...

Nastasia: Uh, yeah, aren't I the one who does the interviewing, Count?

Count Bleck: Go through with it. A few minutes is nothing.

Clover: Well, there's nothing I can do, so… When did you first enter his services?

Nastasia: I guess when he first became what he now is. He's, like, the best, k?

Clover: Hey, I'm the one who supposed to talk like that, not you, all right?

Nastasia: ... You're in no position to give orders, yeah?

Clover: ... Fine. You win.

Nastasia: Good.

Clover: Now, how do you hypnotise people, really?

Count Bleck: Don't answer that!

Kody: It's an Interview. Characters are supposed to answer questions like those. You should know, you were in the last one.

Count Bleck: Silence!

Nastasia: Er...

Count Bleck: Not you!

Nastasia: Oh. Well in that case, I use my eyes to do that. My mind beams go out my eyes through my glasses and corrupt the minds of those who are targeted, right? So, like, that's how.

(Count Bleck facepalms.)

Clover: Haha, your boss didn't want you to say that.

Nastasia: Oh no! I'm so sorry, Count!

Count Bleck: Shut up and keep going. I'm barely controlling my anger, don't make it worse.

Clover: So how'd you control Luigi and turn him into Mr. L? Your hypnosis?

Nastasia: Pretty much. But, see, he was also a prime host for the Chaos Heart, and the Count wanted him. Dimentio seemed pretty interested, though.

Clover: I'll bet he was... Did you suspect him?

Nastasia: ... No. But the Count didn't, either!

Dimentio: NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Count Bleck: ...

Nastasia: ...

Clover: ...

Kody: The plot thickens?

(Kody is hit by a cow.)

Kody: ...

Tira: Ellipses?

Dimentio: Plentiful indeed.

Clover: ... Let's ignore that.

Kody: A novel idea.

Lord Crump: Pancakes!

Kody: Shut up!

Nastasia: Can we, like, keep going? Your few minutes are almost up, k?

Clover: Sorry. What did you think of Count Bleck's minions?

Nastasia: At first I thought they seemed rather incompetent, but the Count warmed up to them quickly and I kinda went with it.

Clover: You went with it? Why? You do everything he tells you?

Nastasia: He saved my life when he was once Blumiere, and I took a liking to him, even during when he became Bleck, yeah.

Clover: He saved your... Wait, huh?!

Nastasia: I was self-employed before I met the Count, k. I was going up to Yold Desert to interview Merlumina when some goon dropped a large boulder my way before I could get to the town before the desert. I couldn't get out of the way in time, and I, like, got my foot trapped. I...

Clover: I haven't seen this side of you... Should I wish I hadn't?

Kody: Yes, yes you should. But you won't, will you?

Clover: Of course not. Continue please.

Nastasia: I... I yelled for hours, but nobody came. And I was trapped for days... I... I was scared...

Tira: Enough with your weak emotions.

Clover: Shut it! Don't make me angry!

Lord Crump: GRRRAAAAARGH!!!

(Lord Crump somehow morphs into the Hulk.)

Kody: Didn't this gag happen before?

Lord Crump: PANCAKES!!! GRAAARGH!!!

(Lord Crump rampages through the empty castle.)

Kody: Well THAT'S never happened before. And hey! It's not empty, it's just being refurbished!

[No, you just forgot to pay off your loans so your stuff's being taken. Oh, and somebody stole your coin block. Me. Mwa ha ha.]

Kody: You loathsome creature, you.

Count Bleck: Count Bleck demands the Interview continue!

Clover: Right. Er... So the Count saved you?

Nastasia: Y-yeah. I was barely alive, but Blumiere came and rescued me... You never told me why, Count.

Count Bleck: Blumiere must have thought you were Timpani, said Count Bleck.

Clover: Did this happen before-

Nastasia: Before he read from the Dark Prognosticus? Yeah.

Kody: May I ask a question, please?

Clover: Like I can stop you.

Kody: Actually, you can, you just never considered it.

Clover: Oh. But I still won't stop you, regardless.

Tira: I detest your generosity!

