Clover: Why are all these crates here?
Kody: There are two reasons I can think of: one, we’re on a Smash Bros. stage; or two, I’VE BEEN BURIED UNDER THEM SINCE LAST NIGHT, NOW GET ME OUT.
Clover: Serves you right. No way.
Kody: What?! Get me out now!
Clover: No.
Kody: Fine, you interview Count Bleck then.
Clover: Wha- No!
Count Bleck: BLECK-ECK-ECK!!!
Clover: Awwww... Fine.
Tira: Teacakes?
Clover: Pass.
Dimentio: Ooh, please.
Count Bleck: AHA! YOU TRAITOR!
Dimentio: Cry more, Blumiere, cry more...
Kody: Dimentio, you mind?
Dimentio: I have a mind, yes.
Kody: No, I mean get these crates off me.
Dimentio: Not right now, I feel fatigued.
Kody: Grr...
Count Bleck: I disapprove of all your actions, Dimentio! Said Count Bleck!
(Count Bleck makes the crates disappear.)
Kody: Uh... sure. Thanks.
Clover: Never mind. So your real name is Blumiere, right?
Count Bleck: Blumiere is no more! Now there is only Count Bleck! BLECK!
Clover: Stop lying, it really doesn’t help your position.
Count Bleck: But Blumiere is gone forever, truly! When he gazed upon the Dark Prognosticus, he was lost in the dark pages, and became that what you see now: COUNT BLECK!
Clover: If that’s so, why does that butterfly Pixl called Tippi keep calling you Blumiere?
Count Bleck: Ignorant pest, it is. I shall destroy it, vowed Count Bleck!
Clover: Stop talking like that!
Count Bleck: Never! Count Bleck always talks like this to make himself appear mysterious!
Clover: Actually it makes you look like an idiot. Like Tatanga.
Tatanga: Infidel! Tatanga is not an idiot!
(Clover throws a Bob-omb at him.)
*BOOM*
Tatanga: ...
Clover: Right, where were we? Oh yeah, stop talking like Tatanga.
Count Bleck: Count Bleck said no.
Clover: Don’t make me throw another object.
Count Bleck: It won’t affect me, shot back Count Bleck!
Clover: Fine, be that way. Why did you first read the Dark Prognosticus anyway?
Count Bleck: I did not! It was Blumiere who did that. His father forbid him from seeing his lover so he despaired and wished to learn how to end his game. Thus, I came into being.
Clover: Hey, you stopped speaking like an idiot, thank you.
Count Bleck: It becomes tiresome after a while.
Clover: Aww... It’s a love story, this Blumiere and his lover. And then you became what you are now, huh?
Count Bleck: Count Bleck was never Blumiere! Never! I am the will of the Dark Prognosticus! I invaded Blumiere’s mind and shattered it!
Clover: You fiend.
Count Bleck: Flattery is ineffective, girl.
Clover: Whatever, let’s move on. Why did you get Bowser and Peach to try to marry each other? By the way, EWW! That match-up is, like, soooo wrong!
Peach: I hear you!
Bowser: But honey-
Peach: I’M NOT YOUR HONEY!
Bowser: ... You called me a sweetie...
Mario: You did what?!
Peach: You were with me, Mario, weren’t you? You know exactly why I said that.
Mario: Oh yeah.
Bowser: That’s right! And don’t you forget it!
Count Bleck: I wished them to marry so the Chaos Heart would arise and destroy all worlds! I used Blumiere’s hatred of a universe that would restrain his lover, and turned it into a plan to destroy everything! Death and destruction would overwhelm all! BLECK-ECK-ECK!!!
Clover: You’re a monster, and you should be put down.
Count Bleck: I think I’ll force you to marry someone you don’t want to after this.
Clover: One: Don’t you dare! And two, what would that accomplish?
Count Bleck: If I force someone truly pure to marry someone truly unpure, the Chaos Heart will arise once more! The cycle will never end while I live!
Kody: Hahahahaha. Clover isn’t pure, sorry to say.
Clover: Uhhhhh... Hey!
Kody: Just play along.
Count Bleck: Count Bleck can hear you, you know.
Kody: Count Bleck has to be interviewed, still.
Clover: You too?! Ergh...
Tatanga: Speaking in the third person is hip!
*BOOM!*
Tatanga: ...
Clover: R-right. While I... u-uh... despair at my imminent doom, I’ll ask s-some more questions. How did you get your minions?
Count Bleck: They were the most reliable crew Count Bleck could find.
Clover: I’d hate to see the unreliable candidates, then... Were you ever aware Dimentio was going to double-cross you?
Dimentio: Of course he wasn’t.
Clover: I wasn’t asking you.
Dimentio: Any chance to insult Blumiere, I will grab like a gambler who’s won his chips!
Count Bleck: Silence, you traitorous clown!
Dimentio: I! AM! NOT! A! CLOWN!!! ARGH!
Tira: Yeah, leave him alone!
