Kody: Let’s interview-
Clover: No.
Kody: Yes. You broke my fourth wall.
Clover: It was already damaged beyond repair to begin with.
Kody: Point taken. All right, you’re off the hook.
Dark Koopa: And not to mention that you’re a ripoff artist.
Kody: Darn it, a Dark Koopa cameo.
Dark Koopa: I thought you liked having me in your Interviews, despite me not having the slightest idea why.
Kody: Yeah, well I don’t appreciate other tourist cameos anymore.
Dark Koopa: Stop acting like me!
Trollish Beastfighter: LAW AND ORDER!
Kody: Get out!
(Dark Koopa and Trollish Beastfighter leave.)
Kody: How odd, they obeyed me.
(Dark Koopa comes back.)
Kody: Get out.
Dark Koopa: No. I don’t want to obey you.
Kody: Stay here.
Dark Koopa: No.
(Dark Koopa leaves.)
Kody: Let’s just get this started. I’m interviewing Ms. Mowz today, the last Thousand-Year Door character on my list that was conveniently forgotten.
Ms. Mowz: You saved me for last? Cheeky boy.
Kody: Don’t talk to me like that.
Ms. Mowz: That was cold...
Kody: Kody used Icy Wind?
Ms. Mowz: Enough with the Pokemon references, I wish to be interviewed.
Kody: Then you have a death wish. But whatever. When did you get to Rogueport?
Ms. Mowz: About five years before the Thousand-Year Door was discovered by Mario.
Kody: And why did you set up a badge shop?
Ms. Mowz: I needed money.
Kody: Typical. Why’d you tail Mario, then, if you wanted money instead?
Ms. Mowz: He could lead me to rare badges. Rare badges can be sold for copious coinage.
Kody: So you didn’t have a relationship with him?
Ms. Mowz: He is rather cute, but I couldn’t.
Clover: Urk. Your taste is off by miles.
(Ms. Mowz slaps Clover.)
Clover: Ow! Why you-
Kody: Haha.
(Clover slaps Kody.)
Kody: Ow. Stupid irony. Anyway, why do you wear that mask? The red hurts my eyes.
Ms. Mowz: It’s to hide my true identity, silly!
Kody: And Mario couldn’t tell? Nor any of the other party?
Ms. Mowz: Not at all. At least until I told them.
Kody: Irony isn’t the only thing that’s stupid, then.
Iron: I’m not stupid!
Kody: You’re missing a “y”.
Iron: Why?
*trapdoor*
Kody: Don’t mess up my head, it’s too late to be doing that. What about your assistant? How long’s he staffed the badge shop for?
Ms. Mowz: As long as I’ve run it, and I’m still running it.
Kody: So why aren’t you there right now? You seriously think an Interview’s more important than money?
Ms. Mowz: Good point. I’ll be going, then.
Kody: Not so fast. Now that you’re here, you have to be interviewed, or else I’ll do something.
(Ms. Mowz starts to leave.)
Kody: Do something!
(Clover slaps Kody.)
Kody: Ow.
Clover: There, I did something.
(Kody tries to slap Clover but misses.)
Clover: Haha.
Kody: Grr, I wish I could god-mode like I could way back when.
Dark Koopa: Now you know what it feels like, eh?
Kody: I thought you left.
Dark Koopa: I realized you wanted me to leave, so I came back.
Kody: Great. Help me interview Count Bleck next time.
(Dark Koopa leaves.)
Kody: Why’d he leave?
Clover: He already interviewed Blumiere, and even if this was his first Interview with Blumiere, he probably wouldn’t want to.
Kody: Well who cares what he thinks? I’ve interviewed over five Goombas already.
Clover: They’re all different.
Kody: Okay okay, fine. I give up. I don’t like giving up. Grumble. Growl. Snarl.
(Ms. Mowz comes back.)
Kody: I thought you wanted to escape.
Ms. Mowz: My theft protection is in place, so I’m not worried.
Kody: Mario broke into Bowser’s castle, the X-Nauts’ base, and Count Bleck’s castle. And that’s HIM. How long do you think your shop’s protection is going to hold?
(Ms. Mowz starts to leave again.)
Kody: Fine, fine. Clover, go guard the badge shop.
Clover: No.
Kody: Do it, or I’ll try to slap you again.
Clover: Go ahead.
(Kody actually slaps Clover this time.)
Clover: Ow! All right already.
(Clover leaves.)
Ms. Mowz: You think it wise to trust that vixen?
Kody: Eek. Please don’t call her that. It made me shudder.
Ms. Mowz: Okay.
Kody: Now, how do you actually smell badges?
Ms. Mowz: Each badge has a specific scent I can detect as a badge scent.
Kody: That must actually come in handy. How many badges have you had?
Ms. Mowz: Over-
Kody: Don’t say it!
Ms. Mowz: -800.
Kody: Oh. I thought you were going to say a number that had four digits in it.
Ms. Mowz: Well I wasn’t.
Kody: And how many have you sold?
Ms. Mowz: 800.
Kody: That was predictable. How many coins did you make off those 800 badges?
Ms. Mowz: About 95,000.