Dimentio: You might want to calm down. Emotions are very good, you can twist them to your own needs.

Tira: Really?

Dimentio: Play Super Paper Mario and you'll see how I did it.

Tira: Okay.

Kody: That relates to my question. Since SPM has happened... how are you here and why are you still evil, Bleck?

Count Bleck: ... Time paradox?

Lemmy: I don't get it.

Clover: Neither do I, but let's keep going and not hurt our brains. So you were taken aback by Count Bleck?

Nastasia: Errr...

Clover: Well?

Nastasia: ... Yeah. I wanted to be with him so I, yeah, asked if I could join him wherever he was going.

Clover: And what about Merlumina?

Nastasia: I never knew what happened with her, k?

Clover: Didn't you go back and explain what happened to you?

Nastasia: I couldn't leave the Count's side! That's, y'know, insubordination on my part.

Clover: So you owed him a great wergild, that's what you're saying?

Nastasia: Well, I guess I liked Blumiere. A lot, yeah.

Count Bleck: How dare you confess your feelings to someone who doesn't exist!

Nastasia: But Count...

Count Blacula: RANDOM DISTRACTION!

Kody: The next tourist cameo to appear will die.

The Mario Surfer: You can't kill me! I'm a Surfer!

Count Bleck: Count Bleck will make you suffer!

(Count Bleck opens a void which envelopes The Mario Surfer.)

Kody: That was useful.

Nastasia: Uh... well... y'see...err... LORD BLUMIERE!!!

Count Bleck: Bleh heh heh heh! The man called Blumiere exists no longer! Now there is only Bleck! BLEH HEH HEH HEH! BLECK!

Clover: Nastasia, if you don't hypnotize us, we can help you restore Blumiere.

Nastasia: You... you would?

Kody: No we won't. I'm not doing anything. Remember, I won't god-mode anymore, so I'm about as powerful as... well... okay, I'm not that weak, but I still won't do anything.

Clover: If you don't want me to beat you up, you will.

(Kody binds Clover's arms to her sides with duct tape.)

Clover: ...

Kody: There, now you can't do anything to me. Woo.

Nastasia: So, you prevented her from doing anything, and you won't do anything yourself?

Kody: Yep.

Nastasia: Well let me just fix that real quick, k?

(Nastasia frees Clover, who starts beating Kody to a pulp.)

Kody: HEY! Ow! OW! Get off me, you psycho! GAH!!!

Clover: Thanks. *PUNCH* Nastasia, while I'm teaching *PUNCH* somebody a lesson, care to explain why you kept dropping those *PUNCH* hints to Bleck during SPM?

Nastasia: I was kinda hoping he would, y'know, turn around his ways, but no matter what I did, he wouldn't budge. I wanted to stick with him 'til the end, though. See, I was ridiculously loyal.

Clover: That explains a great deal. *KICK* Especially the ending when you burst into tears.

Nastasia: I got kinda sad when he left, yeah.

Clover: Okay. *KICK* What about the Chaos Heart? When you realized his plan, why didn't you *SMACK* try to stop him? You knew he was going to destroy himself and you in the *PUNCH* process.

Nastasia: Like I said, I was ridiculously loyal, k? I'd be around him until my game's end, y'know. Even if it did come much too early.

Count Bleck: Count Bleck appreciates your loyalty.

Kody: I don't like this pain. Ow.

Clover: Too bad. *PUNCH* How'd you come back to life after Dimentio blasted you?

Nastasia: I... don't know. I guess it was how everybody who got erased by the void came back, yeah.

Dimentio: Fiddlesticks.

Clover: I guess we'll move on to audience questions now. Seat 1.

Lemmy: Why have we moved back to seat numbers?

[I'm too lazy]

Lemmy: Understandable, but I digress. Why did you return to Flopside after the chaos?

Nastasia: It was where I originally lived, k? I needed to make up for lost time. But thanks to this.. paradox, I think it's called, yeah... I'm back with the Count.

Lemmy: And Timpani?

Nastasia: She's here too. I have no idea why, see.

Clover: Seat *PUNCH* 55.

Roy: How come you don't fight, huh?