Count Bleck: Silence! And to answer your question, girl, his unswerving loyalty seemed quite suspicious upon his internship into my service, but I passed that off, unfortunately, because O’Chunks and Mimi were quite the same, and Mr. L after that.
Dimentio: How foolish of you.
Count Bleck: SILENCE!!!
(Count Bleck fires something into the air that makes a loud BANG.)
Clover: My ears... Can you not silence me, please?
Count Bleck: Okay, but until the end of the Interview.
Clover: I can’t wait. Anyway, why do you have Nastasia as an assistant?
Count Bleck: She's quick, efficient, and gets all my work done for me. Minus the destruction of all worlds, of course. And she loves it.
Clover: You do realize destroying all worlds would kill off your minions. And you. Right?
Count Bleck: As long as I achieve what I wish to, I don't care who dies, even Count Bleck!
Clover: Heartless... Wait, how do you know she enjoys her work with you?
Count Bleck: I caught the little scamp talking to Mimi about feelings. FEELINGS! Such ridiculous matters! And they were directed towards a being such as myself!
Clover: You didn't, er, do anything to her after that, did you?
Count Bleck: No, Count Bleck prefers his "allies" and his enemies deluded.
Clover: So why didn't you attack Mario when you first saw him? He wasn't a threat then.
Count Bleck: I figured my minions were powerful enough to crush him.
Clover: Well they weren't. Shockingly.
Count Bleck: Count Bleck punished them for their weak actions!
Clover: *sigh* Can we go to audience questions?
Kody: No. Dimentio sent them off to Dimension D. And I'd like to know why you did that.
Dimentio: I'm not letting him have an audience, no sir.
Kody: Then you know what this means...
Dimentio: I am clueless like a youth who did not study for his exam.
(Kody throws an Audience-In-A-Can can to the far end of the room.)
Clover: Where do you get those?
Kody: Ethernet.
Clover: ...
(Count Bleck zaps the can. It turns into a generic Nintendo audience with characters, seats, and everything. Woo.)
Kody: I heard that, narrator!
[Eep! (runs)]
Clover: Great, you scared off the narrator.
Dimentio: I shall narrate!
Kody: ... Wait, no metaphor? And no. Let it continue without a narrator.
Dimentio: Too lazy. And what?!
Kody: ...
Clover: ...
Dimentio: ...
Tira: ...
Count Bleck: ...
Tatanga: ...
Audience: ...
Plit: ...
Galaxy: ...
Universe: ...
Infinity: Woot!
Captain America: Final justice!
Kody: All right, I didn't mean to scare you, Narrator.
(Kody's head becomes a tomato.)
Kody: ... Right, I'd say he's back. Let's continue. And excuse me while I find some way to return my head to normal.
Clover: Yeah. Err... Seat 9.99.99.
Mike the TV: IT'S EVERYONE'S FAVORITE TV, MIKE!!!
(Mike is removed.)
Clover: Seat PARADOXICAL.
Kamella: Fool! Why did you think the Pure Hearts posed no threat to your plans?
Count Bleck: They were separated! Not once could the hero have gathered them all!
Kamella: But he did.
Count Bleck: As though you could have executed a more vile plan!
Kamella: Just kidnap Peach.
Bowser: It works for me.
Clover: ... Seat 101.
Popple: Why didn't you keep the Pure Hearts with you?
Count Bleck: I never had them.
Popple: Then why didn't you steal them?
Count Bleck: I thought I never needed to.
Clover: Then you thought wrong. Seat ENIGMA.
Cosmic Mario: Do you remember the name Timpani?
Count Bleck: No... Wait... That name... Oh yes, that was Blumiere's lover, but she's gone forever. And so is Blumiere, BLECK-ECK-ECK-ECK!
Tippi: I'm right here!
Count Bleck: You're just a butterfly Pixl.
Clover: Errrr... Seat FORGERY.
Smithy: Is Blumiere really gone, or have you just taken him over for the present?
Count Bleck: I am both the dark side of his mind and the will of the evil book.
Clover: Then you lied earlier!
Count Bleck: Partially. Count Bleck is not an honest being!
Clover: Oh for... Never mind. Last question, seat GIANTFINGERS.
Master Hand: Why did the Pure Hearts break the barrier you formed around yourself?
Count Bleck: I formed it from the Chaos Heart. If all the Pure Hearts were around, they would be powerful enough to counter and shatter the protection. And now... your doom is imminent!
Clover: I thought you'd forget about it...
Count Bleck: Not likely! You and him shall be eternally bound!
(Chapel music plays.)
Clover: HIM?! You're kidding!
Kody: WHA?! No way, not her. I still have a tomato for a head, anyway.
Tira: Aww, but you're perfect, hehe.
Kody: Shut it.
Count Bleck: I didn't say you'd have a choice. WITNESS THE END OF–
Dimentio: Transmission?
Count Bleck: No!
Dimentio: Yes. End transmission.
Clover: Thank you!
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