Kody: Hi.
Tira: Don’t like you.
Kody: … Hi?
Clover: Get lost.
Kody: What’s the deal?
Tira: You abandoned us for over a year!!! *sniff*
Kody: Uh… I have a life.
Clover: Yeah, well, you don’t care about ours.
Kody: How could I if you don’t have a life?
Tira: Wait... You don’t mean…
Clover: You…
Kody: Yeah, that’s right. You’re fictional. In fact, I’m fictional. Well I’m not, but he is. I’m just speaking through this poor sap of a character of mine to get my point across. So he’s fictional. Yeah.
Clover: Um… Okay…
[So you are all meaningless to me. Mwa. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.]
Kody: HEY! THAT WAS EXTREMELY UNNECESSARY, YA KNOW.
[Does it look like I care?]
Kody: I guess not. Fine. But I’ll get you.
[Oh, you’re more than welcome to try.]
Kody: Shut up.
Tira: Us characters have feelings too!
Kody: Hmph. Boohoo. Since he doesn’t show his own character any respect, I’ll just go ahead and make an Interview.
[I did not give you permission to do that! Go ahead.]
Kody: … Meh. I’ll just break my promise of not interviewing any more PM:TTYD characters, and interview Bobbery.
Tira: Wait… That wasn’t you?
Kody: Who are you?
Tira: …
Kody: Just kidding. No, it was Long John Silver up there.
[That’s not my name.]
Kody: What’s your name again?
[Dad.]
Kody: You lie. Go to sleep.
[Okay.]
Tira: You’re forgiven. I’ll interview with ya.
Kody: Sweet.
Clover: Why not, me too.
Kody: Great. Where’s the rest of my crew?
Tira: They went on strike.
Kody: What’s there to strike about?
Clover: … Yeah, I didn’t hear anything about that.
Tira: Baseball.
Jr. Troopa: STRIKE THREE, YOU’RE OU- AGH!
Kody: Shut up. Where’s Bobbery?
Jr. Troopa: How should I know?
Kody: You just do, now find him before I kill you.
Jr. Troopa: Okay. Meanie.
Kody: And bring me back some peanuts, my new slave.
Jr. Troopa: I’m nobody’s slave!
(Kody snaps Jr. Troopa’s “magic” cane in half.)
Jr. Troopa: Nooooo, I needed that to walk properly!
Kody: Seriously? Haha, go stumble over to Bobbery and bring him over here. With some peanuts. Now.
Jr. Troops: Meanie.
Tira: I love your evilness.
Kody: Yeah, being evil is more fun. Especially on this site.
Clover: Wait, you’re evil? That wasn’t in the script.
(Clover gets hit by a crate.)
Clover: The joke is still old. Ow.
Kody: I’ll bandage that up later. WHERE’S MAH PEANUTS, BOI?!
(Jr. Troopa stumbles out with a bowl of peanuts.)
Kody: You spat in them. Bring me unsullied ones, or I’ll kill you.
Jr. Troopa: How did you… Grr, fine.
Bobbery: KA-BOOM!
Clover: KA-BOOM to you too.
(Bobbery grows to the size of a skyscraper.)
Clover: Uh…
Kody: Boom boom?
Boom Boom: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?
Kody: Not you, hit the road.
(Boom Boom takes out a hammer and smacks the pavement with it, getting broadsided by a taxi a split-second later.)
Tira: The chaos is still here, too. I’m happy.
Kody: As is the nonsensity. Right, you’re back to normal size now.
Bobbery: Bragh.
Kody: And of course you know what an Interview is, I assume?
Bobbery: Get on with it!
Kody: I’m the pushy one, not you. So you get on with it.
Bobbery: …
Kody: Peanuts?
Jr. Troopa: Here’s your stupid peanuts.
Kody: I did not want stupid peanuts. They’re supposed to be smart peanuts! Do it right, honestly!
Jr. Troopa: Oh for- Urgh…
(Jr. Troopa stumbles off.)
Tira: This tirade over a bowl of peanuts is absurdly hilarious.
Kody: Indeed, but we’ve wasted about 3 ˝ pages on filler material already, and I’m hungry! So let’s get this Interview over with… So Bobbery, where did you come from?
Bobbery: Aye, I came from Keelhaul Key, I did.
Kody: Didn’t you say you hated it there?
Bobbery: No, I said I vowed I would never return to the seas. Use your head!
Kody: Hey, it’s been a long time since I’ve done an Interview, bub!
Bobbery: Well then I refreshed yer memory.