Nastasia: My stats are weak. Yeah, sue me.

Roy: Where are all the legal papers?

Lemmy: Iggy used them to make paper airplanes.

Roy: GRR!

(Roy leaves.)

Clover: Ha. Seat 454. *KNEE*

Kody: GAH!

Clover: Not you!

Kody: Well how else am I supposed to take a knee to the gut?

Clover: Like this. *PUNCH*

Kody: Ow.

Clover: Seat 454, you there?

Chuck-Ya: Where'd you first learn to hypnotise victims?

Nastasia: Online course. Some guy named Mentok the Mind Taker.

Tira: *TWITCH*

Clover: Seat 35.

Bigger Boo: Where did you get those glasses? They make you look like some mad secretary.

Nastasia: These are stylish and sharp, and me, k?

Bigger Boo: But where?

Nastasia: Someone gave them to me, all right?

Bigger Boo: Who?

Nastasia: Saffron. She said she wore them as a teen but she didn't after that.

Clover: Seat 8.

Waluigi: I'm afraid of Seat 8!

Clover: Stow the gag, and ask a question or I'll beat you to death with a bamboo shoot.

Waluigi: You can really do that?

(Clover beats Waluigi to death with a bamboo shoot.)

Waluigi: I guess you can. Thank Dad for 1-Up mushrooms. Anyway, how are you able to control so many minds at once?

Nastasia: I don't control them, I corrupt them. Use your brain, k?

Waluigi: I'm afraid of brains!

Clover: ... Not gonna ask. Seat 11,118.

Rob-omb: Aren't you afraid someone will fight off your hypnosis?

Nastasia: It's never happened, y'see.

Rob-omb: It could happen.

Nastasia: ARE YOU DOUBTING MY ABILITY?!

Rob-omb: ... Yes?

Nastasia: Well you won't be in doubt any longer, yeah?

(Nastasia hypnotises Rob-omb.)

Rob-omb: Must... serve... Count... Bleck...

Count Bleck: BLEH HEH HEH HEH!

Clover: Eek. Last question, Seat 32.

Manta Storm: ... How is it corrupting the mind if you're hypnotising them?

Nastasia: While they're hypnotised their mind slowly deteriorates until they're completely corrupted. At that point I don't need to keep them under hypnosis any longer.

Rob-omb: HAIL... BLECK.

Count Bleck: Yes, hail me, your ruler until the endgame, Count Bleck! And so shall you two. Now engage!

Kody: I just got the snot beaten out of me by her. So no way, compadre. By the way... Owwwwww...

Clover: He said we wouldn't have any choice.

Nastasia: You told me you'd restore Blumiere?

Kody: No. Well, I won't.

Clover: If you don't want another beating, you will.

Kody: No. In fact, I'd be better off giving my god-mode powers to Rigel, Amaury, or Kamcle. By the way, where are they?

Clover: Lost in past Interviews, I guess. And don't do that.

Count Bleck: COUNT BLECK DEMANDS NO MORE TIME BE WASTED! Nastasia, take them!

Kody: I guess this is it. Have fun beating me to a bloody pulp until we die.

Clover: I will, believe me I will.

Tira: Nooooo! This won't do, nope nope, not at all! If he doesn't do any Interviews anymore, I won't get airtime!

Dimentio: ... You are correct like a scientific calculator processing an algorithm. I shall rectify the situation like a plumber fixing a leaky toilet.

(Dimentio sends Count Bleck to Dimension D.)

Count Bleck: Crumbs. I was so close.

Kody: Whew.

Clover: Hurray, I'm saved! I want to party!

Nastasia: NOOO! COUNT!

Tira: Yeah, well, I demand to do an Interview next!

Kody: No. Nastasia can do it.

Nastasia: What?

Kody: Actually, no. ... I don't know who anymore. Who are you?

Nastasia: ... Somebody?

Kody: Hi, Somebody. Who am I?

Captain America: Freedom prevails!

(Kody tries to attack Captain America but gets swatted away.)

Kody: Stupid final justice.

Clover: ... End transmission.

Lord Crump: GRAAAAAAARGH!!!

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