Black Yoshi: Hello, and welcome to Lowrating’s Interview Show! Today we interview Peach!
Peach: Hi Black-chan! Hi, KJ-chan!
KJ: I find two things wrong with that, including the fact that most people who read this will have no idea of what Japanese honorifics are.
Black Yoshi: Well… Anyways! I’m going to summon a random guest star with the Newcomer Wheel! Pull the lever, KJ!
(KJ pulls a lever and it lands on GoldenAngelofSpring. A void in the space-time continuum opens up, and a blonde golden Yoshi appears from it.)
Gold Yoshi: Wha... Whaaaa? Where am I?!
Black Yoshi: Hello, you’re going to help me interview someone today.
Gold Yoshi: But I was in the middle of writing a depressing Mario fan fic!
KJ: Oh, yeah? I bet you couldn’t make me cry with one of those!
(Gold Yoshi instantly writes a 5-page fan fic and hands it to KJ.)
KJ: Oh please, this isn’t nearly… Wha… But…
(KJ turns around and scarfs down a bunch of pills.)
Black Yoshi: Are those depression pills?
KJ: N-NO!
Peach: Oh, KJ-chan, do you need a hug?!
(Spikes protrude from all over KJ’s body.)
Gold Yoshi: Ok, well, let’s get started! Peach, what is your current relationship with Mario?
Peach: Oh, he’s been seeing Clawdia-chan…
Bowser: WHAT?!
(Mario crashes the Idiot Mobile into a third of the audience, including Bowser.)
Black Yoshi: Anyways, how do you get kidnapped so easily? I mean, you have an army of people with shields, spears, and swords, and Bowser has a bunch of turtles and walking Mushrooms!
Peach: Because Nintendo-chan is too lazy to make more than 1,000 Toads dressed up as knights.
Black Yoshi: I wonder what Life is doing…
Somewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom...
Life: And I don’t think that they respect me, because I represent all that’s good!
Therapist: Well maybe you should consider quitting.
Life: Well how can they replace me?
Back at the studio...
Black Yoshi: If he’s no back here soon, I’m gonna replace him.
Gold Yoshi: Why is your hair orange in SMB1, while in the other games it’s blonde?
Peach: The radiation in Bowser’s castle made it orange. That’s how Bowser’s army was made. The radiation mutated the Mushrooms and made Goombas, etc.
Black Yoshi: Well, there goes another usable future Interview question. Time for audience questions! Seat 54.
Goombario: Why do you always wear pink?
Peach: Have you ever seen a princess not wearing pink?
Peach: Yellow… Yeah… Daisy yellow… Sure… Mmm…
Gold Yoshi: Seat emo.
Sasuke: Why do you treat Toadsworth so badly?
Itachi: Sasuke, you lack hatred!
(Sasuke and Itachi get into a cartoony cloud fight.)
Peach (totally oblivious to the fight): Well, he is my servant, and he’s so boring and old!
Toadsworth: I resent that!
(Toadsworth is thrown into a pit.)
KJ: Seat 43.
Wooster: Why do you never clean up after yourself?
Peach: That’s why I have you! And besides, it’s fun to mess with your fear of dirtyness!
Gold Yoshi: Really?
(Gold grabs a handful of dirt and puts it on Wooster’s lap, and he turns white and faints.)
Gold Yoshi: Hehehehe. Oh, and seat 3.
Larry: What happened to Perry after SPP?
Peach: I still use him, that’s the parasol I use in Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
Black Yoshi: Time for the lottery of death!
(Black pulls a lever and a ball with a smiley face pops out.)
Black Yoshi: Oh, it says you get to be let go. We can’t have that, can we?
(Black zaps the ball with lightning and it changes to a picture of Gold.)
Gold: Yay! I finally get an audience for my stories!
Audience: NOOOOOOOO!!!
KJ: YESSSSSSS!!!
(KJ herds the audience into the back room.)
Black Yoshi: We have a back room?
KJ: We do now.
Gold Yoshi: The plot thickens.
KJ: Just go.
Gold Yoshi: Ok!
(She goes into the back room and KJ locks the door. A mix of screaming and crying is heard from inside.)
Lawyer: Sue?
Black Yoshi: Nope, end transmission.
Lawyer: Oh.
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