Kody: Sheesh, you know your sales skills then.
Ms. Mowz: And marketing skills. We have a new ad in Rogueport.
Kody: Have you considered moving your business to Poshley Heights? Seems a much better place than Rogueport.
Ms. Mowz: Oh heavens no, we couldn’t move there. Too expensive. Even 95,000 coins cannot help us there.
Kody: You’re kidding me, right?
Ms. Mowz: The recession struck Plit, too.
Silence…
Kody: ... What, no crate?
[That wasn’t a fourth wall joke.]
Kody: Right, right... erm... How’s that been for business?
Ms. Mowz: It doesn’t affect us at all.
Kody: Consider yourselves lucky, then. Very, very lucky.
Ms. Mowz: I have horseshoes in my closet, that’s probably why.
Kody: Horseshoes... pfft, whatever. What was the hardest badge you had to find?
Ms. Mowz: The Badge of Immortality.
Kody: Fibs.
Audience: Uh...
Kody: Yeah, I took away your “Lies!” joke. Get over it.
Audience: ... Ribs!
(Kody gets hit by a cow.)
Kody: I am not amused by this irony.
Iron: That’s for putting a trapdoor under me.
*trapdoor 2*
Iron: How unoriginal.
Kody: That’s taken care of. Now what was the hardest badge to find?
Ms. Mowz: Spin Attack. Bonetail got a hold of that badge after Mario left Rogueport. I fought the beast over a dozen times but had to resort to sneaking it away after losing every time. It was hard work getting it from his grasp, too. He used to cuddle it.
Kody: HAHA!
Ms. Mowz: And he used to say “AROOOOOOOOOO!” a lot too.
Kody: Of course, he always does that.
Ms. Mowz: Cortez translated it to “I’ll kill anyone that laughs at me cuddling my badge.”
Kody: ...
Bonetail: AROOO.
Kody: GAH!
(Kody runs in circles.)
Kody: Somebody do something!
(Dark Koopa slaps Kody.)
Kody: Ow. Why are you back here again, and why did you bring that unnecessary gag back up?
Dark Koopa: I was bored.
Kody: Best excuse ever. Now do something else!
(Dark Koopa taps Bonetail... Bonetail collapses.)
Kody: Huh?
Dark Koopa: Hm. It seems his pressure point was above his heel.
Kody: How does a skeleton have pressure points?
Dark Koopa: Magic.
Kody: Makes sense. Now go away, before I enjoy your presence again.
Dark Koopa: Fine by me.
(Dark Koopa leaves.)
Lemmy: Please stop using his cameo in your Interviews.
Kody: Blame the author.
[It’s not my fault! I was asleep! I got hijacked!]
Kody: Lies.
Audience: Pies!
(Kody gets hit by pies.)
Kody: Remind me to kill everybody connected with this gag. Right, audience, your punishment is to ask Ms. Mowz questions.
Audience: YAY!
Kody: You enjoy asking questions?
Audience: ...
Kody: Seat Something.
Goomba: Are you an albino?
Ms. Mowz: ... No.
Kody: Seat Something 2.
Koopa Troopa: This seat name is dumb.
Kody: I’m too lazy to change it. Ask.
Koopa: Since you said you can smell only badges, then how come you can find items as well?
Ms. Mowz: Items have a different smell I am familiar with.
Koopa: What about Star Pieces?
Ms. Mowz: Those too.
Koopa: So you lied.
Rest of Audience: Pied!
(The audience is pied.)
Kody: It feels good not being on the end of that for once.
(Kody gets hit by a pie.)
Kody: Cancel that. Seat Something 3.
Piranha Plant: How’d you get into Hooktail’s Castle, the Great Boggly Tree, and the Glitz Pit without being detected?
Ms. Mowz: Skilled stealth artists never reveal their secrets.
Kody: Oh come on, I’m too lazy to drop a heavy object on you anyway.
Ms. Mowz: Forget it.
Kody: Last question, then. Seat... Thing.
Waldo: GAK! You found me!
Kody: ... If you don’t have a question, I’ll have to do something.
Waldo: Have you gone public with your true identity, and if not, how do you manage to keep going with it?
Ms. Mowz: No, and everybody is blind.
Kody: I’m not.
Ms. Mowz: Uh oh. Time to split!
(Ms. Mowz jumps out the window.)
Kody: Dunno how she’s going to survive that.
Clover: I’ve returned.
Kody: Lovely.
Clover: And now I’m leaving.
Kody: To go find the rest of my interview crew. Snap to it.
Clover: They’re all outside...
Kody: I haven’t seen sunlight for over a year, and I see no reason why they should! You will bring them here and you will like it!
Clover: ... It’s nighttime.
Kody: Then why does my laptop clock read 5:16 PM?
(Kody is hit with a crate.)
Kody: All right, stop that, it’s not like I was the first tourist to use this gag.
(Kody is pelted with endless crates.)
Kody: This gag shouldn’t have been used at all.
Lemmy: Lemmy’s Interview Show-
Clover: -is done. End transmission.
Lemmy: No, it’s not.
(Clover unplugs the camera.)
Lemmy: Oh. I guess it is, n-
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