Tira: But you did return.
Bobbery: Aye. A mustachioed plumber named Mario and his mateys came a-falling through my chimney, and through a series of events convinced me otherwise.
Tira: What events…?
Bobbery: That’s personal information.
Clover: Oh come on, you’ve seen other people unfold their secrets.
Bobbery: Under overwhelming stress.
Clover: Consider this one of those times.
Bobbery: But… It’s very heartfelt… It involves romance…
Clover: Oh! *starry-eyed* All the more reason to tell us, then!
Kody: Oh please no.
Tira: I hate emotions.
Kody: I love you.
Tira: You do?!
Kody: No, just testing you. You fail.
Tira: Grr.
Clover: Stop it, you two. Bobbery, tell us. Now!
Bobbery: … Okay, here goes… You see, my wife, Scarlette…
Kody: Zzzzzzz…
Clover: *kick*
Kody: Ow! That wasn’t nice.
Clover: Neither is ignoring an Interview you wanted to run.
Kody: I hate romance.
Clover: I hate you.
Kody: Thanks, I love me too.
Clover: Jerk. Come on, Bobbery, you can tell me in the other room.
Tira: Boooooooring.
Clover: Stop ruining it.
Jr. Troopa: PEANUTS! GET YOUR PEANUTS HERE!
Kody: … Why do I even bother?
(Kody clubs Jr. Troopa over the head with a TV remote.)
Kody: Not store-bought peanuts, idiot.
Jr. Troopa: Ow. Have you ever seen me make something, stupid?
Kody: … Good point. All right then. *takes peanuts* Mmm… Crunchy. Okay, I’m good. Here’s your stick back.
Jr. Troopa: But… it’s in two pieces…
Kody: Needs more duct tape…
Tira: Cowbell?
Kody: No, Lemmy has enough of that. Wherever he is.
Lemmy: THIS SANDSTORM ROCKS!
Kody: Lemmy was buffeted by the sandstorm.
Lemmy: What- OW!
Jr. Troopa: You’ll pay for this. *runs off*
Kody: Yeah, yeah. Where’s Clover?
Bobbery: (walking back out from behind a door) And that’s what happened…
Clover: (also doing so, sobbing) *SNIFF…* THAT WAS THE SADDEST STORY I EVER HEARD!!!
Kody: Kody used Snore.
[*snore*?]
Kody: Shut it. Bobbery, get back here.
Bobbery: You inhuman dogs… No respect for emotion.
Tira: Emotions are for the weak.
Kody: Oh ho ho. Ah ha ha. Oh I laugh. I laugh with mirth.
Tira: Laughter is an emotion.
Kody: No, it’s a reaction. Anyway Bobbery, how’d you get your mustache that big?
Bobbery: It was small before I lost Scarlette…
Clover: Oh, I understand, your denial that she died made you live out a whole life of-
Bobbery: No, I cried so much that the tears that got into my fuzz, made it abnormally big.
Clover: Uh, okay, and eww.
Tira: Eww indeed.
Kody: Eww for emotions, yesiree. From now on I’m going to speak in a monotonous voice. Like-right-now.
Clover: You are so pathetic.
Kody: I-know. Tira-ask-Bobbery-a-question-please.
Tira: K. Why’ve you got a wheel on your back instead of a wind-up key? I thought all Bob-ombs had a wind-up key.
Bobbery: Well I wanted to be unique, so I replaced it so I’d look more sailor-like.
Kody: You-don’t-talk-trash-like-a-sailor-though.
Bobbery: Like #@%$#@ I don’t.
Clover: AAAHHH!!! Just when I thought you were so suave…
Bobbery: I’m still a proud sailin’ Bob-omb, lassie, and I always will remain one! Ba-BOOM!
Kody: Right. That has impressed me enough to stop speaking monotonously.
Clover: ... Where do you get those mini-bombs?
Bobbery: My pocket.
Clover: You have pockets?
Bobbery: Yes. In my hat.
City Wok Owner: HOT POCKEEEEETS!
*BANG*
Kody: I am not in the mood.
Jr. Troopa: Can I leave now?
Kody: No. Your humiliation must continue. Stand on your head for 1,200 hours.
Jr. Troopa: But I can’t-
*BANG*
Tira: You just shot the ceiling.
Kody: I know. I’ll repair it later.
Jr. Troopa: Fine, fine!
(Jr. Troopa stands on his head.)
Jr. Troopa: This isn’t comfy...
Kody: I don’t care. So Bobbery, why do you like Chuckola Kola so much?
Bobbery: It’s a sailor’s finest drink! The fizziness makes your tired muscles burst with energy!
Bowser: Koopa Kola is better! BOOM!
Bobbery: BOOM this! Ba-BOOM!
(Bowser’s head shrinks five sizes.)
Bowser: What the - AAAAAAH! My voice! MY VOICE! AAAAAAH! Kody: The king of randomness has been dethroned? So far it looks like it. How exactly does the “fizziness” make a Bob-omb stronger? Bobbery: Carbonation makes Bob-ombs stronger, don’t ask me. Tira: And how’d you end up alongside that Flavio... guy? Flavio: Flavio hates you! *BANG* Kody: Enough of the gags. Bobbery: He was in the same fleet I was serving in before I became admiral of that fleet, but he promoted himself. Tira: Isn’t that... illegal? Mayor Kravindish: This is illegal, you kno- *BANG* Kody: CD-I must perish. Tira: What’s CD-I again? Kody: I forgot. Short-term memory. M. Bison: YES! *BANG!* Kody: For the love of Some Guy Up There, knock it off! Mario: No. Kody: Hmm. Haven’t had to do this for a while. (Kody morphs into a werewolf and lunges at Mario.) Clover: Uh oh. Tira: This isn’t going to end well. Toad: HEY! I $#@%#$ SAID THAT IN A PAST INTERVIEW! Tira: And who cares? Beat it, fungus face. (Toad gets hit by Mario.) Tira: Never mind. Kody: That was extremely painful to the body and mind. I loved it. Tira: Stop lying about your emotions. Kody: How about no. Tira: Fine. Bobbery: Can we get back to interviewing me? Clover: If they quit clowning around. Dimentio: I AM NOT A CLOWN, DAGNABBIT. Bobbery: Ask me a question! Dimentio: How do you hurt enemies but not Mario when using Bob-ombast? Bobbery: I... don’t know. Maybe he’s so heavy it hardly affects him. Kody: Use it on him now. Bobbery: Too lazy. Clover: Time for the direct approach. (Clover lobs a lit match at his wick, setting it alight.) Kody: Playing with matches... Clover: I’m 17. Kody: Age is no excuse. *BOOM!!!* (Mario gets blown through subspace. With Toad.) Tabuu: Was that a flying plumber? *sigh* I get so bored. Bowser: At last, my nemesis is out of the way, now I can conquer the Mushroom Kingdom, woohoo! Kody: Shouldn’t you have done that over 100 Interviews ago when I was dealing with him then? Bowser: Nah, you were just a kid then, he’d recover easily. Kody: True. Say, how’d your voice get back to normal? Bowser: I dunno. Internet? Bobbery: I need more questions. Tira: Too bad, I’m fresh out. Clover: Me too. Dimentio: I need a Kitkat bar. Kody: How’d you get here? Dimentio: Internet? Kody: Acceptable. Bobbery: This can’t be the end of the Interview already... Bowser: I have a question. How do you counter your enemies’ attacks? Bobbery: You mean how I do use my Hold Fast attack? I... actually, I can’t tell now, it’s been so long since I actually used it. I know that I waited a few turns before doing something, but that was about it. Kody: Okay, Interview over. Bobbery: What? Why? Kody: There’s no audience, and we’re all out of questions. Plus this Interview is pushing 12 pages and half of it’s filler anyway. (Kody ducks as a crate is thrown at him and hits Clover.) Clover: Grrrrrrrrr. Kody: Haha, I love it when that happens. Tira: Aha, you do depend on emotions! I’m gonna kill you now! Kody: How can you? You’re just fictional. [But so are you.] Kody: ... Meep. Hey. Wait a sec. Shouldn’t you kill him? [I can’t be killed. I’m Dad.] Kody: Whose? [Lemmy’s. Oh wait... D’oh!] Kody: BOWSER! Bowser: Sorry. Kody: What’d you do with the real author? Bowser: I ate him. [It’s dark in here.] Kody: Tira, go after him instead. Tira: I have absolutely no reason to. Of course I will. Bowser: *gulp* (Chaos ensues.) Lemmy: THIS SANDSTORM ROCKS! Kody: Kody used End Transmission. Jr. Troopa: But I’m still on my head! Kody: Too late. Clover: Clover used End Fourth Wall. *crumble* Kody: Why... *CRASH* Whoops! You're not logged in!
If you were, you could leave the author of this submission some feedback, even vote it into Little Lemmy's Land!
Why not login now?